does Allah love me?

**hellomuslimss** · 02-16-2021

'hello.
i am a 25 year old muslim man.

i dont even know where to start. honestly being i am truly losing religion.
i have been what i consider a good person since i was a child. during the teenage years i was tested with being round people who werent worshipers and I maintained my worship.
i been praying salah since i was 14.I never smoked a single cigar, no drugs, trying to be respectuful to peole ( and it shows cause they love me back) i never fornicated. i dont watch pornography, i dont listen to music, i dont even masturbate..i stay away from evil and sin as much as i can but yet i do believe God isnt loving me or doing me any favor.

lets put it this way. i expected that God would lead me into a better life .
i only get hardships. mom died when i was 18, things just dont go my way.
while i try to see light and good in all whats happening its tough for me
i am not financially stable- its tough to find jobs especially recently while time is running up for me.i try so hard to get jobs.
whats truly testing me and occupying my mind is that im not bein able to find a woman ( and never had a relatiionship with a woman mostly cause of fear of fornication)

i like a girl a lot but she doesnt like me back i suppose.i lost contact with her cause she closed all social networks and i dont see her anymore on the street. she was beautiful and also shy.. which truly attracted me .i dont even know where to start with this case but i feel so so so sad cause God didnt write for me and this girl to be together yet i love her so much and am not able to get over her for more than a year. its rare that i like someone (even tho i am not shy at all) let alone the woman i want to marry. i basically feel that GOD DIDNT FAVOR ME , or loves someone more than me thats why HE gave her as a price to him and not me.. do i deserve this??

i prayed everywhere for this woman. in the mosque, at work when i used to have one, at the house, everywhere cause i wanted this to happen so so much. no matter how much i try ( by not looking at her pics on her abononded social media account( im just not able to forget her beautiful face.

i feel so broken hearted cause i see god providing for people who dont even care bout religion, they get more wealth and more amazing woman and here i am, a person who was grown a believer- left and forgotten. and that makes me feel betrayed, it kills me, its burning me.

now more than ever i need a miracle.

yes i know that allah sometimes withhold something from you cause he has something better in store but really> better than this woman? i dont think so.i am 25 nd i havent seen anyone as her. its becoming late for me as a 25 year old to find a virgin woman who is also a beauty and kind like she was.
someone please just tell me if God really loves me at all?' even tho i continue worship and keep distance from sins, im hanging on by a thread here. i no longer feel love.. how can u love someone when you devoted your life to him, yet He gives the best to others and not you?

**DogLover** · 06-12-2021

I'm relieved that you changed your mind and decided to live. Let this statement be the grand step in long process to feel better. I believe you will slowly return to the straight path

Some memories are quite hard to be removed, especially those which ensures huge emotions. Maybe you'll keep a memory of the girl from your dreams until the rest of your life. The problem is, even if you have accomplished and got her, she probably would have rejected you in any time. One-sided love often becomes the reason of having arguments and consequently ends with having a divorce. Imagine that every fifth marriage in Christianity ends with a divorce.

I'm very sorry, but I can't guide you about praying

Despite praying to the same God, Christians (like me) and Muslims (like you) have different ways to pray to the Lord, but there is a similarity between opposite religions - motivation. You have to strongly believe that there is only One God and to Him you have to send grateful prays with unconditionally nothing in return - we owe an unconditional debt to the Lord. Our God loves those who prays and banishes those who don't do that. When our Last Hour come, we will be asked by the Lord about praying in the first order of our whole live career. Resume praying until the very end of your life, maybe on the Resurrection Day He will add praying to the good deeds, not bad ones. Heaven awaits for most dedicated prayers and believers to the One God.

**Labayk** · 06-12-2021

Just tell me what to do to become disciplined in prayer again?
Cause i been trying but i keep on leavin it

I just now saw your post and I will try to post a little more later when I have the chance/time but for now:

Seek forgiveness from Allah and ask Him to forgive you. Do this with full regret for what you did. Don't listen to the justifications of shaitan as he is a loser and he wants you to be a loser. Iblis blamed Allah for his descent and see where that got him while our father Adam ('Alaihis Salaam) blamed himself and sought Allah's forgiveness and Allah Forgave Him.

