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Sins as a 13 year old~bothering me as a 19 year old

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    fflier09's Avatar Limited Member
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    Sins as a 13 year old~bothering me as a 19 year old

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    Dear All,

    I come from a Pakistani family and in spite of my parents religious practices, have only become religious in the past few months. I am 19 years old.

    Prior to this, I was quite a religious rebel and would not practice as much in terms of prayers and reading of quran. However, I always had a good personality and tried to be as nice as I could.

    I'm gonna start my third year at my University this upcoming fall and some things from my past have really bothered me these past two years and even more now ever since my senior year of high school.

    When I was 13 and started high school, my family and I went through some tough financial times. However, they sent me to a good private school where I met a girl at school that I somewhat liked and just wanted to be friends with. I took her number and sent her a lot of text messages and she got annoyed. She told her older sister to tell me to leave her alone and stop texting her. I got mad at her for doing that and I stole her textbook when she wasn't noticing just to piss her off. I know it was a stupid thing to do. I think she knows that it was me who stole the book but she never confronted me or anything. However since then, she made high school a living misery for me and she ruined my reputation by telling everyone bad things about me. Oddly enough, her younger brother and his friends befriended me but talked behind my back as well. When I found out I completely cut him out and was a jerk to him. That really ruined my reputation with a lot of the guys I knew not only at school but even in my neighborhood. Which really resulted in me not having very many friends.

    Flash forward all these years, now that I'm more mature, I realize why the felt the way they did about me. I also learned from my mistakes and I know that I should not have tried to creep her out like that, or steal the book, or even act like a jerk to her brother. However, what should I do instead of feeling guilty about it forever? A friend had suggested apologize to both of them and offer to pay for the book if I ever see them again. Also, with regards to the books, I know I was a fool and horrible to do so, but I found a book that belonged to another muslim sister and kept it as well. A few days ago, I went through my old things and took the books to my old school along with all the books I bought with my own money just to sort of make things right and ease the guilt. However, i still feel guilty and horrible about it.

    To add more salt to the wound, a lot of kids from my school go to the mosque near my house and whenever I have gone to shake their hand or talk to them, they laugh at me and try to make it hard for me to be in their social group when I am of the same age. It is a small mosque so its hard to find a lot of people of my age. I can honestly say, that I have no desire to indulge in any type of western behavior (girlfriend, drinking, smoking, etc.) I really am committed to being a good muslim and I am ashamed of my past mistakes.

    My question is, will allah be able to forgive me as I have committed so many? This might be hard to answer, but I really want my reputation to be back to normal or at least somewhat decent as I know I'm a decent human being at heart who is trying to be better everyday. I was one stupid 13 year old back then who didn't know much and I am doing my best to be a caring, responsible, and educated muslim adult now.

    Jazakallah,
    Asif
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    markislam's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Sins as a 13 year old~bothering me as a 19 year old

    Asalam walwkum

    bro you are still young, just give some more time as you age all this things will become irrelevant, get close to Allah and you will see all your friends comming back to you.
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