I do not know how long I can keep this up...I am trying so hard to be a good muslim. I am trying to be a good student but no one is happy with me. My parents and family say I am disappointment despite me getting good grades. They dont like that I spend my free time in the mosque. The girl I wanted to marry hates me and used me and humiliated me with a false promise of marriage. I want to marry but my family are not letting me. I am 22 years old and I am so lonely. I want to have a family and gave kids. I am Pakistani and sadly no arabs want to marry a Pakistani as we are looked down upon and known as miskeen. People I help dont even care. I know this is a test...but I just feel like giving up. I am too weak. It's so hard to put up with abuse from my family with no friends. People say I'm good and all yet no arab woman seems interested in marrying me? I feel like I am going to die alone and not for a long time. I feel like life is going on forever. The people who hurt others are enjoying life. I'm trying to be good but at the same time I just want to give up...
“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.
Quran 2:155
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,
Quran 3:142
“Do you think that you will enter Paradise before Allaah tests those of you who fought (in His Cause) and (also) tests those who are As-Saabiroon (the patient)?”
Quran 21:35
“and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allaah will expiate for some of his sins because of that.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5641)
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If Allah intends good for someone, then he afflicts him with trials.”
I do not know how long I can keep this up...I am trying so hard to be a good muslim. I am trying to be a good student but no one is happy with me. My parents and family say I am disappointment despite me getting good grades. They dont like that I spend my free time in the mosque. The girl I wanted to marry hates me and used me and humiliated me with a false promise of marriage. I want to marry but my family are not letting me. I am 22 years old and I am so lonely. I want to have a family and gave kids. I am Pakistani and sadly no arabs want to marry a Pakistani as we are looked down upon and known as miskeen. People I help dont even care. I know this is a test...but I just feel like giving up. I am too weak. It's so hard to put up with abuse from my family with no friends. People say I'm good and all yet no arab woman seems interested in marrying me? I feel like I am going to die alone and not for a long time. I feel like life is going on forever. The people who hurt others are enjoying life. I'm trying to be good but at the same time I just want to give up...
Dude, we're both around the same age but from different cultural backgrounds. From a personal perspective, my advice to you (as my own life is at a crossroad) is to keep your eyes on knowledge, self-knowledge and growing as a person. I (being in NZ) could never fathom getting married at your age, it's a foreign idea. Family disappointment is not a thing I've faced in the way you describe but I still have the kinds of hopes from my family that I will similarly make something valuable of myself.
My life has gone down many paths but the spiritual path and the one of self-discovery (which led me to Islam) is the thread (along with art) that drives my heart.
Your life is your life and hard decisions have to be faced as an adult in life. Sometimes these things we face stem from dark or repressed places in ourselves, and others from the people around us (whether family, colleagues, friends etc)
I've taken this from a purely personal angle (as I mentioned) but there is a massive wealth of things in the Quran and Sunnah that are already there to really absorb on this personal level - of which my words can not compare to Allah's.
Bless you and I hope that you will find steady ground, life is not a 'walk in the park' for most.
No my education is not completed. But It is just hard. I am trying so hard to be good and controlling my desires but when i see other muslims or other people who hurt others, literally their live is going smoothly. They dont have a care in the world,
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It really is discouraging to see evil people happy
May Allah help you become steadfast and successful. Ameen. Don't worry about others being pleased/displeased (unless their rights upon you has been limited/denied) the only thing that is important would be the relationship between an individual and His creator. Evil people can be happy but their reality is best known to Allah, who is the Most Just Judge of mankind.
“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.
Quran 2:155
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,
Quran 3:142
“Do you think that you will enter Paradise before Allaah tests those of you who fought (in His Cause) and (also) tests those who are As-Saabiroon (the patient)?”
Quran 21:35
“and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allaah will expiate for some of his sins because of that.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5641)
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If Allah intends good for someone, then he afflicts him with trials.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī
Would it make it easier for you to know I am 39 year old, single and not married?
Look...nowadays with the way life is going...marriage is not the same as the time of the prophets and husbands rights are not really that protected as the time of the sahaba. OK. Another thing to consider, you live in an unfortunately a very materialistic world. If you wish to marry someone who don't want you to have 8 masters degrees and make so much money and own three cars, you have to consider moving to poor areas or villages or farms and you can build family there. It is something you have to consider. Me? I am going to adopt (Islamic way) and then if I find a wife I will find one.
