Motherhood! I often find myself wondering if what I’m doing is correct. Did I execute my punishment in the correct manner? Did I make myself clear etc. It has taken a toll on me. Raising kids ranging from 23 to 13 years old. How does any sane person get through a normal day?
Screaming nonstop ‘’don’t do that’’ ‘’leave him alone he doesn’t like it’’ why are you teasing her’’. These daily occurances can be very rewarding, but it can also drain the life out of you.
Often I was asked ‘’how do you manage with five kids?’’ Usually my answer was simply “with patience’’.
Growing up with my kids was insanely awesome. I got to teach young beings the principles of life. The reason they were born etc. I have stumbled along the way, I have erred many times. I often felt guilty when they were much younger when I reprimanded them.
I sit and reminisce about my childhood and all the things I might have done to my parents, what type of child was i to them, did I cause my parents untold stress? The old adage “you will only know what its like to be a parent once you have a kid’’ is that an actual old adage? All I know is that I sometimes feel as if I can pack my bags and just ‘’run away’’ for a few days. Alone on some tropical island away from parenting or lack thereof. Then I find myself thinking ‘’how will you manage alone without them?’’ this is why you became a parent. This is why you were honored with motherhood’’. You can never just switch off from being a parent. It’s not like selling a company and all responsibility falls on someone else. You can’t divorce yourself from your kids. Although I’m sure many of us feel that we want too.
Sitting in a car whilst they were younger became such a challenge, a simple afternoon drive became laborious. ‘’mommy he is touching me’’, ‘’mommy her hair is touching mine’’, ‘’mommy its my turn to sit at the window’’, mommy she is sitting with her legs open, there is no space for me’’. I fixed that, I bought a bigger car and still they found a reason to complain. Challenging? I dare say it did seem to me at the time quite challenging.
My non-existant patience was running out. I was like a constant ‘hitler mom’. Go to your room. Time out. Don’t talk.
Today I sit and I can say with much more confidence and conviction that I have totally started embracing motherhood with all its trials and quirks. Its more a reward, not just a challenge. Its more an honor that I fully embrace, God chose me to be a mother to these people.
Their childhood was a breeze. They embraced me with warmth, they trusted me with an untold trust. They heard me. They would come to me randomly and speak of their love for me. Mother’s day cards was made with a pure love. Drawings of the family was made with pure love. Keeping them safe from harm was easy. Don’t chat to strangers, wasn’t something they questioned. Don’t put your hand on the fire, you will burn wasn’t something that was challenged. And then they grew up!!! They transitioned from little persons to teenage monsters (I use the term monster generously, not as an insult to monsters lol) TEENSTERS!!!! Every minute thing became a challenge.
The Challenges Cell phones, media, social networks was my nightmare. A new demon. One that I would have a constant battle with. How could I have put my parents through this kind of stress? How? We never had these vices when I was growing up. Our parents worry was, strangers chatting to us. Going to a car and giving directions to someone. They worried about us playing outside in the hot sun, hopscotch, 5 stones, on on, Today we as parents are confronted by virtual strangers, psychos, paedophiles. People that prowl the net for innocent young people and lure them into untold crazy things. Those who promises them love. Telling them their families don’t love them, so they go out in search of ‘love’. This demon has entered my home. When does parents draw a line? How do we propose to protect our loved ones when we welcome demons into our homes?
How do I protect my 20 odd year old from facebook, Instagram, twitter etc. The vile garbage that one is confronted with has become a clear path between good and evil. How do I protect them from whatsapp bbm etc? The quick click of a button produces a quick link to pornographic garbage, naked women, clothed women, yet naked, naked men, both sexes exposing themselves with little or no shame. How does my constant lectures combat this evil. Yes I know some would say there is some good having a cellphone and that the good far outweighs the bad, I would agree, certainly. A quick call to find out where your child is at any given time is a good thing, right? But how do we control what they see, how do we control what they are exposed to, this has become my nightmare, constant war with the devil. How can kids seeing open lewdness be a good thing? How can kids reading about parents managing daughters in the porn industry be a good thing? When society by enlarge has lost all self-respect and morals. Kids are funny beings. They start imitating what they see. No! It doesn’t always depend entirely on their upbringing, no it doesn’t mean that as mothers they will end up imitating us. Peer pressure and the garbage they have been fed has most certainly played a role. Tell me mothers, I would like to see the logic in this. We are faced with a clothed yet naked woman and society will deem her ‘sexy, gorgeous, hot etc’. We would sit and admire her hair, her body, her ass and then we would further go to an extent of imitating her. Cleavage exposed, tight clothing etc. Now I ask, when we see a mother breast-feeding her child in a mall or at any social gathering we gasp in total shock, some of us even commenting ‘how dare she, does she have no shame’. This mother, completely covered, nothing immoral about her act, being a GOD given right to ween her young, we find a problem with? Has our morals become so twisted? Have we completely lost the plot for our young women to walk around exposing themselves. What happened to the morals of only our husbands will lay eyes on our beauty? Why have we sold our souls? Why have we taken to ‘trend’ Are we really sheep? Do we really follow blindly? What kind of mothers are we producing? Have we really become people obsessed with outward beauty? What happened to inward beauty? What happened to character? How can any mother dare say ‘he/she carries their own sin.’ Why do we as parents allow our daughters to expose themselves. Why do we as mothers just become complacent and use the age old adage ‘remember when we were young, we use to do that aswell’ Why cant it be after we have learnt the truth, we now need to teach our future proper morals, so as not to break down society further.
