great post i was wondering wot does islam take on divorcing? is it harram?or is it halal?could u give me quotes from the quran also plz
Help & Support thread for New Muslims
Asalaamu Alaikum, this is a thread dedicated to new Muslims who need help and support with anything at all. Whether they need Islamic resources, need help with any Islamic questions, issues or topics, or just want to share anything at all about their reversion or have any issues post reversion like with their families etc.
Please feel free to post and we will try our best to help in anyway that we can.
great post i was wondering wot does islam take on divorcing? is it harram?or is it halal?could u give me quotes from the quran also plz
Divorce in Islam is halal but there are specifications and guidelines to be followed. For example, one cannot divorce during the wife being pregnant at which time the husband must continue to provide for her (among other things)..
There is a whole chapter in the Quran dedicated to divorce. I have pasted it below:
Surah At-Talaq (65)
O Prophet, when you [Muslims] divorce women, divorce them for [the commencement of] their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear Allah , your Lord. Do not turn them out of their [husbands'] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period] unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits [set by] Allah . And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allah will bring about after that a [different] matter.i
And when they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish the testimony for [the acceptance of] Allah . That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out
And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.
And those who no longer expect menstruation among your women - if you doubt, then their period is three months, and [also for] those who have not menstruated. And for those who are pregnant, their term is until they give birth. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him of his matter ease.
That is the command of Allah , which He has sent down to you; and whoever fears Allah - He will remove for him his misdeeds and make great for him his reward.
Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment and confer among yourselves in the acceptable way; but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman.
Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.
And how many a city was insolent toward the command of its Lord and His messengers, so We took it to severe account and punished it with a terrible punishment.
And it tasted the bad consequence of its affair, and the outcome of its affair was loss.
Allah has prepared for them a severe punishment; so fear Allah , O you of understanding who have believed. Allah has sent down to you the Qur'an.
[He sent] a Messenger [Muhammad] reciting to you the distinct verses of Allah that He may bring out those who believe and do righteous deeds from darknesses into the light. And whoever believes in Allah and does righteousness - He will admit him into gardens beneath which rivers flow to abide therein forever. Allah will have perfected for him a provision.
t is Allah who has created seven heavens and of the earth, the like of them. [His] command descends among them so you may know that Allah is over all things competent and that Allah has encompassed all things in knowledge.
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format_quote Originally Posted by marina28
Islamic law regarding divorce
Islam allows divorce if circumstances warrant or necessitate it. Islam has permitted divorce reluctantly neither liking nor recommending it. The Prophet of Islam has said,
"Among lawful things, divorce is most disliked by Allah." (narrated in the book of tradition of Abu Daud).
Islam has not made it necessary that the grounds of divorce should be publicised. It, however, does not mean that Islam views divorce lightly. In fact, publicity of grounds may not be of any positive consequence. The grounds may not be pronounced but genuine. On the other hand, the grounds may be stated and may in reality be false. Islam does not also want washing dirty linen of private affairs in public or in the court except in exceptional circumstances. It is for this reason that court comes in as a last resort in the Islamic scheme of separation of husband and wife.
The Quran states as regard grounds of divorce in very general terms,
" And if you fear that the two (i. e husband and wife) may not be able to keep the limits ordered by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she redeems herself (from the marriage tie) .." (2:229)
The general ground of divorce in the Quran, therefore, is hopeless failure of one or both parties to discharge their marital duties and to consort with each other in kindness, peace and compassion. The jurists have developed some indices, which may be accepted as grounds of divorce in case the divorce matter goes to the court. Long absence of husband without any information, long imprisonment, refusal to provide for wife, impotence etc. are some of the grounds on which wife can ask for divorce. Either party may take steps to divorce in case of chronical disease, insanity, deceptive misrepresentation during marriage contract, desertion etc.
A Muslim male is allowed three chances, that is to say, three pronouncements or acts of divorce in three different occasions provided that each divorce is pronounced during the time when the wife is in the period of parity (that is not in her menstrual time). A husband may divorce his wife once and let the Iddat (the period of waiting after divorce) pass. During the waiting period the two have the option of being reconciled. If however the waiting period passes without reconciliation, they stand fully divorced.
If after the first divorce the husband is reconciled with his wife but the hostility and conflict begins all over again, he may divorce her a second time in the same manner as stated above. In this case also he can return to her during the Iddat )(or waiting period). If however, after second reconciliation, he divorces the wife the third time, he can not take back the wife during the Iddat. She is totally prohibited for him. The lady thereafter can marry any person she likes according to her choice. (Ref : The Lawful and the prohibited in Islam by Dr. Yusuf-Al Qaradawi).