Make a firm Niyyah to return to Salah and Islam and to never leave it. Ask Allah to Help you and assist you in praying again and He Will Help you. Focus on one Salah at a time until it is firm again.

I am not so much worried about your ability to pray again but I am worried more about shaitan standing in your way. Shaitan will try to get in between you and your Lord and will try to open up old wounds and remind you of your pain. He wants you to be displeased with your Lord so Allah will be displeased with you. Don't listen to this waswas/crap and think well of, put your hopes into Him and count the uncountable favors that He has given you. Look at what you have not what you don't have. Look at those who have less than you who are more than those who have more than you. This will help rebuild your gratitude to Allah which the main motivation that will drive you to do good.

Read/Recite the book of Allah as the Prophet (Salalahu 'Alaihi wa Salaam) said that it increases one's love for Allah. Establish a firm relationship with it.

We will encourage you to get back on your feet and get back on track and we will make Dua' for you also.

Like I said, when I get more time, I will post more inshaAllah

May Allah Forgive us all and Guide us to and along His Straight Path. Ameen.

**SoldierAmatUllah** · 06-13-2021

Originally Posted by Labayk

Allah (‘Azza wa Jal) is not your personal butler who waits on you and caters to your every vain desire when and how YOU please. He is our Lord, whom we ask out of humility and great need out of hope from His abundant generosity. It is only because we are in such dire need of Him and because we know how generous He is that any of us even has the nerve to ask of Him anything.

You are speaking as if Allah owes you a favor and He doesn’t owe you anything. It is you who are indebted to Him. The sin of your ingratitude has overshadowed the nobility of your good deeds and has left them not worth a dime so you shouldn’t speak as if this is any great thing that makes you deserving of anything.

I reemphasize: Allah never betrayed you. Allah never wronged you. You wronged him by your ingratitude and, how Silas rightfully pointed out, your arrogance.

Your suffering is internal not external. Many if not most of the people on this forum have gone or are going through much worse than you in terms of hardships, but they are not suffering like you are. You are suffering inside because of the curse that comes with being ungrateful to Allah for His Generous Bounties that He Bestows on all without measure whether Muslim or not.

The rule of ingratitude is: whoever is ungrateful, Allah Will take away His Favors but whoever is grateful, Allah Will give him more:

"And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'"(Ibrahim: 7)

What is Jahanam except the complete deprivation of Allah’s favors? And what is Jannah except the complete fulfillment of all favors. This petty pathetic dunya that you are dishonoring yourself in desiring is neither of those. Everything in this dunya is a mix of both benefit and harm, pleasure and pain. If a person wants to be ungrateful, he can focus on the negative as there is truly a negative aspect in everything here. Why? Because this is not Jannah. This is not the goal and not the objective. It is you that failed to realize this and put your heart where it doesn’t belong and now you want to blame Allah for that when He told you to do otherwise. If one wants to he/she can find much to be grateful for. Every single one of us can do that. Why? Because this place also isn’t Hellfire where there are no favors of Allah at all.

How much more do you think you will have to complain about when you’re burning alive for all of eternity due to your abandonment of God’s religion and your massive ingratitude towards Him. Then you will know what you have now but as the saying goes: You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Allah said:

"O you who have believed, whoever of you should revert from his religion - Allah will bring forth [in place of them] a people He will love and who will love Him..." (al-Maidah: 54)

There is no greater favor that Allah has given us than making us Muslims. Allah gave you Islam for free and gave you the ability to do good deeds the likes of which are difficult for even some sincere religious Muslims to adhere to, and now you’re throwing that all away for literally, absolutely nothing.

It is only shaitan that has told you that suicide will bring you relief. On the contrary! Your pain will only just begin!

“Whoever kills himself with something will be punished with it on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5700) and Muslim (110).

You think drinking bleach for the rest of eternity is easier than what you are going through now?

Nah, you have no choice and no way out except to turn around and repent to Allah before it is too late. You have come to a clear fork in the road. You had better fear Allah and make a full 180 degree turn otherwise it will just become more difficult and more dark than it is now and things will steadily get worse for you until you end up in HellFire and then you will be rightfully blaming yourself instead of Allah but it will be too late then.

