I think I'm in love with my wife's best friend

[AnonymousPoster]

Please try not to judge me, just hear me out. I'm in a very difficult situation here. I've been married to my wife for 10 years, and have a son of 4 together I love them to bits.

My wife has been friends with this girl for 8 odd years. We all talk and have a laugh together when she come round but over the past 2 years I’ve started getting very strong feelings for her. She always looks like a model, and dresses very smart with her stylish shalwar kameez and her funky jeans and long jumpers. She looks so good all the time and I am so in love with her.

This is not lust, I want to be with her, I love her so much I didn’t realize until a few weeks ago. OK, at first in the past 2 years I just ‘fancied’ her but now my feelings for her are stronger than ever.

I told her this 2 weeks ago and she wasn’t surprised at all. She could tell the way I’ve been looking at her. The thing is, I can’t tell if she likes me too, she’s told me she doesn’t like me in that way and that she would never betray her friend, but her actions tell me different. She smiles and flirts with me as much as I do with her. My wife is very suspicious of us but her friend doesn’t know this.

My wife thinks her friend comes round while shes out but I’ve tried explaining that’s not the case. I’ve tried keeping away form her friend when she comes round but I just can’t help myself. When I see her I just want to go near her, smell her hair, star at her. Whats wrong with me??????? I can’t marry her either coz she doesn’t want to betray my wife.

[Sahabiyaat]

....the only anwser i can give you is ; What advice would you give your wife if she had feelings for your friend?

Do just as you would advise her...i think you know what i mean....that it would devastate you to know....so what should you do ? you have the anwser already.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

i don't care if im being judgmental or not (im not sure what else my opinions are meant to be towards issues like this) maybe that's the attitude some people need to wake them up.

you are nothing short of a bloody idiot!

what about your wife who has given you your child! who has bore him pain upon pain and raised him pain upon pain, and this is the freakin' thanks she gets. just shame!

The thing is, I can’t tell if she likes me too, she’s told me she doesn’t like me in that way and that she would never betray her friend, but her actions tell me different.

i cant believe you are even contemplating perusing this!!! just where do you think it'll take you?! how far and successful do you think it'll be?!! you will marry her, then you will see she is like every other person in her dress. women dont look good 24/7. women have bad days where they are sad and don't smile. you have fallen for the good side of her, whilst being oblivious to her other sides. of course she is going to look good when she visits her friend. of course an unmarried woman is going look good to a married man! its nothing but a fleeting desire...how do you think your son will feel about you when you have betrayed and hurt his beloved mother. how do you think your son will feel about her when she has hurt his mother. you want to chase this, whilst your marriage is on the rocks! you should take this as a sign to rectify your marriage and appreciate your wife, but instead you choose to chase a mirage! what example are you setting for your son? and what about your wife who you apparently love? who is going to take her divorced with a son?

She always looks like a model, and dresses very smart with her stylish shalwar kameez and her funky jeans and long jumpers. She looks so good all the time and I am so in love with her.

no this is lust. want to know why? you've admired her looks, till the you have fallen for her! men like you divorce their wives, put tier families in turmoil, make their kids hate them to live "happily ever after" with someone else, only for it to be short lived as everything falls apart for them...heard it toooo many times...even if you do marry this girl, you will want you wife and happy marriage back. you will yearn for her as you are yearning for this one. and the same way you have betrayed your wife, the same way you will betray her as well.

She smiles and flirts with me as much as I do with her.

oh how lovely!
no woman who destorys a marriage (of her so-called best friend) is worth it. if she really cared about betraying her friend, she would run the other way...

My wife thinks her friend comes round while shes out but I’ve tried explaining that’s not the case. I’ve tried keeping away form her friend when she comes round but I just can’t help myself. When I see her I just want to go near her, smell her hair, star at her. Whats wrong with me??????? I can’t marry her either coz she doesn’t want to betray my wife.

what next? i can seriously see this turning into zinaa you need to stay away from her.

[Cabdullahi]

get the similar jeans , shaliwar kamees as a gift for your wife and tell her to wear it end of problem solved
she will kill your marriage off and that's the truth...then you'll lose custody of your child and miss nice jeans will disappear and you'll be in town centre selling the big issue why? because the wrath and anger of allah has fallen upon you

[Cabdullahi]

why do women destroy the lives of fellow women? subhanallah

[Beardo]

you are nothing short of a bloody idiot!

As an admin, I shouldn't take sides, but I have to agree with this.

You shouldn't be mingling like that to begin with. This is why Islam advises segregation between genders.

[Güven]

You are saying this is not lust.

but you are avoiding the reality....this IS lust, whether you believe it or not.


you have a wife and a child , don't betray them , don't do this man, don't fall in the traps of shaytaan.

[Hamas]

You say you love your wife then you say you love this other women you dont know what love is mate.

A man konws his limits knows when to stop and has control over himself otherwise hes just a mouse.

It feels like im reading a bad novel that never got published

[Laila01x]

I agree totally with the first post. How about if your wife liked your best mate .. how would that make you feel? It would devestate you like it would anyone!! And i still cant believe you are are thinkin of persuing this and you told her best mate your feelings? Are you actually thinking straight - this will destroy your wife and your family and marriage of ten years!!

Are you really willing to give that up?? Her so called best mate aint really a best mate if shes flirting back with you!! I would try keep your distance from her but then it is up to you what you do.

p.s. think before you act!!!!!

JazakAllah

[Danah]

She always looks like a model, and dresses very smart with her stylish shalwar kameez and her funky jeans and long jumpers. She looks so good all the time and I am so in love with her.

