My Marriage is Nullified

Assalam Alaikum wa rahamatullah wa barakatuh,

I was a happily married woman for the many years, but my marriage has been nullified.

I was brought up in a Muslim nation-(then)North Yemen but now live in the West, I and my husband, indeed all our family, are practicing Muslims.

My mother passed away right after I was born,common in Yemen then, so I was suckled by a wetnurse for some time.

My family migrated from Yemen many decades back, my father arranged my marriage with my husband when I was 19, he was 23. We fell in love after marriage & have 5 children-3 daughters & 2 sons.

Recently we went to Yemen, my husband met his entire family & his wetnurse(my husband's family is very wealthy, & wealthy North Yemeni families then kept wetnurses).

She was chatting with us, when I told her my father's name & my birthplace, she realised that she's also my wetnurse.

Now according to Prophet Muhammad's(pbuh) words, we should be divorced.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.

I love my husband very much & I didn't want to divorce him, neither did he, our children too would be shattered if we divorced, also my son is marrying a very nice British girl who reverted to Islam after seeing how beautiful Islamic families & the Prophet's sunnah are(her parents are divorced), I didn't want to face a divorce for all these reasons.

I feel that this doesn't matter, then I find it blasphemous, as Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) clearly mandated a divorce.

I have spoken to one British Sheikh & another Sheikh online, both say that we are divorced.

They said that, the marriage would be nullified if we were suckled more than 5 full times each, & we've been suckled many more times than that, I for two years & my husband for nearly three years.

Jazakillah khair.

wa alaykum us-Salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

im deeply sorry to hear this sis imsad i cant imagine your pain
hmmm, have you made sure that you were both suckled by the same lady and there isnt any mistake?

other than that, know that there is wisdom in everything even pain and hardship. i sincerely hope your burdens are eased and may Allah reward you abundantly for your sabr and taqwa. what Allah has decreed of the sharee3ah, must be fulfilled

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/134292038-believer-s-attitude-towards-calamities.html

wa alaykum us-Salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

im deeply sorry to hear this sis i cant imagine your pain
hmmm, have you made sure that you were both suckled by the same lady and there isnt any mistake?

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Of course we have made sure, how could we fail to do this over such an important matter?

I took the lady to meet my aunt(my uncle's wife) & her oldest daughter, my cousin who's married now & is 14 years older to me, both remembered her, she also remembered details of the inside of our house as it was then, some incidents-it was all correct. A woman who used to work for us then & is still living with my aunt & her sons also remembered her.


Even in my husband's family, his aunts remembered this lady, so did his grandmother who's still alive, & many maid servants.

I really wish there was a mistake, but there isn't. I and my husband are really heartbroken, we still deeply love each other & can't bear to think of our lives ahead without each other.

^ uktee, i know this cant be any easy matter, but sometimes in life we will face the worst pain but its all a test and it all boils down to Allah being pleased with us. so we have to make sure that it is indeed that Allah is pleased with us, no matter what our hardship is, becuase after all, it is he who gave us our very souls that taste the pain of our trials.
doesn't Allah promise us that if we give something up for his sake, He will replace us with better?

all the best and may allah strength you

Thank you sister Umm ul-Shaheed, support from Muslims, especially Muslim sisters means a lot to me.

Unfortunately, some Muslim sisters I know in real life have been pretty unsupportive. One of my closest friends, a practicing Muslimah told me to simply forget everything & stay married, she says that what matters is the mutual love between myself & my husband, & our children-all of which is important. But I kno0w, & my husband knows, that Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words & commands, along with Allah(swt)'s words are the most important, for this life & the Afterlife.

Also, I am a primary school teacher, & the other teachers are mostly Western Christians, who I know will laugh if I tell them why I divorced, they'll claim that we had marriage problems & this is an excuse, or maybe even make unpleasant comments about Islam, I know quite a few harbour anti Islam & anti immigrant sentiments.

My children, of course are devastated, although I brought them up to believe in Islam unquestioningly, & follow all of Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s commands, two of my daughters & one of my son is asking us to still stay married. imsad

Subhanallah sister...