Don’t worry. You won’t hear that from me. Except unless you turn around and repent to Allah and become grateful to Him for His favors, then you will find Him Merciful, Forgiving, and Generous and if you are patient and grateful will give you a good spouse sooner or later (although this is the least of your worries at the moment). Then, and only then, will everything be all right.

“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.” (Surah At-Talaq 65:2-3)

It’s not going to be all right at all for the one who abandons his religion.

Why do you keep asking for a miracle? What do you want a miracle for? Do you want a miracle to show you that Allah Loves you? I already gave you an ayah that told you that Allah does not Love the ungrateful and a Hadith that shows that the one who strives to obey Him and do good deeds will earn His favor. Again, Allah is not your personal performer to show you magic tricks so that you will believe in Him and worship Him. He has already shown you His abundant favors and you rejected them.

The Hadith I quoted earlier is sufficient. This Dunyah is the blink of an eye and then it’s over. It’s of no value whatsoever. Therefore, who cares what those whom Allah is angry with get? It’s meaningless. This is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever. The opposite is true in the end. So let them have their ease and plenty. Let them have their wealth and fortune. Let them have their women. For us is our Islam, and this is the greatest fortune that Allah Gives anyone in this life and you are trading that for ingratitude and injustice.

"By the racers, panting, And the producers of sparks [when] striking And the chargers at dawn, Stirring up thereby [clouds of] dust, Arriving thereby in the center collectively, Indeed mankind, to his Lord, is ungrateful. And indeed, he is to that a witness. And indeed he is, in love of wealth, intense. But does he not know that when the contents of the graves are scattered. And that within the breasts is obtained, Indeed, their Lord with them, that Day, is [fully] Acquainted." (al-'Adiyat)

How harsh words to a depressed suicidal your muslim brother!

It's only that a miracle happens in darkest hour & this is common autheticated from Quran.

Harsh words bring only bring rebellion.Give him good advice or don't start on depressed muslims.

I read your posts & i swear I benefit but? THIS!

-OP

If you stick to Deen then no way you will be unheard by Allah The Most Generous One& Loving Beautiful Rabb!

Keel up your relation with Allah SWT & see how He helps.

I have been through & I'm in a very bad trial but I keep hope relax& moderate myself to keep myself in love for Allah & RasulAllah (SallAllahu alayhi Wasallam)

Be one Proud Ummati-that's what's my motivation even though I'm suffering * exhausted with low imaan& leaving for suicide isn't the right decision.

Yeah I'm a suicide survivor & I seen miracles in how ALLAH Ta'aala saved me.

Keep to prayers,bro.

May Allah Ta'aala forgive guide&bless us all

Stay here

**Labayk** · 06-13-2021

And dont make this sound like Allah is not a " pleaser
If you dont seek from Allah where do you seek from? People??

You are right. Allah is our Helper and Supporter and really the only one we can turn to. But we have to have proper etiquette and respect always and part of that etiquette is patience. Allah Will answer our Dua in one form or another eventually but it will be in the time and manner of His choosing which is truly better for us anyway. Also, Allah (subhana wa ta 'Ala) told us not to seek out this Dunya but to look towards that which is permanent and more worthy of our longing. It is when we do that that Allah gives us from both this life and the next.

The Messenger of Allah (salalahu 'alaihi wa salaam), said, “Every one of you will have his supplications answered, as long as he is not impatient and says: I have supplicated but I was not answered.”

In another narration, the Prophet said, “The servant will continue to have his supplications answered as long as he does not ask for sin or cutting family ties and he is not impatient.” They said, “O Messenger of Allah, what is its impatience?”The Prophet said, “He says: I have supplicated again and again, but I have not seen an answer. He becomes frustrated with that and gives up supplicating.”
(Bukhari and Muslim)

Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There is no Muslim who calls upon Allah, without sin or cutting family ties, but that Allah will give him one of three answers: He will quickly fulfill his supplication, He will store it for him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an evil from him similar to it.” They said, “In that case we will ask for more.” The Prophet said, “Allah has even more.” (Ahmed)

She is amazing.
I will never be ablw ti wife up someone as good as her let alone when people say "who knows you will find better.

Bro, if you want to tell us that this is truly the best woman in the world and none of us will ever find anyone better, we will not argue with you. But, Akhi, don't limit your scope. Allah is the one who created her. Allah is the one who created the feelings that you have for her. You don't think Allah can recreate them? If you want you can make Dua that she becomes yours in Jannah. This is not something far off or difficult for Him.

