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Should I just settle?

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    Should I just settle?

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    I have never been very marriage minded, as such have let go of many offers along the way and never looked back. There are also several things in my past which have deterred me really, one being that the man I loved and hoped to marry died some five years ago. Since in fact my life has been taking a dive for the worse. I have concentrated all my efforts on my work and that really hasn't paid off.
    I have so much anger and resentment in me but try to suppress it, I suspect since Allah knows what is in our hearts, to be the reason behind why my du'a isn't granted. During my early nubile years I considered myself quite the catch, and to be quite honest no one that proposed I had deemed worthy. I felt in my heart that they had proposed for the wrong reasons. It is a woman's instincts. If I'd known good in them, true religiosity I might have considered it although it would have meant a change to my lifestyle since I was raised a certain way and my inclinations and beliefs were always at odds with those that choose one or the other, I have learned to espouse them beautifully. I believed that they wanted to marry either for looks, or good breeding, or higher education, all which I was blessed with as appeared on the surface, though the back story was quite different. I was plagued with a disease for many years that was very difficult for me to rid of. And I was struggling in every which way.

    Where ever I went there was a man who wanted to marry me, but I had no desire to marry. Because I always knew there would be some man when I was ready. Some of them were very affluent but there was always something missing. Always something that I deemed essential. I don't know what it is, I suspect it had to do with my first love, but regardless my heart was never in it.

    I have been praying for God to free me from the bondage that so has me chained. And yesterday I received another proposal (though that wasn't at all the essence of my du'a), I don't know anything about him, other than he is a pharmacist, I still have a better education than him and wonder if he can sustain my lifestyle which even though I construe as minimalistic, its minimalism is deceptively so. I can't deal with weddings and families, holidays, visits, or cooking, believe me I wouldn't make a man a good wife the state of mind I am in, however, I have a painful desire to have children before it is too late I was thinking and this is so dishonest that I'd marry him just to have children and then divorce him. Please don't hate me for sharing my thoughts. As it is honestly driven at the moment by instinct. I feel that if I don't have a child now my chances will be smaller with each passing year and I think there are so few years now for a viable pregnancy. I can't do the life long thing, and I am so embittered by the events in my life. I can't deal with a husband. I don't want this sharing back and forth, cooking for him, doing his laundry, I can't humanize a man to the level of a husband at the moment, I don't know that this fellow is into these things but I mean I suppose they are expected from a wife including sleeping with him and I have no desire for that either.

    Please advise me, should I wait a couple more years in hopes these difficulties dissipate, and see what other parking spot I can settle into? Should I see this guy and not tell him my intentions, or feelings, which I am pretty sure can be felt, I mean no one is that dense. Should I simply sponsor a child when things in my life are better (God knows if that day will ever come) and satisfy this maternal desire without having it be a genetic child?

    I am comfortable in my state and I think given the level of misery I have experienced of late it wouldn't be fair to both bring a person into it, be dishonest about my intention. I mean everyone deserves someone who loves them dearly. But I have no love left in me, I just have the desire to be a mother..

    Should I just settle?

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    'Abd-al Latif's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    How do you intend to move in if you're so closed up?

    You want people to see you for who you are inside, for the right reasons and not for your looks yet you judge a book by its cover, treating others how you don't want to be treated by others yourself?

    You will never truly know a person until you are married to them, if you truly want someone to accept you for religious reasons; change yourself from the inside first. Open up to others and don't let what wasn't meant to be hold you back from working towards a bright future. The decree of Allah is always good and He may have planned for someone better for you, one who can give you a greater success in life and a deeper and more meaningful love life. If you want children before it's too late and supplications to be answered then clear the doubts in your heart. For everything in this world you will find a replacement, even lost love. But if you lose Allah you will never find anything to replace him.

    Let go of what wasn't meant to be and be hopeful of Allah, be content with Allah and hope for something far greater from Him.
    Should I just settle?

    And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.”
    [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]


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    Re: Should I just settle?



    Marriage is not a cure for pain although it is a preventive for many pains. It is far better to consider marriage after the existing pains have been reduced, while the desire to have children is a good intent, it is best to be held off until such time as an honest and fair marriage can be entered into. It is rare for an unhappy wife to become a happy mother.

    As painful as it is, seek first a solution to the pain and then seek a suitable husband to be the father of your children.

