Will the lovers of this World unite in the Aakhirah?

**Ali_008** · 05-21-2009

Last year, a girl of my class fell in love with me and she expressed her feelings to me and consequently I fell in love with her as well. We started having a relationship and were madly in love with each other but in the mean time by the end of the year we had a HUGE fight. We were really great friends before falling in love. Our friendship was very different from the kind of friendship boys and girls usually have. We use to respect each other a lot and we didn't even realize when this respect changed into love. The way both of us behaved during the fight, we never in our wildest imaginations thought that we could have a conversation in that tone. But things became real ugly. I was deep in grief and much stressed and so I did Istikhara to see if this she's the one for me and Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the result the very next day itself and the result was NEGATIVE. But even after that I couldn't let her go. Though we were fighting everyday like wild beasts, we won't let each other go and finally there came a time when I recognized that this relationship is hurting me in every way (mostly spiritually) so with all my might and inconceivable strength I broke up with her. The next day she was gonna fly out of the country to stay with her parents. Eventually we couldn't see each other's faces for two months but meanwhile we were in touch through email and chatting. I missed her a lot after the break-up and she was in a worse situation than me. We realized during those two months that we really really really love one another and can't live without each other in our lives but again we had an awesomely terrible fight one day in those two months and later that night she did Istikhara and HER RESULT WAS ALSO NEGATIVE.

My problem starts here. Even though we gave enough reasons to hate each other, we couldn't. Though the Istikhara results showed us Allah's will but destiny never allows us to stay apart. One way or the other, we keep crossing our ways. We still love each other very much though we don't intend to marry. Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Both of us are pious Muslims and we love Allah and do not wish to rebel against him by going ahead with this marriage. So its quite clear that she will marry some other guy and I'll be marrying someone else. From the past few days, we've been wondering about our marriage in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) if possible. So what I want to know is this :

We love each other like crazy but aren't gonna marry for we don't intend to go against Allah so can we expect to get married in the Aakhirah (Inshallah)? Though we'll get married to different people in this world Inshallah but can the two of us hope that Allah will unite us in the next world (Inshallah) ???

Alhamdulillah, having this optimism towards our union in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) has been really helpful and both of us are happy. I just want to know if having this kind of hope is allowed in Islam. All kinds of advice is welcome. Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc... because we've tried every thing we could think of to let go of each other but ultimately we came back to each other. Please help.

**anonymous** · 05-26-2009

Originally Posted by ali_008

.......but Allah has shown me the way and I can't go in some other direction.

He has shown you the way through the Qur'an and Sunnah - when you don't follow that way how can you be following this?

ONE MORE THING I FORGOT TO MENTION is that I did Istikhara again two weeks ago but this time I asked Allah whether I should stay friends with her or bring an end to this painful love/friendship and this time the result was positive. ITS LIKE WE'RE DESTINED TO BE FRIENDS MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT NOT TO GET MARRIED.

In islam, there is no such thing as "destined to be friends" - u either marry her or you get married to someone else and stay away from her

i'm sorry if this is harsh

but thats what it is

whether you like it or not

you seem like a confused teenager to me

try and gain advice from a mature and learned person in islam

subhanAllah

**mathematician** · 05-26-2009

Originally Posted by amani

its not as simple as that sister.

As stated several times istikhara is not a positive negative something

Also, he said he'd marry someone else but remain friends with her and she the same-THAT is the problem....How is it fair on each of their spouses to know that the person they married and have kids with dont love them? or have hopes of being united in the aakhirah with someone other than them?

Very well said amani. I don't think SadiaMinallah appreciates the dangers of what this young man is about to get himself into in terms of punishment of Allah. The brothers and sisters here are trying to wake up this young man. When doing that it is natural not to directly answer a question that comes from immaturity.

**true believer** · 05-27-2009

salam, u dnt want to go against allah? brother, but u already have by dating :S and being in a relationship with this girl. anyway this alone kinda kills da hope for the future cos u STARTED this haramly. and allah forbids dating therfore u HAVE already gone against allah. sorri but u need to realise this. anyway what is done is done.

another thing is that the prayer for u guys come out negative...for her also. den u fight all the time it seems. brother, i think everythin is for a reason, the reason that u guys fight all the time and stuff is because what u doing is wrong and by doing this...u r goin against allah. therefore the relationship is doomed. for ur own sake, i think u need to stop listenin to shaytan that this thing is love, cos to be honest, its ur own desires winning out against what is morally right in islam. for ur own sake brother, just repent for the zina u commited and let this go before it consumes u. dnt take ma comments the wrong way brother, no disrespect intended. i wish for u to open ur eyes for allah's sake thats all.

