The importance of being real.

[Curaezipirid]

Alaikumassalam,

I feel quite odd to be begining a thread in this forum during Ramadan. But that is only because there exist circumstances in my life that I normally never expose. Only in Ramadan could it be safe to because in Ramadan these circumstances are a matter only for my own self. Yet the reason I find my self needing to expose any of this story is simply because I made a post in the thread asking to post special du'a for Ramadan.

My du'a is for that my family be enabled to protect children better.

I had been wondering why I was making a variety of posts that are in exposing my self since Ramadan began; then when I posted du'a I knew.

Also it is simply that there are so many very peculiar posts spread around these forums by now; and that alone is cause for me to be put upon to provide some logical explaination to much of what I have reported as life events, but which seem incredible. I have existed within a life story that opens that key of questioning what amout of knowledge can by accident beg disbelief. That is to say that my own real immediate life experience could only be perceived as impossible by almost all persons. Yet here I am and I am living in a set of conditions by which I am defined by that which most persons regard as impossible.

For example: most mainstream Australians regard that it is impossible for any person raised within mainstream Australia to return to the Traditional Aboriginal belief systems of many of our ancestors, and also that it is impossible for a mainstream Australian to become a Muslim; but putting both of those together and I am positively in need of refuting the existance of, to the mainstream Australian mind. This is the fundamental cause of the fact that my children are not living with me and I have not yet been able to obtain the social and legal support required to return my children to the safety of my own custody. I am simply not being believed in. So then folk tend to expect I must be insane, and allocate such labelling, thereby discrediting me further. There is sound clinical evidence that I am not able to be forced into a legal definition of insanity; but the Family court is not accepting that evidence because it is being presented by me. Government legal aid funding is not provided for me because the case is unlikely to succeed, but thereby having made it seem to be unlikely to succeed.

Here, further to what I have already posted, I will only mention minimally some of the occurrances in my life which accord that my own evidence of reality is that which few have been able to sustain belief in. I should not need to be crying out that I am innocent of the fact that my beliefs are fully evidenced in the world, but that is what I am enduring.

(here first note that I can only slip and fall in the first instance as is the Australian Aboriginal way)

My mother can barely recall my birth but I have had repeated Dreams of being born and landing on my head on the floor, and my mother screaming: "what have you done to my baby". But I can not know this since I have not gone through any hospital records to validate. But I do know it was snowing and my father built a snowman; and that my mother's labour was completed within twenty minutes of her realising she was in labour.

I am raised a devout Christian. But my father is a scientist and will not take communion because he has no evidence of Jesus crucifiction and resurrection. So after confirmation when I was fourteen, I also could not believe. But then I learned a Muslim teaching about the science of the last supper and Jesus ressurection, and after that can only believe.

My family were often oriented towards friendships with persons from other parts of the world; and I was very often exposed to a large variety of unusual beliefs and taught to repect each persons way of sustaining Faith.

My family have been in a dispute since I am three; and around the birth of my sister. Also not long after she was born we were both being regularly looked after at a house where there were persons whom abused us. We were taken there so that my mother could work for money as a school teacher. In 2003 my father apologised for the enduring pressure that I was under in perceiving that he and my mother were not reconciling the family finances correctly since even before that time; but he falls into memory lapses about ever having had need to apologise. I experienced a uterine prolapse which commenced when I was three from an accident, that is humorous now.

Our family made three large moves of location before I was twelve, but then stayed in one place only for the benefit of my education. Also my father had completed a PhD in organic chemistry when I was five and was offered specialised work in America that he could not afford to take up with a young family. His work laid the foundations for the magnetic resonancing machinery in modern hospitals.

I was a rebellious teenager but since I had never experienced any feeling of belonging among any of my peers I was not accepted within ordinary forms of teenage rebellion. Thereby I never fell to.

I went to New Zealand in 1984 by my families generosity; and then again in 1986-7 by my own efforts in waitressing at the Punjabi restaraunt that a friend's father owned and was chef at. During the second journey to New Zealand I was caught in an actual landslide up in the mountains, and my self and those I travelled with were all rescued by helicopter eventually, but all realising we were lucky to be alive. The event caused that I have never since had any sustainable Faith in safety supplied by the works of men. The full story of that event is also very very humourous. But then, I also learned rockclimbing as a teenager and I often found it quite hilarious when there was no option but to realise true danger, yet always within immediate personal safety. I often find my self within situations of being so close to immediate danger as to perceive its nature, yet ever certain that I am safe from. The humour is in realising that we each cause every instance of danger we enter. Somehow that stability was with me from early.

