Well this is whats up. My parents are currently on vacation, I am home with my older siblings. My parents forbid me to visit my big sis, who doesnt practise her deen. They think if I visit her she'll "put me on the market" as they put it. That means, "she will introduce me to her lifestyle and I will become like her". I have never been the kind of a person who follows the crowd. I know right from wrong and my parents know that. They have disowned her, she lives alone with her 2 kids. I am those kids auntie, I havent seen them for 2 years. My plan is to leave for a week and visit my sis.
awhile back I tried to ask my parents if I could go.
My father says "If you go to her house, it's like you have buried me alive.
My mom says "Dont visit her, If I die and u are there I will die unhappy".
I dont understand why my parents are doing this. I love my sister, She's never practised but shes still my sister.
If they are gone, and I go visit my sis, Will I go to Hell? I wont tell them I went?
you sound like a mature person mashallah what you could do as an alternative is persuade your parents(saw) that if she is isolated who will give her dawah??, so it is wajjib for you to visit her and give her advice and the prophet said do not cut off the relationship of close ones and relatives
After you say the above to them they might change their mind...and allah knows best
Hmm, as important as I think it is that you should be able to see your sister, do not do it against your parents will. If it is really important, sway their stance on the situation before you act.
how about convincing your parents to help your sister some onto the staright path of islam?
''Let the days do as they please,
And be optimistic when destiny decrees,
Do not despair due to the events of nights past
For the events of this world were not meant to last.”
how about convincing your parents to help your sister some onto the staright path of islam?
Asalam alaikum,
I agree with you, cutting her off from the family is not going to help her, inshaAllah if your family embraces her once again and teaches her in small subtle ways and by thier own actions this might help, she would have positive influences in her life and the support she needs to find her way back.
I feel for your situation, you love your sister no matter what, she is still your sister.
you sound like a mature person mashallah what you could do as an alternative is persuade your parents(saw) that if she is isolated who will give her dawah??, so it is wajjib for you to visit her and give her advice and the prophet said do not cut off the relationship of close ones and relatives
After you say the above to them they might change their mind...and allah knows best
I already have countless times. I tried to remind them that she needs dawah. I did. If I tell them over the fone they will flip & get upset. Like I said they're not home at the mo.
My father can read me like a book. Before they left he took me aside and looked me straight in the eye and warned me not to go and see my sis.That it'll be like as though he got news that I got murdered. *in his own wrds*My sis never did anything wrong to me. She's my blood sister and I will always love her. I know shes done lots of bad things but still we are her family. What good will this bring?
I have listened to my parents for years, they are never going to let me see her. The only way I see it happening is behind their back. Wouldn't lying be allowed in this case?..sad to resort to this but I got no other choice.
Rights of Parents are right after Rights of Allah Taala. We have recommended and been ordered to obey parents. Something common all religions and all cultures, all generations all ages. Something that will last forever. All followers were like this and knew this. Parents have very high ranks and status in Islam by Allah Taala. Which is why we have been ordered to treat them with great respect. All ordered us to obey our parents. Considered al mahroof, to do something good, for you. But if they ask you to do something bad then you don’t have to listen to them. BUT DON’T DISOBEY YOUR PARENTS. Some parents abuse thier rights and make them i.e. their children to do things that are not in their best i.e. their own personal reasons. In general if parents ask you to do something good. Then it is an obligation for us to do so.
what your parents are doing is wrong, for they are exacerbating the situation by completely cutting her off, and the prophet says: "There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah, verily obedience is in that which is correct".
call them and tell them you're going to see her, and then go. in the end, do what you think is correct, blindly listening to your parents is not going to help in any way.
As much as it seems what they're doing is the right way to go about it, I don't think it would be wise to betray their trust and just go to her place. I don't think we should judge them as being irrational or anything, because maybe there is a reason why they are doing this, and they just don't want to discuss that reason for Allah knows why. It's sad that her children don't have your parents in their life though. I hope they change their mind on this, cuz it can really hurt kids that their grandparents aren't there for them...
Is it possible for you to speak to her on the phone or e-mail her? Would they allow that? Perhaps after a while of speaking to her and seeing that you can handle communicating with her without becoming like her, they may become more inclined to letting you visit her.
