CONFUSED! even after months of istikhara *please some advice would be nice*

beother according to my limited knowledge, the we cannot interpret dreams ourselfs. eg if some see fire in dream,only a person with knowledge can tell us its bad or good bcz fire seems to have harmful side but its beneficail too. so ask some knowledgeable person and discus the dream with him.

best thing would be to tell the parents as early as possible so that no problems occur

format_quote Originally Posted by adz89

assalamualayum, id like to start off by saying how helpful this site is mashallah ive been searching for ages to come across somthing like this finally found it!


Basically I have a question regarding istikhara and marriage.

Long story cut short; basically I went on single Muslim few months ago with clean intentions in search of a right partner. I’m 22 starting a job in august inshallah and she is 21 nearly finished in university .Alhamdulillah I’m almost certain I have come across the right person, we have similar beliefs on religion, marriage and our families are on the same level and most importantly our aqeedah is the same too. Now we agreed to keep the contact to e-mail and msn only and when the time is right we want to tell the parents about ourselves. We thought ok the next step is to do istikhara. I have been doing istikhara for many years and Alhamdulillah know how it works for me (it works differently for different people). I have been doing it for many months to see if the sister is right for me for marriage and Alhamdulillah I have been getting positive feelings and my heart and mind is set on her. As we got chatting it became more apparent just how much we actually get on.


The sister wants this to work out just as much as I do so she did istikhara too. Now on the night she read istikhara she had a bad dream about me on the same night. We though ok maybe it was just a one off; she waited a while and again had a bad dream similar to the 1st one about me. Now this has really unsettled and confused us both because we know that bad dreams are from shaytaan, what we are not sure about is that is this bad dream an actual sign from Allah that things will not work out or is it dream from shaytaan trying to prevent our marriage from going ahead? We both really want to tell the parents but are unsure of what to do. She doesn’t want to go against the dream if it is a sign from Allah but doesn’t want to make a mistake of not telling the parents either.


Surely if we tell the parents, they are more wise and knowledgeable and they obviously they too will read istikhara for the marriage. And if both sets of families are getting negative signs then it is clear that the marriage should not go ahead. We’re both really confused about the next step; shall we tell the parents so they can start doing istikhara too, or shall we stop the contact altogether and just end everything? Jazakallah for your time and help.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Jazakallahu khayr for sharing your question with us. My brother whenever one is going about marriage then they should do so in the permissable means or at least the closest to the permissable means as possible. This means that as a man you should make all contact with her through a mahram or at least let one of her mahrams be cc'd in any e mail interactions with her.

So what you must do as soon as possible is for your parents to contact her family and set up a meeting and take things from there but you must not be in touch with her alone because shaythan is third party to your conversations and you want the full blessings from Allah in your pursuit for marriage.

With regards to Isthikhara then you must realise that isthikhara should only be performed if you are unsure about a matter. If you are certain that you want to marry this person and she is sure that she wants to marry you then isthikhara is not needed.

It is possible that at times, a person will feel a strong inclination or see a dream to carry out a certain act after performing Istikharah. However, this is not a general or necessary outcome and neither is it the main objective of Istikharah.

Also when you have so many people doing isthikhara for a matter and if one of them sees or feels a sign which they "think" is contrary to what they should be seeing or feeling then it may confuse matters further. Although you may tell your parents to make isthikhara you do not need to because this matter affects you so you should make isthikhara for yourself.

So if you think she has piety and a good character then i think you should meet her family and take things from there. Ask of Allah to do what is best for you and her and whatever happens will happen for the best.

And Allah knows best in all matters