I was a volunteer for a community youth sound system access group. We were an incorporated body who owned the PA and ran it at a reduced cost for any group who was making a fundraising concert. Also some commerical work to raise the funds to cover the other work. I received training in sound mixing work. It was useful socially also because my peers were all out getting drunk and attending music concerts, but I had a work funcition at such events that enabled me to not go without social knowledge when I never could feel included otherwise. All my acquaintances gradually became other persons whom felt different for one reason or another; and while we usually had little else in common, the feeling of no place to belong was in common. This group of people seems to be a mixture of shaytan and youth seeking a form within which their true belief can be expressed, and is a constant part of Australian youth culture. We either learn the hard way and land on our feet, or stay outside of mainstream culture.

My first full time job was as a community radio liason officer at Community Radio 2XX. That is a radio station which has a license specifically for enabling minority points of veiw to receive air play. My job was to provide a bridge between the technology and people in the community who were not trained in the use of. I became very rapidly educated in a vast array of minority community points of veiw. For example: among my first tasks were making sound recordings for airplay of a woman speaking about the plight of the Kurdish people; and two well known Aboriginal activists speaking about the need to boycott Australian bicentenary celebrations.

At the beginning of the Bicentenary of Captain Cook planting a British flag on Australian soil and declaring Australia legally "terra nulluis" (land with no Humans); I was most honoured and lucky to be present quite by accident at a Traditionally Oriented Aboriginal Corroboree on the eve and dawn of the exact 200th anniversary of that event. The Corroboree was made for re-establishing traditional Kinship systems, and can be comprehended alike to the fact of reuniting the Ummah of Indigenous Muslim Australians. I am under constant obligation to that work my whole life by my presence at that Corroboree. Others who were there might not regard that it was an event oriented with Muslim belief; but it can be anthropologically verified that Muslim belief was adopted by Aborigines in Arneham land, among whom were important players in the event. I guess it can be place within the context of being an all night prayer vigil. Over all the event gave me a solid reason to believe that my function as a white Australian is not to be seperate from the black Aboriginal community. The total ceremony was one made specifically for imparting culture to children.

I travelled to England in 1989, returning in 1991 via: Holland, Germany, Italy, Greece, Yugoslavia, Hungary, Moscow, Beijing, Shanghai, Tokyo; over a three month period in which I travelled with my children's father, an Irish, and had very little money.

I have three children, all sons, born in 1991, 1994, and 1997. They are the best.

I studied many different tertiary subjects as I found an interest while my children were young. I never got a degree but am really not inclined to sacrifice motherhood except for the units of study that engage me well, and those subjects never fit into a whole degree pattern. They are: anthropology; history; politics; sociology; linguistics; physics; maths; chemistry; biology; anatomy and physiology; community education; and counselling. (why is this the part where I feel my own peers would describe me as a weirdo?) My middle son went to visit the student occupation of the University Chancellry building when he was a new born; and all my children have been carted around to various unusual events by me, as it could be afforded within their contentment. They all were present at University lectures as babies; and also at a variety of other left wing political events; and hippy social events, but at which their needs always determined my own attendance.

I worked for a while as a youth worker engaged in developing peer support networks among younger mothers. I also engaged in other managerial youth work briefly. I worked casually scavenging at the rubbish dump for a group with such a licence. I developed a strong interest in the scientific basis for the efficacy of homeopathic medicines and that is the cause that lead me toward an Islamic teaching.

I seperated from my children's father eventually and then a rapid series of changes occurred. The work of the homeopath whom my enquiry had been through was aligned with, but not in accord with, some of the teaching of esoteric Islam, through allegorical literature that is occasionally available in 'the west', and directed towards the psychology of persons raised in the mainstream of 'the west'. That work interrupted my life substantially including causing that my children's father and I seperated. There was a period of three and a half years between me becoming aware of such work, and me realising that the proponents of that work whom I was by then familiar with, over a twelve year period, were not in accordance with the actual aims of the work.

