What will happen if South Africa is attacked in a 9/11 style attack?
Well.... it can't realistically happen!
That's because in S.A we are much better prepared for these kinds of attacks.
No. 1. We do not construct exaggerated elevated high-rise buildings these days; squatter camps and duplexes are the order of the day.
No 2. We ALL get stuck in traffic in the morning, so at 8.45am the buildings would still be empty.
No. 3. Our prestigious fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time, and will arrive loud and clear just after everything is over, so there will be no casualties amongst them.
No. 4. Johannesburg International Airport would surely have fouled up the terrorist's plans by delaying t he planes.
No. 5. A South African would never let a terrorist hijack a plane. He would tell him "Jou ma se p..", beat him up, rob him and the word would spread about how bad he got it, quicker than a CNN/BBC broadcast.(later, he will also be used for police dog training).
No. 6. A South African would not have used his cell phone to call home ( NO WAYS ); more efficiently he will rather send a "Please call me". A cell phone is used to defend oneself. A REAL South African would have hit the terrorist over the head with it...then steal his terrorist weapons and sell it for dagga money .
AND FINALLY:
If a terrorist ever lived in South Africa for one year and one year only, he would have been robbed and molested so many times that he would have given up and gone back home a long time ago...then get shot in the taxi, get robbed of his passport and credit cards, attempt to flee the gunfire, and get arrested by the cops later for vagrancy.
You see in South Africa , we are well prepared.
wow- very intresting... i always visit north africa, i will go to south for a change inshaAllah, maybe Cape town?? Eritrea is where i will visit on tues for a month InshaAllah
So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to me and do not deny Me.
Nelson Mandela
In my country we go to prison first and then become President.
Nelson Mandela
If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
Nelson Mandela
It always seems impossible until its done.
Nelson Mandela There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children.
Nelson Mandela
I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.
A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.
Nelson Mandela
After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.
Nelson Mandela
Communists have always played an active role in the fight by colonial countries for their freedom, because the short-term objects of Communism would always correspond with the long-term objects of freedom movements.
Nelson Mandela
Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had because they didn't have the talent or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?
Nelson Mandela
Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.
Nelson Mandela
For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
Nelson Mandela
I detest racialism, because I regard it as a barbaric thing, whether it comes from a black man or a white man.
Nelson Mandela
I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. I dream of our vast deserts, of our forests, of all our great wildernesses.
Nelson Mandela
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
Nelson Mandela
If the United States of America or Britain is having elections, they don't ask for observers from Africa or from Asia. But when we have elections, they want observers.
Nelson Mandela
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
Nelson Mandela
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela
There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children.
Nelson Mandela
It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.
Nelson Mandela
Let freedom reign. The sun never set on so glorious a human achievement.
Nelson Mandela
Let there be work, bread, water and salt for all.
Nelson Mandela
Money won't create success, the freedom to make it will.
Nelson Mandela
Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another.
Nelson Mandela
Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into contracts. Your freedom and mine cannot be separated.
Nelson Mandela
There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children.
Nelson Mandela
There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.
Nelson Mandela
There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.
Nelson Mandela
There is no such thing as part freedom.
Nelson Mandela
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
Nelson Mandela
We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.
Nelson Mandela
When the water starts boiling it is foolish to turn off the heat.
Nelson Mandela
In the spirit of praying for peace on Earth
Eric
You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.
Why coloureds can't be terrorists: by MARK LOTTERING
- Ons is altyd laat. We would have missed all 4 flights.
- We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves.
- Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane, we'll sommer forget why we're
there.
- We praat with our hands, so we'll continually be putting the weapons down.
- We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending in a moerse fight with
each other.
- We'll sommer argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get on
the plane & one of us is bound to say out loud: 'Gaan kak man! Dan hijack jy
die fokken plane alleen!!'
- Ons kannie 'n secret hou nie. We would have told everyone a week before
doing it, telling them: 'Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!'
- We would have insisted that the plane fly past Strandfontein Pavillion.
- We would have all lined up to get our photograph taken by one of the
hostages.
- When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for a
karaoke session, with one doos trying to sing 'I did it my way'.
- We would first rob every one of their Ray-Bans, cellphones and gold teeth,
just before we crash the plane.
- Our whole freaking family plus neighbors would have been at the airport to
see us off, crying their bleddie eyes out, and your mother saying to the
white ou next to her: 'I'm so proud of him. It's the first time he's
hijacking a plane!'
- We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport go-way clothes:
balaclavas, jumpsuits, karate skoentjies, dark glasses, en 'n moerse
attitude.
- Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home..
- Three of us would have overweight luggage.
- All of us would have luggage.
- We would have all wanted to watch the in-flight movie first.
- Before we went into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet to
first gel our hair.