    Although the biological clock is ticking, there is no need to fear that the last chance for motherhood is imminent. The age of the husband is often as essential as the age of the mother if there is to be healthy children. Often if a woman is approaching the age of 40 it is best for her to seek a younger husband. This alone can add several years to the optimal age for the woman to become a mother.

    Perhaps you are one of these rare women who has much to offer a younger husband? It just may be that the man best suited for your emotional and other needs is one who is 5 or 6 years younger than you?
    Should I just settle?

    Herman 1 - Should I just settle?

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    Ummu Sufyaan's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    i don't have the time right now, but inshaAllah i will give you my input later.

    i think it is an issue much more than what appears on the surface. there's something more stronger that you maybe not realizing that is making you feel like this and the things that do appear on the surface (like how you said they want to marry you for your eduction, etc) are just ways you are exhibiting these stronger feelings....the fears are there, but what ever it is that is "lurking" is blowing them out of proportion.
    Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 10-04-2010 at 04:54 AM.
    Should I just settle?

    ...desperate for husnul-khitaam...


    please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.

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    Re: Should I just settle?

    Assalamu alaykum dear Sister,

    I can relate to what you're saying, albeit my need was slightly different to yours. Mine was loneliness. Going back a few years, I'd sometimes feel terribly lonely and wished I had someone to talk to, and be able to share things you can't with anyone else. Yet at the same time, I no longer felt, or even wanted be a full time housewife. I'd only feel that lonely once in a blue moon, and I realized it wasn't worth the hassle of being a full time housewife. My life was mostly filled with my own plans and projects. I didn't want anyone to hinder me, or take away my time to do the things I wanted. It was then I realized that a polygamous marriage would be the ideal situation to be in. Although my desire to do even that soon waned al hamdulillah.

    Could polygamy be an option for you? If you are honest from the onset, and state that the main reason you seek marriage is to fulfil your desire to be a mother, then I don't think there is anything wrong with that. People marry for all sorts of reasons. To save themselves from zina.To have offspring where the first wife is barren, for an heir for their wealth, and in general to procreate, which is one of the main reasons of marrying.

    You know yourself better than anyone else, and if you honestly feel that you can't cope with a husband, then this could be the best solution for you. In time you will also find comfort in his presence and the marital bond will deepen, but it will be a marriage you're comfortable with. Not one you've been forced in to by your desire to be a mother. You will get lots of different advice. But you must do what feels right to you. There is a reason why our gut instinct tells us to go with something, even when that reason is not very clear.


    Also make istikhara for whatever you decide to do. May Allah bless you with ease, happiness and success on both worlds. Ameen

















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    Last edited by Snowflake; 10-08-2010 at 10:45 PM.
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    Ummu Sufyaan's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Should I just settle?


    don't suppress your natural instincts. dont go that path otherwise it will hurt you in the long run. No, not in the sense that you can bear physically (god forbid), but emotionally its not a good idea. How are you going to feel when you see a mother holding her child? is that going to make you feel good. Humans beings have instincts which allah has placed and are impossible to remove. i suppose one of these natural instincts is parenthood and the need to look after and nurture a child-well for women anyway...it may also be important for women to be mothers to know that we are loved and know that we are dependent on -hell, no-one else seems to care about us.

    having said that though, there is no need to throw all your expectations and preferences in a husband out of the window. indeed do keep them becuase what you want in husband is what you want in a husband and It isn’t really advisable disregard that...it maybe necessary to add and subtract here and there, but dont let go of them completely... in fact you will probably find that these preferences are exactly what helps you to get along with your husband.

    in essence when someone proposes to you, all they are saying is "hey, i accept you the way you are." minus a few compromises here and there, that person should understand you and understand that marriage isnt about them solely ...in other words, it is important you reap the benefits of your marriage and you enjoy your marriage as well. dont listen to people who think you are too fussy for having the standards you do for whatever reason you do... at the end of the day you are part of the marriage aswell....having said that, it is important to be realistic.

    when it comes to speaking to a potential, how about just tell him straight up and honestly how you feel. Not the real personal details, but perhaps what has caused you to feel like this. Even though it may not be what he wants to hear, just letting someone know how you feel will help develop some degree of understanding and sympathy. And another thing, subhanallah You never know...you could meet someone who is exactly liek you in respect that they dont want marriage expect for children either. You really don't know, you could just marry someone exactly the same as you. (just had to emphasise that)

    Some other things that come to mind:
    -knowing the person you are marrying. No need to be navie. Ask as many questions as you want and don't leave any stone unturned. Interrogate him, da.m it. You are living with him at he end of the day...you are the only one who has to put up with him you have every right to feel comfortable with/about him.

