I had a pakistani boyfriend and we are talking about marriage. He told me several times he tried to do something but he was so helpless. I asked him what is the problem because I need to understand. He told me, many factors are there, his family, his society, etc. Whenever I'm asking him regarding "society", he's always replying, "You don't know about my society. Suppose we get married today, then tomorrow my society will come to know, then, I cannot go back to my home." It was really not clear to me. What is with your society that he is so afraid of? He is from Kohat.
Can somebody give me a good explanation on this. Thanks
Greetings Pipay With him being your boyfriend,he has already broke the fourth wall down.Pakistani society is an amalgamation of Western,Hindi And Islamic traditions and cultures.Specially the area from where he belongs is much more stricter in their approach towards Islam than rest of the lot.
could you please elaborate the meaning of "much more stricter in their approach towards Islam". because for us to correct our mistake based in islam, we need to marry. isn't it more acceptable to them that a person is willing to correct the mistake than staying like this? i really can't understand.
The people of the area from which your bf belongs to is a land of tribesman warriors,people who never accepted any one as there ruler but themselves,this is how they have developed strong values in years.They have been raised as practicing Muslims rather than Just Muslims.Society don't like any western woman as whole because the image of a non Muslim lady in west is more of a loose character,promiscuous woman than a woman who keeps her Chastity(perhaps the media image portrayed as well as bad experiences helps building this up,Sorry if this feels like a cheap shot)This is why they don't accept it.
I had a pakistani boyfriend and we are talking about marriage. He told me several times he tried to do something but he was so helpless. I asked him what is the problem because I need to understand. He told me, many factors are there, his family, his society, etc. Whenever I'm asking him regarding "society", he's always replying, "You don't know about my society. Suppose we get married today, then tomorrow my society will come to know, then, I cannot go back to my home." It was really not clear to me. What is with your society that he is so afraid of? He is from Kohat.
Can somebody give me a good explanation on this. Thanks
Basically your boyfriend was being a hypocrite. In his family and society he was playing the muslim guy, yet by having a haram relationship he was betraying his faith, and he had a hard time admittig that to his family.
He probably dint' wnat people in Kohat to think of him as a fornicator, which would cast a shadow on his whole family (people would think his whole family was like that).
well, i think that's too unfair, thinking that I am that kind because I'm not a muslim. Well in fact, i almost converted to islam but as i've seen muslim people here in UAE, i can say they are worst than anything. I'm not being judgmental but I just can't help it because the way they are accussing christians is sooooo untolerable at times. I so sorry for this comment if it happens that i've hurted somebody reading this thread but i just can't help being hurt too. I just cant understand why they simply cant respect others culture and religion. what is more important for them now? to let him commit a sin continuously or to correct it by marriage? or should i go away from him and let him keep his society?
well, i think that's too unfair, thinking that I am that kind because I'm not a muslim. Well in fact, i almost converted to islam but as i've seen muslim people here in UAE, i can say they are worst than anything. I'm not being judgmental but I just can't help it because the way they are accussing christians is sooooo untolerable at times. I so sorry for this comment if it happens that i've hurted somebody reading this thread but i just can't help being hurt too. I just cant understand why they simply cant respect others culture and religion. what is more important for them now? to let him commit a sin continuously or to correct it by marriage? or should i go away from him and let him keep his society?
Greetings Pipay, never let certain 'Muslims' that you may see and come across deter you from seeing what Islam really is. Unfortunately places like UAE and other Muslim countries are so liberalised that there is very little trace of true Islam left apart from in a Masjid. Remember Islam is perfect but humans are imperfect so much of the times Muslims will not always give one a good perspective of Islam or Muslims unless one meets a good pious practising person who is a good representative of Islam by following it properly the way it should be followed and having exemplary character and manners.
You wanting to marry is the right thing to do and is also the right thing any Muslim should want to do, especially if there is a possibility of one falling into a forbidden relationship or video it prevents one from continuing a forbidden relationship which is not permitted in Islam and for good reason to as relationships outside of marriage are the cause of much misery, anguish, hurt and pain and also mean that a lot of people in relationships get used, abused and even scarred for a long time. Many people use relationships for Sexual relations.
Therefore it is commendable that you want to go about things in the right manner and marry. It is also commendable that your heart feels to want to accept Islam but you should never convert for someone else unless you totally feel in your heart that there is no worthy of worship except Allah and that the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) is the slave and messenger of Allah. Once you feel this wheheartedly then whether you marry him or not you should not delay in acknowledging your creator.
Life is a learning curve and a lot of the times we learn the hard way. Therefore if he is aware that you want to wholeheartedly convert to Islam and marry him but he refuses by making lame excuses about his culture then he is certainly not the right person for you because if he really wanted to marry you then he can and would do so regardless of what anyone else said but many guys out there use their culture as an excuse. But they are just saying that to find a way out.
For many it may not be so straight forward to marry out of the culture but it is far easier for a guy and if he really tried then he would be able to marry you. If he cannot then he would have known before meeting you and then the question arises why did he ever get into a relationship with you in the first place and lead you on if he knew he cannot marry you.
So it is clear then that if he is using such excuses and refuses to make the effort to marry you then he is just not the right person for you. See the positive side that Allah has opened your heart to the truth of Islam.
