Falling out of love.....

**AnonymousPoster** · 10-25-2009

I love a girl and she says that she loves me but whenever there's a fight, she just talks of breaking up with me and going off. I can't marry her right now because my parents won't let me and neither am I settled. I'm in University. I've tried everything to stay happy without but nothing worked. Without her in my life, everything is just an illusion.

There were 2 months in my life when I was completely away from her, not even seeing her face. even if she'd ever come in my way, I'd just stop going in that direction and go somewhere else. And I tried to be a good Muslim during those 2 months and I actually thought that I'm being one but later some of the verses of the Qur'an showed me that I had become a hypocrite. A Munafiq of a very different kind.

She was back in my life two months ago and everything was going fine but we had a fight yesterday and she left all alone again. I've tried everything I know to break out of her slavery but nothing helps. I've lost my health in it too. I'm very helpless, very sad, very hurt. She knows what I'll go through if she leaves me yet she keeps doing it over and over.

**cat eyes** · 10-26-2009

love is certainly a sickness the only reason you are not getting cured is because you don't want to be cured.

you know that Allah has the power to do anything you know that Allah can take this illness away but you don't want to even think about it or even mention the words that you want to forget her incase it happens because as usual in love we are BLIND and we seem to believe that this person will come back into our life's but that is just fALSE HOPE from the shaytaan he is whispering to you everyday.

learn about your deen more and understand what true love is! love is not wanting that person in a haraam way that person should be disgusting for you in that way. love is wanting that person in a halal and blessed way.

shaytan is the one who is making you helpless because he dose not want to make you forget. he wants for you do carry on sinning.

hope you find peace in your heart inshallaah. but whats the cause of all of this is you need to have a deeper understanding of your faith to truely have strenght to move on

**greenpeals** · 10-26-2009

You hve to think with your head here Brother NOT your heart. Clearly this isn't a healthy relationship. You two aren't even marriage yet and there's been great pain and arguments. you need to move on and find a better suitor when you are ready for marriage.

Focus on your studies it is very important to you for your future.

**muslimah_81** · 10-26-2009

Some very good advice on this thread given by everyone.
Brother I was in a very similar situation to you. I knew a guy for over 10 years and we were going to get married but then he just abandoned me without even telling me. He got his father to tell me and then cut all contact with me. He also use to threaten with breaking the marriage or relationship off everytime we argued and it was an emotional roller coaster for me.
Alhumdulilah this situation has made me learn a lot. Everything happens for a reason. This has brought me closer to Allah.

When everything happen I couldnt see clearly but it does get clear.
Allah does everything for a reason and put your trust in Allah and Allah will help you through this. Allah will replace her with someone better.

Shaytan will whisper to you but you need to recognise this and fight it.
Make dua because it brings you closer to Allah and it is the weapon of the believer.

This only happen to me a few months ago. People use to tell me that it will get easier and i never use to believe them but take it from someone thats experienced this! it does get easier and you just have to be stronger.
Turn to Allah because only Allah can help you in this situation. Pray to Allah to make it easy for you and to strengthen your faith.

I would advice you to leave her and avoid her because not only will it be bad for your deen but I believe it will also cause long term psychological effects with your future relationship with your wife.
When someone loves you they do not threaten to leave you because of petty arguments.

I read the following book and it made me stronger and gave me a lot of hope..
Dua the Weapon of the Believer by Yasir Qadhi.

Ofcourse the best healer is The Quran and here are couple of verses that really helped me.

and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know. (2:216)

Verily, along with every hardship is relief, Verily, along with every hardship is relief.(94:5-6)

**Snowflake** · 10-26-2009

SUBHANALLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALLAH-U-AKBAR

what an awesome post!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so very much sister. May Allah reward you with closeness to him. You've helped me beyond understanding. I'm feeling so different and better. I don't know how long this feeling will last but inshAllah I'll strive to not let it go out of me. I can actually say that you pointed out my shortcomings in worshiping him. I always had faith in Allah but I disobeyed him so many times. I also believe that God helps those who help themselves. I think now I know what to do. Slavery to an evil woman gave me happiness for two months but gave me far more grief in just two days. I can't thank you enough. May Allah forgive each and every sin of yours and give you Jannat-ul-firdaus. I'm not sure if I should disclose myself to you but inshAllah I'll pray for you too for the rest of my life, inshAllah. THANK YOU SO MUCH SISTER.

Allahu akbar! Alhamdulillahi Rabbil 'alameen! Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. Ameen. InshaAllah bro, that's it bro, strive for His sake

I pray this feeling not only stays with you bi idhnillah but leads you to the true love of Allah. When you forsake love for another for the love of Allah, Allah will draw you to Him and make you His friend.

