I often find myself attracted to younger boys (usually between the 12-14 age range, I'm 17)......I even considered, in my special ed class, asking out a boy who was a freshman (I'm a senior), because I heard he was gay......I am usually only attracted to girls, but I sometimes find myself attracted to boys.....ive had this problem since I was in the 7th grade, when I lusted after my neighbor who was in the 4th grade.....these feelings often leave, but sometimes return.....I know gay relationships are a sin, and I feel awkward practicing gender segregation when I am attracted to the very same people I am allowed to intermingle with! even at the masjid, I found myself drawn to a boy during a halakha.....is this just an adolescent phase? what should I do??????
boy or girl, you should not be asking anyone out on a date - period.
Your struggle is to refrain from the temptations.
Puberty is difficult, we all been there - but you make it worse when you do not do what boys your age should be doing - building stronger bodies and engaging in sports and running etc - these activities will use up your testosterone so you do not get those thoughts you struggle with as frequently.
I made a video years ago, I think this will help you in sha Allah:
Bro I think you've heard this so many times, but you really have to find some other things to do rather than lusting over others. I understand that you have a social anxiety problem, and perhaps not being able to speak to others or understand how people function on a day to day basis builds up feelings inside of you that you can't control sometimes, but you have to find an outlet which distracts you from your own mind and temptations. You can start out small, like writing for example. I know you like to write poetry, why not try to excel in it so you can compete in competitions or have your work published? You can connect with others doing something you like. Because you can sit there and think about a girl 24/7, and fall in love with what you think she's like, and fantasize etc, but the brutal truth is, you probably have not passed her mind once. So there's no point in torturing yourself. You have to start controlling your feelings because you're getting older and when you're older people are not going to really excuse or defend you as you'd assume them to.
I do not recommend writing poetry as this will only make him write about his lusts most likely, making it worse.
Mano imano - I tell the brother - start to run, and do exercise, take up tennis or some sport you like, get into it - do it, keep at it and you will see that instead of wasting time lusting after boys and girls, you have spent that time making yourself stronger, more able and confident, and more attractive as well in sha Allah.
I'll tell you a secret bro Mustafa, women like men who are strong and confident - thats who they will marry. Not an emotional person who "understands" every little complaint the girls make - guys like that are sissies and will often be seen as "my brother" than a match for future.
Download lectures on tasawwuf (spiritual reformation) and listen to them at every free opportunity.
(Personally recommend Shaykh Kamaluddin Ahmed db - www.islamicspirituality.org )
Keep steadfast on salaah (set multiple reminders on your phone if needed)
Incorporate tahajjud salaah into your life - make sincere tauba and beg from Allah to change your condition to one that is most pleasing to Him.
Have complete trust that just as Allah turns the earth on its axis each day, so too can he change our lives.
However, we need to have strong desire for that change, and His pleasure and closeness - more than anything else. It's not going to happen without sincere effort.
May Allah subhanawata'ala grant you the best in this world and the aakhirah.
Ameen
Seriously bro, take up running. Free running (parkour) is excellent fun. Eat less meat, in fact, cut it out until you feel weak, then eat a little of it - that's the best way to eat meat - when your body needs it. And it needs it when you are physically weak.
Eating meat often increases your testosterone, and loops your problem over and over again.
In the time of the Prophet pbuh, the Muslims would eat meat, but only the wealthy ate it once a week on Fridays, whereas the poor folk would eat meat only on the two Eid days of celebration.
Today, it seems we consume waaaay too much meat and this result in problems such as what you are experiencing.
Prophet pbuh warned the Ummah, to eat less meat. When Islam started to spread, the wealth of Muslims also increased and so did their consumption of meat... this became an issue because with the consumption of meat, men become irate and easily angered - the physiology is simple - the consumption of meat increases a mans testosterone and this results in physical frustrations such as sex and violence.
So... eat less meat.
And tire your body out with exercise which is fun, such as Free Running, or Tennis, etc - whatever you like.
