Asalaamua alaykum my brothers and sisters.
First I'll set the scene for you. I'm a 20 year old convert, living in an area with like...NO muslims. Alhamdoulileh! It's proving a struggle, but I'm hoping I can maintain patience and just keep checking myself insha'Allah.
Lately I've been finding myself more and more marriage obsessed. I'm sure I'd shy away from the reality, but for me, the idea is weighing on my mind. How it would change my life, how it would end so much lonliness I am facing. Like, right now, I'm surrounded by non-Muslims, friends and family, and I'm absolutely at ends as a result. I mean, they're all in relationships. Cousins, siblings, etc I'm the last (but not youngest) single in my family.
I've had relationships before I came to Islam, and now it's like, I'm craving what I've had with people in the past (no, not the 'urges'. More along the lines of the supportive party, the emotional connections, having fun with someone.)
I try and bring it all up (knowing I'm unprepared, but trying to work on this insha'Allah) and the biggest reaction I get is along the line sof "But brother, you're so young!" like I'm not completely aware of my age, or trying to act ahead of myself.
Any advice would be amazing.
I'm sorry for the carry on.
-people don't get married in a matter of a few days. let people you know, any muslims you know, that you're looking to get married. by the time you find that someone, you may be a bit older, and therefore have a better chance at being successful. or, if Allah has destined it, you'll find someone right away, and you'll deal with things as they come. either way, make it clear that you want to get married.
-make friends, preferably muslim ones, even better if they're single. i'm not sure just how lacking your area is in muslim brothers, but look hard, there must be some out there, right? it's natural to want company, humans are social creatures, and it is difficult sometimes feeling like you're the only one who's alone.. so inshaAllah having muslim brothers around would be beneficial in that aspect, especially unmarried ones.
-get a hobby, keep yourself busy. honestly, use this time for something beneficial, you will regret not doing so later when you're busy with work and a wife and kids (inshaAllah). set a goal and start doing something worthwhile. it'll help keep your mind off lonliness, and you'll be improving yourself so that when it does come time for you to be married, you'll be more confident in your abilities and in who you are, making you a better person. think of something you've always wanted to do, and do that! memorize quran or hadiths, learn something new, etc. there's so much to do, so little time, if only we knew! the Prophet peace be upon him said "“There are two bounties of Allah wherein most people are deceived, health and free time”.
-lastly, know that everything happens in due time. when the time is right, it will happen, don't rush it, because that way you miss out on the present. make dua.
Second, I don't advise you to not use those matrimonial sites because you don't really who you are talking to behind the screens. May Allah grant you a pious Muslim wife very soon inshaAllah. My advice to you, you have to widen your circle of friendship with Muslims who can help you in finding a good Muslim wife
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
...But people honestly having me believing me even talking about marriage at 20 is a 'taboo'...Makes things a bit worse.
Unfortunately, they consider it as a taboo while illegal relationships is something very normal and considered as freedom!!
how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.
and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.
just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself :rolleyes:
how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.
and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.
just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself :rolleyes:
you know a man is never going to admit he is afraid of commitment.
^ sister we are not afraid why should we be...what is there to be scared of?....we want to commit to a life long relationship backed up with the Islamic contract that adds an ethical value to the relationship
lol I am speaking for myself. I dont feel like I can settle down and I might not even get married
good character will never equal sheer beauty...so you go hunt for beautiful women but know that you wont benefit an atom's worth of good...you'll only receive heartache
good character will never equal sheer beauty...so you go hunt for beautiful women but know that you wont benefit an atom's worth of good...you'll only receive heartache
I don't think your understand, the brother is a modern muslim who believes in following the bits of the qur'an that agree with his desires. He is of the opinion it is ok to drink wine cos it's good for you and if the rasool of Allah was alive today he would've made it permisable.
So I assume he see's no problem in having sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage because there's nothing wrong with it just like drinking wine. therefore he doesn't feel the need to get married with all those beautifull women out there.
I don't think your understand, the brother is a modern muslim who believes in following the bits of the qur'an that agree with his desires. He is of the opinion it is ok to drink wine cos it's good for you and if the rasool of Allah was alive today he would've made it permisable.
