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  1. #1
    Array Kawlah's Avatar
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    Salam from a confused convert (OP)


    Salaam brothers and sisters


    I am a revert sister who has suffered from mental illness and has lost her iman several times through this. I went through phases of belief or disbelief according to my mental state.


    I am not sure what to do, I have said shahada multiple times in my life because I apostated and then came back. I have lost my muslim contacts in my area because I have been so unstable in my past.
    Now, my mental issues have been under control for about a two year period and I want to come back into the community. But how do I do this?

    I have said shahada today, done Ghusl and prayed salat al Duhr.


    I know there's a hadith that says that when you are insane the pen is lifted (ie the sins are not recorded) but I feel very ashamed and guilty regardless.


    So what should I do now to return to the deen? I live in the Netherlands, are there any sisters here that would want to help me knowing my history?
    3 | Likes Scimitar, Umm Malik, cinnamonrolls1 liked this post

  2. #21
    Kawlah's Avatar
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

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    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    Welcome back sister
    May Allah make things easy for you
    Salaam sis and thanks for the well wishes!

    Allah is making my situation easier by the minute.. I see very clear signs Alhamdoelilah. My mom asked me about shariah rights for women today and we talked about it for two hours, never had such an open conversation with her about and she liked it.. Maybe Allah will open a door for me and her. Jumah Mubarak

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    eesa the kiwi's Avatar
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

    Quote Originally Posted by Kawlah View Post
    Salaam sis and thanks for the well wishes!

    Allah is making my situation easier by the minute.. I see very clear signs Alhamdoelilah. My mom asked me about shariah rights for women today and we talked about it for two hours, never had such an open conversation with her about and she liked it.. Maybe Allah will open a door for me and her. Jumah Mubarak
    Wa alaikum salam rahmatulah wa barakatu lol I'm a brother

    Alhamdulilah that's good about your mum may Allah guide her through you
    3 | Likes Kawlah, Scimitar, rozyred liked this post
    Salam from a confused convert

    worship the creator not the creation


  5. #23
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

    Quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    Wa alaikum salam rahmatulah wa barakatu lol I'm a brother

    Alhamdulilah that's good about your mum may Allah guide her through you
    ameen!!!
    1 | Likes Kawlah liked this post
    Salam from a confused convert


  6. #24
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

    Salam sister
    First of all i wanted to say your story inspired me. After all this struggle you cake back to your deen do you know how incredible that it?
    As for how to improve your deen, engage with it. Read the Quran and the hadith,listen to lectures, Read about it etc. Follow motivational social media accounts. if you ever need someone to talk to, Im here, just send me a private message and il reply
    2 | Likes Scimitar, Kawlah liked this post

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    Kawlah's Avatar
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

    Salaam Ale3koem sis Cinna,

    Thanks for your encouraging words. Can use them and will take up on your offer
    1 | Likes cinnamonrolls1 liked this post
    Salam from a confused convert

    This day have I perfected for you your religion and completed my favor on you and chosen for you Islam as a religion. Qur'an, 5:3

  9. #26
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

    Quote Originally Posted by greenhill View Post
    Salam..

    We all have doubts. Even Rasulullah had doubts. While having doubts is good to keep us in check, but over contemplation of it may cause you to freeze, meaning you 'analyse until you paralyse' and that is not good.

    Know one thing.. or two things.. Allah is Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. If you crawl to Him, He Runs to you.

    I tell myself this; I cannot control my heart's desires or feelings but what I can control are my thoughts and actions. There are days when I feel lazy and my desire is to do other things but I can choose to indulge in laziness or get up and sort out what needs to be done and do not get involved with the internal debate, so to speak.

    We are commanded to pray 5 times a day, and it is hard to believe that anyone will willingly want to do it every time for his entire life. So, we either do it willingly or unwillingly (still doing it) and not not doing it.

    Ultimately, everyone is at a different place. I have no doubt with regards to Allah and the deen. My only problem is worldly matters. It is enough to distract me. When my eeman is low, it just means that I loosen my principles a bit, it does not mean that I forget Allah and the sin. Perhaps for that moment I (from the lack of comprehension) I resign myself to the consequences.. But I don't lose faith. Don't lose yours.



    Assalaamo alaykum


    Your answer is good especially when you made it clear that you don't have doubts with regard to Allah and Deen. BUT you said something about Muhammad salla Allaho alaihi wa sallam and didn't clearify along with evidence what you meant. It is not a light matter to say something about Muhammad salla Allaho alaihi wa sallam which we do not know. So please make it clear about what he salla Allaho alaihi wa sallam had doubts?
    Salam from a confused convert

    For the translation and short explanation of the surahs / verses of the Holy Quraan go to


    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAb...TcknAmy9Y5Bv1A

  10. #27
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

    Quote Originally Posted by Kawlah View Post
    Salaam brothers and sisters


    I am a revert sister who has suffered from mental illness and has lost her iman several times through this. I went through phases of belief or disbelief according to my mental state.


    I am not sure what to do, I have said shahada multiple times in my life because I apostated and then came back. I have lost my muslim contacts in my area because I have been so unstable in my past.
    Now, my mental issues have been under control for about a two year period and I want to come back into the community. But how do I do this?

    I have said shahada today, done Ghusl and prayed salat al Duhr.


    I know there's a hadith that says that when you are insane the pen is lifted (ie the sins are not recorded) but I feel very ashamed and guilty regardless.


