I find myself on the very edge of believing, but I find myself scared. I've felt this way before, earlier on my religious journey started a year ago. I'm not entirely sure what brings it about, but I have guesses.
I know I'm a gullible person. I'll trust what people say easily. This is a different category of thing, though, so I'm not sure if that applies so much, but I have been overcome quickly with enthusiasm over religious things to have it fade not long after. But it has been a bit of time, enthusiasm winding down, yet I still find myself oriented towards Islam.
I think those are lesser contributors to fear. Mainly....well. I've been coming out of a horrible depression. It hugely affected my ability to think and remember things. It tore apart my self identity. Now that I've been getting better, I've compared my progress to what I remember of how things used to be before depression. That did not include religion. It feels like maybe whatever identity I build up now is something impermanent as I work to restore my previous one. Incorporating Islam into what I am now would complicate such a process, rather than first restoring my old identity and developing it from there to include Islam. I am doubtful about the feasibility of ever fully restoring my old identity. But I'm still not sure what I can do with Islam while I feel like my sense of self is so in flux.
I know these are probably all silly fears, but I think writing them out will make me feel better. And I wonder how other people feel. Do/Did any of you have apprehensions about accepting Islam?
I know I'm a gullible person. I'll trust what people say easily. This is a different category of thing, though, so I'm not sure if that applies so much, but I have been overcome quickly with enthusiasm over religious things to have it fade not long after. But it has been a bit of time, enthusiasm winding down, yet I still find myself oriented towards Islam.
I think those are lesser contributors to fear. Mainly....well. I've been coming out of a horrible depression. It hugely affected my ability to think and remember things. It tore apart my self identity. Now that I've been getting better, I've compared my progress to what I remember of how things used to be before depression. That did not include religion. It feels like maybe whatever identity I build up now is something impermanent as I work to restore my previous one. Incorporating Islam into what I am now would complicate such a process, rather than first restoring my old identity and developing it from there to include Islam. I am doubtful about the feasibility of ever fully restoring my old identity. But I'm still not sure what I can do with Islam while I feel like my sense of self is so in flux.
I know these are probably all silly fears, but I think writing them out will make me feel better. And I wonder how other people feel. Do/Did any of you have apprehensions about accepting Islam?
