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Mother and Daughter relationship

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    Sweetie's Avatar Limited Member
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    Question Mother and Daughter relationship

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    Salaam Brother and Sisters

    I am new to this forum and have just joined.

    I wanted some advice about some problems I am going through with my mum.

    I don't really know where to begin because the problems have been going on for a long time now.

    My mum just won't talk to me she thinks if she say something I will get depressed. I do suffer from depression.

    My mum is staying with me because I have a baby son and she looks after him while I am at work. I have a brother who is married and she always favours him and will do anything for him. I have two daughters and after 18 years I have had mashalla a son and my brother is jealous. My brother and babhi don't talk to me. My mum makes me so depressed she does not say one word to me.

    I have tried so hard to make a mother and daughter relationship but the relationship just seem to be getting worse.

    I really don't know what to do. I am so depressed and feel like crying all the time. The atomsphere at home is so tense and miserable.

    Pls help and advise me on what to do.

    My story is so long it goes back 15 years.
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    FatimaAsSideqah's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Mother and Daughter relationship

    As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

    I am really sorry to hear about your story, Sister in Islam!

    This has led to a partial breakdown of communications within the family. In turn, the parents have not always been able to offer support and advice when needed. This has isolated some family members.

    We are seeing more and more families break up because of this, and it is the children who suffer. Digging through painful memories, which the mind has safely tucked away from sight, requires the care of a specialist. Doctors are well equipped these days to handle all kinds of cases, so helping them to choose an appropriate doctor is a great service.

    Above all, prayer and remembrance of Allah (SWT) brings peace to the troubled mind and contains the only sure cure for the heart that cannot find peace. However, Allah, the Almighty tells us that the plans of Shatyan are weak! What joyous news this is for those who have been held in its dark clutches. For Shatyan works with illusion, while Allah is reality. Whatever we fear, cannot harm us for we know that only Allah is to be feared - for nothing occurs without His guiding hand and He guides to all that is good. He is the One who can turn evil into good.

    But why does your mother won't say one word to you?
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    Re: Mother and Daughter relationship

    Salaam Sweetie,

    I too suffer from depression and have for many years. Depression can interfere with and ruin relationships. As Righteous Lady said, medical help can be very successful. But I have found that medical help alone is not enough. Prayer and meditation are very important. Pray and ask for the strength and courage you need. Also, you must realize that whatever the situation is, and how much hurt as been done, you can only change yourself and your own perspective. You cannot change others. I know this because I have tried.

    Sometimes, you just have to realise that some people will never change. Try not to take things personally, and accept them for what they are. These are hard lessons to learn and it will take time. But I promise you will eventually feel better.

    Also, think of your children and your baby son. They deserve a mother who is happy and has the energy to show the love she has inside. Try to be strong for them. Try not to let your own problems affect your children.

    Good luck and God bless you!
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    Re: Mother and Daughter relationship

    format_quote Originally Posted by Sweetie View Post
    Salaam Brother and Sisters

    I am new to this forum and have just joined.

    I wanted some advice about some problems I am going through with my mum.

    I don't really know where to begin because the problems have been going on for a long time now.

    My mum just won't talk to me she thinks if she say something I will get depressed. I do suffer from depression.

    My mum is staying with me because I have a baby son and she looks after him while I am at work. I have a brother who is married and she always favours him and will do anything for him. I have two daughters and after 18 years I have had mashalla a son and my brother is jealous. My brother and babhi don't talk to me. My mum makes me so depressed she does not say one word to me.

    I have tried so hard to make a mother and daughter relationship but the relationship just seem to be getting worse.

    I really don't know what to do. I am so depressed and feel like crying all the time. The atomsphere at home is so tense and miserable.

    Pls help and advise me on what to do.

    My story is so long it goes back 15 years.


    Dont worry sister.....Reciprocate with 100% kindness to her....

    Atleast she is there for you to help...When u r in trouble with dunya think about those who are lower in status to you...

    Whether its true or not..Try to stop thinking about that.
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    Unhappy Re: Mother and Daughter relationship

    Salaam Sisters

    Thank you for all you kind messages.

    I know I have to have sabar and Allahtala will help me but things are just getting worse and worse at home. I try my best to get on with my mother but she just doesn't talk to me. She does not even say one word. I do suffer from depression and she thinks that if she says anything to me even a general converstion I will get depressed and upset. Time and time I have said to her even my husband and my daughters who are 19 and 20 have said to my mum that talk to your daughter she feels more depressed if you don't talk to her, just have a general conversation, like how are you feeling, how was day at work etc. but no she still doesn't talk to me. What can I do. When I come home from work there is so much tension at home, we all just sit like dummies. I always try to talk and make a converstion but she does not reponse. She just looks the other way.

    She normally stays with me Mon- Fri to look after the baby while I'm at work and goes home Friday afternoon and comes back Sunday. Las Sunday when she came I asked her how are you and how are things, how was your journey and she just replied back ok, ok. I asked how is my brother and babhi and she just said oh I don't know your brother just phoned because your neice wanted to come round there all ill. I don't know I didn't go round nor did they come round. I was just sitting there doing all the talkind and she was just looking the other way. I felt so hurt, I always do the talking, always asking how everyone is but no one cares or askes about me. In the end I got fed up and said mum can I say something I always do all the talking and ask how everyone is but you don't say one word, not even one thing, she just replied back saying there's nothing so say but can I say. I said you can ask how I am and the baby and how things are, you can tell me about my brother and babhi and how they are just have a general conservation, she just said there's nothing to say, I didn't go round and nor did they come round. I don't know. I said you can just make a conversation and it just went on from there. In the end I just got fed up and said fine if no one talks to me or cares about me then I am not going to talk to them or ask about them then and just went.