The wife can divorce her husband if this condition is stipulated in the marriage contract. This kind of divorce is called 'Delegated Divorce' (Talaq Taffiz). Marriage can also be dissolved through mutual consent. This is called Khula in the technical language of Islamic law. Marriage can also be dissolved by judicial process through the court on compliant of the wife on the grounds explained before.
One of the consequences of the divorce is the commencement of waiting period of the wife. This usually lasts three months. If there is a pregnancy, it lasts as long as pregnancy lasts. The waiting period is basically a term of probation during which reconciliation can be attempted. It is also required to establish whether the wife has conceived. It also allows time for planning the future.
Maintenance of wife during the waiting period is on husband. The wife can not be expelled from her place of residence and she can not in any way harass her. These will constitute moral as well as criminal offence.
In case of divorce, the young children remain in the custody of their divorced mother. However, the father has to provide the cost of maintenance of young children through they remain under the custody of mother. (Ref: The Family Structure in Islam by Dr. Hammudah Abdul Ati).
Islamic law of divorce is based on practical considerations. The process of separation is basically a matter of husband and wife. However, when conflict arises, attempts should be made for reconciliation. It has not made judicial process obligatory in divorce for reasons explained earlier. The intervention of court has nowhere reduced the number of divorce. Judicial process in Islam is the last resort in so far as divorce is concerned.
Islamic law on divorce if followed in true spirit will enhance the dignity of man and woman, reduce conflict and ensure justice.
Source: http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/B...ng_divorce.htm
Other topics and resources regarding divorce:
When a Woman Converts While Married to a Non-Muslim Man
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...ID=176&CATE=11
Ruling on Child Custody after Divorce
http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/ccustody1.htm
Many more divorce related topics here:
http://spa.qibla.com/browse.asp?ToDo...id=12&catId=11
If you need anymore help or advice with anything at all then please do not hesitate to ask.
Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 01-17-2012 at 07:16 PM.
omg thank you for all the information.
About divorce i will only say , the only thing that Allah dislike but halal is divorceformat_quote Originally Posted by marina28
Can you please tell us the source of this (Qur'an, hadith?)format_quote Originally Posted by Abdullahi E
check on this in shaa Allah:
Hadeeth: “The most hated thing before Allaah is divorce”
Akhi mashallah for asking that and my sis Amat Allah replied the answerformat_quote Originally Posted by Ramadhan
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:format_quote Originally Posted by Ramadhan
It is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most hated of permissible things to Allaah is divorce.” This hadeeth is not saheeh, but its meaning is sound: Allaah hates divorce, but He does not forbid it to His slaves, so as to make things easier for them. If there is a legitimate shar’i or regular reason for divorce, then it is permissible and depends on the likely outcome of keeping this woman as one's wife. If keeping her will lead to something that is contrary to sharee’ah which cannot be avoided except by divorcing her, such as if the woman is lacking in religious commitment or chastity, and the husband cannot set her straight, then in this case we say that it is better to divorce. But if there is no shar’i reason or ordinary reason, then it is better not to divorce, rather in that case divorce is makrooh. End quote.
Liqaa’aat al-baab il-Maftooh, no. 55, question no. 3
I didn't know where to post this, but it seems appropriate here. I returned to the masjid tonight for Ishaa prayer. I spoke to a brother there for an hour after, and he gave me some advice on what I can to reinvent myself. In fact, it was the same brother that I first talked to the first time I visited last year.
Other brothers asked me where I had been, so people did notice I was gone.
So much for me being able to ninja my way into the back.
Anyway, I feel a little better about things now.
Glad to hear that. I think it's nice to have a community of Muslims around you to help you with everything. Unfortunately for me I live in an area with a church on every corner and the masjid is very far away. Once I had my dad drop me off at school and then I subsequently snuck away for a project along the way and ended up at the masjid.
While I was there a group of people were getting a tour of the place because they wanted to become Muslim too. It made me smile
But I know what you mean about reinventing yourself. I gave up a lot of worldly things after I became Muslim and it's been very tough. I used to work in the music industry on the behind the scenes side of everything. I was the one that people called all the time after they had a rough night out partying with the media and industry elites and began to question what they were doing with their lives...which lead me to question what I was promoting. I remember once a 9 year old girl said that she idolized one of the artists I was helping promote and looking at that artist, she barely had any clothes on, didn't have much of an education at all and cared so much about what other people thought of her that she didn't really know who she was as a person. And the work that I was doing was telling that little 9-year-old child that that was success. That was what a real woman was supposed to be. Astaghfirullah...
