Life is getting on my nerves

**anonymous** · 07-18-2009

what do you do when you are weighed down by the weight of your trials its killing you and you have no where else to go and nothing else to do except be patient, but for some weird reason that seems to be wearing thin as well.

when people are getting to you even them calling your name irritates you and you feel like snapping at then though they haven't done anything to you.

and i have to say this (as much as it kills me) because i really need advice on this. I need help with my mum

is it old age, am i misunderstanding her? i dont know what it is but sometimes she insults which simply kills me and makes me feel hopeless

im going through some hardships atm which are making me do things (even though unintenially) which annoy her. pls tell me, are people responsible for the harship they cause to thier parents even though its not intentional and they dont realise it

cos if not, im totally doomed

i've reached a point where a few times where i thought i should turn around and say something to her, but thankfully something stops me. i dont want to turn into one of those bratty reblious kids. i want to be paitent as much as i can be, even if she is the one in the wrong. can anyone post up those stories about those sahabis/pious people who faced oppression from thier parents and how they were paitent (im sure there is a few, but i cant remeber). can someone tell me if they have been through this. how did you react to this treatment? am I the one thats wrong?

I always feel that i come off second best with her

i think alhamdullah its cos i dont whinge and ask her for anything which is why she desnt attend to me (and its true, i try not bother anyone as much as i can) so naturally she wont attend to me but still i dont see why i should come off second best. i just think maybe i should just start whining like my other siblings do to get thier own way so that she listens but i just dont deem it right. i just cant do it. even if she is wrong, it isnt the way to go about it right?

and then the there's the issue with my inferiority as girl. it sickens me that my brothers get the treatment that me and my sisters dont. i dont care if she loves them more then she loves us (if that's that case) but even if, you dont go around showing it

and then thiers the issue with my friends. she doesnt let me see them or talk to them. its totally ok for my other siblings, but not for me. why oh why do they get to do things tht i dont.

i thought when you listen to people they love you more and aer careful about how they treat you, not take advantage cos your listening to them

i have to and want to look after her in her old age, but these stuff just make it really hard

am i really a bad person? i dno...maybe i deserve all this.

i want to talk to someone but i know the minute i start talking, i'll start crying and never stop

i have that much locked inside of me. that and the fact no on understands. wallahi no-one gets it. I try speaking about my prolems only for people not to understand me or where in trying to come from or make stupid judegemts and form basless suspiciouss. why cant i be interested in a bro without people frowing upon me and making me horrid by implying that i must have thrown myself out or something ridicilous like that. oh god, i would never do anything like that

besides im too stuck up to do that

and then theres my iman. or rather lack of. its just not getting anywhere and keeps decresing. i really dno what to do. i know how to make it better, but the problem is i cant seem to actually oick myself up and impliment the things required. and especially since ramadan is coming i really dont want to waste it. even the dhikr after payer im having trouble keeping up with. shame innit...

i think maybe this is all a punishment ya know i aint the gratest Muslim so maybe im being taught a lesson

so you see why life is getting on my nerves

if you dont advice me with my problems, at the very least please advice me regarding my mother. i really really need to know if anyone else has been through this. i mean i havnt been around old people to know how they act and all, so if someone could enlighten me, it would mean alot!

**- IqRa -** · 07-20-2009

Someone advice inshaAllaah.

**Sufisticated007** · 07-20-2009

Salaam,

Skimming through your post, one thing is clear, the language of "i can't" is overused. You have to think positively. If you look at life's ills, your patience will always wear thin. If you think life is crap (for lack of a better word), then it WILL be crap.

I suggest that if you are aggrieved, you talk it through with your mother. You shouldn't bottle things up inside as you'll end up resenting her. Communicate clearly. The way to do that is to maybe write down in short bullet points what it is that is wrong. And then sit her down in a quiet moment and politely communicate your concerns. Every relationship requires work, no parent is perfect and parenting is a difficult task. Therefore you need to speak up about what you perceive to be wrong. That way inshaAllah your mother has the potential to change and your relationship has hope.

