A strict revert potential...help plz.

^Yup, an example of what you perceive as 'too strict' may help.

There are variations to the word "strict". There is strict as in just strict and wants to apply everything conservatively as per Islam and Sunnah, or strict as in strict in discipline and wants to remove everything that is not Islam related and make life surrounding religion and nothing else, or strict as in deviated from the true path of Sunnah and is adopting an extreme version or conservative view that is actually incorrect Islamically. There is a difference in the three and my advice will depend on which one he truly is.

If he is just a strict muslim, as in wants to do everything in the sunnah to the maximum extent, pray the proper prayer of the prophet in what it takes and all the attached sunnahs and nawafel, and wants to spend a lot of time studying and learning about everything in Islam, there is nothing wrong with that and may you be guided by such fervor. This is great from him and when he knows more he will add, and you would do well to have such a husband.

If you mean strict as in discipline, like he doesn't want you to go anywhere without his permission and company, or denies you to have a phone or TV or internet access, or insists you wearing Niqab if you're wearing hijab, or he is demanding all these things with insistence or even with shouting thinking it is his right, well honey you need to see if you're willing to change him or if this is what you want in your life, because such people are changable, but hard to change. Try to get him some moderate friends and have your parents speak to him about how the prophet used to hold Aisha to watch the ethiopians dance and told the exclaiming sahabi "an hour and an hour" meaning that life is long and time for worship and study needs that people spend some time having some fun and room to freedom. Explain to him society and such things and see if he is responsive. Many new muslims are too excited and want to do it right so they will go ALL the way and want it there right now. So see if that is you can work with him.

If you are saying strict as in deviated strict, like insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing (wants short cotton pants and nothing else, and insists you wear black jilbab and niqab), passes takfir on people who sin, is involved with extremist group political mentalities with deviated interpretations of the sunnah, or denies you the right to study anymore, then stay away sister. People adopt those ideas because they are willing and ready, and it's a long and hard path to correct them. A few do al-hamdolellah but many don't. The prophet said about the prospect groom that you need to "accept his manners and religion" and that it matches yours. A deviated version of Islam is not a match and you should not accept it. If he is destined to mend his ways, then God help him, as a sister you cannot have close interaction with him anyway until he does so.

Hope that helped and hope you make the best choice for you. I need to add that as Egyptians we have MANY social and cultural things attached to our life and marriage and I am not sure if a strict african american new revert will understand and be willing to accomodate unless he's open-minded to it, and sounds like you're already having problems with his open-mindedness.

May God help you in your dilemma

Alhamdulilah, I'm very happy to hear that your parents don't mind accepting a convert as a marriage partner. All too often, our convert brothers face a lot of problems when looking to marry born and raised muslimahs.

That being said, I would be wary of entering into a marriage with this brother. If you go into a marriage looking to change your spouse, you're in for a lot of problems and heart ache.

Create a list of things that are important to you in a spouse, and things that you're willing and not willing to do in a marriage. Granted, no one will match your expectations 100%, but he should be willing to try to accomidate you.

Likewise, have him do the same exercise. If your ideal and his ideal are far apart, then you may not be a good marriage partner.



Also, since he's only recently arrived in Egypt, maybe give him some time to study there, so see if his views will mature and evolve. Maybe 6 months or a year from now, he'll be closer to the husband you would like to have.

format_quote Originally Posted by Sampharo

There are variations to the word "strict". There is strict as in just strict and wants to apply everything conservatively as per Islam and Sunnah, or strict as in strict in discipline and wants to remove everything that is not Islam related and make life surrounding religion and nothing else, or strict as in deviated from the true path of Sunnah and is adopting an extreme version or conservative view that is actually incorrect Islamically. There is a difference in the three and my advice will depend on which one he truly is.

If he is just a strict muslim, as in wants to do everything in the sunnah to the maximum extent, pray the proper prayer of the prophet in what it takes and all the attached sunnahs and nawafel, and wants to spend a lot of time studying and learning about everything in Islam, there is nothing wrong with that and may you be guided by such fervor. This is great from him and when he knows more he will add, and you would do well to have such a husband.

If you mean strict as in discipline, like he doesn't want you to go anywhere without his permission and company, or denies you to have a phone or TV or internet access, or insists you wearing Niqab if you're wearing hijab, or he is demanding all these things with insistence or even with shouting thinking it is his right, well honey you need to see if you're willing to change him or if this is what you want in your life, because such people are changable, but hard to change. Try to get him some moderate friends and have your parents speak to him about how the prophet used to hold Aisha to watch the ethiopians dance and told the exclaiming sahabi "an hour and an hour" meaning that life is long and time for worship and study needs that people spend some time having some fun and room to freedom. Explain to him society and such things and see if he is responsive. Many new muslims are too excited and want to do it right so they will go ALL the way and want it there right now. So see if that is you can work with him.

