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Thread: divorce

  1. #1
    jameelash's Avatar
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    divorce

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    People speak about “divorce” like it’s this great evil that must be avoided at all cost...

    Divorce is a good option and better than marriage in some cases. Allah made divorce halal. And Allah doesn’t make anything “halal” that is not good...

    Divorce is a good option when after so long of trying; you can no longer see eye to an eye with your spouse... you’re distant from them on all levels...

    Divorce is a good option when you the spouse after so many chances still doesn’t fulfil their basic rights to the other person...

    Divorce is a good option when there’s no love and mercy in a relationship (only hate, resentment and anger)

    Divorce is a good option when there’s a cycle of abuse in the relationship (physical, mental, emotional, sexual or financial)

    Divorce is a good option when you are not a priority and no matter what you do for the other person; you will never be “good enough” for them... you sacrifice, you compromise, you put your happiness second, you lose yourself and soul... but no matter what you do and give; you just won’t be enough or ever get their acceptance, love and approval of you...

    Divorce is a good option when your kids see all of the above... everyday... they witness the bitterness and toxicity... they absorb it all growing up...which will impact them for life and set the standard of what to accept for themselves from their own future relationships...

    If you’re married and living under these conditions, I’m so sorry, but this is not a marriage. This is a soul sucking transaction. This is a home that will send out traumatised people into the world. Everyday you lose a bit of yourself; and by the time you leave this world you would have little left of your soul - which was meant to be reserved for Allah (swt) only...

    Allah (swt) is the goal. And anyone or anything in your life is a *means* to this goal... never make them *the goal* because you will suffer...

    And if you’re feeling uncomfortable for this “divorce advocacy”; it’s because you have been conditioned (Islamic rhetoric, society, parents) to believe that living in hell like marriage is a “badge of honour and a reflection of your patience and good character”... really sad what we were *made* to believe (and live!)... Islam is innocent from these unislamic beliefs about marriage...let’s *unlearn* this wrong...and teach the generations to come the basic rule for what the marriage that Allah (swt) Wants for us and what the prophet (s) modelled, preached and lived > you actually need to be happy! You need to be honoured, loved and respected.

    Let me summarise what I’m saying again for anyone that (wants to) misunderstands: this message is *not* an advocacy for divorce; it’s advocacy for *Islamic healthy marriages*... it’s advocacy for healed homes...homes that are built on mawadah and Rahma...

    We become sad when we hear that someone divorced someone... yes it’s sad for anything to come to an end and often there’s a lot involved... but what‘s REALLY sad; is being “married” (in the eyes of people and society) but living as a “divorced” couples behind closed doors.

    ~Dalya Ayoub
    Life Matters Academy

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    HabibUrrehman's Avatar
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    Re: divorce

    Very good post as always. I will add just two more points:

    1. Divorce is the last resort and of all the halal things it is most disliked by Allah (SWT).

    2. If we divorce based on the process told in Quran then many divorces may not happen.

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    taha_'s Avatar
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    Re: divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by HabibUrrehman View Post
    Very good post as always. I will add just two more points:

    1. Divorce is the last resort and of all the halal things it is most disliked by Allah (SWT).

    2. If we divorce based on the process told in Quran then many divorces may not happen.
    Salaam brother,

    Can you please tell the reference of hadith and also its authenticity on 1st ?

    JazakAllah

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    HabibUrrehman's Avatar
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    Re: divorce

    Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:

    The most hateful permissible thing (al-Halal) in the sight of Allah is divorce. [Abu Dawud, Hadith 1863, Ibn Majah, Hadith 2008 and this hadith is sahih]
    The spouses should avoid divorce as much as possible. If they have difficulties and problems they should try to work out their differences and seek help from their relatives, friends or professional counselors. However, if the differences are irreconcilable then divorce is permissible, but it should be done in a decent manner.

    A husband must be patient with his wife if he sees something in her that he disapproves and dislikes. He should recognize that he is dealing with a human being with natural imperfections, and he should balance her good qualities with her failings.

    Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:

    Let a believing man not dislike a believing woman. If something in her is displeasing to him, another trait may be pleasing.
    And Allah Almighty says:

    ...And consort with them in kindness, for if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good. [Quran 4: 19]
    While on the one hand, Islam requires the husband to be tolerant and patient with what he dislikes in his wife, on the other hand, it commands the wife to try to please her husband as far as her ability and charm allows, and warns her not to let a night pass during which her husband remains angry with her. A hadith states:

    There are three (persons) whose prayer does not rise even a single span above their heads: a man leading a congregational prayer while the people hate him, a woman passing the night while her husband is angry with her, and two quarreling brothers.[Reported by Ibn Majah and by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih]

    I don't disagree with what sister has posted but I just want to make sure that divorce should be something which we use as our last resort.

    Divorce, however is decreed by God for the believers in exceptional circumstances when all attempts of resolving disputes between the spouses are failing. There have been a lot of abuse and violation of God's laws when it comes to divorce. There are also a lot of misconceptions about the women's rights before, during and after the emotional turmoil of divorce. I am giving references below for verses in Quran on this topic and hope these will help to understand laws of Divorce in Sharia:

    Read following verses from Quran:
    Chapter 2: verses 226-241
    Chapter 4: Verses 20-21 & 35
    Chapter 33: 28-29, 37, 49, 52
    Chapter 58: 2
    Chapter 60: 10
    Chapter 65: Verses 1-8
    Chapter 66: 6

    Allah knows the best!

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    Re: divorce

    Salaam brother,


    Thank you very much. I'm sure marriage is big blessing from Allah. Divorce leads to emotional pain which can be worst. Though we are living in era where men prefers to marry woman who is beautiful (I am one of them lol. I feel bad, but I also want righteous characters only) with jobs presumably doctor , lawyer etc over religious women, these kind of marriage may end up being worst. We should follow the advice of prophet Muhammad when it comes to selecting partner.

    JazakAllah

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    Re: divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by HabibUrrehman View Post
    1. Divorce is the last resort and of all the halal things it is most disliked by Allah (SWT).
    Forgive me brother, but I would like a clarification.
    I was often told things are either halal or haram. There is no such thing as "a little haram" or a "very halal".

    As such, wouldn't it be better to say divorce is halal as long as it is undertaken seriously and as a last resort. As long as it is done in such a way, it is halal otherwise it would be haram?


    I know I still have a lot to learn and I am trying to do so. Please do not hesitate to tell me if I am mistaken.

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    HabibUrrehman's Avatar
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    Re: divorce

    W/Salam Sister

    I gave me reference in my previous post. I will quote the hadith again in Arabic.

    ‏ مَا أَحَلَّ اللَّهُ شَيْئًا أَبْغَضَ إِلَيْهِ مِنَ الطَّلاَقِ ‏‏ ‏

    Here the Arabic word "Ahalla" mean permissible or Halal and "Abghada" means disliked/abominable.

    I will explain this later but let me first touch upon a concept known as Makruh.
    Makruh is something that is disliked but is not forbidden, therefore, most of the time, not punishable.

    For example:

    The prophet Muhammad PBUH made it clear that it is makruh to offer to buy something for which another person has made an offer. Or trying to offer an engagement to a woman who was already engaged to another person.

    Divorce falls under the same category. Let me explain:

    If there is a legitimate reason for divorce, then it is permissible. For example if keeping a wife will lead to something that is contrary to shariah which cannot be avoided except by divorcing her, such as if the woman is lacking in religious commitment or chastity, and the husband cannot set her straight, then in this case scholars agree that it is better to divorce. But if there is no legitimate reason, then it is better not to divorce, rather in that case divorce is makruh.


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