During that period:
I was bothered by a psychological disturbance which can be attributed to having been caused by the landslide in New Zealand, as a post tramautic stress reaction to specific sounds;
I worked to re-orient my skills to my children's needs of me in the home;
I recovered in a miracle from the prolapse that had begun when I was three, and to only my own families need to heed, except in that the psychological change which I underwent was substantial after thirty years and all my education received within the prolapsed state;
I found a need in my self to commit to not accepting money for my labour;
I learned to cook better;
I established a market stall selling teaching materials for handicrafts, and gave it up when I broke even;
Me and my children ate mostly from a vegetable garden, and I learned to preserve fresh food;
I became one of the school canteen Mummies, and also negotiated with the school and department of education to homeschool my children part time;
Me and my children went on a big camping adventure that I had written into the homeschooling cirriculum that was approved by the department of education;
The relations between my self and my parents were more difficult than ever since my children's father had left me just after we moved into a house my father owns within an arrangement assuming that I would eventually purchase that house.

Things were more difficult from early 2003 because of events at the Aboriginal Tent Embassy in Canberra. I had my nose broken, and there after my children were removed from me by their father during a temporary stay at his house. The action he took was supported widely by elements of racist policing within the black skin Aboriginal community. That accorded that I lost any possiblity of social support from within my own usual community, including from my parents.

Since then I have been trying to source the causes of why the court action is being wrongly weighted against me. My explorations have taken me into a number of unlikely settings, but including the public meetings of an occultist organisation whom the neo-nazis affiliate with, and which is fundamentally a promoter of the social structures of racism.

I have also encountered criminals (there are a few good Aboriginal men whom have escorted me into settings of learning about what is going on among criminals; but whom needed to pretend that they were opposed to me so as to enable that they could accord me safety; they are culturally patterned to give their game away to any close companion whom can perceive their communications that shaytan are unable to perceive, so shaytan regard that I am completely unsupported by such men); and what I have observed is that there are crime gangs whom affiliate themselves with nazism, and are within patterns of entrapping any female they encounter whom they perceive of as a good mother. What they do in its worst extreme is documented by a rape counselling service, at a shocking rate. They work to cause mental illness in mothers and then to remove their children; and force the mothers into prostitution. The women whom fall to such are regarded as the best prostitutes because they have a degree of motivation that no other prostitutes can avail themselves of. It is that emotion of anger at the situation. I am fortunate that drugs present me with no temptation. The purpose of such criminals is to cause for themselves large quantities of self worth from both the mothers and the children, within patterned structures of criminal socialisation. Thereby they accord to themselves that their criminal nature is hidden, and that good mothers and their children are faulted with the exact crimes. What the criminals fail to realise is that the very function which causes that such women become good prostitutes also cause that the secretly harbour Iman, and will inevitably hold all those whom abused them into account. It is because of this broad picture that I have been often socialising among the homeless persons in the City I am living in. There are a few true believers among. The evidence is that only few criminals know about the entirity of this situation, but that among those whom know are included individuals whom enacted some of the causes of all black magic. Australian society is so effected by such circumstances that it is my belief that the persons whom I previously mentioned as having interferred with my life, are themselves falsely believing that they are the causes of such activity, and so they work to try to hide such; but therein caused further.

I write lots of letters to official people who do not want to know about my situation. Recently the folk I am trying to attract the attention of towards my legal case might have begun to regard it differently only because I have distanced my self from all the other cases in which Indigenous women have had their children removed. I can not be certain yet. I acted to distance my self not so as to expediate the case by cause of being white, but because I have repeatedly experienced persons in the identifying Aboriginal community determining that they can profit from denying me legal confirmation of my Aboriginality; and such persons have been in knowledge that such will detrimentally effect my court case. This is because I am allegedly insane, defined by a report from my mother that I had a delusion that my skin is black, and which was her interpretation of my effort to substantiate an Aboriginal identity through family. Her own mother gave me minimal oral evidence. I have built a sound legal case to protect my children but there are no lawyers whom can afford to take it up, especially while I am being refused legal aid; but I shall keep trying to find one whom is able.

