Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage (OP)
Asalam valekum brothers and sisters.
I have been married for almost more than 4 years now. and i have a daughter from our marriage.
I live in a western country and my wife is a strict christian when i say strict she wont waiver in her faith. I recently accepted Islam just a few days back.
I have this problem where i don't have connection with her and also not physically attracted to her, we don't have any intimacy in our marriage, just two people living under a roof. I do love my wife and care for her but i dont have that intimacy as a muslim brother i take care of them. Before i was a muslim i gaze used to fall on so many girls but i never had any relationship as such outside of marriage.
My wife wants to have more kids but i don't want to have any more as i dont know how long our marriage will last. I am so depressed now a days thinking of all this. .
Also i want to raise my family in a islamic way, i never told my wife about islam but i know for sure she wont let me.
i do love my wife as a good friend but there is no intimacy between us that connection is dead.
we sleep on separate beds
format_quote Originally Posted by syilla
akhee...
i just don't understand, how on earth you got married in this first place? is it because your parents ask you to get married with her
and how bad the marriage was? you have already a child with her?
i don't think you can't just turn back just because after marriage you think she is not attractive for you?
Did you realise that...love needs a lot of extra of work? It won't blossom if you just wait and see?
In Islam you can't divorce a woman just because you think she is not attractive to you...
In Islam physical attraction is one of the criteria to choose 'before' you get married...
But in islam of course you can marry four... but are you sure you're being fair?
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
Do you think your wife loves you, Mark?
Does your wife comment on your lack of physical contact?
Do you exchange any other forms of physical affection when you are at home? Do you hug or kiss each other? Smile at each other and laugh together?
If your only issue is lack of sexual attraction, then you can probably look for a solution on that (providing you are both willing to).
Peace glo
Here I stand.
I can do no other.
May God help me.
Amen.
Come, let us worship and bow down •
and kneel before the Lord our Maker
[Psalm 95]
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
I do kiss her when i am going to work or going any where. other than that no forms of physical affection
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
Do you think your wife loves you, Mark?
Does your wife comment on your lack of physical contact?
Do you exchange any other forms of physical affection when you are at home? Do you hug or kiss each other? Smile at each other and laugh together?
If your only issue is lack of sexual attraction, then you can probably look for a solution on that (providing you are both willing to).
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
How long have you been married? And how long have you felt like this about your wife?
You said that you married because of family pressure.
That seems quite unusual in Western society.
Can you share a little more why your parents wanted you to marry your wife, how they made that choice, and why you felt unable to say 'No' to them?
How old is your child? You must have had some physical contact at some point.
Peace glo
Here I stand.
I can do no other.
May God help me.
Amen.
Come, let us worship and bow down •
and kneel before the Lord our Maker
[Psalm 95]
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
format_quote Originally Posted by markislam
I do kiss her when i am going to work or going any where. other than that no forms of physical affection
Hello Mark,
You make me confuse , You said you dont love your wife as a wife for you and same time you are afraid to tell her about the islam so what tell her then about the islam first and if she become muslim inshallah she will attract you physically as well , believe me all the women in the world have attraction if they wanna attract and all the women in the world are beautiful but you need only to be patient and close to discover it .suppose you have a beautiful attractive wife you will suffer with jalousy of her when all the people in the street looking at her and im example of that my husband get always crazy out side because all the eyes on me i bring always problems ,For me beauty is a problem maker thats all
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
We were good friends and we both were going through some personal issues which i don't want to share here, and we talked about marriage, we never gave time to think and also our parents were pressurising her as she comes from a asian family. what ever it is now we are married dont want to think the past. I think iam going to just take what i have and follow God. I feel i am not right for her, she does love me and i know it.
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
I come from a strict christian roots no one in my family is a muslim. so i don't want to reveal it now to any one even my wife.
I am still new to Islam and want to learn a lot, my father inlaw is a pastor of a church.
format_quote Originally Posted by touba
Hello Mark,
You make me confuse , You said you dont love your wife as a wife for you and same time you are afraid to tell her about the islam so what tell her then about the islam first and if she become muslim inshallah she will attract you physically as well , believe me all the women in the world have attraction if they wanna attract and all the women in the world are beautiful but you need only to be patient and close to discover it .suppose you have a beautiful attractive wife you will suffer with jalousy of her when all the people in the street looking at her and im example of that my husband get always crazy out side because all the eyes on me i bring always problems ,For me beauty is a problem maker thats all
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
I think that is why muslims in saudi and afghanistan wear the full veil so other men dont look at women
format_quote Originally Posted by touba
Hello Mark,
You make me confuse , You said you dont love your wife as a wife for you and same time you are afraid to tell her about the islam so what tell her then about the islam first and if she become muslim inshallah she will attract you physically as well , believe me all the women in the world have attraction if they wanna attract and all the women in the world are beautiful but you need only to be patient and close to discover it .suppose you have a beautiful attractive wife you will suffer with jalousy of her when all the people in the street looking at her and im example of that my husband get always crazy out side because all the eyes on me i bring always problems ,For me beauty is a problem maker thats all
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
format_quote Originally Posted by markislam
I have a secure job but again nothing is secure in this world . I am a fit parent, my wife does not work and i take care of them well.
