The Path that led me to Allaah. - A Prequel to the heart-break series -

- The next day at school -


We've got internet at home now!


That's kool man, you should come on msn some time.


What's that?


You can chat online with us, it's really fun.


I never knew there was stuff like this.. i'll probably be able to use it because my bro has a computer in the bedroom.


You need to make a hotmail account though, it's really easy. Just go on their site and create an email address and then you can come on msn.


Thanks, man.




All day i was looking forward to going on the net, it was my first time and i could even chat to my mates there! I wasn't too old then, maybe i was around 13years old.


I came home, ate and then rushed to the bedroom. I switched on the computer and made an email address. I downloaded msn and logged in. My friend had already given me his email address, so i added him.. but he wasn't online.


hmm.. this is weird. I waited for a little while, and started to browse over hotmail. It was my first time afterall.

I got bored after abit, so i started checking out all the features of msn.


I saw a button, which caught my attention.

[ CHAT ROOM ]
CLICK HERE

Out of curiousity, i clicked it.



A whole page popped up, loads of people chatting at one go. Some people shouted ASL!?


What's that? i thought.


Some people would *whisper* their age, others would swear. hm.. this was confusing.



There was a box on my window screen, flashing. I clicked it and someone had messaged me.

Sup?

hey..

You alright?

Yeah, you?

I'm gud thanks.

I was bored, and i wanted to know how msn worked.

So what's your email address?


A/S/L?


What's that?

Age Sex Location?


Oh, i'm 13 male. you?


kk same here 13/F, here's my add.

So we chatted abit on msn.. the conversation was abit dry since i was new to all of this.


Later my friends came on msn so i stopped talking to this new person, they never really gave their name or anything. Anyway, we ended up blocking and deleting each other.. but was this really the ending?

Or is this where the plot unfolds from?

Ahhhh...this is wicked Bro. Reading it all together in one go is more clear and awesome!

Top stuff, Alhamdulillaah.

The suspense! Also, what did you do to upset the person so much that they blocked and deleted you?

I liked the fact his father helped him with the net

format_quote Originally Posted by Panther

The suspense! Also, what did you do to upset the person so much that they blocked and deleted you?

You'll understand how that's an important event in the story later insha Allaah (God willing.)



Peace.

Pretty kool so far! Mashaa Allaah

Kool Mashaa Allaah! Keep it coming

Nice....keep them rolling

I think she was sad alot, and her friends would say to me that i hurt her bad. I never knew what to do, so i said okay.


We met up outside of school, spoke to each other. Never really did anything deep, but we saw a movie, an action one lol. It turns out when i came home, someone had triggered the alarm - someone had seen me and busted me, and it passed onto the family.

Uh-oh. lol who doesn't know that being an asian means you have relatives everywhere, and to top it off - dating with someone isn't allowed anyway, unless it's with your spouse. I came home and everyone knew what had happened.


I got grounded.



This was a moment in life where i totally had to go through a reflection period, was i really doing the right thing? Some people even told me that i couldn't really hurt her, since love can't happen when you're so young. Now i know it can happen, but back then i never. We know this because Aa'isha (may Allaah be pleased with her) loved Allaah's Messenger (peace be upon him) at a young age.

What was i supposed to do? I couldn't tell her that i want to end it. That's the only reason i had accepted it. But i had to, so i did.



Everyone was suspicious when i would go on the computer, so i wouldn't use msn now. I needed help and was in a state of weakness. So i turned to Allaah/God, i tried to look at what the Islamic view to this whole situation was. I knew it wasn't allowed, but why wasn't it allowed?

I found some info on how innocent love which might start off as 'love on first sight' usually isn't that innocent afterall, especially when it can have harmful consequences i.e. heart-break, and heartbreak can lead to enmity, jealousy, hatred. Relationships outside of marriage can also break up ties, sex outside of marriage can also lead to children who might not know who their father is etc. which can have harmful pyschological effects on the child. Since this whole game is basically a 'hit and run' idea.



I went back to school after the weekend, and everyone was hyped up. Knowing that they have a mate who's got a 'girlfriend.' They were even more hyped because someone asian was with someone white. That's how people were for some reason.

Some asian girls would give the evils (not everyones racist, but i'm just saying.) I didn't know what to do, because in reality - i was just trying to please someone, while not knowing the evils which would come leak out of it in the future.



Guess what happened? Maths is everday, which meant that i was in that seat everyday.

The laughing behind me was louder, and now even my mate knew that something had happened over the weekend.


I was embarrassed to discuss it while knowing what had happened at home - i had reflected alot there.


I recieved the mail; Did you have a good time with my mate?

Kool Mashaa Allaah, I liked the bit where Islaam came into the thoughts of the person.

I waited abit before i replied.. so much things were going through my head. I ignored the question on the creased up paper, and gave a direct answer.

I think i can't carry it on no more. I'm sorry.

What do you mean? I thought you liked her?


Yeah, but it's over. Sorry.

I never really got a reply, they had quietened down now. Anyway everyone who knew by now was wondering why it had happened, how one day it had just 'started' and on that same day it had 'ended?'


My friends asked me too, i stayed quiet.. i never really wanted it in the first place, and now i hurt alot of people in the process. I wasn't pleased with that, since my first intention was to please someone so i don't get them hurt.



Maybe people thought i was trying to get attention? But how could that be if i would get more by sticking to it?

Others thought i was afraid, i was kind of.. since i was new to all this popularity. I usually stayed quiet now, and the same people would approach me and i would remain quiet, not answering their questions.


They would ask me the same things, the why's and how's. But it had ended, no matter how stubborn they thought i was. I had prayed to Allaah to save me from more trials, and the praise is for Him that i never really faced as much now, from the people or family.


This phase lasted for around 2years, and the praise is for Allaah that it gradually died out. She became abit more maturer, and the constant questioning - they got tired of it. As time progressed, it was officially over.



Now that things were becoming normal once again, i carried on using msn every now and then to chat to my mates. Not as much, but just to pass some time.

Throughout these two years i would learn a little about the stories of the many reverts who had started joining Islaam, and i would check out Islamic Magazines. Scientific miracles from Qur'an and all that.

I was about 15 now.



These years made me reflect alot, yet i still wasn't firm in my Islaam. I never really had any good understanding of the basics, and i never really had any firm principles to hold onto, this would be a big disadvantage for me in my near future.



To be continued...

Part 2.

I would go to school and get on with my work, but the pressure of exams started to come up now that i was half way through high school (or Junior High in the US.)

I wasn't as focused as i used to be in the past, who doesn't? This is the time in your life when you see the world differently, you think differently, imagine life differently, and see things from another angle to how you did before.

I was more relaxed now, more confident. But not too much, just enough to make my voice heard. Before the past phase i was totally shy and quiet.


So yeah, life was different now. I had changed alot, and i was kind of happy about that.



Near the beginning when i got msn, alot of people from our class had shared their email ads like i told you earlier. And there was this other person from class which i liked, but i'd never tell anyone that. Alot of guys liked her, and she was the phase 1's "half-friend." She didn't really care that i had given up the other one, but emotions is emotions init?

I remember one day when i was walking back from school with a mate, and he told me that a guy and a girl can't simply be mates, there's gota be someone from among them who has feelings for the other. Even if they don't show it. That's true, and i know that now.



So remember that times passed by now, it's two years later. I've come back on msn properly back again, after a long time. I've blocked the first person, i had to since i realised that i gota either take the whole package, or block all means. I did that, so we never spoke no more.

That doesn't mean i blocked all my previous contacts, it just means that i still had a doorway to other trials which i never knew could come up yet...