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  1. #1
    BilalKid's Avatar
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    16 islamic jokes

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    Islamic Joke 1
    Son: "Dad, why do all prophets have the same last name?"
    Father: "Really? What is that?"
    Son: "Alayhis Salam"

    Islamic Joke 2
    A young Muslim man sees his friend drinking beer. He shouts at him and says "Brother, that's haraam!" His friend, feeling guilty, replies "I will quit one day." The young Muslim man says "Ok, if you are going to drink then atleast say Bismillah and drink with your right hand."

    Islamic Joke 3
    This is a real incident from Trinidad. Seeing the success of a halal meat grocery store owner, a neighbouring meat store owner with a different faith decides to introduce halal meat in his own store. He puts up a huge sign on his shop saying "Halal Meat, Found Here". Curious, some Muslims decide to find out how the meat was halal. When the owner was asked where he gets the halal meat from, he says that he slaughters the animal by himself. Surprised, the Muslims ask, and what do you say when you slaughter. He says, "I say 'Halal' and cut the animal."

    Islamic Joke 4
    Asmaee relates a bedouin went for Hajj and entered Makkah before the people. Holding onto the cloth of the Ka'ba, he said "O Allah! Quickly forgive me before there is a rush".

    Islamic Joke 5
    An Imam was reciting Surah Nuh in Salaah. He recited the verse that translates, We have sent Nuh to his people. He forgot what came next, so he kept reciting the same words. A frustrated bedouin from behind exclaimed, "If Nuh is not going then send someone else. Why have you put us in difficulty?"

    Islamic Joke 6
    A bedouin named Mujrim (meaning criminal/sinner) came and stood in the first row behind the Imam who was reciting Surah Mursalaat in Salah. When The Imam recited the verse "Did we not destroy the first" the bedouin went into the last row. The Imam then recited "Then we shall destroy later ones". The bedouin then moved on and joined the middle row. Finaly the Imam recited "This is how we deal with the Mijrims (sinners/criminals)". The bedouin left the Salah thinking that the Imam was after him.

    Islamic Joke 7
    A bedouin joined the Imam for Fajar Salah. He had an appointment after the prayer but the Imam decided to recite Surah Baqarah (The Cow). As a result of the length of this Surah, the bedouin was delayed and missed his appointment. The next day he arrived early and joined the Imam again, who this time began to recite Surah Feel (The Elephant). As soon as the beduoin heard the word Feel (Elephant), completely angry, the bedouin broke his Salah and left the moqsue immediately, shouting "Yesterday you read The Cow and took almost an hour to finish; today you are reciting The Elephant, you will probably finish at midnight".

    Islamic Joke 8
    A business man with 4 sons was on his death bed. His wife was next to him. He asked, "Where is Abdullah (first son)?" Crying, she said he is right next to him. Then he asked, "Where is Hanif (second son)?" She said he is right beside Abdullah. He asked "Where is Yusuf (third son)?" She said he is sitting near his legs. Then he asked "Where is Mustafa (fourth son)?" She said he is right next to her. Then angrily he said "If all of them are here then who is watching the store?"

    Islamic Joke 9
    A fool consoling a man on his brothers's death said "May Allah give you a big reward and have mercy on your brother and save him from the questions of Gog and Magog". All those present noticed his mistake and began to laugh at him and asked "Is it Gog and Magog that will question?" He replied "May Allah curse the devil, my tongue slipped. I wanted to say Harooth and Marooth".

    Islamic Joke 10
    The Ameer of the town appealed for funds to build a wall around the graveyard. Mulla Nasruddin, who was also present got up and responded: "There is absolutely no need for any wall around the graveyard!"
    When the Ameer asked why, The Mulla responded: "Because those who are inside cannot escape and those who are outside would not like to go there. Why waste money?"

    Islamic Joke 11
    During a Q&A session, the scholar was asked, "Will we get cigarettes in Jannah?"
    He replied, "Maybe, but you'd have to go to Jahannam to light it."

    Islamic Joke 12
    Whats for Dinner?
    A common conversation between a desi couple.

    Husband: Aaj khane mein kya banaogi? What will you cook tonight?
    Wife: Jo aap kaho !!! What ever you say!!!
    H: Dal chawal bana lo. Make Rice with Dal.
    W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the. We had it yesterday.
    H: Toh sabji roti bana lo. Then make some vegtables.
    W: Bacche nahi khayenge. The kids wont eat it.
    H: Toh chhole puri bana lo. Then make chickpeas with puri.
    W: Mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai. I find that too heavy to eat.
    H: Paraanthe? Paratha?
    W: Raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai?? Who eats Parathas at night??
    H: Hotel se mangwa lete hain? We'll order somthing?
    W: Roz-roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye. Its not good having take aways everyday.
    H: Kadhi chawal? Spicy Yoghurt with Rice?
    W: Dahi nahi hai. Theres no Yoghurt.
    H: Idly sambar? Traditional Gujarati dish, Idli Sambar?
    W: Usme time lagega.pehle bolna chahiye tha na!!. That will take too long, you shaould have said that earlier!!.
    H: Dal hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega. Make lentil soup, that wont take time.
    W: Woh koi meal thodi hai? Thats not a meal?
    H: Phir ab kya banaogi? So waht will you cook tonight?
    W: Wo jo aap kaho !!! What ever you say!!!

    Islamic Joke 13
    An imam was giving a lecture and mentioned the hadith that angels don't come in a house which has a dog and pictures of living things are hanging. During the question and answer session, a man asked the Shaikh if the angel of death will not come into his house if he keeps a dog inside. The shaikh replied by saying that yes, the angel that takes the life of dogs will come to take his life.

    Islamic Joke 14
    Abu Hasan relates that a man said to Hija "I heard a loud noise comming from your house."
    He replied "It was the sound of my falling shirt".
    The man exclaimed "The sound of your falling shirt was so loud?"
    He replied "When I was inside the shirt, would I not have fallen with it?"

    Islamic Joke 15
    Hija purchased a sack of flour and hired a labourer to carry it.
    The labourer ran off with the whole sack.
    On seeing the labourer after a few days, Hija hid from him. "Why are you hiding from him?" the people asked. He replied, "I fear that he may ask for his wage".

    Islamic Joke 16
    Three people were praying salat in jamath. A man walks by and without knowing they are in salah says "Assalamu Alaikum". One man in salat says "Walaikum Assalam". The second person angrily says "Wastagfirullah, you are not supposed to talk in salat". The third person praying says "Alhamdulillah, I didn't talk."
    | Likes sister herb, najimuddin, Finding Peace liked this post

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    If you can read this please remember me in your duas :P

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    Re: 16 islamic jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by BilalKid View Post
    During a Q&A session, the scholar was asked, "Will we get cigarettes in Jannah?"
    He replied, "Maybe, but you'd have to go to Jahannam to light it."
    Lol my favourite one .
    | Likes jameelash liked this post

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    Re: 16 islamic jokes

    for sharing.

    My favorite were Jokes 1, 7 and 16.

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    Re: 16 islamic jokes

    A man takes his seat at a FIFA world cup final.

    He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

    MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

    GUY: "that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

    MAN: "oh... that's terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets; couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

    GUY: "no...they are all at her funeral!"


    #FIFA Fever......Gripping..⚽


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