I dont know how to start a conversation about this. what should i say.
I think you should choose an appropriate time first of all..
call her (by her name) for a sit down and say, I think we need to have a candid discussion.. there are a few things on my mind that we need to discuss as they will determine our future and life together...I don't need an answer from you right away, but I'll ask you to think of what I am saying and reply honestly on your own time..
then proceed with easy questions:
such as
if I were sick with a debilitated disease would you stand by my side?
if I wanted to move to another town would you move with me?
is this marriage for better or worst?
see how she responds to all of those take your Q's
maybe leave it at that for that night and see if she starts thinking for a while and letting those words sink in, and then if she presses you later for what is on your mind, tell her, I have been doing alot of research and made a life altering decision.. I am not sure how committed you are to me to go along on my life journey .. but I will try to answer all your questions and you are free to make the decision that you feel is best for you, as I don't wish to compromise your comfort in any way.. and whatever decision you make, I'll be supportive of you and our child.. and take it from there..
khyer insha'Allah
Text without context is pretext If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
I have been doing alot of research and made a life altering decision..
is the above about my conversion to islam ?
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
I think you should choose an appropriate time first of all..
call her (by her name) for a sit down and say, I think we need to have a candid discussion.. there are a few things on my mind that we need to discuss as they will determine our future and life together...I don't need an answer from you right away, but I'll ask you to think of what I am saying and reply honestly on your own time..
then proceed with easy questions:
such as
if I were sick with a debilitated disease would you stand by my side?
if I wanted to move to another town would you move with me?
is this marriage for better or worst?
see how she responds to all of those take your Q's
maybe leave it at that for that night and see if she starts thinking for a while and letting those words sink in, and then if she presses you later for what is on your mind, tell her, I have been doing alot of research and made a life altering decision.. I am not sure how committed you are to me to go along on my life journey .. but I will try to answer all your questions and you are free to make the decision that you feel is best for you, as I don't wish to compromise your comfort in any way.. and whatever decision you make, I'll be supportive of you and our child.. and take it from there..
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
I think you should choose an appropriate time first of all..
call her (by her name) for a sit down and say, I think we need to have a candid discussion.. there are a few things on my mind that we need to discuss as they will determine our future and life together...I don't need an answer from you right away, but I'll ask you to think of what I am saying and reply honestly on your own time..
then proceed with easy questions:
such as
if I were sick with a debilitated disease would you stand by my side?
if I wanted to move to another town would you move with me?
is this marriage for better or worst?
see how she responds to all of those take your Q's
maybe leave it at that for that night and see if she starts thinking for a while and letting those words sink in, and then if she presses you later for what is on your mind, tell her, I have been doing alot of research and made a life altering decision.. I am not sure how committed you are to me to go along on my life journey .. but I will try to answer all your questions and you are free to make the decision that you feel is best for you, as I don't wish to compromise your comfort in any way.. and whatever decision you make, I'll be supportive of you and our child.. and take it from there..
khyer insha'Allah
beautiful idea btw mashAllah if only i had a brain like yours sis
Re: Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage
I think you have to introduce Islam to her first, I am sure she has the wrong view about Islam that's why you are worried about telling her.
See how she will act and accordingly decide how and when you gonna tell her about you conversion, it seems that both you two raised it a strong Christian families. Be a good muslim husband to your wife, treat her very well as the muslim supposed to do toward his family, she will change her mind about Islam when she will see your behavior toward her....make her feel that you being a muslim will not affect your relation with her in a bad way but rather in a better way and that will not affect her faith as being Christian since its okay for a Muslim to marry a non muslim woman.
who knows maybe Islam will be the thing that will bring you two closer to each other like any couple...........subhanAllah Allah will make it easy on you, I am sure of that. Be sincere in your faith and you will find ease from Allah, he will not let you down
And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him, (2) And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him
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Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage (OP)
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but it is 100% unlikely as i know her more than you all
. I am a fit parent, my wife does not work and i take care of them well.
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