My children will be needing plenty of emotional recovery time and space once they are back in my care. My nine year old son has two grey hairs; my fourteen year old son is about to launch into the world of theological jurisprudence through his disagreements with other Navy cadets; and in the middle is Sal, whose will is the most generous of any I know. We all like Steve Irwin.


That is all I can tell. Sorry it is so long; and thankyou for wanting this knowledge.

wasalam

[Muhammad]

Thank you for sharing that information, I have found it to be an interesting read.

[Curaezipirid]

Alaikumassalam Muhammad, and thankyou for the time to read.

I am posting again here because I woke up this morning -late- after waking up before dawn, then turning over just at dawn and going back to sleep; and woke in a Dream which included me carrying around a bag with my self as an infant in it, and a crow. I instructed my self in the Dream that I had better tell other Muslims that I am shy.

I am shy. That is to say the true Tribe of Israel I am in is the one that the Jewish Religion, as we know it, started among. (I never remember the names of the tribes of Israel) But I am in body type, and the story I am living by therefore; aligning with a different Tribe, as a snake within Animist tradition.

The fact is that this causes that I seem not as good as I truly am at reconciling pride and sloth.

Soon enough though I already start to put repeats into the posts I am making. It is just that the spectrum of material I post about seems to indicate lesser pride because there is a large quantity of unlikely material that I repeat in. That should make it obvious to a person who comprehends the true nature of the Tribes of Israel and the skill accorded by; obvious what the true situation is, that is.

wasalam

[Tania]

Also not long after she was born we were both being regularly looked after at a house where there were persons whom abused us.

I could not understand exactly what happened with you and the little sister. The parents decided to lock up inside of the house? Or it was a kindergarden where the teacher beat you up, in absence of parents.

[Curaezipirid]

It was a house down the street where the mother was paid by my mother to look after us. We went there for six months beginning when my sister was twelve weeks old and I was three and a half. I remember an incident that happened during that period that neither my mother or father can remember; but it is certain in my recall, and is an aspect of my recall memory that has always been in place. My feeling is that my parents began to be less able to remember after my sister was born. I believe she is a kafir. But even that should not have accorded my parents the degree of memory loss which they experience. My parents are both in sound and permanent self knowledge, so that is why their perceptions are given a large amount of creedence by all persons. But people in good self knowledge will always remember unless there is some actual trauma for them which proves that they are in fact not so responsible for any matter as it could seem. Thereby I am taking their failure of memory as a sign that none of the incidents at that time were their fault. It is a matter of considerable frustration to me that my memory is factually better than my parents, but that their public identities are given the honour of being good in memory, while my public identity is given the crediblity only of shaytan. One of the main reasons I can sustain my belief in this circumstance is simply because my parents money gives me nightmares and use of it causes a bad smell by comparison to my own money.

Thankyou for asking. I will only provide explicit detail if it is really required to comprehend what is the true nature of the story and my family relations.

mu'asalam

[Tania]

I must admit i don't know too much about your country but what exactly they did when you wrote :
"landslide in New Zealand, as a post tramautic stress reaction to specific sounds; "

If i am not i would like to point out its nothing bad to take money for your work. In fact i am happy to spend my money and don't depend to anyone else. I would not refuse the money if its come from job.
"I found a need in my self to commit to not accepting money for my labour;"

I liked this part:
"I learned to cook better;
Me and my children ate mostly from a vegetable garden, and I learned to preserve fresh food;
I became one of the school canteen Mummies, and also negotiated with the school and department of education to homeschool my children part time;"
The children will always rem with pleasure their first attentive lessons.

[Curaezipirid]

The trauma in New Zealand (I live in Australia) was related to hearing a series of naturally occuring sounds connected with a thunder storm and then massive boulders falling from a mountain side through a forest bringing the trees down with the rocks and mud. The thunder was loud. The lightening was bright enough to be hurting my eyes when inside a building and with a sleeping bag covering my head. The the side of the mountain falling was louder. The trauma was that it fell partly into the building we were in. But it is not funny when I tell it like that.

Here I can improve it. We were bushwalking up a gorge in the mountains, going in the first day of a many days walk over the mountains to Mount Cook. Only the first days walk could be managed without ice picks etc. The New Zealand National Parks had built huts for sleeping in along the route of the hike. The base hut which we were going to had recently been re-built, or a whole new larger hut built rather. When we got there we saw that there was a place to put boots outside so that no mud got into the hut. Other boots were there, and we took example from the Scandanavians whom had arrived first and dutifully took off our boots and lined them up outside.

