issues

welcome brother
and yes, the culture is too strong for many, not to mention most people don't actually know much of their religion to begin with, it's somewhat late here, probably more replys wil be there in the morning, anyway, what you say is true for many converts.

I applaud your perseverance brother, what I'm going to say for now is keep it up, or rather don't give up, it'll get easier, joining the forum benefitted me greatly even though I was 'born' muslim.

it really takes time, but if you know the basics it should be enough, for marriage I mean, perhaps it will be much easier to look for someone who converted as you did?
then you'll help each other, and perhaps even understand what the other is going throug as well, although it isn't necessarily that, if you look hard enough you'll find a sister-regardless of race etc- who'll fit you, and you her, just keep looking, it's not an easy thing to begin with-unfortunately-, and don't let others' ignorance faze you, it is only common.

It's hard for you to get married to people that are too attached to their culture, and if they do it's sometimes because:

a) They have an inferiority complex and want beautiful mixed race children with blue or green eyes and light skin. :rolleyes:

b) Or, they're trying to run away from their family.

To those that turn you down, perhaps it's not because of them, but because of pressure from their family? Some parents threaten to disown their child if they do marry an ''ajnabi'' (foreigner), but wouldn't mind if they married someone who doesn't even bother praying their five salats every single day just as long as they're from the same culture.

It's a double standard, and sorry to say...for some people, culture comes before Islaam subhan'Allaah. You see, I've often heard that if you marry an ''ajnabi'' than your bloodline is tainted, and your lineage is not as ''nasab'' (noble).

That's the harsh reality, not every single cultured person is like that, but a lot of people that I've come across are.

If you think it's hard for a white revert, how do you think it is for a black one? They've got it even worse than you. My family, even though my extended family have no business in my personal affairs, have told me that I can never marry an African American. There are so many derogatory terms used for people from a different background.

You need to be aware of such things so that you can stay away from that inshaAllaah, keep on persevering in your deen, and searching for a wife. Make du'a, there are many many mixed marriages and they do work out alhamdulilah but cultural attachments are still there and I believe is one of the reasons why this Ummah isn't united I'm afraid.

Too many people have pride in their hearts, as if they're better than others (Muslim or not) based on their skin colour/background. And little do they know, that someone with a mustard's seed's weight of pride will not enter Jannah.

aboard akhi..
be patient with yourself and others insha'Allah things will work themselves out with time..
Islam like any science is a continuing education...

I suggest when you are sick of Muslims as happens to many of us, that you simply just take time away to reflect and stay away...

and Allah swt knows best

May Allah SWT keep you patient and remove from you all types of harm.
The society we live in causes these issues which is really really unfortunate. People these days of lost the real essence of alot of things including marriage. If only people would look back to the examples of the prophet PBUH and realise how things should be we wouldn't have the problems we do now but I guess this is the culture of humanity, we come in all different mind frames which is very challenging sometimes. Just keep patient brother, life doesn't always go our way but its always the patient that will succeed.

format_quote Originally Posted by convert

Thats the thing. I know the basics. I had to teach myself how to read Arabic and tajweed rules but I got that down after like 2 months, alhamdulillah. My issues now are in regards to fiqh and the Arabic language.

I get pulled in by certain mistranslated or spotty fataawa that I have to blindly accept because I cannot understand the language. I had one guy honestly tell me that loving Arabs and recognizing them as this noble master race was part of fitrah. He brought daleel but it was all in Arabic, so I couldn't respond.

I simply cannot teach myself a language. I tried, it doesn't work. The only Arabic I know is the juz or so of Quran I have memorized and even that is touch and go.

The thing about convert sisters is that they are the ones who don't want me because of my knowledge. They are hard set on getting an Arab guy to teach them the deen, nothing else will do.

haha soba7n Allah he said what of the Arabs..
perhaps you can quote this fellow from the Quran such verses as this

The Arabs of the desert are the worst in unbelief and Hypocrisy, and most fitted to be in ignorance of the command which Allah hath sent down to His Messenger but Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.9:97

and see what he has to say..
seriously the nerve of some people..


May Allah make this easy for you insha'Allah



btw I am Arabic, and I speak Arabic, and can tell you there is no such hadith! the only time a human is favored over another is though his goodness and piety

and Allah swt knows best

I get pulled in by certain mistranslated or spotty fataawa that I have to blindly accept because I cannot understand the language. I had one guy honestly tell me that loving Arabs and recognizing them as this noble master race was part of fitrah. He brought daleel but it was all in Arabic, so I couldn't respond.