Life is only as complicated as you make it. So don't let it get on your nerves. Get proactive and change it since you have the potential and capability to do so.

**AnonymousPoster** · 07-20-2009

Sister, the ups and downs of Imaan trouble all of us but for me I think they are actually good signs. Because when your faith's low, you don't think about reward or the punishment. You just abstain from bad and stick to good solely for Allah's sake and thats best level of Imaan. Imaan is of 3 levels - the lowest is the fear of punishment, the second is the hope of reward and the best is the love of Allah. Its strange but when you feel that you are losing out on your deen, you actually think only about Allah. Reward and punishment become secondary. I go through this problem like 3-4 days in a week but thats the beauty of momin. He sticks to his deen in spite of the inconsistencies.

Sister, you sound very pessimistic about Ramadaan but actually because of this problem, I'm desperately waiting for Ramadaan because our faith gets refreshed in Ramadaan and its the best month for a Momin because he's surrounded by dhikr everywhere, Alhamdulillah. I wasn't always a practising Muslim but I actually started in Ramadaan years ago and Alhamduillah it was because of Ramadaan that I could make a relationship with Allah. Subhanallah. So wait for another month and InshAllah our imaan will get the boosts they require, make dua for all Muslims' faith during Ramadaan.

All of us have problems with our families one way or the other. I don't remember examples of Sahaba but I do remember Ibrahim (peace be upon him). His father insulted him a lot of times and threatened him a lot but still he showed only kindness to his father. Even Abu Lahab was an uncle of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his hostility towards Islam was reciprocated with gentleness by Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). It is also said in Ahadeeth that parents have to be treated with humility even if they are non-Muslims. Parents hold a very high status, they come next to only Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). I can only recommend that whenever anything goes wrong with Mom, regardless of whose mistake it could be, go, sit next to her, give her a tight hug and slowly tell her that you want chocolates. Sounds strange??? Try once. As you're a daughter and daughters and moms get well better than sons so try this strategy. Remember that even a smile is charity so always keep smiling this will really frustrate shaytaan.

I'll make dua for you, you make dua for me as well.

**Snowflake** · 07-21-2009

I think having a poor relationship with our mothers is the hardest thing a person has to deal with in life. We can replace every relation, except that of a mother, as no one can do what she did, and that is give birth to us. I can empathise with you sis. I don't believe talking helps either. It is one of those things you have to take in your stride in. But to do that without letting it drive you to despair, you have to find something to distract you. Do you have a hobby/pastime? When you free from your religious obligations, keep yourself occupied doing something you enjoy. The more occupied your mind is the less you will have to dwell on negative things. And when you enjoy doing something, your mind will be calm and able deal with the stresses of life much better.

Parents have a duty toward their children. But despite the high status Allah has given them, they aren't always perfect or mindful of their duties. However, that doesn't mean, we neglect our duty toward them. Give your mother her due respect and be a good daughter to her, but keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy. There is no quick-fix solution to bad relationships, but patience goes a long way.

Take care : )

**Maryan0** · 07-21-2009

first most of the time with parents the children they give the hardest time to tend to be the children that are in some way the closest to their hearts or the children they expect the most of.
second your mother insulting you or criticizing you may be hurtful but at least it shows she cares, when a parent or a loved one is silent that may mean they have given up hope of changing you, silence from your parents is something to be afraid of. don't take your mothers silence for your other siblings as consent for their behaviour she may just be tired of telling them what to do when they dont listen to her or give her a hard time.
third parents can be annoying but that's life.
salam

**anonymous** · 07-29-2009

thank you very much for your replies. anonymousgender, i knew that ibrahim (aleyhi salam) and his father had difference, but i didnt know it reached a point where his father used to insult him. can you please post some link so i can read it in detail