So I assume he see's no problem in having sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage because there's nothing wrong with it just like drinking wine. therefore he doesn't feel the need to get married with all those beautifull women out there.
lol you understand me well.. I have had relationships with a lot of women. The relationships I encountered were all through natural feelings of love and care for my partner and I didnt go out to find love, it happened naturally. HOWEVER, I didn't cross the line believe it or not. I am still a virgin and plan on losing it with the one I plan on having with me for the rest of my life.
Abdullahi, why cant we have both? beautiful and with character?
From an Islamic perspective, you might find me as a bad person but I consider myself to be a very good man with a good heart for everyone, not just muslims.
I also believe God loves me for the things I do and plan on doing for the common good of the world.
lol you understand me well.. I have had relationships with a lot of women. The relationships I encountered were all through natural feelings of love and care for my partner and I didnt go out to find love, it happened naturally. HOWEVER, I didn't cross the line believe it or not. I am still a virgin and plan on losing it with the one I plan on having with me for the rest of my life.
Abdullahi, why cant we have both? beautiful and with character?
From an Islamic perspective, you might find me as a bad person but I consider myself to be a very good man with a good heart for everyone, not just muslims.
Brother you're lucky that you're still a virgin but if you carry on being influenced by this bogus 'natural feeling of love'' you'll lose your virginity and you'll be stripped of iman and you will be overcome by a feeling of emptiness.....if you want to love then there's nothing better than marriage.
you can have beauty and character as long as you do things in a halal manner
lol you understand me well.. I have had relationships with a lot of women. The relationships I encountered were all through natural feelings of love and care for my partner and I didnt go out to find love, it happened naturally. HOWEVER, I didn't cross the line believe it or not. I am still a virgin and plan on losing it with the one I plan on having with me for the rest of my life.
Abdullahi, why cant we have both? beautiful and with character?
From an Islamic perspective, you might find me as a bad person but I consider myself to be a very good man with a good heart for everyone, not just muslims.
I also believe God loves me for the things I do and plan on doing for the common good of the world.
well you see the thing is, this tiny little thing that is bothering me, I would have no problem with it if you didn't call yourself a Muslim and follower of Muhammed (Saw)
the issue comes when you call yourself a Muslim and make your own religion to suit yourself. I mean to quote you
You guys are giving me reference from a book which means nothing. People can write many books, but am I going to blindly follow it without knowing that they are 100% a fact? Its basically like telling me to believe everything on the internet that a random person writes. I am not a conservative that follows rules that a book has told us to do. I am a modern muslim. I follow the things I believe are right in the Quran
you see why call yourself a Muslim and then go against everything the religion teaches? I just don't understand it, why not just remove the Muslim label and then go out drinking with your friends and what ever else pleases you.
you follow the bits that you believe are right in the Qur'an and reject the rest but a Muslim is 1 who submits to God completely.
Do you believe the Qur'an to be a book from God? if yes how can you reject certain verses of God?
if you don't believe it to be from god then your not a muslim and it's simple.
its absolutely hype when people say you can't balance education and marriage...its nonsense ....if their saying it will not work what solution do they then bring to the table??!
I completely agree, it's more about balancing and managing your time well. I'm married and in uni, it's tough but once you get the hang of it inshaAllaah you'll get more used to scheduling everything and making sure you're not putting too much on your plate that you can't handle.
Allaah doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear.
well you see the thing is, this tiny little thing that is bothering me, I would have no problem with it if you didn't call yourself a Muslim and follower of Muhammed (Saw)
the issue comes when you call yourself a Muslim and make your own religion to suit yourself. I mean to quote you
you see why call yourself a Muslim and then go against everything the religion teaches? I just don't understand it, why not just remove the Muslim label and then go out drinking with your friends and what ever else pleases you.
you follow the bits that you believe are right in the Qur'an and reject the rest but a Muslim is 1 who submits to God completely.
Do you believe the Qur'an to be a book from God? if yes how can you reject certain verses of God?
if you don't believe it to be from god then your not a muslim and it's simple.