    -Setting conditions. Anything you feel is relevant, put in your conditions of marriage. Make sure he understands where you are coming from.

    -How about considering a a divorcee or a widow-someone who has sort of gone through what you have gone through. Sometimes considering marrying someone from a different culture might do the trick aswell... people from other cultures have different views and look at things so differently from the way you may look at things...so whatever you maybe worried about, it might not bother them as they were raised differently and have different standards.


    I think its important to ask whether you actually want your feeling about marriage to change or are you happy with the way they are?

    it is true that you may your need for marriage to solely have a child is legitimate...this is why you should 1) again sit and have a good honest chat with your potential. he may have different views of marriage and may not understand where you are coming from. talk to him and explain the reasons why. Again, you dont have to say anything too personal too soon, but if there is that level of comfortablility, just let it out.
    dont “deceive” him even if you dont intend, becuase he maybe looking at things differently.

    in all honesty you have no idea who you will meet. for all you know, the brother can be you reflection, who shares almost the same exact views of you. im not sure myself, but i dont see why that cant happen.
    you never know, your husband maybe the better chef who loves to cook.

    your first love, do you still have some sort of attachment to him? if yes, this could be affecting you in the respect of marriage in 3 ways
    1) By marrying someone else, you may feel as if you are betraying him.

    2) your time with him was so cherished that you dont want to let go of it or have someone 'compete' with it.

    3) you are fearful of getting married because it may entail giving him completely up and letting go of him.
    Maybe my idea of love only exists on cloud nine and thus doesn’t really conform to life here on planet earth, but is it not possible yo be in love with someone and be married to someone else? Is that a bad thing? I mean death is a legitimate reason not to get over someone and Sometimes what separates 2 people is death other times they are forced to separate through divorce. Force is one of those things that doesn’t really allow us to heal when we are ready and so its not always going to be easy to move on from someone/something. Is it then such a big deal that you still have some kind of attachment to one you weren’t ready to let go of?

    Please forgive me if i said anything out of line. May allah grant you an awesome husband and beautiful and pious children as well, who will be the apples of your eyes.
    Should I just settle?

    ...desperate for husnul-khitaam...


    please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.

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    Re: Should I just settle?

    ^ Shizzle where do you get this information from......you need to write a book.. a big one!

    Masha'Allah

    To the OP.....My advice is a short one because im not a psychologist and nor do i know anything about emotions, In islam sometimes you have to come out of your comfort zone....in order to boost your chance of making it to heaven

    It's simple as that
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    ps..i know who this is
    Last edited by Cabdullahi; 10-12-2010 at 02:05 PM.
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post


    I have never been very marriage minded, as such have let go of many offers along the way and never looked back. There are also several things in my past which have deterred me really, one being that the man I loved and hoped to marry died some five years ago. Since in fact my life has been taking a dive for the worse. I have concentrated all my efforts on my work and that really hasn't paid off.

    read Surah al-Kahf. maybe you loved this man TOO MUCH? but don't lose faith in Allah, perhaps this man might be yours in Jannah!

    I have so much anger and resentment in me but try to suppress it, I suspect since Allah knows what is in our hearts, to be the reason behind why my du'a isn't granted. During my early nubile years I considered myself quite the catch,

    didn't we all!

    and to be quite honest no one that proposed I had deemed worthy. I felt in my heart that they had proposed for the wrong reasons. It is a woman's instincts. If I'd known good in them, true religiosity I might have considered it although it would have meant a change to my lifestyle since I was raised a certain way and my inclinations and beliefs were always at odds with those that choose one or the other, I have learned to espouse them beautifully. I believed that they wanted to marry either for looks, or good breeding, or higher education, all which I was blessed with as appeared on the surface, though the back story was quite different. I was plagued with a disease for many years that was very difficult for me to rid of. And I was struggling in every which way.

    Where ever I went there was a man who wanted to marry me, but I had no desire to marry. Because I always knew there would be some man when I was ready. Some of them were very affluent but there was always something missing. Always something that I deemed essential. I don't know what it is, I suspect it had to do with my first love, but regardless my heart was never in it.