Brother, there is a trick when it comes to Dunyah:

"And among the people is he who says, "Our Lord, give us in this world," and he will have in the Hereafter no share. But among them is he who says, "Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire." Those will have a share of what they have earned, and Allah is swift in account." (al-Baqarah: 201-203)

The Prophet (salalahu alaihi wa salam) said, “Whoever makes the Hereafter his goal, Allah makes his heart rich, and organizes his affairs, and the world comes to him whether it wants to or not. And whoever makes the world his goal, Allah puts his poverty right before his eyes, and disorganizes his affairs, and the world does not come to him, except what has been decreed for him.” (Ahmed, Ibn Majah, Tirmidhi)

The more we chase this Dunyah, the more it runs away from us and the more humiliated it makes us while the more we focus on the final goal and the less we care about this Dunyah, the more content/happy/peaceful we become and the more the Dunyah starts running after us.

Wallahi, I have experienced this Hadith. In my early days in Islam, I couldn't have cared less about whatever job/salary/girl/place to stay/luxury I could get. I just didn't/don't care about this Dunyah. Since then, Wallahi, things fall into my lap out of seemingly nowhere with regards to my Dunyah needs and I have been very blessed by Allah (mixed along with intense pain as I said before) while I am looking at a lot of people all around me who are struggling really hard (some of them with more advantages than me) and seemingly getting nowhere.

You said that you were 26? Brother our own Prophet (Salalahu Alaihi wa Salaam) who is the best of mankind and the dearest to Allah didn't marry until he was 25. I myself didn't marry until after that age and I had to really struggle before then. If you can just have a little patience with Allah, Akhi, you will find Him to be the best Wakeel and if you thank Him for when He does answer your Dua, you will find Him to be even more generous after that as He gives more the more grateful we are.

Ill tey to keep the prayer altho i want some advices on how to stay disciplined would really respext that.

I hope my advices before were of some benefit.

This wont stop my worries or my suffering sadly. Not until i get better. I might continue to live physically, but i mean it when i say I have died inside long ago.

Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its lifelessness. We have made clear to you the signs; perhaps you will understand. (al-Hadid: 17)

Allah said this in the context of the ones whose hearts had died from sicknesses and being stagnant.

May Allah Grant us all what is good for us both in this world and the Hereafter.

"Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire."

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

I love each and one of you for your replies.
I will continue to be as good as i can.

You asked that i peay that she becomes my woman in Jannah haha yes when i noticed that all my roads with her are cut i asked God to save me a woman like her in paeadise, a copy of her since it cant be her, she will be with her man sadly. I asked and left that wih God ,but i also need a woman in this world to shield and solidify me from all the trials of the flesh. Im litterally burning from desire here.its sexual frustration i woulsnt have been so mad if i was " ----in round but i dont do that cause of ethics and morals.

But i dont know how much i have to wait.

Until then ill keep tryin to enjoy the sunshine. Every perfume that I got, yo enjoy the clothes i have, to enjoy the food, a drive around the city, a good laugh with a friend, a prayer in the mosque, and hopefully one day ,just like with this last girl, who knows ,one morning a sun ray might hit on a beautiful face and make me go whoa .. look at that , just like with this last one . Im in tears now thinkin bout that moment. I forgot everyone before her but i will never forget hrr as she gave me the most intense feelings. Shes the preetiest my eyes have ever seen even tho i have seen more beautigul girls she will always be my fav girl on earth, even whenvi become old i will remember her.

But so it be.

Life must go on I guess.i hope thay Allah will give me a wife soon in my 20s cayse i I have a deep wheight on my back but I hope with all my heart that ends will justify the means.

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

So to answe my question

Allah loves me yes, just cause He made all of you amazing people reply to me and turned the tide around.

Pray for me that I also get blessings, and most importantly that Once and for All,i become steadfast and un shakable in religion once again.

**Labayk** · 06-13-2021

Will do inshAllah.

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

Btw may you forgive me that i havent been quite honest with you all

Lol i wasnt gonna kill myself hahah
I dont know what surrender is. I woudlt never be able to kill my self.