Then we went and sat in the natural hotpools awhile, then made dinner and went to bed. The hut had an upstairs with a load of durable mattresses aligned in the floor, and a place to look down into the downstairs kitchen. Then the thunderstorm happened, with a number of completely unresolvable predicaments; including that our first certainty of being at risk of our life was that the Park Ranger was clinging to pipes on the external wall ten foot up in the air with the old hut sliding into the river behind him; and he was dutifully calling "get upstairs!"

I have not time now to tell it all; but eventually the helicopter turned up to rescue us only because our boots were buried. It turned out that that night was the first time that hikers had taken their boots off outside. So we all let off the New Zealander who stomped on all the mattresses in having kept his boots with him and ventured downstair for the CB radio.

wasalam

[Tania]

You lived an entire nightmare and they wants us to go like tourists there At least the authorities should take measures to announce this storms.
Thank you for sharing

[Tania]

I have built a sound legal case to protect my children but there are no lawyers whom can afford to take it up, especially while I am being refused legal aid; but I shall keep trying to find one whom is able.

My children will be needing plenty of emotional recovery time and space once they are back in my care. My nine year old son has two grey hairs; my fourteen year old son is about to launch into the world of theological jurisprudence through his disagreements with other Navy cadets; and in the middle is Sal, whose will is the most generous of any I know. We all like Steve Irwin.

You could try to find a work and after that rent a place. To can get back your children you need to have money. The court usually give the children to those who can sustain them, and in certain degree they look after emotional sustain. Try to leave the homeless persons, don't mix up with them because after me its not good for your case and life. The beauty of our human nature is we can always stand up after we fell down.

[Curaezipirid]

True that eating with the homeless persons is not a good appearance, but it bears little social relevance to the court situation since I always have food at home.

Here in Australia the rent situation is not too bad, even in a big city, and I already am renting a three bedroom house. My children's belongings from birth to three and a half years ago are all with me in the house, but packed up since I am too sad to contemplate their need to be surrounded by such familiar things. They have a whole other new set of stuff around them at their father's, which I provide into often; but I am at a loss as to know what is becoming of the things I provide since it is reported to court that there are no such things I have provided that the children can access.

The work situation is odd and only because I am quite capable of obtaining a well paid job; but have a very strong feeling against such. If I worked full time at the highest rate of pay I have previously earned, I could afford to pay the lawyer's fees within three years if I lived within the same means as I am living at present. But since I feel wrong about accepting money for my labour, and because the Australian Government would give me legal aid if I had not identified as Aboriginal, and because my father can afford the legal costs; it just seems wrong to put my self into a job for money.

I recently applied for a senior beaurocrat position in an area in which I have some specialised knowledge, and could put together a worthy application, and it was for twice the amount I last earned in a year. But usually such work is within contexts in which there is already a known person identified before the job is advertised (though that never prevents a truly competitive application); but there are other reasons also for my self not taking that job if I were offered it, and again according to my children's needs.

I mean not to present this as problem, only that in thankyou to Tania's posts, I have truly well considered these matters, and she surely suggests rightly. The Australian law system is established to never prevent any person from obtaining legal representation only by poverty; and so in having been prevented I have a clear case of in the discrimination commission also.

It is difficult to know what direction to approach such a case from. I am discriminated against by cause of being Muslim; by cause of being Aboriginal; and both of such together have accorded that I was falsely diagnosed as insane; and then I am discriminated against as a person with a mental health diagnosis label. When I say that I am discriminated against by cause of being Muslim; it is that my single verbal instruction to my children to remember the genital component of wudu has been held up as though evidence that I could be a child rapist. It has even been suggested that I am insane and obsessed about sex; after having related to another person that the genital wudu has the beneficience of preventing children stimulating their genitals. The other person was misinformed to believe that masturbation is healthy. This is the main part of why I am so extremely concerned for my childrens immediate well being. I am under a court order preventing me from instructing them in any matter related to sexual codes of conduct. Also I am prevented from mentioning to them that I am working at the court case; and my children have been mis-informed that I am not even caring for their well being, and they find themselves beginning to believe such only because it has been so long now and they are not yet returned to me. Many persons in fact are assuming that if I have not won the case by now then I must be lazy and uncaring. But truly the case has been taken out of the cases pending lists at trial and I have written letter after letter to get it put back into the list, so far to no avail. There is no due cause for it to have been taken out of the list. That is the reason I need a lawyer. The courts are not even responding to my letters about administrative matters. I must apologise for writing about this at such length here.

