Assalam Aleikum. I'll try my best to organize my thoughts..
My Imam was so high up and I felt so peaceful and loved Islam so much. Lately its just gone down to a point where I am just so confused and I feel like Shaytan has a strong grip on me. Since I go to public school, I am literally surrounded by all the things haram man.. Don't get me wrong my grades are awesome Alhamdulilah and I really love to learn, it's just the environment I believe is not the best place for Iman to grow and stay firm. Since my dad and I were out I told him lets go pray in the Masjid because its time. I pray to Allah eveyday that I could at least go to the Masjid at least once not counting Eid, Taraweeh, or Jumm'ah. I felt so amazing words can't even express how awesome it felt going to the Masjid since unfortunately I can't go very much. I also got really hooked on the Qur'an and I read and recited and tried to perfect my Tajweed and I also got a lot of Ayat memorized. Everything from here went downhill from here and my Iman completely flipped. Schools started again and my "friends" were taking about zina, porn actors or whatever, and also calling me nasty names for some reason. I also hear curse words literally every second and at first it really made my heart pinch but time after time i just didn't feel anything. And then I couldn't help myself and i watched porn and masturbated. And I also get really jealous when people are with righteous company all the time and they learn Qur'an together and I am not that fortunate to have that kind of company. I had loads of friends but since I started to value Islam, I tried to distance myself from bad company in the best manners but I do get depressed sometimes and I just wish i can live a life pleasing to the Creator by being around decent people in a decent environment. I probably complain way too much but this is just how i feel and i hope someone can help and give practical solutions inshallah..
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Aselam aleykum
Life is full of ups and downs, it's not something you can avoid. You can't expect to be at that high imaan place for the rest of your life. There's always tests and hardship in life. And you can't always avoid bad company either. Try to ignore them, do your own thing at school. Just hang on and stick with it, eventually things will get better again. I bet there's probably others like you in your school. Find some people who are like-minded and hang out with them in your spare time.
May Allah subhana wa ta'ala guide and protect you
readthe Quran with translation & commentary daily. Yu can also find commentary online, such as http://www.tafheem.net/tafheem.html . Read the last juz's commentary first since the verses are shorter, surahs are shorter and they have alot of info on the Day of Judgment.
Another thing you can do is listen to online lectures on youtube. Look for educational islamic lectures, lectures about the Day of Judgment, lectures about taqwa (piety) , lectures on da'wah giving, etc. But stay away from lectures with extremist or heretic content.
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And I also get really jealous when people are with righteous company all the time and they learn Qur'an together and I am not that fortunate to have that kind of company. I had loads of friends but since I started to value Islam, I tried to distance myself from bad company in the best manners but I do get depressed sometimes and I just wish i can live a life pleasing to the Creator by being around decent people in a decent environment. I probably complain way too much but this is just how i feel and i hope someone can help and give practical solutions inshallah..
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