Don't mind them brother, some arabs behave this way with all non-arabs. The arabs I saw at Dubai airport would look at me like sh*t, so don't worry about them they aint superior in any way, I'd like to see the behave that way is this country, they'd get battered.

Just take it easy, these people you've met aren't the best of muslims so don't take this as a problem with islam, its a problem with them

may God make it easier for you brother, it will get easier too, just be patient.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I think every convert I've ever met (myself included) goes through a period where they loathe the community.

Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand muslims
Frustrations of a Muslim Convert
My First Year as a Muslim


There is an unbalance re: marriage. I think husbands are expected to have knowledge of the religion, so it takes convert brothers longer to get married then convert sisters. Every brother seems to want a convert sister to mold into their perfect vision of a muslimah. Of course, oftentimes that doesn't work out so well for the sister. Heck, I think it would be better for convert sisters to hold off getting married until they learn a sufficient amount of the deen so they can make an informed choice in marital partners.

I don't know how long you've been muslim, but for right now, focus on learning your deen and inshaAllah once people in your community see that you're knowledgable, marriage will happen. I know a brother who converted while I was in college, and he went to Egypt to study arabic for a year. Afterwards, he got married. Now I'm not saying go to egypt to learn arabic, but try to find someone (in person or online) to learn from. While the muslims you encounter may be disapointing, there are lots of us out there who inshaAllah are not.

I have some educational opportunities listed on the converts page on my blog. I really should update it as more and more things are becoming available.

For something right now that may offer you a pick me up, check out Imam Suhaib Webb's (himself a convert) current FREE online class. It's really mashaAllah very beneficial.

format_quote Originally Posted by convert

At least our AA brothers and sisters have their own jamaat, ukhti. I would argue the Chinese converts have it much much worse than the white converts do however. I know a couple from the next community over and they get it from all angles.

Well what I meant was, I'm black and my family would go up in arms if I married an AA...the irony of it was what I was trying to get at.

If they have their own jamat, then maybe y'all should do the same..for reverts in general, not just culturally-based. Like a support group and such.

Akhee, remember this...marriage is not hard for only reverts, but for people in general because the shaytan constantly tries to make it seem like marriage (the halal way) is a lot harder than just dating somebody.

So be patient, after hardship there is relief inshaAllaah.

I am a white revert sister i know how hard it is brother Alhamdulillah i am married i had to self teach my self as well i only started going to the masjid last year and this is not every week. I pray at home and i know enough Arabic to pray even when i enter the masjid the sisters still look at me in a strange way and i am always left on my own why they stick to there groups. At first it hurt but then i said i am here to worship Allah swt and i and i didn't become muslim just for the friends and community although it is important i can do without everyone's ideas on how to practices Islam their way i got all the books by the top scholars and read the hadith books and learn for myself.The thing is to stay patient make du'a for Allah swt to inshaallah give you a good wife try and keep learning becouse the more you know the better it will be and after a while you should be able to quote hadith and interact with the community but it all takes time i have been a muslimah for almost 5 years now and i am still working on it

format_quote Originally Posted by convert

The Madinah books were the first thing I tried, they don't work without a teacher. I will check out those videos when I get home from work, inshaAllah they can give me a reference.

I hope it will make u feel better, now that u have found a teacher. He is good alhamdulillaah.

I prefer to make dua in a language I understand also (arabic is ruled out here).

hmmm okay. However you wish brother. But just incase u change your mind and want to say it in Arabic..

Rabb means Lord
ee = my

so Rabbee = My Lord

zidni = increase me

ilma = knowledge

Because its more special when u say it in Arabic

Please make dua for me. I am very frustrated, almost to the point of bitterness and contempt for my fellow muslims.

We can't blame you for that. If just reading your post made us feel angry, then imagine the frustration of a person actually going through it (They are ignorant brother ) May Allaah guide them and ease your situation. You are in our du'aas insha' Allaah.

format_quote Originally Posted by convert

Why?

well because if u had a friend and made an attempt to converse with them in a language that they loved and spoke in, its more special and shows how much you love them.

I'm not an Arab and I cannot speak Arabic; it means nothing to me unless I am sure of what I am saying.

Then you can say it in English bro, that's not a problem at all! Do du'aa however u feel, comfortably and willingly and do not worry or burden yourself. may Allaah help you and ease all your difficulties. (:

P.S. How are you finding the Madina Book Videos?