- We would have taken the plane for a joyride first, played the music at
full blast and try to park the plane somewhere where the chicks could see
us...
Wathinta umfazi Wathinta umbokodo No road is too long with good company
-Turkish Proverb
You know you're South African when......
Category: Geography - Countries
Description: The enitre country pulls together to support your national sports team, and nevermind what colour we are, our blood is all green. And we are soooo proud.
1. You eat Bar One, Not MARS
2. You used to drink "Red Juice" and "Green Juice" when you were a kid, some of you still do. And no-one reeeally knows exactly what it is.
3. You're familiar with 7de Laan, Isidingo, Egoli, Pumpkin Patch, Wielie Walie, Takalani Sesame, Noeleen, Felicia (on-"e") and Riaan Cruywagen. You know who Cherel is.
4. You know that McDonald's doesn't exist. It's Steers.
5. You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it's even fake.
6. You know that a "stompie" is a cigarette butt, and to "pick up stompies" had nothing to do with cigarette butts.
7. You know that some people pronounce "South Africa" like "Safrica" and call us "Saffas" and that's ok.
8. You know that while we call our friends 'Bru' and 'boet' we don't all speak English with bad Afrkaans accents, contrary to the way the we are portrayed in every American and British movie.
9. You've seen Tsotsi, The Gods Must Be Crazy, and every single film made by Leon Schuster (though you deny having watched any of them) and maybe even Crazy Monkey the Movie
10. It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually South African... Charlize Theron, Arnold Vosloo, Richard E Grant, Stelio Savante, Gavin Hood (Director of X-Men Origins)
11. One word: Howzit.
12. You know that Ellis Park 1995 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just ****ing rock.
13. You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases (unless you go across the border)
14. We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and farenheit will ever offer
15. You drive on the left-hand side of the road.
16. You think of South Africa as being somewhat out of place within the African continent; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy.
17. You know there is some sort of bizarre rivarly between the cities of Cape Town and Johannesburg. You know that people from CT are "too laid back", and people from JHB are "too agro".
18. You know that you can't eat Chappies alone... Otherwise who will you play the 'Did you know...' game with when you're reading the wrapper?
19. You know that Cape Town should be the capital because Pretoria is a hole.
20. You're not really sure if your capital city is called Pretoria or Tshwane
21. You know that Americans think we all live in Mud Huts and have animals in our back yards.
22. You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread... and actually grow to like it. You've also squeeze Marmite through Provitas to make little Marmite worms.
23. . You've ever used the words - lekker, "the bomb", 100's, rad, schweet - to mean good. And then you place 'fokken' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
24. You know there is NO SUCH THING as a barbeque. It is a BRAAI. BBQ'ing is for sissies.
25. You know that the braai is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.
26. The private lives of rugby players and high-up politicians become more important than any other local and national news stories.
27. You know the national anthem, but still don't understand half of what you're singing. And you're ok with that.
28. Boerewors rolls & Rusks. End of story.
29. You really hope 2010 works out, worry that it won't and have already decided to blame the government if it doesn't.
30. You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of witblits... but you can't remember.
31. You've eaten a Spur Burger - and name it as the one thing you miss when you're overseas.
32. You've heard the President dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as 'racist', and that's enough to make us sit down and shut up.
33. You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alchohol. And you thus love April.
34. You know that South African swimsuite models are the hottest on the planet, and no-one can tell you otherwise.
35. You remember Simba Kreols. And you know what Nik Niks are.
36. You've ever hated or loved the TV adds for the "Goue Sokkie Dans Treffers 3" CD
37. You've ever sung along to "Hier Kommie Bokke"
38. The word "yes" has long ago been replaced with "ja" or "yebo"
39. You have caught yourself questioning someone's statement with "Se-Ri-Ous!?"
40. You know who "Van Der Merwe" is
41. You have used the word "Eish!" to express surprise... or disappointment..... or confusion....
42. You've tried to imitate the way Nelson Mandela speaks
43. You've not been able to find a particular place/ street/ building/ town/ city/ province because it's been renamed and no-one informed you.
44. You drink Klippies and Cola
45. You get thrown WITH a stone.
46. You wear Jean Pants
47. You've ever had to explain to a foreigner that maids are NOT slaves
48. You don't know how to put petrol into your car. The first time you go overseas and have to put in your own petrol, it is a very strange experience.
49. You know that: a red ROBOT means stop. A green robot means go. An orange robot means drive like the devil is behind you to get through before it turns red. What the hell is a traffic light?
50. You know the difference between 'now', 'now-now', 'just now', 'right now' and 'later'!
51. Ja-Nee
52. When you leave a conversation, gathering, etc with 'Cheers'
53. The following slogans make sense to you.....
* Panado, because I'm a children
* Ag Henry, I love it when you talk foreign (machiato)
* It's not inside..... it's on..... top!
