Salaams, everyone. I am new here. I am a 39-year old sister.
I have always been conscious of my faith and connection to God. I pray regularly and try to remain gratefull for everything God has given me.
Recently, I experienced a great deal of emotional suffering. I never got married or had proposals, it just never happened, no one was ever interested in me so i lived my life quietly, working hard, taking care of my parents etc. I then met someone, but he could not accept Islam, so we parted. I am broken hearted, that I found love so late in life but it could not materialize into a beneficial union. I prayed during Ramadan and Arafat that God show this man the way, I even pray that He gives us another chance so that I can show him the way to Islam. But I know that this will not come true, and this man is lost to me.
I pray constantly that God take away my sadness. I try everything in my power to forget - I exercise, talk to friends, see a counsellor --but still the sadness and pain remain in my heart. I wake up for tahajjud, I read Quran and sura Yasin and I really am immersing myself in constant ibadat. I give to the food bank. It has now been a few months, and this sadness and brokenheartedness is bringing me down, I can't get up. I wonder why, and if, God will answer my prayers and help me recover. I am facing my 40s now, I need to be strong - there may not be a husband or babies in my future. I need to be strong to deal with that, but I feel sometimes that for now, God's plan is that I remain emotionally scarred and wounded. What do you think? Do you think that eventually I will get better? Honestly, I have tried, I really have! But it all rests with God now. I pray everyday that he takes this man out of my heart and mind, because the pain of losing him -- and the lost promise of finally having a husband and babies -- is so overwhelming and is a shadow on my life.
I am trying so hard, trying no to think about him and what could have been and what may never be.
time makes us forget even our blood relations, just give it some time and within few months ur mind will be clear, this is the only remedy to forget someone.
recitation of quran will help you to cope up with sadness, hopelessness and after all keep your goals for aakhirah and work for it coz that is our real life and everlasting.
think about death atleast few times a day and prepare for it by doing worship and good deeds.
listen to recitation by rashid al efasy his voice is soothing
Oh lord make my best deeds the last deeds
Oh lord make my best day the last day (aakhirah)
Salaams, everyone. I am new here. I am a 39-year old sister.
I have always been conscious of my faith and connection to God. I pray regularly and try to remain gratefull for everything God has given me.
Recently, I experienced a great deal of emotional suffering. I never got married or had proposals, it just never happened, no one was ever interested in me so i lived my life quietly, working hard, taking care of my parents etc. I then met someone, but he could not accept Islam, so we parted. I am broken hearted, that I found love so late in life but it could not materialize into a beneficial union. I prayed during Ramadan and Arafat that God show this man the way, I even pray that He gives us another chance so that I can show him the way to Islam. But I know that this will not come true, and this man is lost to me.
I pray constantly that God take away my sadness. I try everything in my power to forget - I exercise, talk to friends, see a counsellor --but still the sadness and pain remain in my heart. I wake up for tahajjud, I read Quran and sura Yasin and I really am immersing myself in constant ibadat. I give to the food bank. It has now been a few months, and this sadness and brokenheartedness is bringing me down, I can't get up. I wonder why, and if, God will answer my prayers and help me recover. I am facing my 40s now, I need to be strong - there may not be a husband or babies in my future. I need to be strong to deal with that, but I feel sometimes that for now, God's plan is that I remain emotionally scarred and wounded. What do you think? Do you think that eventually I will get better? Honestly, I have tried, I really have! But it all rests with God now. I pray everyday that he takes this man out of my heart and mind, because the pain of losing him -- and the lost promise of finally having a husband and babies -- is so overwhelming and is a shadow on my life.
Asalaamu Alaikum, My sister i know it is easy for us to say move on but let time do the healing. Time will heal your heart but you just have to give your heart time for it to sink in what has happened.
You know that have done a very big error in getting into a relationship because you and i both know that a relationship is NOT a guarantee for marriage. We should not give our love, affection and our all to a relationship partner but ONLY to our marriage partner. Unfortunatley in life we all have to learn from our errors and mistakes and this is what you are going to have to do.
Whatever has happened has happened now and you cannot turn back time. We all want to go back and do things differently but life is such that we make mistakes and we learn from them. We learn from our failures NOT our successes. If we all succeeded in life then how will we ever become better people? How will we ever grow as individuals if we never made mistakes. You need to think of this relationship as a mistake that you have made because it was just that. You should ONLY have ever fallen for your marriage partner and falling for a guy outside of marriage is a grave sin and you only have yourself to blame so we cannot sugar coat this for you. Many go through what you are going through and it is all because they chose to get into relationships outside of marriage.
You need to think to yourself that if you followed Islam and obeyed Allah none of this would have happened so therefore see this as a big error that you have made in your life in that you fell for someone outside of marriage. Look at it as you tried your best but that it was just not meant to be in your kismat because whatever is decreed for us will happen and the fact that you tried evrything but it did not go through proves that it was just not meant to be.
As humans we all think that we know what is best for us in life. A person falls into a relationship, they create false hopes and dreams together imagining and talking about a life together forever and having babies etc. But this is just a bubble and a world that the couple create with each other which usually ends up being just a dream and the bubble bursts when reality hits. We as humans think we know what is best for us but the fact is we don't! ONLY Allah knows what is best so therefore we must do EVERYTHING to please him and refrain from EVERYTHING that displeases him and causes his wrath and anger!
We need to accept that because something is not meant for us that maybe it is because it is not best for us. I have heard of SO many stories of couples who were together in a relationship long before marriage and when they got married things just went so wrong and they ended up either miserable or divorced. This is because such marriage started off in a haraam way so they have NO peace or blessings in them.