If you were to do that. I believe every single muslim should revoke calling themselves Muslims. Dont you think? I mean after all Every muslim has committed a sin right? unless you are the perfect one..
I believe the Muslim population would be cut more than half if you were to do that and Islam would be the least minority religion. I am a muslim, a modern muslim and a good muslim. Instead of criticizing let God be the judge to whether who is good and who is bad. I see that Christians are doing more good for the world than the muslims are. Do you think God loves people that waste their life? or loves people that do good for the world and for the people (not just muslims) of the world?
If you were to do that. I believe every single muslim should revoke calling themselves Muslims. Dont you think? I mean after all Every muslim has committed a sin right? unless you are the perfect one..
I believe the Muslim population would be cut more than half if you were to do that and Islam would be the least minority religion. I am a muslim, a modern muslim and a good muslim. Instead of criticizing let God be the judge to whether who is good and who is bad. I see that Christians are doing more good for the world than the muslims are. Do you think God loves people that waste their life? or loves people that do good for the world and for the people (not just muslims) of the world?
the issue is not about sin, the issue is about rejecting the verses of Allah in the qur'an.
do you believe the qur'an to be from God? and is a perfect guide on every aspect on life?
You guys are giving me reference from a book which means nothing. People can write many books, but am I going to blindly follow it without knowing that they are 100% a fact? Its basically like telling me to believe everything on the internet that a random person writes. I am not a conservative that follows rules that a book has told us to do. I am a modern muslim. I follow the things I believe are right in the Quran
above you stated that I gave you a reference from a book which means nothinig, the reference I gave you was from the Qur'an, so does the qur'an mean nothing to you? you said many people can write books, so do you believe the qur'an was written by a person and isn't revealed from god?
so you don't believe in the law of allah? you don't belive in certain verses right? you only believe in the verses that you believe are right?
Last edited by KittenLover; 02-27-2010 at 09:21 PM.
how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.
and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.
just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself :rolleyes:
I think marriage can be a hurdle because your wife would expect you to spend at least 2 hours daily with her? Some education programs are so hectic that students do not have time for themselves ... I am talking about such situations.
So what better way than to not get married for the time being instead of hurting her and the relationship?
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
I think marriage can be a hurdle because your wife would expect you to spend at least 2 hours daily with her? Some education programs are so hectic that students do not have time for themselves ... I am talking about such situations.
So what better way than to not get married for the time being instead of hurting her and the relationship?
If i could get someone to speak to for 2 hours a day that would be fab! in fact 2 hours is too little...i came back yesterday after being given my cws grade back which was shocking...i was upset and wanted someone to talk to but went home and stared at the wall
If i could get someone to speak to for 2 hours a day that would be fab! in fact 2 hours is too little...i came back yesterday after being given my cws grade back which was shocking...i was upset and wanted someone to talk to but went home and stared at the wall
Bro you could always come and talk to me .......inshallah you'll do better next time. I can understand in some situations it rather difficult to spend time with your wife when your course is so heavy that literally you cannot make time. I don't think its the commitment issue as its society aswell that causes the problem like the OP said its rather hard when most people say " Bro your on 18 what do you wanna settle down so quickly for......are you silly you can't juggle a marriage and a degree".
Last edited by S<Chowdhury; 02-27-2010 at 09:34 PM.
To my Akh's tryin to stay on their deen
It gets mean especially when u stay on the scene
And at the same try to stay out of trouble
But don't forget the blessing's in the struggle...
You gotta stay on your salats, your zakats, your Quran
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but trying to work on this insha'Allah) and the biggest reaction I get is along the line sof "But brother, you're so young!" like I'm not completely aware of my age, or trying to act ahead of myself.
Quote
you know a man is never going to admit he is afraid of commitment.
.......inshallah you'll do better next time. I can understand in some situations it rather difficult to spend time with your wife when your course is so heavy that literally you cannot make time. I don't think its the commitment issue as its society aswell that causes the problem like the OP said its rather hard when most people say " Bro your on 18 what do you wanna settle down so quickly for......are you silly you can't juggle a marriage and a degree".
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