* BUFFALO!!
* Maar is dit kuns? Dit proe soos kuns!
* O-O-O-O-Oros... (oh, we love living......)
* I wuv my Wedwo
* Jetsetter!!
* Cell C, Cell C, Hummer, Hummer, Cell C
* It's strenth is in it's stretch
* Yebo Goggo
* Red, Yellow, Blue..... not Green (UNO)
* Ja swaar, only a can of the best......
* Die beste ding is die dag is die eerste koppie sawwe lyf
* Mom remembered Melrose!
* Black belt ha?....No BLACK CAT!!!
* What's the occasion?
* V W (double-you) and me......
* Charles!
* Sunlight! Sunlight and water....
* Only a glass and a half......
* Coffee?.... Bar-one?
* Imagine.... a river of milk falling into chocolate whirlpool.... swirling with crispy rice and coconuts
* Met Eish ja...... met eish
* So fresh it smack of sea
* Where Douglass Green?
* Hello, I'm the loo from Jays Bloo
* They taste so good, cos they EAT so good
* It's my last one..... but you can have it
* It's good, it's good, it's good, it's nice!
* We wont stop the magic
* One bite, and all resistance crumbles
* People with a taste for life
* It's good and clean and fresh, tra-la-la......
* I wana be a Simba Chippie... (chippie chippie chippie)
* Hetjou Katvis
* Ahhh, from Edinburgh I suppose..... no, from Maritzburra
* I lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ve s-u-g-a
* Ryk n lekker koppie koffie kapitaaaaal!
Wathinta umfazi Wathinta umbokodo No road is too long with good company
-Turkish Proverb
DUMB QUESTIONS ASKED ABOUT SOUTH AFRICA
Category: Common Interest - Travel
Description: Questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.
**********************************************
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
**********************************************
Do these questions asked about South Africa sound funny,stupid or unbelievable?
It's time to face the facts.
South Africa is being stereotyped by millions of people around the world. These uneducated people need a huge wake up call because we most certainly do not feed off wild berries and nuts and live in Zulu huts with no running water or electricity!
Wathinta umfazi Wathinta umbokodo No road is too long with good company
-Turkish Proverb
40 Things you know when you a slams (aka Cape Malay):
You know you a slams when you call your older brother and sister 'boeta' and 'tietie'..
You know you a slams when your mommy wears a scarf even when she's sleeping..
You know you a slams when you call Eid 'Labarang'
You know you a slams when your parents have more than 8 brothers and sisters..
You know you a slams when you have a 7 nights and a 40nights.. soma even a 3year..
You know you a slams when there is 'tong', 'soutvleis' and fresh little rolls that your mommy baked on the breakfast table on eid morning..
You know you a slams when your mommy goes to mosque on moulood to cut rampies..
You know you a slams when you just randomly lis for boeba and koesisters..
You know you a slams when you have wembley on speed dial..
You know you a slams when your daddy drives a c-class kompressor merc..
You know you a slams when you only make Maghrib..
You know you a slams when your uncle owns a farm in schaapkraal..
You know you a slams when your rich aunty and uncle go on Haj every year..
You know you a slams when you call a "person of colour" (I was told to remove the previous term.. as certain individuals find it offensive.. bleh) 'BOY'..
You know you a slams when your daddy or brother wears a koefya so tall that he cant even walk into the mosque without bending..
You know you a slams when you have more than 3 rakams in the living room..
You know you a slams when all the rooms in your house is a different colour..
You know you a slams when you live in Bo-Kaap..
You know you a slams when you show up late for every function..
You know you a slams when you know the names of ALL the klopse teams.. or even ONE
You know you a slams when you go to the Tietie down the road to go and buy koesisters every Sunday..
You know you a slams when there is more than 400 people at your wedding..
You know you a slams when you say you have 4th cousins..
You know you a slams when you suip bashews and marshals..
You know you a slams when after travi u go lam outside golden dish or wembley and dice..
You know you a slams when you take so 7 empty 1,5 coke bottles as deposits..
You know you a slams when your mommy or aunty makes pies and samoosas..
You know you a slams when you listen to Voice of the Cape/786 in the kitchen AND your mommy phones in..
You know you a slams when you more afraid of your hair mincing than dying..
You know you a slams when you always going to ghadats on a Thursday night..
You know you a slams when you go buy your Eid clothes at Top Boutique (as advertised on Voice of the Cape)
You know you a slams when you have an Aunty Marrel..
You know you a slams when you go picnic at Three Anchor Bay to go and sight the moon..
You know you a slams when your aunty is kak kwaai at dominoes..
You know you a slams when your brother fixes cellphones..