If you are saying strict as in deviated strict, like insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing (wants short cotton pants and nothing else, and insists you wear black jilbab and niqab), passes takfir on people who sin, is involved with extremist group political mentalities with deviated interpretations of the sunnah, or denies you the right to study anymore, then stay away sister. People adopt those ideas because they are willing and ready, and it's a long and hard path to correct them. A few do al-hamdolellah but many don't. The prophet said about the prospect groom that you need to "accept his manners and religion" and that it matches yours. A deviated version of Islam is not a match and you should not accept it. If he is destined to mend his ways, then God help him, as a sister you cannot have close interaction with him anyway until he does so.

Hope that helped and hope you make the best choice for you.I need to add that as Egyptians we have MANY social and cultural things attached to our life and marriage and I am not sure if a strict african american new revert will understand and be willing to accomodate unless he's open-minded to it, and sounds like you're already having problems with his open-mindedness.

May God help you in your dilemma

jazakom Allah khayr
I think he is mix of the second and the third type, he insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing and think that muslim must dress this clothes ,he want me to wear niqab while I am wearing tall and respectable hijab ,he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

jazakom Allah khayr
I think he is mix of the second and the third type, he insists on wearing extreme literal versions of Islamic clothing and think that muslim must dress this clothes ,he want me to wear niqab while I am wearing tall and respectable hijab ,he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.

as for the opinion he follows on niqab being wajib, that is not strict or extreme in any way....but for the medicine thing slightly worrying.

How long has he been a revert if you dont mind me asking?

format_quote Originally Posted by S1aveofA11ah

Asalaamualaikum,

Sister PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take my short, following advice seriously.

I'm not saying this particular brother is from this sect, but he seems to be showing the characteristics of it.

Islam, as you know is ALL about BALANCE - ihdinuss siratual-mustaqeem (guide us to the STRAIGHT/BALANCED path, as we recite in fatiha). All I can tell you is there is a group of Muslims, not very large in number, but DEVASTATING in affect known as the Hadaadiyeen. They go to EXTREMES. They are like a cult who brain wash their followers or group members. They have been known to marry and divorce women like drinking water. They boycott other Muslims who are not part of their group. They withold salams and they follow a very select group of scholars only - blindly. I'm not getting into a discussion about Salafiyyah or Salafi but they refer to themselves as Salafis - they seem far from 'salafiyyah' however.

BE VERY CAREFUL. They are VERY EVASIVE.

Ask tons of questions. Ask about their Islam. Their friends. Their scholars and views.

Personally, as good advice, if the extremes are great, I would be patient and avoid this brother. Look for good signs of balance.

Selam aleykum
I know some brothers who consider themselves to be salafis, but none of them have the characteristics you mentioned here. Be that as it may, regardless of who's wrong or right, it's always wrong to judge people by their views, or to judge an idea based on he people who follow it.

format_quote Originally Posted by amani

as for the opinion he follows on niqab being wajib, that is not strict or extreme in any way....but for the medicine thing slightly worrying.

yes ,I respect the opinione which say that niqab is wajib and I may follow it someday ,the problem isn`t in niqab ,the problem is in the whole baggage of thoughts,he isn`t high graduated now by his choise ,he wear very strange clothes ,I don`t know anybody dress like this even in suadi arabia or pakistan ,he wear a turban which was used 1000 years ago and think that this is the Islamic dress.

format_quote Originally Posted by amani

How long has he been a revert if you dont mind me asking?

he reverted two years ago

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

he was studding medicine in USA then he left his collage before graduating just because someone told him that as a muslim he have to leave country of (sherk) and imagrate to an Islamic state,he don`t want to do anything in his life other than lestning islamic lectures and stay at masjid,many things which I know that it is halal he think it is haram.

I think it`s not right to continue with him,
so plz make dua for me to find good muslim husband and dua for him too to find his soul mate.

I'd say do not continue. Umar ibn alKhattab used to beat men of working age who used to stay in the masjid all the time instead of earning a living. Unfortunately, the neo-salafi cult preys on converts in the us and tells them all kinds of garbage; I heard the same kinda stuff as well as how I had to change my name, cut ties with my "kuffar family", wearing pants is a bidah and immitating the kuffar, and how the Saudi regime can do no wrong.