My kids are all writing exams. This time of the year, i'm on edge (how nerve-wrecking exam times are for me). ''Did you study?'' Almost in unison the reply is unanimous and in the affirm. No! that does not appease me, so i make doubly sure everyone is transfixed, (i have often been hailed, Hitler mom) of late, i laugh it off and shrug ''good" atleast i know they will study with little protest. Why do kids often bring out the worse in parents? Why do we have to shout at the top of our lungs, do we really? Its more like our core is being revved up into over-drive!!! Do you ever feel that vein in your brain is about to pop?...EXAM is stressful...
Did you make salaah? take wudhu properly, these are my daily reminders, yes to them i do sound like a ''stuck record'' i don't care, i was not honored as your mother to treat you as a friend! ''Yes mommy we know'' I'm reminded that kids often follow what their peers are doing, they often follow what their favourite actor/actress are doing and they imitate them, so i have to rope them in daily and remind them that the road to janah isn't easy, praying is fard, adhering to Allah's Commands are incumbent upon all muslims.
*Every mother is a daa'iyah (caller to Islam for her child/family).*
Sheikh Saalih ibn Uthaymeen(rahimahullah) The Islamic Awakening, pg 223-229
I was once asked are you a ''housewife'' i wasn't quite sure if i should take offense to that, to me that implied i am married to my house, i rather consider myself a ''home maker'' How annoying it is to clean and kids come and mess up in one swoop. The kitchen looks like several tornado's whirled its way through, lingered a bit, invited some other storms and left as quickly as it started. Noways! i refuse to clean this, i decided its time to fight back (a while back i came upon this on the net) ''I don't know who you are
I don't know what you want. If you are looking for a maid to clean up after you, i can tell you i don't do that.
But what i do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills i have acquired over a very long time. Skills that make me an expert in home WIFI systems and Cellular Data plans.
If you clean up your own kitchen mess that will be the end of it.
I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.
But if you don't, i will look for you, i will find you...
AND I WILL DISCONNECT YOU!!!''
In the solitude of the morning, slowly everything breathes life again. And with one big bang i scream, FAJR FAJR FAJR...wake up wake up wake up, and the mumbling ''yes mommy'' and then they turn around again to make them comfortable in bed...I usher myself to fetch a glass of water and slowly drip water into their ears ''MOMMMYYY!!! i'm awake." What? i ask...that wasn't me, that was shaitaan peeing in your ears, im glad you woke up this time!!! The chirping of the birds, the freshness of the air and the jovial faces that greets me on the musalllah are clear to me, i smile facing Qibla knowing this jamaah inside and outside all has the universal love for Allah, Alhamdulillah! Duahs are done, they kiss my hand with love and broad smiles, masha Allah and off they go to get 30 more minutes of beauty sleep before their day offers them new challenges.
*Journey of Fajr*
Waking up in the darkness of the morning, knowing you woke up solely for the sake of Allah, you make wudhu even if the water is cold, you pray the two sunnah which is better than the world and all it contains. Now the ultimate reward and its eagerness to be given to you is patiently awaiting, so you pray fajr slowly, feeling the presence of the Mighty One, now that you finished you have just received the ultimate satisfaction, you conclude with the rememberance of Allah and what you call your beauty sleep....