My brother you are not alone just recently I faced my greatest challenge of self sacrifice and in my stupidity I had a realisation that Allah had a purpose for me, and that is to protect the week and vulnerable and my family are not followers of Islam, but I have there acceptance and undivided love and support if you need someone to talk too about things that maybe you not comfortable talking to others about I am here for you my Muslim brother
There is no giving up there is seeking more guidance through knowledge, knowledge is power, we are all equals not one greater than the other, difficulties are there to test us brother and make us stronger, wiser and better people
I read something that said we should look at those below us and not those above us so that we know our blessings. That is an Islamic thing. So now I thought I would share my situation. Do you know I am limp as of the moment and I have incontinence? I cannot control my defecating and urinating. I wear pampers. I accidentally made myself limp. It's quite a long story. I also have thoughts if ever I would get a wife and my own family someday. Imagine your life like mine. What would you do? I also have these super-natural beings like ghosts telling what's inside my mind? It's driving me crazy sometimes. You don't really know unless it happens to you. But maybe you would go crazy and kill yourself. It's crazy. You'll feel humiliated because other people hears what you are thinking and it may not be what you really think and sometimes I talk using the supernatural beings to explain things why it was said or something, and it's hard, and sometimes I just don't know anymore. My faith in Allah is keeping me alive. Islam is real my brothers and sisters. It saved me. I know sometimes that if you compare your situation to mine, you would still feel that you might still be having much harder time and it seems like no one understands because nobody is feeling the same feelings you are feeling except you. Just think about what I said above. Know that more people are going through worse, but let me tell you that I understand you. You situation is really hard. I know it. God has blessed me to be blissful with his deen or religion so I can live peacefully even with the supernatural beings, even if when I just thought about it again, it was hard. Still, I've achieved bliss or I've reached a state of perfect happiness, typically so as to be oblivious of everything else. It changes sometimes, but I still feel it somehow even with the pain. I just want to focus more on that and be thankful for it so God would increase it more in my life, for I am thankful for it. I thought about situations of converts. It's really hard. I can pray anytime in my house as a Muslim, because my parents are Muslim. I pray everyday now. Converts may find it hard. They would seclude themselves in their rooms so as to not be seen. They feel family needs to know this, but they are afraid. I understand. It is said that it is the times we ought to give up, that the tide will soon rise back. Something like that. It is in that moment that we should not surrender. We can of course, surrender to God. We can quit from time to time but we should never kill ourselves or destroy ourselves. Killing ourselves has punishment. You wouldn't like it. May Allah, the most merciful, help us all and forgive us and bless us and grant us an easy path to Jannah(Paradise). His mercy embraces all things, so there might be some good you will notice in your situation. As Napoleon Hill said that for every failure, there is a seed of an equivalent advantage or success. Same as the mercy of Allah embracing all things. I am turning 26 my brother and I'm still not married and I am wearing pampers. I know you want to please Allah and this me, saying my situation to you for you to learn may make you think so what. But please, let us learn from those below us. You may just want to please Allah, as being single, besides getting married soon can make us fall into sin. But also, if we are not still financially ready, even emotionally, we should prepare, as far as I know, that is Islamic as well.
Last edited by emem.masorong; 10-08-2018 at 02:21 AM.
I mean agree with all you guys...its not like I want a materialistic life...I am trying to please Allah but it really shakes my faith when i see the not so religious people engaged in sin getting away with everything...when people take advantage of the fact that i forgive or help others...they use me...people who hurt me know I wont do anything back. I'm weak and it shakes my faith. I dont want anything materialistic. I just hate feeling used and alone and lonely. I am afraid I am going to die alone with no family. I am grateful for everything truly but at times I still feel lonely. I just want someone who loves me for who I am...not my money, looks, or whatever I have
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I am not going to kill myself of course but when I mean in terms of giving up...I mean stop being religous. I feel like being religous is harder and i know it's a test but its frustrating and seems fruitless at times when I still get abused by others whether verbally or emotionally.
Keeping your faith is what is making u face your journey I know your journey I am much older and lived an eventful life full of hardship and pain and I too have taken my own life and only by the grace of Allah am I still here I have much work to continue on with so this may give u reason also brother
I mean agree with all you guys...its not like I want a materialistic life...I am trying to please Allah but it really shakes my faith when i see the not so religious people engaged in sin getting away with everything...when people take advantage of the fact that i forgive or help others...they use me...people who hurt me know I wont do anything back. I'm weak and it shakes my faith. I dont want anything materialistic. I just hate feeling used and alone and lonely. I am afraid I am going to die alone with no family. I am grateful for everything truly but at times I still feel lonely. I just want someone who loves me for who I am...not my money, looks, or whatever I have
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I am not going to kill myself of course but when I mean in terms of giving up...I mean stop being religous. I feel like being religous is harder and i know it's a test but its frustrating and seems fruitless at times when I still get abused by others whether verbally or emotionally.