**Sampharo** · 05-27-2009

Dear Ali,

I will not speak to you about what is correct in Islam, that has been already told to you by your good brothers and sisters here, I will speak to you from the point of compassion towards your obvious pain and try to get you to see things for yourself. This compassion however does not mean I will be soft and kind with my words, on the contrary I think you might find me harsh.

First of all, you are always responsible for your actions, and yours alone. When you mentioned that fight and spoke of how it got ugly, you obviously included yourself in that desription. Right? Then, you still stayed within contact distance dispite the arguments and the cat scratching you two seem to do to each other emotionally. So now you know this is bad for you? Good, now the girl happens to still be engaged to another man. Well? Now you need to ask YOURSELF, do you think any of us here can honestly tell you: yeah, sure, continue to be friends? Do you honestly believe that any rational mind can rationalize it? To tell you to stay friends with a girl you will not marry, commiting haraam, to continue hurting yourself emotionally (and apparently physically as you mentioned your life was threatened twice) in this irregular wrong relationship, to ask God to do something which is not done and that is to bring together two kids in the afterlife when they hurt each other, and most of all and I am surprised it didn't come up earlier: Go against what your mother has forbidden?

Aside from that, you performed istikhara, on both sides, and it came out negative but later on you made istikhara about friendship and it came out positive. I don't understand WHAT you mean by negative or positive the very next day, that's not how istikhara works! Can you explain a bit here?

**Ali_008** · 05-29-2009

Thank You Thank You Thank you

Jazakallah Khair Jazakallah Khair Jazakallah Khair Dear Brothers and Sisters

I've learned a lot from all this. I'm really thankful to all of you for showing interest in this matter. Dear Brothers and Sisters, The number of mistakes that you guys pointed out in me are relatively less than what I know I've committed. I know I've done wrong, I've hurt a lot of people in all this but mostly unintentionally. What you guys have written here are absolute facts and definitely almost half of them have crossed my mind in the past but I let love took over me with such madness that I had turned a blind eye to all this. If I just keep ignoring the truth then it doesn't become false. What you guys wrote here literally confirmed the doubts I had at the back of my head. May Allah bless all of you with Jannat-ul-Firdaus for having helped this distressed brother of yours.

When this relationship started, I had a lot to lose and I DID LOSE A LOT BUT NOT EVERYTHING and for that I'll ever be greatful to Ar-Rahim, The Most Merciful. In all this the biggest lost I had was the weakening of my faith because I wasn't loving Allah but someone else and I'm working on repairing the damage.

I have nothing else to say. Alhamdulillah I've been able to see the light of day finally. Inshallah, I'll not just take the better but the best decision possible for me and her. One thing I'd like to request from all of you is to remember this "Ali_008" and his beloved in your duas.

Jazakallah Khair

**Sampharo** · 05-29-2009

Bismillahi Masha Allah. Al Hamdulillah that you have been guided and no one has guided you other than God, Allah -SAW-. We are glad that our words were tools in this and hope that you find peace and happiness. I will remember you in my dua'a insha Allah, you remember us in yours too.

**mathematician** · 05-29-2009

well brother Ali, you haven't shared with us what you plan to do now.
If you chose to marry that woman then may Allah bring the best out of your marriage.
If you are going to keep away from her, then may Allah replace it with something better (and yes He will!!). Allah always does business like that. You give up something haraam that may be even small and then it pleases Him to the extent that He takes it upon Himself to reward His slaves.
It may not be something in this world, but when you meet your Maker you will insha'Allah realize how much good this will bring for you.
Keep in touch.

**Ali_008** · 05-30-2009

I am not gonna marry her for the aforementioned reasons. I'll separate myself from her but not all of a sudden as that way it has never worked but one step at a time. Inshallah both of us will find peace soon.

**true believer** · 05-30-2009

Originally Posted by ali_008

I am not gonna marry her for the aforementioned reasons. I'll separate myself from her but not all of a sudden as that way it has never worked but one step at a time. Inshallah both of us will find peace soon.

mashalla, i hope it goes well for u bro. dnt give up...allah will bring u the one u supposed to be with when ur probably not even looking, and dat someone allah has chosen may not be who U've chosen. (think bout dat), in the MEAN TIME>>>just focus on ur deen or somethin. peace x