Today I was with my parents for a few hours, and will see them also tomorrow. We went to the Botanic Gardens and I have made an effort to communicate to them much of my belief in Islam, and the various different ways in which I have perceived that they themselves were misinformed about Islam. In the course of this I had cause to yell greatly at my mother much to her and my father's embarrassment. I had to tell them that truly I am regarded in poor aspect often for not expressing overt massive anger and sorrow about my children having been removed. In fact many folk assume that it is a sign of insanity that I am not constantly in tears about my children not being with me now. But if I am crying that proves also insanity. I let my parents know in no uncertain terms, and very publically (with a few weddings in the tranquil background), that they are the only people I have yelled at about the whole matter, and that I regard that I am correct in exposing my extreme anger almost singularly to only their selves. Then we ate dinner at a Muslim owned Indian restaurant. I am glad that they have taken in real consideration all I have told them about Islam. There was an odd coincidence of an Aboriginal woman at another table at the restaurant, whom is a receptionist at the Aboriginal health centre. It was a relevant coincidence because my parents and I argued also about our Aboriginal ancestry; and I asked them to help me stop that health centre from holding me accountible to them as a white Aboriginal person if they would not acknowledge our ancestry. The health centre has also refused to provide two different forms of evidence which could have helped the court case. That is factually why I am not going to let the case be knowable as a case within which I am discriminated against for being Aboriginal, but will rather let the case be known as a case against my self as a Muslim. It has been a difficult day; but fruitful in the longer term I expect, given my father's opening of perception with considering now Islam more positively.

Now I am truly sick of my self and so many words. But that I ate more than I wanted was by cause of placating my mother whom fears that when I eat less it is a sign of insanity.

Having stated all of the above, and in what I noticed of my Father's regard for the situation; I should tell also that I have some belief that our family are living within the spectrum of becoming those whom by will subject ourselves to proving Islam by disproving that the accountibility of Judaism alone can be effective in this time. We discussed a great amount of contextual information about the Australian economy also, and I constantly related that back into Islam. It felt very peculiar to be entering a Muslim restaurant during Ramadan in such a condition as within the full manifestation of my family heritage as it was there this evening. My family are all big folk, tall with heavy bones, and with large presence; we all shrank our self regard considerably to enter the restaurant without being a public nuisance. (my father is likely to be considering he and my mother overeating as being a public nuiscence, and He is in quite good humour really)

Needless to say, I must thank those whom started the special Ramadan du'a thread, since their du'a which I made knowable as my special want in Ramadan: that my family all learn to better protect children; are realising worth for Allah.

wasalam

[Curaezipirid]

Also I should mention that the specific storm a few posts back accorded that we became front page news in Australia back in January 1987; but it is a very genuine risk along some roads even in the West Coast of New Zealand, of rocks falling, but usually only little ones.

wasalam

[Tania]

To prove your mental health you should apply for a job. I liked the way in which you raised the children - that house teaching, including trips for better knwoledge- why are you not considering to become a teacher?
I am sure the people will talk differently with you. I would not go out with homeless people either, even to have lunch with them because its weird. Why a person which can afford to pay a lunch is eating with them? Raise question marks.
You are not working in sociology, neither in physiology to can somehow justify why are you going with them. I rem the case of a man ,teacher at university, which wanted to make a study about how react the people if you hit them in the streets. Like you are just walking and someone give you a slap. When one man slaped him back, he lost his glasses too. Off course people will look strange at you ,if you are doing things which don't belong to your life style.
You have to concentrate at your life and children- even if that need little sacrifice, like taking a job if the lawyer will say its a good idea- in the end will deserve. Your parents could reconsider, especially your mom, their attitude toward you.
Without to often speak about this, the parents are content when they see the children has a life on his own, is able to look after his needs without the parents help.