In the solitude of the morning, slowly everything breathes life again. And with one big bang i scream, FAJR FAJR FAJR...wake up wake up wake up, and the mumbling ''yes mommy'' and then they turn around again to make them comfortable in bed...I usher myself to fetch a glass of water and slowly drip water into their ears ''MOMMMYYY!!! i'm awake." What? i ask...that wasn't me, that was shaitaan peeing in your ears, im glad you woke up this time!!! The chirping of the birds, the freshness of the air and the jovial faces that greets me on the musalllah are clear to me, i smile facing Qibla knowing this jamaah inside and outside all has the universal love for Allah, Alhamdulillah! Duahs are done, they kiss my hand with love and broad smiles, masha Allah and off they go to get 30 more minutes of beauty sleep before their day offers them new challenges.
*Journey of Fajr*
Waking up in the darkness of the morning, knowing you woke up solely for the sake of Allah, you make wudhu even if the water is cold, you pray the two sunnah which is better than the world and all it contains. Now the ultimate reward and its eagerness to be given to you is patiently awaiting, so you pray fajr slowly, feeling the presence of the Mighty One, now that you finished you have just received the ultimate satisfaction, you conclude with the rememberance of Allah and what you call your beauty sleep....
lol, Mashaa allah sister I love your writing and your sense of humor. I am looking forward to the next one Inshaa allaah.
The clutter and humdrum of talking over each other has died down, everyone off to school and i have a moment to breath, how welcoming that is, house cleaned up, cup of coffee in hand, lappie plugged in, im good to go. Yes, yes sisters there are days that i feel like i need to contact ''scotty'' and ask him to beam me up, today is not one of those days. ''Scotty'' can orbit distant galaxies and find out if alien mothers have to ''shoosh'' their kids too. All that falls away when you look at your innocent child, when they embrace you with untold love. Today i look forward to hearing about the exams, i sit with bated breath...this silence is deafening!!! Aha, yep when the holidays start ''Scotty'' will have to be in this galaxy, i know i will be calling on him much
My kids are all transforming into young adults, daily i hear and see in their comments and demeanor that they are no longer ''kids''. Sometimes they will have nonsensical topics and other times they will have deep profound topics with each other. Yes, yes, i know im not suppose to eavesdrop on their bonding time, but im mommy so that dont count!!! Each person are assigned their own personality, so i am surrounded by vibrant, sporty, fearless, outspoken, shy, loving, caring, hardcore, down-to-earth, ladylike, tomboy, manly, endearing beings. The mixture of these attributes has me spellbound by their youthfulness. They have all blossomed and shed their cacoon like case and morphed into these beautiful butterflies with vibrant enriching colours, they paint colourful pictures of life through their eyes, a utopia, their innocents are hard hit into reality by ongoing wars, the plight of the Palestinians, the Syrians, the Iraqis etc. ''Why are the Jews so evil?" so i sit them down and tell them a story, a story of a people that has caused Allahs anger to rain down on them. And so when i read those pages to them with the different verses i am immediately transported to a time wherein punishment was allotted to them, i open my eyes and find innocent eyes fixed upon my gaze waiting for the next verse, and as i read to them the abode of those that dont adhere to Allah's Commands, they understand their place in this world!!! My son shouts out ''IM GOING TO BE A BRICK SNIPER WHEN I GROW UP'' Masha Allah!!! They begin to realize the Utopia that they dream of will not be found on dunya and that striving for the Hereafter is something they must work towards. Its ongoing, i still do daily reminders, i want the best for them!!!
Today im reminded while sitting with a friend, calling on her kids and no1 is listening to her, im reminded of my kids, they too would throw the deaf ear but with the rattle of any packet, they would appear like a flash of lightning. Kids are truly amazing haha...Enjoy your kids
*TODDLER: tod-ler (noun)
Someone who cant hear their name being called repeatedly, but can hear a bag of chips being opened through three walls and a thunderstorm*
Today im reminded while sitting with a friend, calling on her kids and no1 is listening to her, im reminded of my kids, they too would throw the deaf ear but with the rattle of any packet, they would appear like a flash of lightning. Kids are truly amazing haha...Enjoy your kids
*TODDLER: tod-ler (noun)
Someone who cant hear their name being called repeatedly, but can hear a bag of chips being opened through three walls and a thunderstorm*
lol, as a mother of two toddlers I can so relate to this. smh toddlers eh!