    My mum is good friends with her daughter in laws babhi and she back bites behind her daughter in laws back. My babhi does not know anything about my mum been good friends with her babhi. They talk about my her. And my always say oh fatty done this or fatty done that. My sister in laws babhi phoned this week on my mums mobile and my girls heard them talking and my mum said to her oh I went round Masarat's (her daugther in law's)house on Sunday and she made me a cup of tea, gave me samosa and a kebab sandwich. I was going to come round your house but it was to late. When my daughters told me I was so upset and angry, that my mum lied to me, she said to me when I asked her that she didn't go round and they didn't come round. I felt so hurt when I heard and especially that she lied to me, why?

    She tells her daughter in law everything about us and what goes on but does not say one word about them to me, not one word. Shel tells them our life story. My brother does not talk to me at all because my sister in law has done Jadoo toona on him and closed his mouth.

    Oh I could just go on and on and my story will never finish.

    It's nice talking to someone that can advise and untderstand.

    Thank you so much.

    Hope to receive your replys soon.
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    Re: Mother and Daughter relationship



    format_quote Originally Posted by Sweetie View Post
    My brother does not talk to me at all because my sister in law has done Jadoo toona on him and closed his mouth.
    I am sorry to hear of your situation sister.

    After reading what you wrote above, I was wondering whether it's possible that magic might be behind some of this.

    As general advice, perhaps it would be a good idea to recite the last 3 chapters of the Qur'an before going to sleep, on yourself and your children, as mentioned below:

    (Cup your palms together, blow gently into them and then recite: )

    بَسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ "قُلْ هُوَ اللهُ أَحَدٌ ۞ اللهُ الصَّمَدُ ۞ لَمْ يَلِدْ وَلَمْ يُولَدْ ۞ وَلَمْ يَكُنْ لَهُ كُفُوًا أَحَدٌ"


    Bismillaahir-Rahmaanir-Raheem. Qul Huwallaahu 'Ahad. Allaahus-Samad. Lam yalid wa lam. yoolad. Wa lam yakun lahu kufuwan 'ahad.

    With the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful . Say : He is Allah (the) One . The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He begets not nor was He begotten , and none is equal to Him .
    بَسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ "قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ الْفَلَقِ ۞ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا خَلَقَ ۞ وَمِنْ شَرِّ غَاسِقٍ إِذَا وَقَبَ ۞ وَمِنْ شَرِّ النَّفَّاثَاتِ فِي الْعُقَدِ ۞ وَمِنْ شَرِّ حَاسِدٍ إِذَا حَسَدَ".


    Bismillaahir-Rahmaanir-Raheem. Qul 'a'oothu birabbil-falaq. Min sharri maa khalaq. Wa min sharri ghaasiqin 'ithaa waqab. Wa min sharrin-naffaathaati fil-'uqad. Wa min sharri haasidin 'ithaa hasad.

    With the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Say: I seek refuge with (Allah) the Lord of the daybreak, from the evil of what He has created, and from the evil of the darkening (night) as it comes with its darkness, and from the evil of those who practice witchcraft when they blow in the knots, and from the evil of the envier when he envies.
    بَسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ "قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ ۞ مَلِكِ النَّاسِ ۞ إِلَهِ النَّاسِ ۞ مِنْ شَرِّ الْوَسْوَاسِ الْخَنَّاسِ ۞ الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ ۞ مِنَ الْجِنَّةِ وَالنَّاسِ".


    Bismillaahir-Rahmaanir-Raheem. Qul 'a'oothu birabbin-naas . Malikin-naas . 'Ilaahin-naas . Min sharril-waswaasil-khannaas . Allathee yuwaswisu fee sudoorin-naas . Minal-jinnati wannaas .

    With the Name of Allah , the Most Gracious , the Most Merciful. Say: I seek refuge with (Allah) the Lord of mankind, the King of mankind , the God of mankind , from the evil of the whisperer who withdraws , who whispers in the breasts of mankind, of jinns and men .

    (Then pass your hands over as much of your body as you can reach, beginning with the head and the face, then the entire front of your body. Do this three times .)

    Reference: Al-Bukhari, cf. Al-Asqalani, Fathul-Bari 9/62, and Muslim 4/ 1723.

    Place your trust in Allaah and seek His protection from all kinds of evil. Fulfill your duties towards Allaah and Insha'Allaah He will make a way for you to get out from every difficulty.
    Mother and Daughter relationship



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    Re: Mother and Daughter relationship

    Assalamualaikum sister,

    I dont really understand the problem here, like for example, ur mum favours ur brother, but why does she do that?
    And how comes she doesnt want to talk to u, or doesnt say a word to u?
    Whats the story behind this sister?
    If possible, reply inshallah.

    And do help depression, zikr is the best.
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    Sweetie's Avatar Limited Member
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    Re: Mother and Daughter relationship

    I don't know why she won't talk to me, my mums thinks because I suffer from depression if she says something to me I will get depressed. My husband and my daugthers have told her time and time and again but she just doesn't listen or want to know.

    I know that my babhi has done jadoo toona on my mum and my brother. My babhi and brother are jealous that my mum is staying with me looking after my baby while I am at work and my mum is not happy staying with me but she has no choice she knows she has to do it because I am her daughter and what will people say.
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