    I have been praying for God to free me from the bondage that so has me chained. And yesterday I received another proposal (though that wasn't at all the essence of my du'a), I don't know anything about him, other than he is a pharmacist, I still have a better education than him and wonder if he can sustain my lifestyle which even though I construe as minimalistic, its minimalism is deceptively so. I can't deal with weddings and families, holidays, visits, or cooking, believe me I wouldn't make a man a good wife the state of mind I am in, however, I have a painful desire to have children before it is too late I was thinking and this is so dishonest that I'd marry him just to have children and then divorce him. Please don't hate me for sharing my thoughts. As it is honestly driven at the moment by instinct. I feel that if I don't have a child now my chances will be smaller with each passing year and I think there are so few years now for a viable pregnancy. I can't do the life long thing, and I am so embittered by the events in my life. I can't deal with a husband. I don't want this sharing back and forth, cooking for him, doing his laundry, I can't humanize a man to the level of a husband at the moment, I don't know that this fellow is into these things but I mean I suppose they are expected from a wife including sleeping with him and I have no desire for that either.

    Please advise me, should I wait a couple more years in hopes these difficulties dissipate, and see what other parking spot I can settle into? Should I see this guy and not tell him my intentions, or feelings, which I am pretty sure can be felt, I mean no one is that dense. Should I simply sponsor a child when things in my life are better (God knows if that day will ever come) and satisfy this maternal desire without having it be a genetic child?

    I am comfortable in my state and I think given the level of misery I have experienced of late it wouldn't be fair to both bring a person into it, be dishonest about my intention. I mean everyone deserves someone who loves them dearly. But I have no love left in me, I just have the desire to be a mother..



    my apologies for responding to this at all, but i see things differently than others. i don't think that EVERYONE should "fall in love" before they get married, besides, you were there already.

    I still have a better education than him and wonder if he can sustain my lifestyle which even though I construe as minimalistic, its minimalism is deceptively so. I can't deal with weddings and families, holidays, visits, or cooking, believe me I wouldn't make a man a good wife
    have you considered being a second wife? [you could give up the nights that you wanted to the other wife]

    as a 2nd wife, you could ask to be able to work as you please and mostly support yourself, but then you could let your husband know how lost you are with your feelings and request time and space to deal with them.

    OR

    seek someone that has "need" of a wife, but without all the emotional "gook" that goes with it. someone who is into dawah or the din and merely needs a companion. heck, if your education is so good, have him get 2nd wife for all the "wifey" crap. you work, other wife stays home. if you "have a headache," just tell him to go be with her.

    i don't see how an intelligent, strong willed woman can "give up her life" for someone else in some cases. MAYBE, you are not meant to!

    maybe there's a well to-do-Alim out there who is only in your part of the world for part of the year. Allah knows best!

    try thinking "outside the box" a bit.

    and don't lose faith in Allah!

    and this reply will self destruct in 5.4.3.2.....


    Should I just settle?

    Had the non-believer known of all the Mercy which is in the Hands of Allah, he would not lose hope of entering Paradise, and had the believer known of all the punishment which is present with Allah, he would not consider himself safe from the Hell-Fire
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor View Post
    have you considered being a second wife? [you could give up the nights that you wanted to the other wife]

    I have already said no to the fellow. Outside of that I couldn't see myself as a second wife or first in series simply because I dislike the melodrama that comes with women and women are melodramatic cunning creatures. When you exchange guile for brains or remain with those basic instinctual traits it makes for an impossible formula for all involved. Take my sister in law for instance, I am not even a second wife to my brother yet the weekly episode had me putting a lock on my room. If I talk to her she is a bag full of venom if I don't talk to her she is a bag full of venom and God knows life is difficult enough without being peppered by malice and spite. I have a particular goal in this formula and we all know the more variables you add the more complicated it gets, I am into simplifying for the sake of sanity in this case being my own which I value tremendously given whatever else I have going on, on the side.

    I have nothing against polygamy, I understand it works for many, but I am a solo act or like the brooding, thoughtful poetry writing types (as far and in between out there or perhaps nil but under false pretenses) I am an all or none type person. And I think perhaps Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎ has decreed something for me right now which I simply must accept.

    Thank you though, I deeply appreciate the time and thought that went into this.
    Should I just settle?

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    Re: Should I just settle?

    Have you considered seeing a councelor, someone who might dig up whatever it is that's affecting you and making you this way? Sometimes the reason unconscious that we aren't even aware of and as long as you don't it, you can't fix it, so really the first step is to see a councelor. Tell them all your feelings and your past without hiding anything and i hope that they will be able to help you.

