A question to my Muslim brothers, who are married

**Alhamduillah** · 03-19-2015

Hi,

I am a 21 year old male pursuing an education and a degree in the United States.

By the will of Allah, I will finish my degree when I am 23/24 years old so in 2-3 years.

I plan on getting married as soon as I graduate and attain my degree.

I just had a question for all the Muslim brother's out there who were in my situation or in similar situations as me.

I am going through the internal struggles within my soul, to control my desires, and I thank Allah immensely as he had made it possible for me to lower my gaze, pray 5 times a day, and fast Mondays and Thursdays, as well as be involved within my Muslim community.

It is very hard however, and I am struggling and the things I wan't the most in life right now is to be married so that I may control my desires.

As a young male, or as a male in general, I am experiencing the urge of needing a release with a modest partner and I am in a rush to do so, as everyday is a very hard and continual struggle, and I feel as though having a partner would 100% alleviate the physical aspects of this battle I am having. And yes, it is mostly physical urges that need to be fulfilled.

I am grateful that when I fast Mondays and Thursdays, like the Prophet (May Allah's Peace And Blessings Be Upon Him) recommended to unmarried youth, it works extremely well in suppressing my desires, however, this still leaves 5 days of the week I am not fasting in which my body urges for a physical release.

I do not masturbate (I am thankful to Allah for this) as I am under the opinion that Yes, it is a sin and I am not willing to be questioned about this on the Day our Lord questions all of us.

I also do not have nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) except once every few months, which is not often enough to alleviate the desires.

My question to the Muslim brother's who are married is, and I hope for the sake of Allah, you guys answer this with conviction and honesty, and not just to make me feel better is:

Did you find that when you got married your desires were fulfilled and you became physically happier/physically satisfied as opposed to before?

Did you find that you were happier/more relaxed after you got married?

I am currently under the impression that getting married would make life so much easier as this matter of having my physical urges attended to is really plaguing me.

Warm Regards,

-Alhamduillah

**ardianto** · 03-19-2015

Assalamualaikum.

If your motivation to get married is only to fulfill your sexual need, then you would see your wife as just sexual object. The effect is, you would getting bored with your wife soon after your married her. Then you would start seek another woman, get married again, getting bored again, seek another woman again .....

The right motivation to get married is to establish a family that sakinah, mawadah, warohmah, which you and your wife love each other, understand each other, including understand each other in bedroom matter.

Sex is an important thing in marriage, but not the only thing, and not the most important thing, because the most important thing is love. Husband and wife must love each other.

You don't have to fall in love to a woman and then married her. But you have to love a woman after you married her. So, try to build your ability to love a woman. Change your view on woman from sexual object into the partner who will accompany you in happy and in sad.

I am a widower, and I have ever married for almost 19 years until my beloved wife return to Allah due to breast cancer. Her illness made her could not do her duty to 'serve' me on bed. But I still love her. Imagine if I got married only to fulfill my sexual desire?. When she got illness, I must be would leave her.

**ardianto** · 03-19-2015

I was not a boy who just stayed at home, but I was a boy who active in outdoor activities. I was a motorcycle racer, I love adventure, I had many friends and often spent my time with them. I could do many things that I wanted to do. That was my life when I really enjoy the freedom of being young, free, and single.

But then I arrived in a point where I felt 'empty', and I began to realize I need to have a partner. Finally I married the woman who then became the mother of my children.

What happened after I married her?. I lost my freedom!. I could not again do what I wanted to do like racing, adventure, hang out with friends in midnight. And I started to have to bear a responsibility toward my wife.

My opinion about marriage?. Marriage is like a jail. But ...... I was happy in this jail.

Marriage made me lost my freedom, but marriage made me have someone who I love and love me too. It made me feel happier than when I had freedom but had no someone.

Young bro, when you enter a marriage, you will lose your freedom. And the only thing that will make you happy is love. If there's no love between you and your wife, then marriage would make you feel like in hell in the world. This is why I suggest you to raise your ability to love a woman.