I often find myself attracted to younger boys (usually between the 12-14 age range, I'm 17)......I even considered, in my special ed class, asking out a boy who was a freshman (I'm a senior), because I heard he was gay......I am usually only attracted to girls, but I sometimes find myself attracted to boys.....ive had this problem since I was in the 7th grade, when I lusted after my neighbor who was in the 4th grade.....these feelings often leave, but sometimes return.....I know gay relationships are a sin, and I feel awkward practicing gender segregation when I am attracted to the very same people I am allowed to intermingle with! even at the masjid, I found myself drawn to a boy during a halakha.....is this just an adolescent phase? what should I do??????
Definitely leave the little boys alone.
12-14 those are kids
Firstly, you need to get rid of those thoughts and find some work to do, because Shaytaan makes use of idle hands, or in this case, idle minds.
Secondly, you need to fast. Not as a once off thing, but rather as an ongoing thing.
Thirdly, you need to get involved in doing `Ibaadah, when you immerse yourself in worshipping Allaah, you'll find that there won't be much time to worry about evil things like that.
Bro, this is something you are going to have to work through. However you have taken a positive step by recognising you have a problem and trying to address it, even here on this board. I am sure there are many people out there who have haram desires, but they keep it inside and let it eat away at them until they hurt others or hurt themselves. This is a test from Allah and a tough one it seems, because it has the potential to hurt other people.
Just be aware that you are technically an adult at 17, and you are attracted to boys who are still children. If you act on these impulses in anyway, even if its just watching something on a computer, that would make you a pedophile. I am not attacking you or trying scare you, I am just placing your desires within a real context. If you feel you are a threat to a child, stay away from them... in much the same way a straight guy or girl may feel towards any sexual temptation to the opposite gender. Stay away from what turns you on. The rules that apply to straight people, applies to all, especially in this situation.
You say you think you are bisexual, so inshallah you will eventually grow out of being attracted to other males, and hopefully when you get married all of your sexual energy would be focused on your wife. In the mean time don't fuel and nurture your desires.
Till then, just stay strong and make dua constantly. Peace.
As someone has suggested above, take up a new interest, do some knitting or start doing some cooking or baking. Give your Mom a hand with housework. Go feed some ducks or start going for walks. Do some voluntary work, help out in an old folk's home or a charity shop. I don't know you, therefore you must forgive but if you are just sat around, the devils workshop is an idle mind or something along those lines and you will end up thinking and lusting over all kinds of things.
The people you are interested in are kids. Imagine you got to know one of them and told them about your feelings. Then they went round telling people about you, you wouldn't be able to leave your house (unless you are brazen like some of the paedophiles in my community!). It would cause upset and embarrassment also to your family. Also remember, the paedophile tag would follow you around wherever you go and if you acted on these impulses, you would be on the sex offenders register.
I have enough on my plate as it is, but feel free to pm me if you want to chat. I work with young adults.
Hey whats wrong with knitting
I mean hey, knit your heart away..as long as it helps
I didn't mean knitting as such but I would rather do knitting over going to a gym as there might be young males at the gym with their arms and legs on show. That would just lead to further confusion and lust, but to each their own.
As someone has suggested above, take up a new interest, do some knitting or start doing some cooking or baking. Give your Mom a hand with housework. Go feed some ducks or start going for walks. Do some voluntary work, help out in an old folk's home or a charity shop. I don't know you, therefore you must forgive but if you are just sat around, the devils workshop is an idle mind or something along those lines and you will end up thinking and lusting over all kinds of things.
The people you are interested in are kids. Imagine you got to know one of them and told them about your feelings. Then they went round telling people about you, you wouldn't be able to leave your house (unless you are brazen like some of the paedophiles in my community!). It would cause upset and embarrassment also to your family. Also remember, the paedophile tag would follow you around wherever you go and if you acted on these impulses, you would be on the sex offenders register.
I have enough on my plate as it is, but feel free to pm me if you want to chat. I work with young adults.
People are so hung up on the bisexual part of the story, we forget we are talking about an adult who is attracted to children who have barely entered puberty. To me thats more of an issue than anything else. The legal terminology is there to protect children, and isn't random. There is a big difference between someone mentally at the age of 12 to that of the age of 17.
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