    Once you've overcome whatever it is, insha-Allah you'll be like a new person and then you can consider marriage. I don't think you should think about motherhood in your current state of mind. You wrote you had no love left in you, then how can you expect to love a child, who'll need a lot of love, attention, care and patience 24/7. and it would be unfair to a child if you bring them into this world just to satify your need to become a mother and then are unable to provide their needs. So put of the idea of having children until you have solved your inner issues. May Allah help you and be with you. Ameen.
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    i remember there is an ayat in the quran where it says if you truly fear Allah swt he will find a way out of every difficulty for you. A proper muslim man would be pulling his load and more in marriage its not just an effort frm u. and cmon, its not like were animals that u need to "humanize" us.

    I wonder if this question would even be posed if you hadnt had the "success" youve had in your life. and all people have their share of problems, we just tend to think ours r greater than others, but in reality Allah swt knows exactly how and when to trial us.

    it may be you need to turn back to basics. if you dont desire the dunya, yet you truly desire the Akhira then it should be your first and primary motivation. im sure you know marriage is a huge part of deen. indeed if you can bear being married then just think of the Ajar! i remember the first to enter jannah will have shining faces like the moon subhanallah. this may b a tremendous oppurtunity you let pass
    Should I just settle?

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    Re: Should I just settle?

    format_quote Originally Posted by YusufNoor View Post
    read Surah al-Kahf. maybe you loved this man TOO MUCH? but don't lose faith in Allah, perhaps this man might be yours in Jannah!
    I forgot to reply to this yesterday except to say only Allah سبحانه وتعالى‎ knows where he ended up. And let's leave it at that, as much as I cared for him neither of us was religious and in a way that was a very painful wake up call!


    format_quote Originally Posted by tango92 View Post
    i remember there is an ayat in the quran where it says if you truly fear Allah swt he will find a way out of every difficulty for you.
    very true, :(وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجاً{2} وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ)سورة الطلاق


    A proper muslim man would be pulling his load and more in marriage its not just an effort frm u. and cmon, its not like were animals that u need to "humanize" us.
    I never said men were animals astghfor Allah. They are delightful creatures I actually really love men and I think they are a wonderful creation but loving a husband is different. I am not making a generalizing I am speaking of a personal situation.
    I wonder if this question would even be posed if you hadnt had the "success" youve had in your life. and all people have their share of problems, we just tend to think ours r greater than others, but in reality Allah swt knows exactly how and when to trial us.
    Perhaps that is true? I tend to measure it by years invested and a love for the investment. Would losing a child in your opinion equal to being fired from burger king? Everything can impact us negatively but somethings are more weighty than others and when taken away even as a trial for the individual, one can't help but wonder why? it open the door for Satan to get in and can gnaw away at your soul. Look how far I have come to end up with absolutely nothing. I couldn't make another person understand that. It is a personal experience. Like someone who suffers anxiety disorder and being told to take a deep breath, lighten up go out there be with your friends. Well that individual would love to make it as simple as that but it isn't not that simple.
    it may be you need to turn back to basics. if you dont desire the dunya, yet you truly desire the Akhira then it should be your first and primary motivation.
    I have been giving that much thought and it is sobering. I believe many Muslims have attained that and really forgo of this world for the sake of the hereafter. I'd love to be there too. Insha Allah I'll make hajj next year and I think that might make me feel better. Everyone has told me that umra or hajj would do my soul good the way I have been going for years like this with no hope on the horizon.
    im sure you know marriage is a huge part of deen. indeed if you can bear being married then just think of the Ajar! i remember the first to enter jannah will have shining faces like the moon subhanallah. this may b a tremendous oppurtunity you let pass
    I wish that fellow well insha Allah. I am sure he'll find someone worthy of him!

    Jazaka Allah khyran.

    Should I just settle?

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    Asiyah3's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Should I just settle?



    Please forgive me for this pointless post, but in my humble opinion if you want children you should....... I'm not married and neither experienced or knowledgeable with these stuff but won't you re-consider. Polygamy may be one option. This way you could get the kids, live your life and let the guy move on (at the same time be a father to them). If living with the other woman is annoying, isn't it possible to make an agreement with the man before marriage that he'd live in another house...

    I wish you the best. May Allah grant you the best.
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    Think 5 or 10 years down the road...you wake up amidst your children, 2, 3 or more and a home with some life, some future, some aspirations and goals. Or, maybe you wake up on your own regretting any opportunity you had to creating a reason to wake up. I don’t want to influence you with my own current state of mind or desires but I can relate.