Allah subhana wa ta 'ala says in the Holy Quran, "Men are guardians of women by that which Allah favoured some of them over others." Surah an Nisa 4:34. And, "Allah had favoured some of you over other with sustenance." Surah al-Baqarah 2:228. And, "Those are the Prophets of whom We favoured some over others."Yaani, Allah has in every group favoured some over others if different ways. But how about as believers in general? What gives a believer superiority over others?

Allah answers this clearly in Surah Aal 'Imraan 3:110: "Verily the most noble among you is the one with the most Taqwaa." Then in Surah Younus 10:62-63 Allah subhana wa ta 'ala says: "Behold! Certainly no fear nor grief shall overcome the Awliyyah of Allah, those who believe and have taqwaa."

Imaan and taqwaa is what sets a believer apart from the rest and Allah holds such believers as His close friends. Imagine being a close friend of Allah subhana wa ta 'ala? SubhanAllah! What more can we want in this duniya and in the Here-after? Ibadah sustains imaan and taqwaa while voluntary ibadah done out of love and pleasure of Allah subhana wa ta 'ala increases it. Do you know that when Allah created souls He asked them face to face, "Am I not your Lord?" and they all replied, "Yes we testify to it." SubhanAllah, it takes me back to our own beginning. Our own soul's testification to Allah. Our soul has seen Allah and believed. Our soul wants to return to Him. Don't we want to see Allah again?

We must return to Him - where we belong. That is our only real home. We believed then and we still believe. Hamdulillah. Jannah is our home. This is our struggle in this dunya. InshaAllah we mustn't let anything get in our way.

I see how deeply your heart is affected. Allahu akbar! Allah wants good for you. You've got what it takes. If you want to, if you strive to, Allah Himself will draw you to Him. You just have to want it more than anything.

Lol nvm me. I could go on all day. Only wish I had the knowledge and words to talk about Allah even more. InshaAllah one day.

May Allah increase us all. Ameen

take care bro

**Hayfa** · 10-26-2009

MashaAllah bro its nice to know your much better now

i hope this hadith can inshaALLAH help keep you strong also

Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].

May Allah keep you on the straight path brother

Asalaamualykum

**cat eyes** · 10-26-2009

Originally Posted by muslimah_81

Some very good advice on this thread given by everyone.
Brother I was in a very similar situation to you. I knew a guy for over 10 years and we were going to get married but then he just abandoned me without even telling me. He got his father to tell me and then cut all contact with me. He also use to threaten with breaking the marriage or relationship off everytime we argued and it was an emotional roller coaster for me.
Alhumdulilah this situation has made me learn a lot. Everything happens for a reason. This has brought me closer to Allah.

When everything happen I couldnt see clearly but it does get clear.
Allah does everything for a reason and put your trust in Allah and Allah will help you through this. Allah will replace her with someone better.

Shaytan will whisper to you but you need to recognise this and fight it.
Make dua because it brings you closer to Allah and it is the weapon of the believer.

This only happen to me a few months ago. People use to tell me that it will get easier and i never use to believe them but take it from someone thats experienced this! it does get easier and you just have to be stronger.
Turn to Allah because only Allah can help you in this situation. Pray to Allah to make it easy for you and to strengthen your faith.

I would advice you to leave her and avoid her because not only will it be bad for your deen but I believe it will also cause long term psychological effects with your future relationship with your wife.
When someone loves you they do not threaten to leave you because of petty arguments.

I read the following book and it made me stronger and gave me a lot of hope..
Dua the Weapon of the Believer by Yasir Qadhi.

Ofcourse the best healer is The Quran and here are couple of verses that really helped me.

and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know. (2:216)

Verily, along with every hardship is relief, Verily, along with every hardship is relief.(94:5-6)

sorry for your troubles sister that must have been tough

**muslimah_81** · 10-26-2009

Thank you for your kind words Cat eyes...
I think I just posted this message to you on the wrong thread!
Sorry I am new to this site

**cat eyes** · 10-26-2009

Originally Posted by muslimah_81

Thank you for your kind words Cat eyes...
I think I just posted this message to you on the wrong thread!
Sorry I am new to this site

ya i saw the other message

no worries sis

**AnonymousPoster** · 10-27-2009

I still miss her and keep hoping that I get a call from her but still the very next moment I'm determined that I'll just ask her to leave me alone. Its very strange. I'm trying to concentrate on my studies as for now. I hope and pray that I overcome her.

**Snowflake** · 10-30-2009

^

It's ok to feel like that bro. Only a miracle can end what you feel abruptly. In any situation it takes time and you slip a number of times before you totally give up anything. With each step you take toward Allah, the slip becomes shorter and your step toward Allah longer. As you become stronger, the nafs's calls become less bothersome and you learn to ignore them like pests. Do supplement your efforts with duaas and vice versa. Ask Allah to make you stronger. It takes time bro. But with the right intentions you will get there inshaAllah. : )

**Khaldun** · 11-14-2009

Akhee women are evil, what can I say? lol

Go cold turkey brother, just cut her off once and for all, we are here to support you inshaAllah.

