If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates!" His mind tends to see things a bit differently than the rest of us. Here are some of his gems:
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever; so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
Last edited by Tilmeez; 06-09-2011 at 10:13 AM.
Reason: Passing out from Emerson college does not make someone a scientist :)
The speed of darkness one pops up all the time on the net, and I don't see what's so confusing. It's the same as the speed of light. In fact, they're both referring to the same event. This is provable with a simple transitive syllogism:
1. Darkness appears at the same speed that light disappears.
2. Light disappears at the same speed that it appears.
3. Therefore, darkness appears at the same speed that light appears.
By the way, Steven Wright is not a scientist, he's a stand-up comedian. The only one I know of who actually tells jokes. He basically just stands there and monotonously drawls one-liners like, "It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it."
Peace be to any prophets I may have mentioned above. Praised and exalted be my Maker, if I have mentioned Him. (Come to think of it praise Him anyway.)
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Points to Ponder: Steven Wright-ism
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