    So what should I do now to return to the deen? I live in the Netherlands, are there any sisters here that would want to help me knowing my history?

    Assalamo alaykum


    If you became confused during your illness then Allah is the Forgiving Merciful, you know that when a person's mind stops normal working, the angels put the pen down.

    One thing important I must remind you. I have seen such cases where a father or both parents become so selfish, especially when they want to make a capable, earning and sincere daughter, an object of sacrifice for the benefits of their sons, then they practice all types of injustices, both verbal and practical. Thus the sincere daughter becomes internally wounded. At such occasions, if she comes across such hadeeth which makes father equal to God (May Allah protect us from shirk, aameen. There is no true hadeeth making a father or husband equal to God.), then Satan will attack the wounded mind and heart of the suffering daughter putting her in doubt about the Justice of Allah. So she, if ignorant from religion, will become angry about Allah's Commands.


    Here I want to tell you that Allah's Justice is very pure and impartial. Such father and mother will surely be judged. Then the daughter will be given reward and parents will not escape the Justice of Allah. Please remember that it is the justice of Allah which will admit people to Hell. When such sincere daughter comes to know from the Quraan and Sunnah that her father and/or mother are in danger of the Hell-Fire, she starts crying for them and all of her anger goes away.



    Thus when Satan turns your anger from your father to Allah, you must think and believe in the impartial justice of Allah from which even an unjust father and mother cannot find refuge.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by talibilm View Post
    Sister,


    but its the father's dua that there is no curtain behind Allah & the father .

    Assalaamo alaykum

    "No curtain between father and Allah" is a fully wrong statement. Allah spoke even to the Prophets alaihim salaam, from behind a curtain.


    If you mean that no curtain between Allah and father's du'aa, then please bring full hadeeth with evidence.

    I read that there is no curtain between Allah and the du'aa of mazloom (the oppressed one). In this thread, the cause of a daughter's loosing eemaan is the oppression from father. So the daughter is oppressed (mazloom) and the father is the oppressor up to such extent that he is attacking her eemaan. Do you think the father is given high position in Islam just blindly?
    1 | Likes Kawlah liked this post
    Salam from a confused convert

    For the translation and short explanation of the surahs / verses of the Holy Quraan go to


    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAb...TcknAmy9Y5Bv1A

  11. #28
    Kawlah's Avatar
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    Re: Salam from a confused convert

    Quote Originally Posted by OmAbdullah View Post
    Assalamo alaykum


    If you became confused during your illness then Allah is the Forgiving Merciful, you know that when a person's mind stops normal working, the angels put the pen down.
    Salaam Ale3koem,
    Thank you sister, sadly my illness will be with me for life but it makes it easier to realize that when it hits me the angels put their pen down. Insha´Allah it will leave me some day.

    Quote Originally Posted by OmAbdullah View Post
    One thing important I must remind you. I have seen such cases where a father or both parents become so selfish, especially when they want to make a capable, earning and sincere daughter, an object of sacrifice for the benefits of their sons, then they practice all types of injustices, both verbal and practical. Thus the sincere daughter becomes internally wounded. At such occasions, if she comes across such hadeeth which makes father equal to God (May Allah protect us from shirk, aameen. There is no true hadeeth making a father or husband equal to God.), then Satan will attack the wounded mind and heart of the suffering daughter putting her in doubt about the Justice of Allah. So she, if ignorant from religion, will become angry about Allah's Commands.
    That is indeed what happened to me sister, I have no brothers or sisters but my father has abused and rejected me from a young age and there are several hadith stating that those who break the bonds with their parents will go to hell etc. But allowing my father near me means that he is truly dangerous to me, and I did not break our bond. I have invited him to see me, on the term that he and I go into counselling to work on our relationship. He refuses though, and hasn´t contacted me since even though he can.

    So I guess that hadith doesn´t go for me as I do give my father the option to be in touch with me but he rejects it, but indeed it does make me doubt and worry often that I am not doing enough for him by not letting myself be abused anymore. But like you said Allah is the most just, and would be strange if Allah condoned parents who abuse their children. I guess that hadith is about people who abandon their parents without good reason.

    Quote Originally Posted by OmAbdullah View Post
    Here I want to tell you that Allah's Justice is very pure and impartial. Such father and mother will surely be judged. Then the daughter will be given reward and parents will not escape the Justice of Allah. Please remember that it is the justice of Allah which will admit people to Hell. When such sincere daughter comes to know from the Quraan and Sunnah that her father and/or mother are in danger of the Hell-Fire, she starts crying for them and all of her anger goes away.
    I pray for my father, I want him to come to me and I ask Allah to open a door for him to repetance every day. But I can´t do much more without damaging myself. It makes me sad.


    Quote Originally Posted by OmAbdullah View Post
    Thus when Satan turns your anger from your father to Allah, you must think and believe in the impartial justice of Allah from which even an unjust father and mother cannot find refuge.
    Thank you. What happens mostly is that Shaytan tries to cloud my opinion of Allah by saying if your father torments you, why can Allah send people to hell if He´s good? But when I am not weighed down by stress, I do realize that Allah will always be a neutral judge and nothing like my father.

    I truly hope my father will choose to change. His life now makes me sad, for now and the hereafter. He has not much hope if he keeps going like this

    - - - Updated - - -
    1 | Likes Scimitar liked this post
    Salam from a confused convert

    This day have I perfected for you your religion and completed my favor on you and chosen for you Islam as a religion. Qur'an, 5:3

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