This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah
I personally think that any brother who divorces a woman or loves her less, just because she cannot produce kids is deranged and mashed in the head, and should get a life.
Read the question...
If someone was infertile they should specify it before getting married. Rather than bringing it up later.
I would think that would to some extent be a betrayal.
Member of - LI's MTL™crew (Marriage thread lovers)-
does it not put brothers off that your wife may be incapable of having children? its hard to say, oh yeh thats fine, as long as i love her. but we all know that people that say are majority of the time just lying.
if u asked for the qn, then you can atleast ive em the benefit of the doubt that they're tellin the truth. whd ya bother asking if ur not gonna beleive it.
format_quote Originally Posted by - Serene -
I personally think that any brother who divorces a woman or loves her less, just because she cannot produce kids is deranged and mashed in the head, and should get a life. Seriously.
absolutely not!!! hes got every right to want kids!
EDIT: i mean the 'loving less' and divorce...thats going too far...
sry dont mean to sound like im havin a go...but that does come across as a little brutal
Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 09-13-2008 at 12:53 PM.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
But the law force you to go and make some medical examination before marriage-so its a must.
Lol not really. I'm sure some can worm their way out of it. But anyway, even though that may be a given, its possible for something to come up later on. Wallahu A'lam.
...
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah
If she is able to conceive: cool
If she isn't: no biggy.
If I can't ''do my thang'': ...Dang!
Seriously though; it is not a problem. I don't expect a child to pop out just cus I (hypothetically) get hitched. And, in reality, having kids is only part of the reason for marriage (for myself anyway) - the other part is to look after your spouse, which really needs to be established before you do any of that hanky panky and whatnot.
Someone said to the Prophet, "Pray to God against the idolaters and curse them." The Prophet replied, "I have been sent to show mercy and have not been sent to curse." (Muslim)
I guess what needs to be established first is what the dude really wants/thinks. Does he reeeeally want children? (I thought that one wudda been a given but maybe not huh? :blind
If he marries knowing that they cant have kiddies but would really like them, it might make for a stressful relationship and the dudette feeling as tho she cant make hubby happy. Wallahu A'lam.
Allah[swt] is the One who decides whether or not you are going to have any children! Allah is the only One Who can actually cure you of what ails you, thus whether or not you can or cannot have children is in Allah's[swt] hands.
look at these 2 Hadeeth:
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers
Book 008, Number 3465:
'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.
now granted that i can't read Arabic, BUT i don't see any "ifs, ands or buts" in there saying "unless a doctor(who is NOT Allah[swt])" makes an determination that the woman can't have children!
just think of all the duas to Allah[swt] that you will be able to make requesting children, you get reward for all of those! AND who says that Allah[swt] in unable to bestow a miracle on you (or anyone that it please Him to!)
btw, i'm in that situation and i married my wife because she gets up BEFORE Fajr to read one Juz of the Qur'an. the fact that she is disabled or might not be able to have children is all by the will of Allah[swt]; but i'd rather be married to her than a wife who wants to go shopping everyday after Dhur! (or instead of!)
May Allah[swt] guide and aid us all!
Had the non-believer known of all the Mercy which is in the Hands of Allah, he would not lose hope of entering Paradise, and had the believer known of all the punishment which is present with Allah, he would not consider himself safe from the Hell-Fire http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html
now granted that i can't read Arabic, BUT i don't see any "ifs, ands or buts" in there saying "unless a doctor(who is NOT Allah[swt])" makes an determination that the woman can't have children!
You have completly right. After me, this medical examinations induce the feeling you are a cow or rabbit brought (you will enter in a new house, few girls have the chance to live with their parents after wedding) for a breeding programme.
i think every situation is different. There are hadiths in which Muhammed recommended that men marry women who are 'fertile' like the following:
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is beautiful, but she does not bear children; should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.”
Abu Dawud,nasai
anyway with regards to the question, i think its something that people think it is no biggy (and indeed to some people it isnt) but after 5-10 years of marriage they have a change of heart....its something that needs a lot of thinking, especially if the men are not going to get married again.
Alhumdulillah these days though, there are many different fertility treatments available...
If he does not give her her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste because he is impotent (i.e. unable to have intercourse), or because he does not like her, or he prefers someone else, or he is unfair in the division of his time [i.e., among co-wives], then she has the right to ask for khula’ [female-instigated divorce].
Majority of us are laymen here, if not all! There is great wisdom behind the rulings in Islam. We have to refer to the scholars in matters such as this.