If we want the help of Allah and if we want Allah to put peace and blessings into whatever we do in life then we MUST do things in the right way in order to please him otherwise we will end up being miserable and unhappy. So maybe if you did marry him then reality would have hit you and you would have ended up having a terribley miserable marriage which would have ended bitterly in divorce. If children are involved then it is all the more nastier.
So i think you should thank Allah that he has done what is best for you in this situation even though it is difficult to accept at times because you were with him for so long but you must accept that Allah knows best and maybe Allah saved you from a potentially miserable life! Whatever is not meant for us then it is always the case that Allah has soemthing better in store for us.
I do know of MANY who have had relationships and break ups before marriage and after they got married they realised that they were only living in a dream world with that person and that in reality they are so thank ful to Allah that Allah found them the best partner. The love before marriage and after marriage is very different. Once you are married inshallah you will realise what true love is. You will also realise that you were only ever living in a dream world and that you have now woken up.
Here is what you can do to get over what has happened:
1. Accept what has happened and accept that it has happened because you disobeyed Allah and decided to have a relationship outside of marriage even though you knew it was wrong. Accept that you were in the wrong but that you have fallen into error and that you have learnt from this mistake and have become a MUCH better and wiser person out of this. Accept that we learn from our failures and NOT our successes!
2. Once you have accepted that it was your own fault and that you could easily have decided not to get into it then you must also accept that you did try your best but whatever will happen in your life will happen if it is decreed. It is clear that it was not decreed so it did not happen. Therefore accept that whatever Allah decrees is the best for you whether you like it or not because we as humans know not what is best for us. Maybe Allah saved you from a life of misery.
3. Once you have accepted that this was the consequances of your own choices that you made and that it was not in your decree to be with him and that whatever is decreed in our lives is the best for us then you must try to move forward with your life because death will not wait for anyone and wasting more time and more of your precious seconds that you have left will ONLY be of detriment to you because we ONLY have one chance which is our life and our once chance can end at ANY second. If you continuously waste more time on something which was never decreed for you then surely you will regret it forever if not in this life then definatley the next!
4. Make the necessery mental changes in having a fresh new start to your life and you can do this by firstly changing your number/s. Change your e mail address/es. Get rid of any social networks that you are on. Get rid of any pictures of him or present of gifts that he gave to you or anything that reminds you of him. Inernalise that you want to make a fresh start with your life and that you want to move on and progress. realise that death is near and that you cannot waste anymore time on that which was not meant for you. Accept that Allah has something better in store for you!
5. Time is the best healer. Once you have taken all these steps then let time heal your heart. The way you think will affect the speed of your recovery. You need to get your heart to accept the above 4 steps and once you have then recovery will be quicker.
6. You need to focus your mind on the purpose of your life. Allah did not create you to follow your own desires in life but he created you for one purpose and ONLY one purpose and that is to worship him. This should be your new focus in life which is to please Allah and you should strive to do EVERYTHING you can to get closer to him and to please him. You should also realise that Allah ONLY wants what is best for you and he took you out of this because he has something better in store for you!
Hope my advice has helped in some way. Know that Allah is wanting you to be close to him so will you not take a small step towards Allah that he may take a huge step towards you? Desire to be closer to Allah and to do EVERYTHING to please him. Continue to repent for what you have done and ask of Allah to help you through this hard time. Always share how you feel with Allah for your heart will feel MUCH better in doing so. Strive to be closer to Allah in established all of your fard obligations to him.
Also do much nafils and recite the Qur'an along with its meanings to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Learn as much about Islam as possible and most of all ALWAYS busy yourself with the remembrance of Allah in glorifying and praising him as well as pondering and contemplating over his creations. The more you remember Allah the quicker your heart will heal!
Join a local sisters Islamic circle and involve yourself with Islamic events, activities and be with good and pious sisters. Serve your parents as much as possible for they ONLY want the best for you and serving ones parents is of the BEST of ALL deeds. NEVER even raise your voice to your parents for they have been given the highest status by Allah, The way we treat our parents is how our parents will treat us. Therefore treat your parents the best and if shaythan tries to create enmity in your heart that seek refuge with Allah for shaythan is your eternal enemy and only wants you to be destroyed. He wants you to waste your time and life over the past and does NOT want you to move on. He wants to prevent you from progressing in life and in your deen. He does not want you to go towards Allah so will you not reject your sworn enemy?
Therefore my sister let now be the start of a whole new chapter in your life where you can progress and move forward gradually. There is no time to waste my sister and there will be times where you will find it hard but with Allah you will find peace and contentment but with shaythan all you will find is misery and discontent.
So my sister if you truly want to get healed then continue to go towards Allah and strive to please him and make him the happiest. Ask of him to help you through this and in every aspect of your life. Repent to him always and ask of him to heal your heart. If you put your FULL faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah then you will find this is enough for you and your heart will heal and be replaced with the love for Allah and his messenger.
Do not give up hope of finding the right partner but go about it in the right way within the boundaries of Islam. If you go about things Islamically then you wil have the help of Allah in whatever you do in your life. There is still hope my sister so do not give up. Shaythan is wanting you to lose all hope but he is your sworn enemy and will stop at nothing until you lose your faith and mind and everything in your life.
Time will heal your heart and day by day your heart will get better. When the right person comes along then you will think "why did i ever get involved with such a person in the first place?"
I pray that Allah heals your heart and makes you of his close servants. I pray he finds you the best partner that will lead you towards success in this life and the next and i pray he helps you through this and every aspect of your life. Please also remember me in your dua's.
These articles wil help you to maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday inshallah:
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