"...You are my Walî in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die as a Muslim, and join me with the righteous." [Surah Yusuf 101]
People also aren't mentioning the fact that cutting ties with your family is haraam too! Maybe you should mention to them that what they're doing is haraam, and it's hypocritical for them to do so something haraam and then claim that your sister is leading a haraam lifestyle. If you show them that you're capable of not following her footsteps, then inshaaAllaah they might allow you to see her. Make du'a for both your parents and sister inshaaAllaah.
what your parents are doing is wrong, for they are exacerbating the situation by completely cutting her off, and the prophet says: "There is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah, verily obedience is in that which is correct".
call them and tell them you're going to see her, and then go. in the end, do what you think is correct, blindly listening to your parents is not going to help in any way.
that is right
its not nice
someone can change one day
and ur sister might think one day '' what have i done wrong ''
and even its not nice when they say she might change ur life...
they have to give her a chance to change her life
someone has to give her advice
ask your sister to come visit you! NOT for like a week, but just a visit. give her some nasee'hah.
technically, you wouldn't have disobeyed...
IF you go[and i'm NOT saying that you should], just a short visit; going for a WHOLE WEEK is not necessary AND it would be disobeying your parents....
just personal opinions...
Had the non-believer known of all the Mercy which is in the Hands of Allah, he would not lose hope of entering Paradise, and had the believer known of all the punishment which is present with Allah, he would not consider himself safe from the Hell-Fire http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html
What your parents are telling you to do is Haram. We even have to keep ties with our non muslim relatives. Why should we cut off our muslim relatives if they sin?
Like a brother already mentioned in the hadeeth," there is no obedience in anyone to disobedience with Allah."
The family ties is what is connected to Allah's throne. In anohter hadeeth Allah said to the family ties" Whoever cuts you off I will cut them off."
another hadeeth " a person who cuts the family ties will not enter jannah."
But seeing your parents feel so strongly against her, try to do it in a subtle way. Dont' just go and stay at her house for a week. Email her, talk to her on the phone, and maybe get her to visit for a day or so. But sis please don't cut ties completely.
i don't think you should go. you're parents trusted you. they still do. don't throw it away. they love you and don't want you to become influenced away from deen and even if you feel strong enough to stick to your practices you should not disobey them. cutting off from a blood relation for more than 3 dys is prohibitted but there are conditions. like you r meant to boycott a muslim who refuses to pray.
convince them to let u talk to her on the phone and meet her but don't do what they told u not to cos even if there is no harm in it, just by disobeying your parents, u take away the blessings of Allah from that action. And anyway a whole week with her doesn't sound right. u r in a protected environment at the moment and there you won't be. plus shaitan knows all the tricks of the trade. He's praticed luring us into error for thousands of years and trying to make us think what we are doing is right is one of his favourite tricks.
obey your parents sis. i can only request that and there will be blessing in it insha'Allah.
just dont giv up trying to convince them to contct her but dont outrightly break their hearts. they brought u up and by Allah's will gave u a good islamic upbringing so they deserve to be able to trust u Insha'Allah. And Allah knows best
Oh Mankind! What keeps you from your Lord most Generous?
There is no Hand but the Hand of Allah is over it, and
There is no Opressor but he is tried with a Greater Opression.
Sister, I would strongly advise you to consult someone of Knowledge (scholar, Sheikh etc) and tell them about your situation. Because there are a number of complicated and serious factors involved here such as the issue of cutting of blood ties and obeying or disobeying your parents.
As regards to severing ties of kinship,
"There is no sin more deserving of having punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world than oppression and severing ties of family." [Tirmidhi]
n also "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]
Allah has cursed the one severing family ties (qata ur rahm):
"And those who break the covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e. they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives) and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse, and for them is the unhappy home." - [Ar-Rad 13:25. See also Muhammad, 47:22-23].
A cursed person is one who is deprived of the mercy of Allah. It is an indication of this deprivation that this sin is punished in this world as well as in the Hereafter.
Breaking of the ties of kinship is forbidden for personal reasons, but in some cases, not only is it permitted, but it is a must. When we do it solely for the sake of Allaah, to establish the Deen. One of the most vital concepts in Islam is Loving for the Sake of Allaah, and Hating for the sake of Allaah without which our eemaan is not complete.
