Last week, the man I wanted to marry came over to meet with me and my family for the first time. I've never met him personally, but I've talked to him a few times on the phone to understand him and his personality. I wear full hijaab so when he came, that's what he saw me in...
I was extremely shy and quiet whereas he was a little less nervous lol...but everything seemed to be going well alhemdulilah...however a few days ago, I talked to him again on the phone and he asked me about what I thought about the abayah and if I thought it was an absolutely necessary thing. He said that he was uncomfortable seeing me in full hijaab because it felt like it was somewhat of a deterrent and he wasn't sure if he'd be physically attracted to me. He assured me that he did think I was beautiful and he loves my personality, but when he saw me in my abayaa, it felt to him like I was hiding myself or something (which is the point of wearing it of course)...I don't know if this is making any sense...He said he'd be fine with me wearing it full now but isn't sure if he'd feel the same way later on, he also said he's not used to seeing a girl dressed fully in hijaab vs an older woman.. which is another reason why he felt a little uncomfortable. He wanted to compromise with me suggesting that I'd wear something more "age" suitable and still keeping my hijaab (headscarf)..
He's going to return again in a few days with his mother and possibly his father to finalize everything if it goes well...
I've prayed istikhara before he came the first time, and I felt good and felt as if things were progressing..but now I'm scared to marry him knowing that his iman may be weaker than mine and that perhaps i might not have an influence on him to raise it or that he'd weaken my faith as I struggle to keep him pleased when I know that Allah should always be first.
I planned on discussing all of this important stuff with him when he returns because I want Islam to be first in the relationship, even if everything else was perfect..
What should I do?
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format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
The sister said he told her she was beautiful. This means he did see her face. After all if he hadn't and he still thought she was beautiful, then he would be referring to her in full hijab, niqaab, abaya and hence him saying he might not be attracted to her later due to the abaya does not make sense.
Or a beautiful person? Lets wait until the sister confirms.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
It could be a sign from Allah for the sister bro.
It could be... and if his reasons turn out to be immodesty and against teachings then she should run, but she should hear the full story first is all I'm saying.
Last edited by Dagless; 05-01-2010 at 04:55 PM.
Reason: edited for interpreting without evidence.
dagless who told you abaaya is not part of islam? abaaya according to countless hadiths is very much 100percent compulsory for ensuring a womans modesty.
I Dont want to get into debate with you now about this because it would be off topic. also i think you should also learn the meaning of ''hijab''
Niqaab is the face veil. hijab shows the face. i would also like to remind some members here that theres absolutely no point in advising somebody and telling them there is other forms of modesty without evidence from the Quran and sunnah. fear Allah and realise that there is others reading from your advice too.
dagless who told you abaaya is not part of islam? abaaya according to countless hadiths is very much 100percent compulsory for ensuring a womans modesty.
I Dont want to get into debate with you now about this because it would be off topic. also i think you should also learn the meaning of ''hijab''
Niqaab is the face veil. hijab shows the face. i would also like to remind some members here that theres absolutely no point in advising somebody and telling them there is other forms of modesty without evidence from the Quran and sunnah. fear Allah and realise that there is others reading from your advice too.
Ok this is for a different topic. It depends if you consider the abaya and jilbab the same thing since afaik you can buy abaya in different styles etc. and only one can be considered the jilbab mentioned in the Quran. I also always thought the garment itself was of lesser concern as long as it met the objectives (covering, being thick, being long, and being wide). You are right though I should not be interpreting things without providing proof, and I have deleted the part where I said that.
I know the meanings of the words thank you, however, many people use terms loosely.
I have left the remainder of my advice since it is still my opinion.
Imagine saying all this to the sahaabiyaat and wives of the Prophet(saw)? WOULD you dare? Probably not! The abaya is in the least the most modest as opposed to long skirts even. They leave no room for screw ups mashaAllah. TOTAL COVER.
*Without Allah, without Islam, life would be meaningless. If I've ever learned patience, it's because of this. Alhamdulillah...*
=Dagless;1323292]Or a beautiful person? Lets wait until the sister confirms.
Hm.. the sister said, "He assured me that he did think I was beautiful and he loves my personality..." That means both looks and as a person.
It could be... and if his reasons turn out to be immodesty and against teachings then she should run, but she should hear the full story first is all I'm saying.
You just see the good in everyone bro lol. MashaAllah! But a woman's intuition is God given to her for her own protection. When she senses something is wrong - 99.9 it is wrong. Something has bothered the sis. That speaks volumes.
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