Sometimes i feel so disillusioned, i constantly wake up to war, no not war in my immediate vicinity, maybe a small war, cops and robbers, but im talking about real war, men on the battlefield, women holding on to their children, or not, war seems like a small Qiyaamah, everyone running to shelter themselves. No im safe from bombs falling overhead, im not a victim of bombardment, my kids can attend school in relative safety, we can still socialize normally, but what about my brothers and sisters the world over. Those that dont sleep, those that dont know school since the time of birth? I often embrace my kids and shed tears to the total bafflement of my kids "Mommy, dont cry, wait il hug you tighter'' or ''Mommy dont cry, i love you'' little do they know, i cry for my sisters that dont get to do this, cry for their hearts that bleed but face this trial with real courage, i cry because i take everything for granted, i cry because they know a courage i can only aspire to attain-the courage to face life and the unknowns. How do i live my life to the fullest when somewhere, someone cant? How do i instill brotherhood in my kids when all they see is mayhem?
As a parent, im faced with many ''hows, whys''. When i have to explain to my kids why different factions are fighting, how do i make them understand something like this?Complicated??? no, thats an understatement.
Today being the technology era, we open up different networks and all we see are heads of babies blown up, kids ripped apart and we say a silent prayer, we read articles about the war in certain areas and we draw a conclusion. Then we condemn, we condemn a people without even knowing them. No-one dares to find out for themselves, it being the technology era, information being so readily available, we just condemn because certain people said so. So i am riddled with "how and why" and i will wake up tomorrow in sha Allah and the saga will continue!!!
Fajr has arrived this morning like clockwork...we always seem to be running around for time....if i had more time for this, if i had more time for that....
By al-Asr (the Time)
Verily! man is in Loss
Except those who believe
And do righteous good deeds
And recommend one another to the truth
And recommend one another to patience ‪#‎Quran‬ 103
Im comforted in this jamaah, success is calling...
girls are beaming with enthusiasm knowing that this prayer offers them Protection, how grand it is to have Allah swt protect you...Alhamdulillah
*It is a matter of shame that in the morning the birds should be a wake before you - Abu Bakr (r.a)*
*Whoever prays Fajr is under the protection of Allah-Prophet Muhammad (SAW)*
So i come home today to find my daughters dressed in shorts and t-shirt and i gaze my frown upon them. Ok, wait, yes i know its hot aha, it is, i agree, you wouldn't believe how hot i am right now, but then i always question, ''how hot is jahanam?'' so i tell them get more cloth on you, have some modesty the angels use to shy away from Uthman, because he was a man of modesty and shyness. Fashion is by enlarge against this Ummah, the flimsiest clothing hits our shelves this time of the year, clothed, yet not clothed. How about Eid? Boys were always easy to shop for, but now they have skinnys for men too, really? Or those pants where crotches hang down to the knees? Is that ''fashion"? I read once that those were how the convicts in jail wore there pants, the homosexual types, wooliharrr, so how now brown cow, my sons should now imitate the dress code of homosexuals and we call that fashion?
The girls are impossible to shop for, the dresses are short, tight, sleeveless, tops are open, revealing etc etc...many times i fight the urge to give in, just so i can get out of the mall and back to my safe haven, where i dont have to see the fitnah. Much protest takes place, trust me. So carefully, fighting back rage i tell them i fear Allah, not you...i wont sell my aghirah for this dunya - and neither should you. Choose what i am showing you, which is stylish by all accounts, the tops are just longer versions of the tight 'ill' fitted ones they chose or noooo clothes, so with smiles hung upside down they take them only to discover much later that they actually looked beautiful in their attire, elegant, yet modest, Masha Allah. Its not easy raising kids in an enviroment that begs of us to sell our souls. The struggle continues smile emoticon
*Islam teaches us to cover our aurah NOT tight wrap them like burritos*
Hurriedly my kids came home from madrassah one day, out of breath 'mommy, mommy, appa says that the jinn is not around us'
Let me clarify this... so here's the story...i teach my kids, as im sure all parents do that the fundamental structure that bounds us to Islam is Aqeedah together with Tauheed. Aqeedah being our belief structure, so saying we have, 6 principles that bounds us to Aqeedah (Aqeedah refers to those matters which are believed in, with certainty and conviction, in one’s heart and soul. They are not tainted with any doubt or uncertainty.)
1. Belief in God
2. Belief in the Unseen (Angels/Jinn)
3. Belief in God's Revealed Books
4. Belief in the Messengers of God
5. Belief in the Day of Judgement
6. Belief in pre-destination (Qadr).
So i explained to them on this occasion maybe appa meant something else. 'No mommy! Appa meant the Jinn is on a parallel universe and they dont mingle with us' So i hear the same version from both my daughters and im troubled.