There needs to be a middle path in the deen and a lot of so-called salafis in the us aren't on it.

Ukhti,

It is not unusual for us reverts to become very strict and follow a very narrow path of Islam, disavowing everything that is not on the same path. We see it as piety and often do not realise that what we call piety is only anti-establishment. Many of us American reverts are non-conformists and anti-government. Sadly, some of us revert because of those reasons, not because of love for Allaah(swt)

I would seek to find the reason he reverted to Islam, if his reason is a just, honest acceptance of the truth of Islam, all will be fine Insha Allaah. If his reason is for hatred of America and not for love of Allaah(swt) he will become more extreme and more radical, seeking to find only that which justifies hatred of Americans and never seeing the beauty of Islam.

A person who reverts for the wrong reason, possibly did not really revert, just found an outlet for inner hatred and calling it piety.

format_quote Originally Posted by Woodrow

Ukhti,

It is not unusual for us reverts to become very strict and follow a very narrow path of Islam, disavowing everything that is not on the same path. We see it as piety and often do not realise that what we call piety is only anti-establishment. Many of us American reverts are non-conformists and anti-government. Sadly, some of us revert because of those reasons, not because of love for Allaah(swt)

I would seek to find the reason he reverted to Islam, if his reason is a just, honest acceptance of the truth of Islam, all will be fine Insha Allaah. If his reason is for hatred of America and not for love of Allaah(swt) he will become more extreme and more radical, seeking to find only that which justifies hatred of Americans and never seeing the beauty of Islam.

A person who reverts for the wrong reason, possibly did not really revert, just found an outlet for inner hatred and calling it piety.

u touched a very important point,jazakom Allah khayr,he told me about racism in America ,I think he hate America,but I am not sure about the reason which leads him to revert,he told me that he reverted just because he believe that Islam is truth.
I have a question,if a person reverted just due to hatred to America why would he past most of the day praying and why would he reject TV ,internet and other life entertainments .I just ask trying to understand this kind of people more.

sis i think u should ask some close male relative of urs i mean mahram to meet him and find out how he is maybe he isnt as strict as u think and on the other hand maybe what u think is strict is normal to him. rememba he is a revert and we must be easy with our muslim reverts theyve taken the big step and changed their lives and made the sacrifice.
oh yeah and by studying inshallah under good pious knowledged teachers hell get better!
i was a bit strict b4 i startd studyn then i began to understand better alhamdulilah.
and 1 last thing pray to Allah if hes rite 4 u thats gr8 and if not then Allah will give u better.

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

I have a question,if a person reverted just due to hatred to America why would he past most of the day praying and why would he reject TV ,internet and other life entertainments .I just ask trying to understand this kind of people more.

We have no way to look into the hearts or intentions of anyone. It is possible to pray intently for the wrong reasons.

I find it best to believe a person is praying with the right intentions, unless he proves different. piety can not be measured in terms of how often or how deeply a person prays. That is only an outer visible portion, it is what is within the person that makes the prayers either pious or otherwise.

At this point I would not question his reasons for his actions. Rather I would focus on trying to see why he believes Islam is the truth.

The NOI here in America are often very pious and they call themselves Muslims, but the actions of some are often based on the hatred of white people and not on the love of Allaah(swt) Although some stress that hating white people is a way to show love of Allaah(swt)

@thread starter, maybe you should talk to him (in a meeting/with mahrams present), give him naseeha, becuase in all honesty, some people just dont know. see were that goes...

I feel I should just step in to say that converts are extreme because we are aware of the clock ticking and we want to get it right for the time we have left, where do you draw the line when following AlQur,an and Rasulullahs (pbuh) teachings. I dont think I am so extreme per say but I am trying to improve on a daily basis, I am starting my beard insha,Allah, which to some people looks very extreme being of white/western background, but you know its something I dont quite understand about our Ummah, why some go that extra mile though others donot. The convert/revert wants salvation like its a matter of being able to breath, we see the truth and ache for the fulfillment of our covenant, and I think that over time it really becomes thatwe seek Allahs pardon above all others who may think we are too extreme. So if the brother in question seems too extreme then dont marry him, instead you can admire and be in awe of his commune with Allah. Hope this doesnt soung strange but us converts have to make up for lost time therefore we must follow Islam to the absolute letter. Peace

well i didnt read thread so maybe i should. but bro be careful of what yousay re other muslims faith and direction. Peace brother