[Curaezipirid]

Thankyou Tania; I will truly take strong heed of retaining necessity of not associating with the folk whom sleep on the street, except in individual instances of those among whom regard me kindly and in truth. They are all so worried about feeling certain that they need to become Muslim at this time because I have been among them. Oh well, they might work it out better now with me no longer in their immediate company.

Good point also about being certain in my relations with family that I am not in need of them. I was considering borrowing money from my father and decided not to.

However I came back into this thread only because there is a note in another thread that might reflect badly in this thread if I do not actually make explicit what the accident was when I was three.

It is that I fell into a bucket of steaming water and became stuck. The amusing part is that my mother had been instrucing me frequently not to sit on the nappy buckets and I was ignoring her to watch her bathing my baby sister. One day I ran into the bathroom to watch her bath my sister in the bath with her, and remembered not to sit on the nappy buckets which had lids, but instead sat in the floor mopping bucket full of water just boiled and without a lid. Mum was in the bath with a baby in her arms and called Dad and he came in and could not see what the problem is immediately. I was very very brave.

Eventually I prolapsed during first aid provision for blistering skin, but I did not cry.

The good thing is that the event triggers my memory for having been assaulted at the babysitters house, which is a memory otherwise occluded. I was glad about the blisters since they made it better there for me to tell that I was in pain. But still fail to remember what happened to accord the pain.

Also the other good thing about the prolapse is that when I got well again, in that it spontaneously and miraculously repaired 6th July 2006; I find that I am in mind alike to being in the state of having just been provided a medicial opiate; but only if I sustain working in Allah; and with an increase in pain by that work accorded whenever any further level of endorphins is earned. My endorphin level is right pumped up at all times.

I just wanted to make this much explicit so as that there can be no speculation among persons whom look at this thread about what actually happened and if my family were at fault in regard their behaviour towards me. They have always treated me with dignity except by words used, and no bad words passed until I was considerably older, 10. Dad would probably expect me to call him a pork chop but I shall not, he is not especially edible all the same.

wasalam

[Tania]

Reading your reply i would like only to add i don't look badly at homeless people, don't get me wrong. I don't think going out with them will help you in the court to get back your children.

Also, i don't know your family but if you think you could borrow the money from your father to find that lawyer and be adviced regarding the case-thats not bad either. But if i would be in your place i would begin in the same time to work.and slowly i would give back the money to my dad.

You must see which are the points on which you can work to build your case. I am strongly positive you will get back your children because in courts the judge always keep with mom

[Curaezipirid]

Thankyou for your good consideration. My parents were in the same City as myself this weekend and we had a large and very public argument about the court case on Saturday afternoon in the Botanic gardens. Then they took me out to dinner at a Bengali Muslim restaurant and I could not stay at thier table only eating the small amout I required because my mother is in so much unnecessary fear that my difference from herself is a mental illness. She needs to perceive that I am looking after my self, and so she needed to see me eating what she considers a normal quantity of food; and then she instructed me to go home to sleep when I could probably have been better staying awake all night in Mosque or using the internet.

But my Father seems to be registering that I have been discriminated against in the legal system for the first time. I may thank those Muslims whom read the LI thread I posted in asking for du'a. The wonder of Islam is truly mighty.

I might also add that a few years ago now an Australian labour party Prime Minister promised that no Australian child will be going hungry; and surely that is the case, there is no hunger here to the degree that a hungry child is a sign of a drug effected parent, and we all could use learning to relocate our self within a hungry world.

wasalam

[Curaezipirid]

I was unable to avoid being in the company of homeless folk, but only because there is one among whom I regard my self as within an obligation to if and when he is regarding my self. In fact now many of the homeless people around here are being a little protective towards me because of Him. What ever you regard the protection of the homeless as worth, in my account it is graciously accepted as safe passage through a violent city environment. The person I mention is the second man among Aborigines on the street in this city whom offered me some protection by staying in their company, and to their worth that they were both radically assaulted because of preventing other persons from assaulting my self. Actually there is another younger man that was to marry me but was assaulted to prevent him from; and two others whom also were given a hard time for ever supposing to befriend me. The circumstance is that these are all black Aborigine men whom have noticed that I needed to be protected from shaytan; and they have taught most of what I learn in detecting whom shaytan are, and what their means is, and that the strategy of racing shaytan so that what they steal is your own set up, rather than theirs, is effective.