You know you a slams when your brother drives a Golfie that is GE-MOD to the max..
You know you a slams when you go and blom at the Waterfront and Canal Walk on eid night..
You know you a slams when you go to Goudini Spa for holidays with all your aunties and uncles in a kombi..
You know you a slams when you have your wedding at Shalima Gardens..
You know you a slams when you a muslim and you NOT INDIAN and you come from CAPE TOWN!!!
Laikoooom..
By Hammaad
**********************
40 Things you know when you a moor (aka Muslim Indians):
You know you a moor when your first name is always Mohamed…
You know you a moor when your daddy is always driving the newest BMW…
You know you a moor when you too scared to go to Wembley because of the slamse…
You know you a moor when you always swapping 'th' for 'z'.. eg. NamaaZ, aZaan, Zohr, Wuzu…
You know you a moor when you have more hair on your body than the average male..
You know you a moor when you shave in the morning… then you have to shave again before you go sleep..
You know you a moor when you stay in Rylands…
You know you a moor when your daddy's on the committee of Gatesville Mosque..
You know you a moor when your dream car is a M3…
You know you a moor when go to Rondebosch Boys…
You know you a moor when you always talking about what village you come from in India…
You know you a moor when you have alota family in Durban…
You know you a moor when you use the word 'ji' more than 'yes'…
You know you a moor when you Muslim and you own a shop in Access Park…
You know you a moor when you have an Uncle A.K (Abdul Kader)…
You know you a moor when you stay in Cravenby...
You know you a moor when you have your wedding at the Convention Centre…
You know you a moor when you know all the names of the actors and actresses from Bollywood…
You know you a moor when you have an accent like you come from India… but you have actually been living in South Africa forever…
You know you a moor when your Mommy and your Dadi/Nani can make 17 different types of curry…
You know you a moor when your daddy's a doctor and now you at uct as well…. Studying medicine…
You know you a moor when any of your cars are gold…
You know you a moor when your wedding consists of more than 1 day…
You know you a moor when you have family in India…
You know you a moor when you consider going to India before going on Hajj…
You know you a moor when your mother has more spices in her cupboards than Shaiks Exotics…
You know you a moor when you own Shaiks Exotics…
You know you a moor when you have a Moulana instead of a Sheikh/Imam…
You know you a moor when you call food 'chow'…
You know you a moor when you use expressions like ' all n all' and 'right' excessively… e.g. "We gonna chow now n all n all rrrrright"
You know you a moor when your mommy wears so much jewelry, it looks as if your dad bought out Anglo-Gold…
You know you a moor when you go to Habibia when Gatesville is full, and vice versa…
You know you a moor when and if you always bragging about your cars…
You know you a moor when your taupe or pants sits above your ankles…
You know you a moor when you are a doctor or dentist older than 50, Muslim and living in Cape Town…
You know you a moor when you come first in the grade, have thick black oily hair and play no sports…
You know you a moor when your Daddy's Indian... even if your Mommy isn't…
You know you a moor when you can make money faster than a Jew…
You know you a moor when you can identify a favorable macro-economic environment but not when your son is on drugs…
You know you a moor when you go and party at Gallery on a Saturday night…
You know you a moor when you Muslim and you actually like to stay in Joburg…
You know you a moor… when you NOT Malay…
Slaamalekum…
Wathinta umfazi Wathinta umbokodo No road is too long with good company
-Turkish Proverb
South African sayings that will never die!
Category: Just for Fun - Inside Jokes
Description: 'Howzit my chinas'!
This group is for 'meisies' and 'okes' who 'smaak' those 'kiff' South African words and sayings that make the rest of the world go "what the..?"
'Iss it?' - you say?
Yes.. 'genuine!'
So, if you know how to 'down' your drinks round the 'wors' at a 'braai', then 'Yebo Gogo', this group is for you - 'fully'!
If you know what:
'meilies'
'robots'
'biltong'
'kokkies'
'shlongololos'
'naartjies'
'takkies'
'slap tjips'
'tuckshops'
'nunus'
and 'pap'
are, then 'lekker bru', this group is for you!
If you dont, then, 'hai wena' you must 'voetsak' before we 'bliksem' you.. 'Eish'
'Ag shame man', 'ek joke met jou'
If you've had a 'gatvol' of this group, then 'jis-laaik', you are not very South African 'ek se'.. 'siss man!'
Wathinta umfazi Wathinta umbokodo No road is too long with good company
-Turkish Proverb
Prayer is a free outgoing call to GOD, no network or battery problem, always good signal & all messages sent. Make prayer always and remember me in your prayer If things r happening according to ur wish, u are lucky! But if they r not, u r very lucky, Bcoz they are hapning according to God’s wish!
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, thnx for a much needed laugh.
This is 4 S.A :laugh:
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