Ok. Let me put this bluntly. The only treasure you want to protect is your deen, is your imaan, is your faith. No wife, no children (sons or daughters), no mother or father or friend or wealth, or materialistic things, or health, or beauty or anything of this matters if you don't have DEEN. OK. Even if you never get married, never have a lineage, never have a family of your own, your mother and father want nothing to do with you..you are poor, you are crippled, you are in the street in the cold, no one looks at you, people make fun of you..they call you homeless and bum, you smell bad, you live day by day trying to get something to eat..your cloth are torn..you have long beard and messed up hair...children of the street throw rocks and eggs at you...you live like this for over 80 years and you die a very painful and slow death in the street and your body is thrown to the dumpster (how much dramatic and on the surface you may seem like a loser to everyone else on Earth)....but if you protected your imaan and have 100% faith in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and you did your obligatory prayers and did istigfar and tried your best to do the sunnah (it does not just stop on marriage)......in the sight of Allah you are more beloved to him than the richest wealthiest atheist and disbeliever on Earth. In fact...in sight of Allah one atom of your blood is worth more to him than the very kabaa and in the sight of Allah the disbeliever's blood is worthless even if such disbeliever is Bill Gate himself.
REMEMBER the biggest and only true treasure on Earth is your imaan and deen and worshiping Allah alone and not associating partners with him. So I say even if you do not get married and you have health issues that is irrelevant.
All the disbelievers out there and non-Muslims they are walking zombies. Remember that. They are walking undead. And in some cases in buses they smell like one too! Had Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) gave humans the ability to actually smell the souls...no matter how beautiful the smell of the body of a disbeliever if you had to smell his soul...you would vomit. You would puke. Had you had the ability to smell the souls of the believers and good pious ones they would smell like coming from paradise itself. Remember your purpose on life. Don't go astray by desiring a wife and you cannot find one so you lose imaan and hope and give up right away.
There are no wife on Earth worth your imaan and not even your own children will protect you from the afterlife and even in this life they will grow up and throw you in old home.
Last edited by *charisma*; 10-08-2018 at 05:33 AM.
Reason: edited upon request
I mean agree with all you guys...its not like I want a materialistic life...I am trying to please Allah but it really shakes my faith when i see the not so religious people engaged in sin getting away with everything...when people take advantage of the fact that i forgive or help others...they use me...people who hurt me know I wont do anything back. I'm weak and it shakes my faith. I dont want anything materialistic. I just hate feeling used and alone and lonely. I am afraid I am going to die alone with no family. I am grateful for everything truly but at times I still feel lonely. I just want someone who loves me for who I am...not my money, looks, or whatever I have
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I am not going to kill myself of course but when I mean in terms of giving up...I mean stop being religous. I feel like being religous is harder and i know it's a test but its frustrating and seems fruitless at times when I still get abused by others whether verbally or emotionally.
Yes I understand...but like I said. It seems unfair that the not so religious muslims get to reap the rewards of this world and the next world. They can hurt and harm anyone they want in this life and do all kinds of sins like hookah, music, and zina but still go to jannah for simply uttering the shaddah. Even If i dont get married that's fine, but bothers me is these not so religious muslims oppressing others getting away with it. I notice when I sin I feel the effects of it almost immediately but when they sin it does not even effect them. Like they do not get punished? I do not understand why is there a tighter restrain on me?
The only time Allah, the creator of everything that exists, will ever view you as a failure is when you give up. There are times in our lives that are hard but we can never give up.
Yes I understand...but like I said. It seems unfair that the not so religious muslims get to reap the rewards of this world and the next world. They can hurt and harm anyone they want in this life and do all kinds of sins like hookah, music, and zina but still go to jannah for simply uttering the shaddah. Even If i dont get married that's fine, but bothers me is these not so religious muslims oppressing others getting away with it. I notice when I sin I feel the effects of it almost immediately but when they sin it does not even effect them. Like they do not get punished? I do not understand why is there a tighter restrain on me?
