Asalam alaikum,
I am a revert and I am inshallah getting married soon, that is when I find the right person.
my question comes about after nikkah is done, then on the wedding night what is supposed to happen? I won't know this person alot, so Is expected to be intimate that first night or can you wait until your ready and know them more? I'm to nervous to ask this in person
JazakAllah
I think every couple has a right to complete privacy at all times..and more so on their first night..If the husband cannot afford a separate home then the logical thing to do is to @ least take his wife to a hotel for their first few nights..for the family to have a problem with this sounds rather inquisitive.
And yeh...I don't think people should spend their honeymoons around family and friends...In fact it is part of islamic ettiquette to abstain from visiting a newly wedded couple for some time after the marriage..doesn't this mean that they should be left alone and allowed privacy???
I have to admit this is the first I have come across the 'staying with the family'.. even the poorest of people manage to go to the shores of their homelands for a week or even a couple of days as it is the best things in life are for free and at weddings people usually bestow gifts some which are monetary for just that sort of thing... I am surprised that culture overshadows religion still in this day and age..
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
well in my family and wider family friends, that would be utterly disrespectful and unacceptable.
i remember some distant relatives, they got married and decided to go to a hotel straight away.
some very bad things were said about them later on, like how shameless the girl was to do that....(to openly imply that they wanted to get away from everyone, ofcourse to be intimate)
i know...its so silly..... .and weired, but then again my lot have a weired way of thinking.
ur family is cool akhee.
Yeah Alhamdullilah..its one of the things they're actually open about! But I can completely relate to what you're saying..I hate desi culture regardless..so much bakwas I tell you!
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
what the.. why get married if you don't have a place to stay? one of the things that need to be fulfilled in order to be married is financial independence to bare the obligation..
I have never heard of a hotel or family home, I think they are both rather creepy and uncomfortable.. to be honest this is truly the first I have ever heard of this.. sob7an Allah, do people honey moon in their parents' home? ffended:ffended:ffended:
No..it's like after the nikah and before the walima. After the walima you go and honeymoon..its something thats done even if the man has his own house..its just to.. I don't know why..but I like the idea of getting to stay in a 5 star hotel w/ my wife lol.
format_quote Originally Posted by nebula
In the pakistani culture, the bride is ment to stay in the inlaws house and it is very hated and disrespectful if the bride wants to have her own house.
Usually if she asks for her own house or place then this causes a lot of problems and tension between within the inlaws!
edit: i have seen this happen.
I think it is so in the general desi culture..especially back home..and it's disgusting. I think the more families are moving to the West they're opening up and realizing that a lot of what they do is baseless culture. The wife has the right to have her own place.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
No..it's like after the nikah and before the walima. After the walima you go and honeymoon..its something thats done even if the man has his own house..its just to.. I don't know why..but I like the idea of getting to stay in a 5 star hotel w/ my wife lol.
.
As a part of a honey moon abroad then absolutely but a hotel in town a couple of blocks from the 'rents anyway I shall refrain at this stage as I don't want to offend with what appears to be a common cultural practice..
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
yeah the wife does have a right to her own place but then the rest of the family will hate you lol so sometimes people have to choose...
make the wife happy?
or make the family happy?
I'm telling you..get her to put it in the contract and then agree..you have the perfect excuse then, you can't do anything but to choose her
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
As a part of a honey moon abroad then absolutely but a hotel in town a couple of blocks from the 'rents anyway I shall refrain at this stage as I don't want to offend with what appears to be a common cultural practice..
Do go on! I offend my culture practically all the time..the satisfaction that I get from doing so
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
Are you kidding me...they just about have gotten used to the idea of me being a girl and going to university and wanting to have a career.
LOL.i can just imaggine me sitting there and saying, I WANT A HONEYMOON NOW! , Ah Allah knows best what will happen akhee.Im not worried too much.As long as there is love between us, i dont care where we spend the first night.
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
Are you kidding me...they just about have gotten used to the idea of me being a girl and going to university and wanting to have a career.
LOL.i can just imaggine me sitting there and saying, I WANT A HONEYMOON NOW! , Ah Allah knows best what will happen akhee.Im not worried too much.As long as there is love between us, i dont care where we spend the first night.
Ouch. It's not just that..if people get used to someone compromising what's dear to them they'll just start taking advantage. Sometimes you can compromise, other times you can't. Wallaahu 'alam.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
Are you kidding me...they just about have gotten used to the idea of me being a girl and going to university and wanting to have a career.
LOL.i can just imaggine me sitting there and saying, I WANT A HONEYMOON NOW! , Ah Allah knows best what will happen akhee.Im not worried too much.As long as there is love between us, i dont care where we spend the first night.
Insha'Allah, Allah swt will bless you with someone amazing who will rock your world and have a sense of adventure -- meh and good progressive in laws who will cut you some slack
so don't sob.. because then I'll be sad too
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
I had my own house, so it was not too much of a problem. My parents did find it odd that we invited lots of our friends for breakfast the next day though. :P
Where I come from (and other arab countries as well, i thiiink), it's tradition to have a big breakfast the day after the wedding.. Close friends and family are invited, usually.
On my wedding night... we will get on a plane that will begin our year long journey of the world. InshaAllah.
Where I come from (and other arab countries as well, i thiiink), it's tradition to have a big breakfast the day after the wedding.. Close friends and family are invited, usually.
On my wedding night... we will get on a plane that will begin our year long journey of the world. InshaAllah.
tsk tsk... don't make us envious. I can't dare to dream of such a thing...
Insha'Allah, Allah swt will bless you with someone amazing who will rock your world and have a sense of adventure -- meh and good progressive in laws who will cut you some slack
so don't sob.. because then I'll be sad too
thanks hun, InshaAllah, i hope so too.xx
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
Sister Sahabiyaat can I as you something kindly ? I assume Snkaelegs is a memer of this forum. If you have objection to any of his posts just call the mods. In any event the sig part is no place for such things :
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
Snakelegs cheater still runs, and it clenches at my heart, everytime i see it....
Sister Sahabiyaat can I as you something kindly ? I assume Snakelegs is a
member of this forum. If you have objection to any of his posts just call the
mods. In any event the sig part is no place for such things :
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
Snakelegs cheater still runs, and it clenches at my heart, everytime i see it....
Sister Sahabiyaat can I as you something kindly ? I assume Snkaelegs is a memer of this forum. If you have objection to any of his posts just call the mods. In any event the sig part is no place for such things :
Thanks;
Also I wish a happy life for OP.
wassalam
snakelegs was a female member of this forum who passed away from cancer.Her signiture is a running CHEETAH!!!!! (hehe) (the animal!).and my signiture is in memory of her.
bet ur embarassed now.
Last edited by Sahabiyaat; 04-15-2009 at 09:03 PM.
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
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.and weired, but then again my lot have a weired way of thinking.
ffended:
lol.
not fair.
anyway I shall refrain at this stage as I don't want to offend with what appears to be a common cultural practice..
thanks hun, InshaAllah, i hope so too.xx
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