The Prophet said: "He who loves and hates for Allaah; and gives for Allaah and withholds for Allaah- has perfect Eemaan" [Abu Dawood]
In some cases we have to withdraw from our family members for Allaahs sake, because they are disobeying Allaah.
But, to know where/when to withdraw or boycott from family and to know where/when to not withdraw or boycott... this is for someone of Islamic knowledge who knows and understands your situation to see what applies in this case. Have your parents fallen out for a personal reason, or only for the sake of Allaah?
According to Imam Ibn Tayymiyyah, in his book "Commanding the good and Forbidding the evil", he says that if a member of family is disobeying Allaah, do not boycott from him/her as that is not wise, but explain to them and bring them towards Islam gently. Because if u boycott them, there is strong possibility they will go worse. But then again, sometimes not boycotting or saying anything makes one go worse. So we have to be wise and see which approach would give the best results with regards to our duty towards Allaah and our family.
As for the case of disobeying the Parents, Allaah says in the Qur'aan:
"We advise man to be good to his parents, but if they try to make you do in My name what you know to false, do not obey them" [29:8]
But m not sure whether what your parents are doing is wrong or right or wise, because I don't know the reason why they are not speaking to her. Again, I strongly advise you to refer your case to a scholar, tell them the complete situation, and inshaAllaah, they will tell you the most wise and correct approach to take in this matter.
If u don't know any scholars u can ask, then let me know your case, n I'll try and put it through to someone I know who can guide you inshaAllaah.
May Allaah help you and your family. Aameen
EDIT: saw this now,
What your parents are telling you to do is Haram. We even have to keep ties with our non muslim relatives. Why should we cut off our muslim relatives if they sin?
Because in some cases n situations you have to fall out with relatives for the sake of Allaah. (e.g. when they are disobeying Allaah's commands and commiting major sins even after knowing they shouldn't. Then it doesn't matter if they are your son or daughter or father. If they are breaking Allaah's commands and not listening or taking heed even after you have explained to them and been gentle, then u fall out with them until they realise and repent. Our love towards Allah comes first, before our love to our sons, daughters, spouses etc. We have to take a stand sometimes. How else would Islam be established within our homes and elsewhere?
But our approach should be wise. Before commanding the Good and Forbidding the evil, we need to see if we are in a position to do that (e.g. parents are in a position and able to forbid their children). Then we need to know and understand the persons/childs background. We need to have some insight into which approach to use. Some people need harshness and some people need gentleness. Depends, every situation is different.
Last edited by piXie; 10-16-2008 at 08:08 AM.
Reason: Hadith Inserted.
I think it is safe to obey your parent. Because your parent is your wali. If anything wrong they will be held responsible for that not you but if you don't obey them then u might commit a sin.
I think and believe your parent tried their level best in many ways to make their child understand abt the deen. And believe me parent try more than anyone else for their own child. May be your sister replied or do such think several times which is an act of many kufr. And may be ur parent thinks she became murtad.
A Momen hardly tolerate kufr in front of them. I have some experience abt this kind of situation.
I think it is safe to obey your parent. Because your parent is your wali. If anything wrong they will be held responsible for that not you but if you don't obey them then u might commit a sin.
she is an adult, and responsible for her actions, on the day of judgment the first people to rebuke you would be your parents and family...
format_quote Originally Posted by i_m_tipu
A Momen hardly tolerate kufr in front of them
no offense but self righteousness is not exactly part of being faithful.
boycotting only leads to a worse situation. and there is a difference between advising and not seeing them at all.
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. I love my sister, She's never practised but shes still my sister.
Re: Should I?
People also aren't mentioning the fact that cutting ties with your family is haraam too! Maybe you should mention to them that what they're doing is haraam, and it's hypocritical for them to do so something haraam and then claim that your sister is leading a haraam lifestyle. If you show them that you're capable of not following her footsteps, then inshaaAllaah they might allow you to see her. Make du'a for both your parents and sister inshaaAllaah.
said: "He who loves and hates for Allaah; and gives for Allaah and withholds for Allaah- has perfect Eemaan" [Abu Dawood]
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