Part of been a Muslim is you are constantly tested until the very last breath. In your deathbed you are going to be tested and the devil is going to try to make yo a disbeliever before the angel comes in to take your soul...until you see the afterlife you will be tested and the devil is going to take his best effort to make you fail. Ones you see the afterlife as the angel takes your soul..your test is over and now the hesab starts immediately. You do not wait until resurrection for the hesab to take effect..it takes effect right away.
In the grave you either get punished or get to rest until the day of resurrection. If you are falling apart for this worldly test that fast..you seriously need to go a mosque and find a good shiekh and imaan to help you and you need to re-strengthen your faith fast and hard.
What did I mention and say before that this dunaya is paradise for the disbelievers and naturally paradise for hypocrites. Do you honestly think for a second that a person who does evil and you see him have all the worldly life and having a family and and...is because Allah is pleased with him or her? Think again. You need to look at it in a different lenses the truthful lens.
The more the person have less health issues, worldly issues, any form of calamities here in fact...the person lived and died a very happy ever life after...life is super easy for him or her that they felt they are floating in cloud and the world is the best paradise for them the more dangerous and fearful that person need to be. That means Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) have something very horrible for that person in the afterlife that means ALLLLL the hardship will be in the afterlife...that means hellfire is their abode.
The more pious and closer the slave of Allah is to Allah the more Allah will throw calamities and hardships and difficulties to his slave and the more trails and tribulations the slave will go through (including health issues and even the slave may have cancer and die a very painful death) that means Allah love that slave because he is raising that slave higher and higher level in Jannah.
Look at the sahaba's and prophets. Observe how much trails they have went through. The best of all of the creations, the prophet Mohammad peace be upon him always get sick...always..he went through so much hardship and trails...and he is a prophet. He have obtained the highest level of Jannah possible...his Jannah is right underneath the throne of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa).
This.....world.......is.....a game. A test. A dream. A trail. Please do not attach your heart in it. PLEASE. If you do...YOU FAILED.
Last edited by BeTheChange; 10-08-2018 at 06:31 PM.
No my education is not completed. But It is just hard. I am trying so hard to be good and controlling my desires but when i see other muslims or other people who hurt others, literally their live is going smoothly. They dont have a care in the world,
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It really is discouraging to see evil people happy
Happiness means different things to different people. Have you contemplated about what it means to you? Is our definition and understanding of happiness based on falsehood or reality? Does happiness mean having a big house? beautiful wife? Lots of children? A good job? education? etc. Now think about your response and then think about whether your happiness is worth the value of jannah? The answer should be no. This world is not worth the wing of a mosquito in the sight of our magnificent Lord. How small and insignificant is the wing of a mosquitto??!! Just because arab women are refusing you, because your parents are not happy with you, because you are not happy etc. do you think these things alone or together are worth your jannah? your eternal 6
paradise?
Never.
One more thing just because people are showing an external front of happiness it does not always mean they are happy. Look at all these celebs and normal everyday people who have all the materialistic things they could possibly buy but commit suicide. Why?? Because this does not bring you saqoon. Peace. Tranquillity. No. Your tahujjid salah, giving charity, pleasing Allah swt, doing what is obligatory etc. gives you peace and saqoon. If it does not review your current situation and improve yourself. Join classes and start hanging around with brothers who practise the deen. This is a quick and easy way to identify where you are going wrong.
Sit your parents down and let them know they words are affecting you. If you can't write it down write a letter. If this is too much get someone you trust to speak to them. Whatever you do COMMUNICATE the message! Let your parents know that they are crossing the mark and it is really affecting you etc. Trust me any sensible parent will back off. Most asian parents tend to tease the children to push them to work harder and it comes from a place of love. I'm a grown woman and my dad sometimes belittles me but i don't mind now. I used to back in the days abd yes we are all human sometimes it does affect you but i let it go because i know the truth. So what if you do don't get the grades? so what if arab women refuse you? why don't you give yourself a chance and express your interest in other women belonging to a different race.
It is not the end of the world. Life must continue to go on. Please try harder. Make new friends, open your mind to different possibilities and stop holding on to just one small world.
I always advise this to everyone. Anyone who suffers from depression or low moods you MUST start exercising. Look after your physical body and this will in turn play a huge role in your moods and you're mindset. No pain no gain. That's what they say. You will grow spiritually through this experience and you will become a better person insha Allah. Accept this and see it as a challenge. Allah swt will always take care of you and HE swt never lets us down. We let ourselves down due to our sins, poor expectations and wrong decisions etc.
May Allah set help you overcome this troubled space you are in Ameen.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
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