So i sit them down and re-explain (even though they know this) our belief structure as muslims ie *believe in the Unseen (Angels and Jinn)* and the rest, Believe in God, Believe in Qadr, Believe in the Messengers, Believe in all the revealed books and Believe in Judgement day
'Why did appa say that?' 'Mommy we were talking about washing and closing the doors when the Athaan is heard Magrib time and windows…so I read to them
"When night falls stop your children from going out, for the devils spread out at that time. But when an hour of the night has passed, release them and close the doors and mention Allah's Name, for Satan does not open a closed door. Tie the mouth of your water-skin and mention Allah's Name; cover your containers and utensils and mention Allah's Name. Cover them even by placing something across it, and extinguish your lamps. " [Sahih al-Bukhari 7/527 and Abu Dawud 3722]
I further explained that the reason why we say ayatul kursi is for protection against the jinn, and even further explained that just like we have angels protecting us, we have jinn with us.
For him (each person), there are angels in succession, before and behind him. They guard him by the command of Allah.” [13:10-11]
Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) explained that the mu’aqqibat [translated here as “angels in succession”] refers to the angels whom Allah has appointed to guard man from in front and from behind. When the decree of Allah comes – when He decrees that some accident or calamity etc. should befall him – the angels withdraw from him.
So I explained to them similarly we have jinn around us that want to harm us
Sahih Muslim Vol. 7, Book 39, Hadith 6757, Narrated Abdullah ibn Mas'ud, similar narration 6759 by 'Aisha, r.a.
Abdullah b. Mas'ud reported that Allah's Messenger (Peace be upon him) said: There is none amongst you with whom is not an attache from amongst the jinn (devil). They (the Companions) said: Allah's Messenger, with you too? Thereupon he said: Yes, but Allah helps me against him and so I am safe from his hand and he does not command me but for good.
So I told them, maybe appa made a mistake, but either way you should tell her they are among us, even though they be on a different plain…
Dear mothers make sure your kids are learning Islam as it should be, not opinionated Islam.
*Shaitaan is not a fallen Angel, he is one of the Jinn*
The dawn of a new day has begun, the deafening silence is only welcomed by the pray of the birds..chirp, chirp, chirp.....quickly my household issues soldiers...men leaving for mosque...salaam mommy, salaam babe all in unison...wa salaam guys...girls...come to success, come to success...as we sit on the musallah...the distant sounds of birds making duah can be heard...the tranquil, freshness of the morning summons a deeper appreciation of nature and the beauty that surrounds us...masha Allah...Allah is Great!!!
*Fajr is for soldiers...NOT the military ones...BUT for people that have the will to FIGHT against their nafs and submit themselves to the commands of ALLAH*
Alhamdulillah for all our many blessing...how blessed we are... Today Allah bestowed his Ragmah and Mercy upon us, shukr Ya Allah...the soft trinkle of the rain can be heard on the rooftops, even the birds feel this blessing as they swoop down from tree drops to drink in the water... We sit indoors and bond...board games makes an appearance...60 seconds, monopoly etc...masha Allah the roar of laughter as they argue about buying buildings, hahahaha...mommy he's cheating, look...such poor joy...mommy didnt i buy that hotel, no no no...i wont pay...arms folded...hahahah.... Yes this is my unit...the fabulous 5...may Allah strengthen their bond in sha Allah, May they always come to each others rescue, may they always maintain family ties...Ameen
Mommy, i love you with all my bum...my heart is for Allah...i smile...such sweet innocence...i dont know if i want to be loved with bum...or if love and bum should be used in the same sentence hahahaha
MOMMMMMMY!!!!
Thats my cue...referee!!!
The struggle continues...lol
*Family like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one*
Why do we say we believe in Qadr, but act as if we dont...
How will i ever find a boyfriend?'....erm, darling why dont you concentrate on pleasing Allah...I believe your partner is already put out for you, all you got to do is practice sabr (patience)
Oh gosh, did i really say the weirdest things to my mother lol, Do i only find it weird now that i am a mother?
So mom, i finally got it...''The smarter a woman is, the harder it is to find the right man''
Therefore, i am a genius!!!
Hahahaha...how funny i found that...then it dawns on me, how many other women feel this way?
So life has become challenging for the youth today...promiscuity, drugs...etc
These societal ills have made it hard to find ''partners'' the youth calling each other names ''****, *****, ******* etc''
No darling, be patient, he/she will come.
*Allah has already written the name of your spouse for you. What you need to work on is your relationship with Allah SWT, He will send him/her to you when you are ready. Its only a matter of time*
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