**Hamza Asadullah** · 11-14-2009

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

I love a girl and she says that she loves me but whenever there's a fight, she just talks of breaking up with me and going off. I can't marry her right now because my parents won't let me and neither am I settled. I'm in University. I've tried everything to stay happy without but nothing worked. Without her in my life, everything is just an illusion.

There were 2 months in my life when I was completely away from her, not even seeing her face. even if she'd ever come in my way, I'd just stop going in that direction and go somewhere else. And I tried to be a good Muslim during those 2 months and I actually thought that I'm being one but later some of the verses of the Qur'an showed me that I had become a hypocrite. A Munafiq of a very different kind.

She was back in my life two months ago and everything was going fine but we had a fight yesterday and she left all alone again. I've tried everything I know to break out of her slavery but nothing helps. I've lost my health in it too. I'm very helpless, very sad, very hurt. She knows what I'll go through if she leaves me yet she keeps doing it over and over.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother it looks like she has you wrapped under her finger. My brother what we have to realise is that it is totally forbidden for us to be involved in any relationship outside of marriage. Rasulallah 9Pbuh) said that it is better for us to have an axe go through our heads than too even touch the skin of a non mahram".

These are just some of the situations of can get themselves into by having forbidden relationships.

Think to yourself if she is like this now then how can i ever even think of spending my life with her? You will never be happy with someone like that my brother wake up and get yourself out of this mess.

Firstly you have already angered Allah by involving yourself in haraam but on top of that you are wrapped under her little finger and she clearly enjoys this situation and is playing mind games aswell as leading you on. How do you know how many others she is seeing behind your back? Have you any proof shes not? If she is treating you like this then it is clear that she is very scheming and enjoys leading boys on and you are clearly being lead on.

My brother stop wasting your time. The little time we have in this world we cannot waste it day in day out with committing haraam and not wanting to let go of it. You have already dug yourself in a hole but you can get out of it. Its not impossible. It is just going to require you telling yourself in your mind that, "I have to get out of this situation and go towards Allah, this girl is leading me on and wasting my time and it is my fault for getting myself into this situation in the first place but now i will get out of it and go towards Allah and please Allah and repent for my mistake and inshallah Allah will find me a good and pious wife."

My brother you came into this forum because Allah wants to help you and he wants to continue to help you but you HAVE to help yourself and that means getting yourself out of this situation by telling her RIGHT away: " i am going to go towards Allah."

Also change your number and e mail address, trust me it is better of you do this as it will be a fresh start for you and you van get rid of people that are holding you back in life and it will also be a psychological thing which will make you feel like from now on its a fresh start. After that get rid of EVERYTHING that reminds you of are, and just go towards Allah and give it time as time is the best healer but the more you change your mind set and go towards Allah the easier it will be!

My brother we have so little time and if we were to die what do we have to show Allah? NOTHING! That is why we must do what we can do change ourselves for the better and go towards Allah before its too late and remember our time could be up at ANY second so we CANNOT change tomorrow but we MUST change NOW!

We are here for you my brother but remember it is you who must make changes for your own benefit. If you continue being a slave towards her then you will continue to waste your life away lowering yourself to shaythan. Let us be slaves to Allah NOT slaves to evil!

Don't let shaythan keep a grip on you, but let go of evil and hold onto goodness.

**cat eyes** · 11-14-2009

Originally Posted by Khaldun

Akhee women are evil, what can I say? lol

Go cold turkey brother, just cut her off once and for all, we are here to support you inshaAllah.

Ahem AHEM well i have to speak out brother with that statement you made.............................................. ........ you are so right HAHA have you only realised it now :bravo:

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 11-15-2009

wa alaykum us-Salaam...

Originally Posted by Khaldun

Akhee women are evil, what can I say? lol

when men say things like that, it's usually a cover for their own faults. so in other words, what they mean is "we aren't smart enough to figure them out"

Go cold turkey brother, just cut her off once and for all, we are here to support you inshaAllah.

that...

**AnonymousPoster** · 11-21-2009

Originally Posted by Hamza81

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother it looks like she has you wrapped under her finger. My brother what we have to realise is that it is totally forbidden for us to be involved in any relationship outside of marriage. Rasulallah 9Pbuh) said that it is better for us to have an axe go through our heads than too even touch the skin of a non mahram".

These are just some of the situations of can get themselves into by having forbidden relationships.....

JazakAllah Khair Brother, the people here are really helping me. I can't believe how I could act so foolish that I got back with her and she again just tried to rule over me. I'm back to those dark days of helplessness. I hope to not repeat that mistake again. I'm more willed now than ever.