I'm really glad you went back to the masjid though. It seems like it's proven to be a great source of comfort for ya. Since I can't go, I read the Quran a lot. It gets me back on track when things get tough and I start to forget why I am doing all of this. Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen.
Last edited by Aprender; 01-20-2012 at 12:35 AM.
I wish I could be there where you are just to be with ya for Allah`s sake...
May Allah ease everything for all Muslims and always Be their guider till all enter the highest level of the Paradise without any reckoning Ameeen
format_quote Originally Posted by AprenderGlad to hear that. I think it's nice to have a community of Muslims around you to help you with everything. Unfortunately for me I live in an area with a church on every corner and the masjid is very far away. Once I had my step dad drop me off at school and then I subsequently snuck away for a project along the way and ended up at the masjid.
While I was there a group of people were getting a tour of the place because they wanted to become Muslim too. It made me smile
But I know what you mean about reinventing yourself. I gave up a lot of worldly things after I became Muslim and it's been very tough. I used to work in the music industry on the behind the scenes side of everything. I was the one that people called all the time after they had a rough night out partying with the media and industry elites and began to question what they were doing with their lives...which lead me to question what I was promoting. I remember once a 9 year old girl said that she idolized one of the artists I was helping promote and looking at that artist, she barely had any clothes on, didn't have much of an education at all and cared so much about what other people thought of her that she didn't really know who she was as a person. And the work that I was doing was telling that little 9-year-old child that that was success. That was what a real woman was supposed to be. Astaghfirullah...
I'm really glad you went back to the masjid though. It seems like it's proven to be a great source of comfort for ya. Since I can't go, I read the Quran a lot. It gets me back on track when things get tough and I start to forget why I am doing all of this. Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen.
I can relate to that. I live in the deep South of the USA, known as the "Bible Belt", but should more accurately be called the "Church Belt". I can think of at least 5 churches in a 1-mile radius from my house (most of them Baptist churches at that). The masjid is a 30 minute drive across town, so I don't go every day, but will try to go once or twice a week.
Anyway, it hasn't been easy, even after I took my shahada. I jumped into Islam with both feet because it was new, and different, and I wanted to better myself. But I think that I tried to do too much too quickly, and then I became frustrated, and then angry, and then I was angry that I was angry.
I have also met with some resistance from friends and family members, and that hurt. I didn't outright tell them about my conversion, but I mentioned that I was studying Islam and reading Qur'an and that I liked a lot of things about it. Their reaction was about what you can expect from Christians who have been told a bunch of lies about Islam. I felt a little betrayed that the people I thought would support me in my efforts to better myself told me that I was wrong for choosing this path.
So I became angry about this, and I quit everything for a few months. I went back to my old habits. I still wanted to be a better man, but I thought that I could do it on my own. Of course, now I realize that I can't do it on my own. I want to like who I am, and right now, I don't. I have to learn how to love myself first. Only then can I become who I am supposed to be.
I hate having to keep things hidden from my friends and family, but I feel that it is necessary for the time being. I want to show the world that I am a better man before I tell them why and how.
Haha. I did the exact same thing! Except I took my shahada and then for a few months I was away in another state away from my family for an internship so I had more freedom to be a Muslim. At first I didn't wear hijab but then I connected with other Muslim sisters in the city and I began to test the hijab out and it wasn't so bad so I decided to stay with it. Now I feel naked if I go outside without it on.format_quote Originally Posted by Who Am I?
But then when I came back home that's when all of the trouble started. On the way back to the airport I put on my hijab. I wondered if I'd get harassed but Allah swt made it easy for me. The man who checked me in was a Muslim. The TSA agent was a Muslim woman. She just smiled at me and let me walk through. No trouble at all. The people I was sitting next to on the plane were smiling at me and complaining about the flight and their lives and a little girl even decided to play with me while we waited. I remember it was the first morning of Ramadan, still dark and I had a window seat. I was up in the clouds with a great view of the stars and I had the most amazing feeling being up there. I can't even explain the happiness and peace I felt...