On top of that look at it as you have now learnt from this and become a much wider person out of it as I mentioned earlier we learn best the hard way so take lessons from this and be happy in knowing that Allah has chosen you out of do many and given you the guidance and inclination to want to accept Islam.
So do not hesitate further in acknowledging your creator who wants you closer to him especially as this is the holiest month of the year. Also know that if you do not end up marrying him then that is what is best for you as you may have ended up having a miserable life with him and also Allah has someone better in store for you.
So have full faith and Trust in him and know that he will do what is best for you though you may not know or realise it at the time.
thank you very much for such a wonderful explanation.. actually i didn't decide to go for islam because of him (maybe out of my knowledge) but i've been in touch with one filipino muslim community here, listening to them, asking them any questions that would pop in my mind, etc. but im not so sure if im ready to accept islam now.
i also want to ask you, do u really think that only muslims will be saved? why most muslim people are saying that? because for me, as long as you have God (worshiping Him, fearing Him,following his teachings) and not hurting other people, is quite enough. and in christianity, i never heard such thing, that only such believers will be saved. is there anything in quran that says like this?
Allah made everyone different thats what makes them special,so no matter what ppl say just remember you're SPECIAL!! "You are with the one you love"
Nem0
Hi pipay, welcome back! seen you after a looong time
Here are my two cents.
First of all let me tell you that I am a Pakistani myself and I think our culture is one of rigid values. Be it Islamic values(i.e. OUR perception of Islamic values, which can be heavily coated in culture) or purely cultural, they are rigid nonetheless. By this I mean that generally we are not wired to be able to see and respect different perspectives. Unfortunately most of the times, we tend to regard only one thing as right, and that is the way WE see the world. I have also observed that we have a hard time accepting diversity. Of course I know some of the most wonderful people ever here in Pakistan, but what I am telling you is what I have observed of a vast majority. So I feel that for a foreigner like you, living among Pakistani people might be a constant struggle. You might feel like you could never please them no matter how hard you tried to adapt to their culture, it will probably never be enough. You might also feel like you have to let go of your identity. Also, free souls who can think for themselves are unfortunately rather scarce in this country. Deviation from accepted norms is seldom welcome. The way you are feeling about UAE muslims, you might feel the same or possibly a lot worse about us too. But please don't base you view on Islam on such people which unfortunately comprise a vast percentage of muslims. And please trust me when I say this, if you ever come across real muslims, you will find them the most awesome people ever. You probably couldn't help falling in love(and I dont mean romantically lol), but because of their conduct, the way they treat people. Such are the true values of Islam.
All the best!
After my last post,i was expecting a very similar kind of reaction.Still i prefer to tell you the truth no matter how harsh it sounds.Cultures doesn't matter if both you and that guy are willing to marry,You are not going to marry the whole society rather only its a person from the society.If the guy is sincere in his approach towards you,it would be better marry but if he is coming up with lame excuses or trying to play,then it is better you leave him for good.
Regards
Last edited by Signor; 07-30-2012 at 02:43 PM.
Reason: Done Something Wrong
Thanks Violette and Sanefellow.. I wasn't able to post anything here before that's why I became 'absent' for a long time. Also, I can't log in whenever I'm at home and needs to click 'cached copy' all the time and can't post or reply. I don't know why. I already sent a message to the administrator but I didn't get any reply so far.
Anyway, thank you so much for your advices which I really appreciate. I know that I don't need to do anything to please his society to accept me because I have made my society accept him. He knows my friends, family, etc. and I know that's one important thing that someone should do if you really love a person. I just really can't help to just sit and wait for something to happen. I simply can't accept something which I don't understand.
Now, we decided to part ways, at least this ramadan. Let's see what will happen. I dont want to wait for something which will never happen.
Globally, collectively, we are the largest contingent fasting together in unison at the prescribed time, we are the largest contingent that prays regularly at prescribed times, the largest contingent that gives regularly to charity, even if you include the Muslims that don't do these things. Sure, we have very many shortcomings, some small and some huge, some unfortunately involving behaviour and morals, and some involving those in authority, but still, out of all people that claim to adhere to a religion, even non-Muslims acknowledge that Muslims on the whole generally seem to be the most practising of their religion.
I know that doesn't help the OP though.
And Allah knows best.
Last edited by Insaanah; 07-30-2012 at 02:58 PM.
Reason: deleted quote as has been deleted from the post it was made in.
Stunningly beautiful adhaan from the Dome of the Rock in Masjid ul Aqsa Download (right click and choose "save target/link as").
This is a clear message for mankind in order that they may be warned thereby, and that they may know that He is only One God, and that those of understanding may take heed (14:52)
Indeed Allah knows, and you know not (16: 74, part)
without all things then its just empty gestures.. actually its not empty gestures as there is always god and we are always serving.
but next time somebody ask's about created evil.
point them in the direction of the blind. you talk about zakat and yet poverty has always existed.
prayer? we have four mosques within a mile of each other where i live.. they dont pray in the same room as each other.
prescribed times?
close fast at half one. pray fajr at five.
i should become a stand up comic because modern islam is a joke.
no offence.
...but i have to admit, you all seem a lot happier than i do so i guess the distinction between right and wrong is clear. and i suppose thats what its all about.. living life happily and within a muslim community.
its only if you ever wake up in syria, libya or the uae that you might feel hard done by.
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