But yes im in a state of sever desperation thats true. But hopefully its gonn get fixed

Altho i am so tired i wish allah could cause me to die cause tha was easier.

But u adressed a lot of my concerns and In Allahs hand we all are.

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But suicide? No thanks.

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I love you all with All i am.

Even tho i dont know you or where you from,may Allah put blessings over you all each one of u and also bless me with that wifey i been seeking for so long

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

Yes i do believe that Allah will find me the way. I shall not doubt even tho i been in so many situations where I was doubting cause i saw and couldnt conquer.

But i just hope with all my heart and i would like to be surw as the light of the morning will come out, that i will get smth beautiful in the end. You might even say why you rbe soo impatient. Bros and sis, if i got a girl a big thing would be off my list that would allow me to finally focus on other things. Half of the deen would be complete and at least, i wouldnt be burning from desire. That would help me with focus a lot.

So pray.pray for me. This is the miracle im waiting for. So i can finally, advance.

**IslamLife00** · 06-13-2021

Akhi, you are in my dua. You sound better now Allahumma baarik lahu

You can also make this dua akhi Labayk mentioned. The Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam often made this dua :

Anas reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) used to supplicate (in these words):" Our Lord, grant us the good in this world and the good in the Hereafter and save us from the torment of Hell Fire (Al Baqarah 201)." Sahih Muslim

Qatadah asked Anas: Which Supplication would the Prophet (ﷺ) often make ? He replied: The supplication he would usually recite was: "O Allah, give us in this world what is good and in the next what is good, and protect us from the punishment of Hell-fire".

The version of Ziyad adds: When Anas wished to supplicate, he uttered this supplication. When he uttered some other supplication, he combined it with this supplication. (Abu Dawud)

And you're right for not considering suicide. It won't solve your problem, and it will only make it worse in your akhira.

Narrated Abu Huraira-:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire." Sahih al Bukhari

**DogLover** · 06-13-2021

That's fantastic that you are more and more optimistic

Of course I'll pray for you

May the Lord be with you.

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

Lets be honest with you all
I am feeling as terrible as i have felt in the psst few months and to be more honest,in the past few years. But like I told you, im not expecting to feel better

It feels heavy everyday. Everything heavy on me.

But the journey has to go on, nonetheless.

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

I guess its destinied for me to feel this way
I will never be all right
I am too sad
I try my hardest not to be but
I cant help it
I wish i could,for myself, for those i love,and love ma back
I was doing fine until this heartbreak happened
Im sad to dissapoint everyone thay even tho i might not be suicidial,i do wish death cause im just not gettin over this

And as you can see by yourself, i just.. im just not feeling it like wantijg to move on cause i swear no matter how much i am praying i still feel like things wont go my way.

Im 26 and i still dont know whats a womans touch
I swear this disturbs me
When my friends have tried everything when they were 16 or earlier

I swear i never cared bout luxuries of thebworld i still dont, all i ever wanted was a beautiful wifey material girl.
I swear no money in the world can fill th void of not having a fine woman right now

Especially that one..

I am feeling stuck with everything
Falling behind

I have no words to explain the despair.
I am trying to become a better muslim but i have become like too numb and careless ,its so strange..

I wish God just showdd me an amazing sign and lifted me up, to be alive again, a feeling i dont know for a very long time now.

**IslamLife00** · 06-13-2021

Akhi, turn to Allah always, in times of ease and in times of hardship. Even hardship can be source of expiation of sins.

Don't attach yourself to this dunya and what it can offer you, this dunya does not last, and what it can offer you, will not last either.

Everyone gets tested. Don't think other people get what they want and they are not tested.

Getting everything you want in this dunya may make you happy for some time, soon you will want other things. It's not worth sacrificing your akhira for it.

And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His face [acceptance].And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life,and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect Al-Kahf 28

Narrated `Aisha(the wife of the Prophet) : Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn." Sahih al Bukhari

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: "The world is a prison for the mu'min (believer) and Paradise for the disbeliever." Jami'at Tirmidhi

Blessed is He in whose hand is dominion, and He is over all things competent .
[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving Al Mulk 1-2

Or do you think that you will enter Jannah while such [test] has not yet come to you as [it] came to those before you?
They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, "When is the help of Allah?"
Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near. Al Baqarah 214

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

Originally Posted by IslamLife00

Akhi, turn to Allah always, in times of ease and in times of hardship. Even hardship can be source of expiation of sins.

