Assalamu alaikum, I reverted to Islam during my first year of university approximately two years ago. When I told my family, they were less than thrilled.
My father was accepting of my faith although he is a Christian, but after constant criticism from my family, he began practicing it in private. I quickly learned why. My mother is what one would label a "militant atheist". She actively berates me for believing in fairytales, insults my intellect, and tells me how ashamed she is for lacking the critical thinking skills that should have lead me to conclude that there is no God. My siblings are ardent atheists as well, and rather than insulting me with no basis, they simply grill me and debate me. Islam is perfect as a whole, but it is easy for an atheist to nitpick certain teachings out of context and force me to explain how it isn't unethical in the light of western culture. The problem is that I am a very shy and anxious person; I've been that way my whole life. So when they grill me, I am unable to think coherently and I end up just becoming frantic and not explaining anything well. The grilling sessions always end with me feeling humiliated and feeling like I made myself and Islam look bad because I was unable to properly defend my beliefs. There are a multitude of reasons as to why I believe Islam is the right way and Allah exists, but unless their hearts are open to listening to me and learning, rather than belittling me and proving me wrong, then they will never understand. The truth is that I don't understand the reasoning behind every commandment of Allah or teaching of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), but I have more than enough proof that the Quran is the message of God and Muhammad is his messenger, so once I accept that, I am not required to know the reasoning behind everything. Even the best Muslim scholars can't say for certain Allah's intent behind every command, but that doesn't mean they don't know in their hearts that there is a justified reason for it, regardless if it is within their scope of understanding or not.
This ended up being much longer than I intended for it to be, and I know the advice I'm asking for is rather ambiguous. I guess I just want to know if there are any other muslim reverts who found themselves in a similar situation with their friends or family, and if they have any encouraging words or advice on how to deal with such a situation.
Re: Need advice on dealing with family after reversion
Welcome to the forum.
I live with a militant atheist, so I sympathize. Only last weekend he told me that religion "makes his skin crawl".
Difficult to live in such a situation if your faith is crentral to your life and your very being.
I don't really know what to suggest.
Will you be able to move out of your family's home at any point in the future?
Keep your faith in your heart and mind and guard it.
Remind yourself that people suffer for their faith in many parts of the world. For us, it may not be our lives which are under threat, but people will attack us spiritually and try to erode our faith at ever turn.
Keep praying, trust in God and come here if you need to talk!
Re: Need advice on dealing with family after reversion
I think it sounds like you are abiding too much. As long as your mother doesn't even intend to engage you but has made up her mind that she is rational and you are not, there's nothing to talk about.
And as for your siblings, so what if it turns out that some Islamic ideas are contrary to contemporary Western culture? Western culture is not some objective gold standard of morality by which the validity of everything else is determined. Islam is neither proven true nor false nor valid nor invalid by how it matches up with contemporary Western culture, and you should not consent to let any discussion be premised on such a notion.
You do not, however, have to abide any behaviour from them that you are uncomfortable with. Tell them that you will not abide grilling or being made to dance intellectually. That if they want to debate, they have to be nice, with "nice" meaning whatever *you* insist it means. If some of them have inherited even a bit of their mother's intellectal arrogance, they will take it as a sign of them having won the debate, but that's their choice, you have no control over what they choose to take home from your exchange.
Re: Need advice on dealing with family after reversion
You should just sit down with her and ask why she wants to see the total annihilation of your beliefs.
I have an Atheist friend who reads the Qu'ran and he enjoys it because he finds it to be visually descriptive and systematized. Maybe you should try to tell this person to quit being so obstinate and to read the Qu'ran before questioning the authenticity of it.
Re: Need advice on dealing with family after reversion
Hey Walaikumasalaam
It must be really difficult. You must feel feel alone but don't worry we are here for you.
I really want to post a lecture by an inspirational sheikh but am struggling as one of my favourite website is down at the moment.
So i just have my words.
Insha Allah it will get easier. It's always hard at first. When you set a goal for yourself or when you're revising for you're exam the first few steps you take are always hard. You need the will-power and determination to see the task through.
Alhamdulilah you've taken your shahada and you have full conviction and belief Alhamdulilah. This is what will comfort and ease you and make you stronger.
Read the stories of the past to inspire you. Trust me there is many many courageous characters around. Read their stories and take as much wisdom and comfort from these characters. Compare yourself to the people of the past and not today.
Some of the sheikhs you may want to listen to are:
Anwar Al Awlaki
Sheikh Khalid Yasin
Sheikh Feiz
Boonaa Mohammed - Kill them with love - (type this on youtube please. It's not allowing me to copy and past the link as i am a new member) (funny poet)
Read the Quran. You'll find loads of wisdom and comfort by doing this as well.
In terms of dealing with family - I know it's always hard to be put under the spotlight and to be scrutinized in every way possible. Listen to the issues and concerns your family have. Take some time away from them and if it helps write down some feedback and think about your answers away from the situation. You can then address their issues later with much thought and research. It's not a battle between ego's and pride. It's not about giving them witty answers to shut them up but try and make them think.
Remember we are all alone in our grave. We will not be taking our mums, dads, sisters, brothers, friends, relatives, teddy bear etc to our graves. Just our good and bad deeds. Our good deeds are our close friends. If you think like this you will succeed and also of course, study the life of Prophet Muhammad PBUH. What better example do we have than our beloved Prophet. Our Prophet SAW went through everything. People ridiculed him, embarrassed him, his own uncle tried to plot against him (tried to kill him), His (saw) own mother and father died at a young age, then His (saw) grandfather who looked after Him (saw) throughout His (saw) teenage years, etc.
Reflect upon the live of the prophet s.a.w and it will surely bring you to tears. Our problems and trouble is nothing compared to what our predecessors went through.
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Need advice on dealing with family after reversion
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