So if u cant (god forbid) have kids, u would be ok with him divorcing u and getting married to someone else ?
lol yeh like i believe that for even one second
dont get all "islamic" on me
sis its one of those topics that are totally hypothetical because many people dont actually know how they will react in such a situation...However islam does address this and give guidelines regarding this issue.
sis its one of those topics that are totally hypothetical because many people dont actually know how they will react in such a situation...However islam does address this and give guidelines regarding this issue.
Yup, I'd marry her if I loved her. Kids are not essential IMO. Theyre great, but not essential.
Occupation: The term of control of a territory by foreign military forces: Iraq 2003-2005 Liberation:when something or someone is freed: Operation Telic 2003
This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah
According to my opinion not me personally the answer is: Yes with conditions! if she is religious enough and in my average life standard slightly higher or slightly lower , but she must know that If I'm not married yet she will be the 1st wife and a second wife will come and if I'm already married then she would be the second.
I believe that most brothers think this way
Atheists this is you situation now:
the Unbelievers say: "These are nothing but tales of the ancients." (25) Others they keep away from it and themselves they keep away; but they only destroy their own souls and they perceive it not. (26)(Translation of surat Al'anam)
Everyones forgeting the point that she cant have kids, wheter she gets a husband who will marry her , this still doesnt change the fact that she cant have kids,
dear sister if you are reading this, have you accepted the fact you cant have kids, i pray inshallah allah swt helps you. but im sure you must be hurting deep inside, seeing kids everwhere, parents taking their kids for granted.
Lets switch the questions guys. what if us guys had the problem, we couldnt have kids, i bet most of us would beg our wifes to stay with us.
if i had the problem, and my wife wanted kids badly, i think i would have to let her go,eventually, no point destroying two lifes, and may be i find a women who already has kids
if ur wife cnt hv a kid n u divorce her, u need to get a life
format_quote Originally Posted by Brother_Mujahid
But that wasn't even the question, so stop going all long about it!
You know that
The Prophet (saws) advised the one who had nothing good to say to remain silent. Take heed of that advice.
1. The Prophet (saws) said: The most detestable lawful act in the Sight of Allah is divorce [Abu Dawood 5178, Ibn Majah 2018]
2. The Prophet (saws) said: Treat woman kindly, as they are (like) captives in your houses. [Ibn Majah 1851, Tirmidhi 3096]
3. The Prophet (saws) said: You should not marry woman for the sake of their beauty, for it might lead them to ruin (through arragonce and conceit), nor should you marry them for the sake of their wealth, for it might lead them to transgression. Rather, you should marry them for the sake of their religiousness. [Ibn Majah 1859]
4. Divorce becomes desirable if the wife suffers harm during her marital life, such as when there is dissension between her and her husband or when she dislikes him. In this case, maintaining the marriage causes harm to the wife, while the Prophet (saaws) said "One should not harm others nor should seek benefit for oneself by causing harm to others".
5. The communities prohibitng divorce always suffer many serious social problems such as the spread of suidice, crime, and the corruption of family life.
Unless one has an Shar'i exuse to dislike the view of their brother/sister, I would urge you to refrain from speaking in a manner which may lead to enmity and hatred between your Muslim brother or sister.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah
It's a hypothetical situation and there are many factors that would play in, so I don't know what I would do. But I can say in all honesty, if a sister cannot have children, I don't view her any less than a sister that can conceive and I would consider her as a potential spouse. In fact, I would probably view her with greater respect, because as I understand it, most sisters want children and if a sister cannot have it and is patient over it for the sake of Allaah, then that demands respect. After all, this is something that isn't in her hands so how can she be blamed for it or have any injustice done to her because of it? Besides, any soul that has been decreed to come into existence will.
Ps- I really think you should also ask this same question here.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
Reading thru this thread I recalled the story of another sister...
She had been married to her husband for years, and they were without children. She was faced tremendous criticism from her in-laws, and from her mother in law especially. In fact the mother in law used to tell her son to just 'get rid of this useless woman'. Naturally she was under deep stress. Not only because of this type of treatment, but because like any other married woman, she wanted a child of her own. But alhamdulillah the husband was very supportive of her and always gave her comfort.
So one day after much pain and suffering at the hands of the inlaws, this sister and her husband went to take a fertility test, after which it was revealed that the husband was the problem, and not the wife at all.
Well! the tables had turned completely and now the mother in law was begging the sister to stay with her son, simply grovelling at her feet...
The Husband though, when he knew that the problem was with him, was willing to give his wife a divorce, but this sister Masha'allah she absolutely refused for her husband to do that and instead stayed with him, despite knowing that doing so, she'll never have children. A terribly hard decision to make I think..
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-i will never go to the doctors
recommended that men marry women who are 'fertile' like the following:
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