Don't attach yourself to this dunya and what it can offer you, this dunya does not last, and what it can offer you, will not last either.

Everyone gets tested. Don't think other people get what they want and they are not tested.

Getting everything you want in this dunya may make you happy for some time, soon you will want other things. It's not worth sacrificing your akhira for it.

And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His face [acceptance].And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life,and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect Al-Kahf 28

Narrated `Aisha(the wife of the Prophet) : Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn." Sahih al Bukhari

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: "The world is a prison for the mu'min (believer) and Paradise for the disbeliever." Jami'at Tirmidhi

Blessed is He in whose hand is dominion, and He is over all things competent .
[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed - and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving Al Mulk 1-2

Or do you think that you will enter Jannah while such [test] has not yet come to you as [it] came to those before you?
They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, "When is the help of Allah?"
Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near. Al Baqarah 214

Thanks for reply i really appriciate it

But look
Why is it always i hear "leave this world for akhiea

Im juat asking for a basic need to be met. A woman to appear in my life

Its not that i will lose paradize if i get a woman cmon.
Im not askinf fornication im asking to marry a woman to findsomeone to love

And btw im not askinf to get "eveeything i never have asked much in fact im modest even in duas. I never ask for luxuries. Did i ever say here bout that??

Im just askinf a sweetheart to love.

I will take care of everythibg else.

I dont think im veing very well understood. Just becauze this is a believers prision doesnt
Mean i have to suffer like this. I am not asking for spaceships or walking on the sun. That would be un realistic. All im asking is for a miracle to show up and
This fire to be extingushed. Sexual desire is too much to bare. Im 26 , the curiosity itself burna me let alone the hwartbreak of all the rejections. And i dont even intend zinah.

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

And im not expecting everythjng to be easy and flowery once i get married
No.

But at least i have someone to love and all this sexual frustration will diminish.someone to ralk to on the female side.
Lets be real.
It would be a big tick off to truly help clear my mind.

Im dyijg from desire and on the other side im noticing im not being loved.

Its not that im ugly. I might be short and my nose is big or some things maybe women think there is smth wrong with men with glasses like a genetic defunc thing but

I am very clean well taken care of myself i clothe mysekf way too good compared to your average joe, i have a very manly way of staying and behaving, very good morals and manners yet, it feels like im incinsible to women.

Not even comparing myself to the others who seem to get women effortlessly ,this truly is happening with me.

Women just dont seem to want me. I have seen girls go crazy over guys and i know how awoman loves a man.

I sont get it

Am i not a man enough?? What is wrong wih me
Can anyone tell??

Is there smth fundamentally wrong so at least i know?

I swear this has affected me on so many ways i feel like not even trying anymore. Cause im more than certain that it will fail. And this is wherw all my anger comes from.

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

I just dont get whats wrong with me.

There must be something.

From the gifts of allah is that also that people including womrn find you attractive. And here i am nobody loves me

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Damn i swear i wish i was never born. I dont know why my parenrs made me so late in life. Just to suffer God damn it

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

And with mom already Gone, dad at least i hopped to see my children yet that probably wont happen as he is already quite old and i am too unsuccesful with finding a spouse.

I shouldnt have been born.. its like whats the point?
My siblings are much older than me my parents should have stopped there.

Its not that they got to live too long wjth me anyway.. they just brought me here to suffer and feel bad

Damn i just want to leave

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

I try to enjoy everything i swear ..im not chasing luxuries i try to find happiness on "the small things

But its just

( its not happening.
I will never be all right. I am not getting over this.
No amount of dua is helping me i suppose.

I am despond in an optimstic future and way too.. tired to move on. I swear if i could choose death id push the red button tonight. I wouldnt mind who misses me.

It would truly release me and set me free.

**abadwek** · 06-13-2021

I mean Allah is the merciful but i just dont get whats the point in all this,including my existance.
Why cant i have a more normal life, im not expecing to be test free thats un realistic.

And dont start with how un greatful i am .i am not un greatful..
i am tired of eevrrythign thats what i am.