But then when I landed my dad was wondering why I had the scarf on my head and then he noticed I hadn't taken it off after weeks...and he started to get upset and question why I was doing it. Funny thing is that my family aren't practicing Christians so it confused me a little bit why he was so upset about Islam. That and the fact that he's known Muslims from where he grew up and had nothing but nice to say about them. And on top of that I told both of my parents months before I converted that I was hanging out with Muslims now and I like the religion and I think I'd end up with it. But other than that, I lost my best friend because of my conversion. I lost all of the people who were only my friend because of what I could do for them (which I totally don't mind) but it does kind of feel weird to me because I am at home all the time aside from school. Can't go to the masjid when I want to. I don't get invited to any album release parties anymore. No one asks me to sample songs from their new album anymore. I miss out on trips to other countries because I'm out of that life now. It's just weird because it was all I knew for about 10 years of my life. But alhamdulillah the friends I have gained in Islam are so amazing. I never could imagine having friends like the sisters that I know now. It is indeed a blessing from Allah swt.
The difference is that even though sometimes I want to quit Islam and just stop doing it, I don't believe I could sustain myself. I think I'd actually just end up having a nervous breakdown because I was nearing that before I took my shahada. One thing that I learned about being in the music industry is that success is so very temporary. You're only awesome and amazing until someone more awesome and amazing comes along and then you're forgotten. I am already forgotten by most people in my old life. It's like I never existed. I did jump into Islam too fast. Deleted all of my music from my iPod. Stopped talking and hanging out with my male friends. I learned as many surahs as I could in Arabic then recited them in my prayer not knowing what some of them meant. So I stopped saying the other surahs, stuck to al fatihah and now I am taking my time learning the meaning of the others verses I learned so my prayer is not empty and powerless.
Since then it's been really tough and subhaanAllah I am getting seriously tested but from all of this I am still very happy. I didn't want to hide my conversion from my family because I was tired of letting other people tell me who I was going to be. I am my own woman. And I refuse to live a lie. I just wanted to be free and freedom for me is in Islam. They just were going to have to learn to deal with it and get over it.
And trust me, I do have family members who talk about me. They say I'm possessed by the devil, following that evil religion with those demons. That I'm never going to get a job. Or get married lol. In fact I've had two job offers with my hijab ON. Problem is they need to let me graduate from the university first. But I've actually had people around here chase me out of a parking lot and injure me because of my hijab, but whatever. I have Allah swt and I pray that those poor people learn the truth soon too.
Last edited by Aprender; 01-19-2012 at 06:22 PM.
Well you are braver than I am, sister. I haven't worked up to really telling anyone yet. They know that I have been studying Islam and they know that I have been reading the Qur'an and learning parts of it. But that's all that they know.
I've tried to play it off as just me wanting to improve myself, but I may as well have said I was worshipping Satan judging by their reaction. As I said, I felt a bit hurt and angry that the people who should support me suddenly starting fighting me about it. I have had several heated disagreements with some Christian friends of mine, and my parents as well. That was one reason I quit. I felt like I was letting down everyone around me, and I hated myself for it.
Then too unfortunately I have had disagreements with some brothers (both online and at masjid) about certain things pertaining to Islam. That also discouraged me for a while, and is one big reason why I walked away from it for a few months. Now I am slowly trying to make my way back, but I'm taking my time with it. I am slowly trying to implement certain rules into my life. I am slowly working my way up to praying 5 times a day and doing the prayers correctly. I am trying not to listen to those who tell me that I am doing it wrong, and that I should be doing more, etc.
This is a major, major problem. I have noticed this too and even here on IB. One of the things that seriously upset me the most was people telling me that I'm not wearing proper hijab if I don't wear a black abaya. It sucks because you expect your brothers and sisters in Islam to be more understanding as I always thought that Islam was not meant to be HARD but it seems like people here want to make it more difficult. I get disgusted when I come on here sometimes and people say, "You're wearing the wrong hijab because you're not wearing an abaya." OK. Then you give me $1,000 to buy an entirely new wardrobe and then open up an abaya shop around here so I can get some to get me through the week. And to top it off, where I live, walking around wearing all black is going to cause major problems. Imagine me walking into a bank wearing all black in America. I'll disappear. It's so easy to talk about other people but it's different when you're actually living in that situation. Life for us Muslims in America is not the same as those who have the ability of openly practicing Islam in some of the other countries where it is more accepted to be a Muslim. Instead of criticizing us, I wish they'd just make dua for us.format_quote Originally Posted by Who Am I?