    Maybe humans, no matter how well educated or advanced we are in our lives, or careers or whatever else we may judge success by, maybe we all have the same basic needs. Maybe there is someone out there who will understand you have a need and accepts you, if you give them a chance. Maybe, they have a need you can fulfil without feeling compelled by anything. Relationships with people are complicated webs, I don’t think we fully understand our roles with each other, no matter how much we try to define them. We tend to seek what we need from the people that we can, subconsciously.

    I think, you consciously know what it is that you want and seek the simplest route with the least people involved to get it. Maybe that isn’t the best way to get what you desire, maybe you have to go through these final episodes of distress and whatever else is involved in finding a suitable partner who will ultimately be the father of the children you desire. Sometimes, letting go of everything that you feel is holding you back will help you find what is it you really need, then tawakkal and leave the rest to God.

    Should I just settle?

    ....If thou knowest not thy God, thou art a slave of men;
    And if thou dost, thy slaves are kings and potentates.
    The heart’s freedom is kingly; its slavery is death,
    It is for thee to decide — to be a king or a slave.
    [Baal-e-Jibreel, Allama Iqbal 1935]
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Runaway View Post
    Polygamy may be one option.

    I understand it is an option for some. It is however not an option for me. Fostering a child is a better option for some than polygamy, and I may indeed seek that route after giving it some thought as it is less deceitful to everyone involved. I don't want to view a man as a sperm donor any more than I an incubator. I don't think those are the right reasons for marriage at all or the right reasons for polygamy even an allowance as it is.

    Should I just settle?

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  20. #16
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous View Post
    I understand it is an option for some. It is however not an option for me. Fostering a child is a better option for some than polygamy, and I may indeed seek that route after giving it some thought as it is less deceitful to everyone involved. I don't want to view a man as a sperm donor any more than I an incubator. I don't think those are the right reasons for marriage at all or the right reasons for polygamy even an allowance as it is.

    But for that don't you need to feed him/her at a young age - in order for you to be their mother (islamically)? Seems a bit complicated

    Sis why not just get married, do it for the sake of Allah and maybe He will make being a wife bearable for you? You've never been married before, you can't say for certain all your impressions of married life are 100% true. You say you have no more 'love' left in you for a husband, how can you say that for certain? maybe marriage will bring out alot of positives in you.

    If you want children the best way is through marriage not adoption. Those children will need a father and no matter how much of a macho man independent woman you think you are - you will never be able to fulfil that role. Best thing is to settle down into family life and give up the 'one man army' solo attitude, you can't isolate yourself your whole life. What will you do once your kids have married and all moved out? you'll be on your own. Trust me, my mum has tried this all and now regrets not getting remarried earlier.
    Last edited by aadil77; 11-18-2010 at 08:22 PM.
    Should I just settle?

    33 43 1 - Should I just settle?
    He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}]
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    Re: Should I just settle?

    You went through so much n u are carrying around the pain, May Allah bless your heart, n teach u to love again ameen. I think u should learn to let go n see life with fresh eyes (It wont b easy, but dont give up), forget how educated u are or how not so highly educated the person u meet is. Theres more to life...

    It's sad that u paint such a negative pic of marriage. In Islam a wife is rewarded for every good thing she does for her husband, what's wrong wit cooking for ur husband? Wont he love u n appreciate it? Marriage is about partnership, companionship, Love & mercy, not some prison where the wifes the maid serving the husband meals n only does his laundry!

    U seem to be a lil bit scared of being hurt, so u think u can overcome that fear by thinking 'it wont work' so theres no point trying. But the truth is u don't fully live life without taking a few risks, cause even if u fail u learn something that u would have never learned other'wise.

    May Allah open ur heart, May Allah bless u with a husband who has the character of rasululah (saw), who will make u smile, n grant u righteous offspring ameeen.
    Should I just settle?


    Learn Patience from Asiyah, Loyalty from Khadijah, Sincerity from Aisha and Steadfastness from Fatima.

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    Re: Should I just settle?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Yanoorah View Post
    May Allah bless u with a husband who has the character of rasululah (saw), who will make u smile, n grant u righteous offspring ameeen.

    Bless you sweet girl!

    and thank you all, very humbling posts in here.

    Jazakoum Allah khyran
    Should I just settle?

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