For example there are now shaytan trying to portray my self as "effected" in having written the word "effective" but in asserting that this is my comprehension and engaging in a process of disceminating my own comprehension more rapidly than theirs is becoming disceminated, they can not accord that other persons imagine that I am "effected" . Their intention was to cause they thier own mental incapacity is believed to be mine. (mine as in belonging to me rather than as in any digging down into the Earth for treasure; would that they quit trying to profit by what is underground: I will make du'a for)

The homeless have a specific perspective upon the economy that is very beneficial. It has come about in this age, briefly, that persons with no money have a clarity of perspective not affordable by persons with money. Their social means is relatively wealthy here in Australia. But I believe that is because many Australians accept thier du'a. In fact no homeless person could survive on the street if they had not accepted the passage of fire as their means, and in combination with thier du'a being larger than their material wealth, they are wealthy in knowledge. Like real Taliban, but without any real history of comprehension of modern Islam, and within only the maintainence of place being accorded here by Traditional Aboriginal du'a and certainty in Islam. But this probably belongs in a different thread, so I could put about my comprehension in the thread I began about the belief of Australian Aborigines.

But I should tell that I am occassionally in the company of an elder from Torres Strait who sleeps at the Lutheran church doorstep and garden; because he is fond of providing me with some protection. His du'a is strong.
wasalam

[Tania]

Do you live in same town with your parents or another ( reading your post i understood you are not )
Listen your mom advices because she is right about food and sleep. Looking tired at court, they will think you just came back fom a bar.
The house which you got from dad is in this violent city? - its very sad to hear about protection, i could not live in a city where i would feel insecure the whole time.

[Curaezipirid]

Gggrrrrrrrrrrrr: now I am back to this thread to report only that I am completely exasserbated with my mother and father!

A week later and now they regard me as crazier than ever because of being a Muslim! My mother has interpreted my oldest son having, for the first time, found the bravery to try a step in the direction of running away from his father to where he might be able to meet me, as though he is taking the opposite step because of how he need manifest the fact of avoiding his father's hate towards me becoming violence towards him.

But I saw my oldest son today in a public place with out folk breathing down our necks other than the staff at a role playing game shop.

thanks wassalam

[Curaezipirid]

I should add that the mainstreamed Australian public perception of Islam is that all Muslims represent is attempts to escape Allah in the grave. My parents are no exception; despite having listened to me. They thought they were only humouring mental illness and that me becoming openly Muslim is their evidence that Islam is wrong. But they never really knew me at all to know what my being Muslim can represent since they believe a kafir daughter over me, and whom portrayed her self as though me since long before I could know how they were relating to one another since I had a long term prolapse.

That I can report this as fact is most certainly only because I was my self at first painted as a kafir by the work of the Canberra Gurdjieff Society in that they had kafir among also. I was caused to believe by their efforts that I was kafir. So when I can report that actually my sister is, it is that I worked in belief that I followed of being a kafir, and that I also followed what they forced upon me of need to accept the fires of Hell. Within those two facts I worked out for my self that I am indeed of great Human worth by first working to the extent of attaining permanent self knowledge immutable. Somehow I knew everything would be OK if only I could sustain constantly knowing what is manifesting in my mind.

What is the world comming to that kafir are getting away with portraying children as the cause of hell. I am so sick of my mother treating me like a dog and that she supposes she is a good mother by preventing me from every thing pleasant and enforcing her own ills to me. My own belief in Islam is thoroughly sustained by the fact that I learned that I am Human within a Muslim teaching designed to be harmless for kafir.

I won't ask you to excuse my anger today since it is Ramadan. Thanks for reading but if you make it this far through any of my posts.

[Curaezipirid]

Assalamu Alaikum everyone

now I am back here to report only that the movement during Ramadan in the whole situation I am in seems to be amounting to a future court battle between my self and my mother and father over my sanity in respect of the custody of my children

their dad just let the oldest ring me and begin to organise seeing me this weekend and will write a letter to his solicitor for such to be allowable lawfully tomorrow morning

but my mother is determined that my Islam is insanity to the degree of not being able to teach children so well as she

wasalam