You know, I'm living a very very very traumatic experience myself...and I came on here to cry to my fellow muslims to say something to take the pain away...

But ya Allah..the first thing I read is this and I realise that your situation is worse than mine.

But you and I have something in common...

Only the giver of our pain can take it away.

I can never ever know what you are going through and this is something I pray to keep away from my worst enemy.

Im not going to give you advice...I cant...Im not as strong as you. Im on the verge of killing myself and if I were in your shoes...I probably would already have done so.

Just please please hang in there. Your children need you.

Also, is this the case in all madhabs, not just hanafi?

May allah help you with this pain you feel, and help you do the right thing and reward you both abunduntly

alhumaa ameen

Subhanallah sister...

You know, I'm living a very very very traumatic experience myself...and I came on here to cry to my fellow muslims to say something to take the pain away...

But ya Allah..the first thing I read is this and I realise that your situation is worse than mine.

But you and I have something in common...

Only the giver of our pain can take it away.

I can never ever know what you are going through and this is something I pray to keep away from my worst enemy.

Im not going to give you advice...I cant...Im not as strong as you. Im on the verge of killing myself and if I were in your shoes...I probably would already have done so.

Just please please hang in there. Your children need you.

Also, is this the case in all madhabs, not just hanafi?

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Thank you so much for your understanding & support sister, it means a lot to me.

I do not know what your situation is, but I pray to Allah(swt) to lessen your pain & make your life better soon. Please do not even think of killing yourself, that is one of the worst sins according to Allah(swt), Allah(swt) gave us life & these trials to face them bravely, so we can all strive for Jannah.

I know my children need me, that is what keeps me brave, its also what keeps my husband brave, even if we can no more be husband & wife, we're now & always parents.

I personally am a Sunni hanafi, I have also taken advice from Hanafi scholars on the issue, I do not know about other madhabs.

I think Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words are clear & unambiguous.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.

Actually, personally I would be delighted with some other opinion, maybe from a "modernist" scholar, but when I have cross checked with two scholars, also I can see plainly what Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) says on the matter, I feel staying married after this might make me & my husband happy, but we would know that we were plainly disobeying Allah(swt) & the Messenger(pbuh).

We have lived all our lives as good Muslims, & Inshallah we'll continue to do so, however hard it seems. imsad

Subhanallah sister...

I need you to do as much research as you can. This hadith is proof enough of course but your mind, soul, heart and body need to be content. Dont leave any gaps for the shaytan to pick at.

Thank you for your duas regarding my situation...

I read your situation earlier sister. I didn't reply, I was to shocked and sadened for words, really.

I will never ever know what it is like to be in this situation and I pray I never will.

Actually, I am still pretty much stuck for words. My heart goes out to you all

sister,

My heart goes out to you, your family, and your situation.

May Allah reward you abundantly in this world and the hereafter for your obedience to His command. Ameen

I can't begin to even imagine what it must be like to be in that situation. May Allah help you and keep you strong. Ameen.

I will remember you in my du'aas sister.

Hey sis,

I just spoke to my mum. She is sitting beside me right now. She knows quite a bit about a lot of stuff.

She told me that after some research she found out from reliable sources that in order for people to be considered brother and sister through a wetnurse, the children need to have breastfed from the wetnurse at the same time or within a certain time frame of eachother.

Please look into this and in the interim, my mum is going to consult some of her sources.

Please look into all options.

dear sister
check the ages of both yourself and your husband, when the wet nurse fed you as the ruling of the nikah being nullified only applies if the child was two years (or two and a half years) when if was given milk. Below is the fatwa. if any one of you were above that age when you were fed the milk, nikah will not be broken.


Fatwa # 9838 from Germany Date: Wednesday, November 12th 2003

Category
Child Upbringing (Tarbiyyah)
Title
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed

Question
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? Is it 2 years or 2 and a half years because in one place in the Quran it says 2 and in another it says 2 and a half. 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed by Allah (that is if she does not have a proper valid reason and just wants to stop without any illness or anything)? Jazakallah khair!