And yet they said....let women wear whatever they want to, give them freedom, Hijab is abusing women
this is what freedom brought us, ha? <_<
I wonder what kind of Hijab she was wearing to "protect herself"

I told her this 2 weeks ago and she wasn’t surprised at all.

And yet she did nothing even when she was expecting such thing?
SubhanAllah what a great friend!!

She smiles and flirts with me as much as I do with her.

Even a greater friend!!

Fear Allah brother! Don't destroy your family with your own hands...you will regret it later when your son will hate you because you betrayed his mother with his best friend. You will just give him a lesson to not trust on any friend or any close person at all!!!

This is a very obvious fleeting desire, so don't fell in Shaytan desire and then regret it again when nothing will help because it will be very late!

When I see her I just want to go near her, smell her hair, star at her.

and yet you are saying its not a lust?

....the only anwser i can give you is ; What advice would you give your wife if she had feelings for your friend?

Do just as you would advise her...i think you know what i mean....that it would devastate you to know....so what should you do ? you have the anwser already.

100 % agree

[AnonymousPoster]

I know you cant help who you fall for but...


Shame on you .... if you kept it islamic - and had segregation you would not have gained feelings!!

Shame on you!! do u think anyone is goin to say - 'oh subanallah go for it'

NO!

Shame on you

[mathematician]

Sad sad sad, story.
Poor wife. What an unlucky woman who deserves more than this.

I think you and your friend's wife should be ashamed of yourselves. I thought
men get married so that they can lower their gaze, no? Oh no wait, no matter how beautiful your wife is the grass will always be greener on the other side! (and yes my friend even with this "model")

Even if you get married to this (unshameful) model you will ALWAYS have feelings for other women. Brother, this is a test placed upon men in this world by Allah the Almighty. Our job is to take advantage of the halaal and lower our gaze.

In your situation, if you do marry this "model" you will be in a lose-lose situation. First, your child from your current wife will grow up hating you. You cheated on his mother, didn't you? So, why should he respect you?
You will likely begin hating this "model" once you realize that she is not as attractive as shaytan made her look like. You see, no matter who you choose in this world as a wife, soon she will begin appearing as a normal person in front of your eyes. The "model" part you are feeling will go away no matter how attractively she is dressed. That's something wise men know, and that is why they don't fall for "models" and look up to things that will last.

But hey, despair not! Allah ta'ala has given us some tips so that we don't feel that you are missing out on being married to someone more attractive. It's simple----lower your gaze and avoid being alone with women as much as possible.

[S_87]

avoid her. like the plague.

[TestData]

She always looks like a model, and dresses very smart with her stylish shalwar kameez and her funky jeans and long jumpers. She looks so good all the time and I am so in love with her.

Have you seen her without all the makeup (that she probably spends two hours applying)?

[AnonymousPoster]

Wow i didn't know i'd get a bashing of this sort

I've seen her without the makeup, ive seen her in the mornings (when she stays round) and I still have feelings for her. I seriously need to avoid her.

I phoned her today as it goes, and she told me she's been thinking, I asked her what about and she said about the feelings I have for her.
She's decided not to come round anymore and said she will only go and see her friend when I'm working away. Which si fair enough, but I'm going to start missing her.

[Mysterious Uk]

Please try not to judge me, just hear me out.

Sorry brother but how can you expect anyone NOT to judge you? You claim to love your wife and son yet you are contemplating betraying your wife for your wife's 'friend' whome you 'love'? Doesn't make sense.

I phoned her today as it goes, and she told me she's been thinking, I asked her what about and she said about the feelings I have for her.
She's decided not to come round anymore and said she will only go and see her friend when I'm working away.

Good on her for finally using her brain.

Which si fair enough, but I'm going to start missing her.

Have you no shame? No guilt?

[zakirs]

Wow i didn't know i'd get a bashing of this sort

I've seen her without the makeup, ive seen her in the mornings (when she stays round) and I still have feelings for her. I seriously need to avoid her.

I phoned her today as it goes, and she told me she's been thinking, I asked her what about and she said about the feelings I have for her.
She's decided not to come round anymore and said she will only go and see her friend when I'm working away. Which si fair enough, but I'm going to start missing her.

Brother i would just say that its not love but lust (or else you wouldn't have spoken about the way she dresses).Just STAY AWAY from her.remember when ever you talk to her on the phone or be alone with her , Allah is always watching.
Fear god and love you lovely wife who has been helping you all along.

[cat eyes]

i am afraid this is the wives fault but it makes me sad that people are gone so far away from in islam. When any woman friend of your wife comes over you are meant to go out or go into the next room til shes gone. Your not even meant to watch her friend. But thats common sense surely accept for the dumb ignorant person. I am afraid the two of yous made your house warm for the shaytan. Hes having a good old time now

[AnonymousPoster]

[QUOTE=Mysterious Uk;1223051]Sorry brother but how can you expect anyone NOT to judge you? You claim to love your wife and son yet you are contemplating betraying your wife for your wife's 'friend' whome you 'love'? Doesn't make sense.


Good on her for finally using her brain.



Have you no shame? No guilt?[/QUOTE]

Course I do! Thats why I'm kind of happy she's made that decision, its made it easier on me and now I don't have to tell her to stay away.

You can't help who yu fall for and I'm trying to pick up the pieces now.

[AnonymousPoster]

i am afraid this is the wives fault but it makes me sad that people are gone so far away from in islam. When any woman friend of your wife comes over you are meant to go out or go into the next room til shes gone. Your not even meant to watch her friend. But thats common sense surely accept for the dumb ignorant person. I am afraid the two of yous made your house warm for the shaytan. Hes having a good old time now

I wouldn't blame the wife. The husband has a brain of his own. Sadly he's using it in the wrong place.