It hurts me to see Muslims abroad who talk bad about those of us Muslims who live in the United States. The last time I checked this Earth that we live on belongs to Allah swt. So don't tell me that I am wrong or an enemy to Islam because I live here over some imaginary border lines. Pfft. I guess before I took my shahada I expected my family members and friends not to understand it and to disapprove of it for me. They don't know anything about it. They've been lied to. I anticipated the hurt from that. But what I did not anticipate were other brothers and sisters in Islam working hard to make me leave the deen because I wasn't doing it the way that they do where they live when they have more resources available to them to follow the Sunnah a little better. That is really what hurts me. This in and of itself is a test...
You are right to work on getting your prayer on track. That is the an important pillar of Islam because without it, then what? It's good that you are coming back to the prayer slowly and trying to do it right. I'll keep you in my dua brother.
I appreciate the dua, and will return the same whenever I can.
You are right about being a Muslim living in a Western secular society. There are special challenges that we face, especially as converts who were not born to Islam. That doesn't make us any better than born Muslims, but it doesn't make us any worse either.
I myself once believed the lies that are told about Islam, lies that are perpetuated by a mass media machine that is part of a larger conspiracy to dumb us down and force certain ideologies upon the masses. I myself used to hate Islam and Muslims. I myself was even part of a White Nationalist forum for a short time, during my period of anger and self-hatred. I bought into the lies.
Shortly after I learned the truth about Islam, I revisited that forum, and made the mistake of sharing what I had learned. As you can imagine, I was very quickly branded as a traitor to my race and to my country. I have since deactivated my account and left that forum, for obvious reasons. Not because of what I faced after I learned the truth, but because I could not justify my being there when I knew the truth. I could not be a part of the lie anymore.
Anyway, my advice to you is, don't listen to those around you who tell you that you're wrong, whether or not those people are believers. You're not living your life for anyone else anyway. You're living your life for yourself, and for Allah. This is all that you need to remember. It is all that I need to remember. It is all that anyone needs to remember. Love God, respect yourself, and respect your fellow man. The rest is just details.
There is no good in the approach of some people when instead of trying to helping, guide or advise others they attack and become harsh and criticise. Such an approach only makes another person rebel and become defensive. Rather one should try and help others by being gentle, polite and using knowledge, wisdom and tact. We should refer them to people of knowledge and involve them in the community and in activities and even social events and outings etc.
So it is unfortunate that you have come across such people but you should realise that most of us have come across such people in our lives and will continue to do so. It is a fact of life. Most of us will always come across people in our lives who will criticise, attack and put us down. It doesnt even have to be regarding religion it could be at work, school, university and especially within our own families, relatives, friends etc.
But that should never stop us from disregarding or rejecting the advice of those who do approach us in a good manner and are genuinely trying to help and guide us towards the right path. As Muslims we refer to those who know and those who know are the scholars and the learned and those with knowledge and wisdom. We should try and sit with the scholars and the learned as much as we can, as well as partake in beneficial Islamic courses and lectures etc. We should try and keep the pious as company or at least those Muslims with good morals, character and behaviour.
format_quote Originally Posted by Hamza Asadullah
So it is unfortunate that you have come across such people but you should realise that most of us have come across such people in our lives and will continue to do so. It is a fact of life. Most of us will always come across people in our lives who will criticise, attack and put us down. It doesnt even have to be regarding religion it could be at work, school, university and especially within our own families, relatives, friends etc.
I'm going to be frank and honest here, and I'm not doing it to dishonor anyone in this forum. I want you all to know that.
One reason I left for a while is because of some opposition that I faced here. I won't go into details, but it made me angry and disillusioned me, so I left. Not only did I leave the forum, but I left Islam for a little while. I fell back into old habits, because I felt that I would never be able to accomplish what I am trying to do in improving myself. So then I became "the angry white guy" that everyone saw here. I apologize to everyone here and now if anything I said back then hurt anyone else. I was hurt and didn't know how to deal with that.
So I did what I always do when I'm hurt. I ran away and hid. For a long time, I was content to let the world go on around me, without me. I figured that nobody would care. Nobody would notice if I was gone. People didn't want me here anyway, so who cares what I do? I still knew that I believed in God, and that was good enough for me.
But I finally realized that I can't hide forever. I will have to deal with these people, as you said. I can't run away from them every time I get into conflict with them. But I have to handle it the right way. I can't be the Angry White Guy anymore.
This is why I returned. This is why I am Reinventing Myself. Who Am I? remains to be seen, but at least I know more about who I don't want to be...
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