Answer
1. 2 years. There is difference of opinion however the prefered view is 2 years. (Bahisti Zewar, Ahsanul Fatawa)

2. If the child is eating solids before 2 years and the mother feels that there would be no harm in weaning him before 2 years then she has the full right to do so. (Shaami, Bahisti Zewar)

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Ml. Husain Kadodia
FATWA DEPT.

CHECKED & APPROVED: Ml. Imraan Vawda

may allah make it easy for you

sorry to hear of your problems sister but you are doing the right thing sister its not right that both of you should be married and it was a big mistake now we all learn something from this to is to seek knowledge as not for another brother or sister to fall into these traps thats why knowledge is so important i say alot of couples would be married under these circumstances without knowing anything really just carrying on believing that this type of thing is okay. sister there is always a great wisdom behind the words of the prophet (saw) really there is a always a reason for these things why its not allowed sis. trust on Allah swt and Allah surely knows best. if u follow the prophet (saw) Allah will surely lead you to jannah. Allah surely wants to reward you.. never doubt or feel angry why this is happening to you. :wa:

May Allah make it easy for you sis, I am shocked, this certainly a test. Hopefully you will pass.

That must have been hard for both of you

Sister, I just wanted to say that you are very brave, masha'lLah

It was narrated that Abu Qataadah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allaah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” Narrated by Ahmad (22565); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, p. 47. Also classed as saheeh by the commentators on Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal (23074).

May Allah reward you and bring happiness to both of you

This is so sad. I feel hurt for you sis. But if it is a custom in your country to have wet-nurses then there must be so many men and women who have been suckled by the same wet-nurse and gone on to marry unknowingly. Surely there are no records. So it may not be as straight forward as you've been told as neither of you knew. I advise you to seek further advice. Maybe not knowingly prior to marriage has a different outcome, inshaAllah, inshaAllah. *hugz*

Another thing.. There are things like niyyah and willingness to do things which affect an action, and also a person cannot be held responsible for which he does not know. I will ask a shaykh for you inshaAllah.

We were studying this in class just the other day and the scholar kept stressing how important it was that these things are kept a track of, meaning who suckles who etc in order to avoid these sad mistakes.

Also he pointed out that if this ever did happen then one should hasten to correct their mistake. If it is made clear that they indeed are siblings due to suckling and remain married they actually leave the fold of Islaam and become non muslims since they are clearly going against a very clear verse of the Qur'aan, so the issue is very serious indeed.

Put your trust in Allah and Allah will never abandon you sister. He has blessed you with Eemaan and this is only a test from Him, do you love Allah or your husband most?

I am sorry to say that this does not have anything to do with math-habs. If you are sure that this person has been suckled as many times a you say and that you have been suckled by the same lady then the matter is clear. Let not Shaytaan trick you by getting a false fatwa from a fake scholar.

May Allah make it easy for you and your family.

sis

I have nothing scholarly to contribute, but just letting you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers... imsad

Maysan said:

I think Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words are clear & unambiguous.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.

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Allah SubHanahu wa ta'ala says:

_muslim_ said:

It was narrated that Abu Qataadah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allaah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” Narrated by Ahmad (22565); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, p. 47. Also classed as saheeh by the commentators on Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal (23074)

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246. Umme-Salamah Radiyallahu 'anha, the wife of Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam, narrates: I heard Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam saying: Never a slave of Allah, afflicted with a calamity, who says (the following words), except that Allah will grant him for his calamity better than that:

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oon. Allahumma'jurni fi musibati wa akhlif li khairam-minha
Verily unto Allah we belong, and unto Him shall we return. O Allah! Reward me in my calamity, and grant me from it something better than that.​

She said: When Abu Salamah Radiyallahu 'anhu died, I supplicated as Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam had ordered me; so Allah then granted me Rasulullah Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam (as a husband), better than him. (Muslim)

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You have lost a husband and you have now gained a (foster) brother. You don't have to observe hijab with him, unlike any other divorced woman. May Allah grant you a better husband and ease your sufferings.