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    BeTheChange's Avatar
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    Coping with Personal Problems

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    Asalamualykum,

    Request to ADMIN: Maybe this can be saved as a sticky thread, if you feel the advice is beneficial to everyone? In sha Allah

    In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


    By Sheikh Salman al-'Awdah


    Who does not have problems?


    Problems are a part of life. If it were not for distance and separation, people would never know the joy of meeting and reunion. If it were not for poverty, people would not know wealth. And if it were not for sorrow, people would not know joy.


    In this manner, Allah has permitted the world to be a place of passage, where pleasure is accompanied by pain and laughter by tears, a world where the degree and severity of suffering is commensurate to the degree of happiness a person feels when that suffering goes away.


    Every home has its problems, as does every office, corporation, and country. Every soul is afflicted with its own inner problems. When a person knows that his own self does not comply with what he wants from it and does not fulfill his expectations, and that it often shames him and disappoints him unbearably, then what can he possibly expect from others?


    What can he hope to expect from the difficulties that arise from social interactions, whether they occur within a family setting, or among neighbors, or between colleagues and business partners, or with those who he meets on the road?


    In spite of all this, the goodness, companionship, and human welfare that social interactions bring about can never be attained by a person who lives in isolation. The evils brought about by seclusion are far greater than the discomfort that comes from dealing with others.


    How many people have tried to solve their problems by cutting off their dealings with others and going into seclusion? They seek to treat their ailments with something that is a sickness itself. They wind up longing to return to the very circumstances that they had so much detested before.


    A woman feels that she can not stand to live with her husband's behavior any more and sees divorce as the only solution. Then when she gets what she wants, she feels like she is going to die of loneliness and starts to think of a way to undo what she had done.


    An employee feels he can not bear his job any longer so he quits his job. After a while, though, he starts looking for people to intercede on his behalf as he repeatedly tries to get his job back.


    This is why it is not sensible to hastily resort to severing ties, thinking that this is going to get to the root of the problem and make it just go away. This course of action can possibly cause much more suffering than before.


    Specialists in problem management have set down the following practical steps for dealing with one's problems. These steps can be summarized as follows:



    1. Perceiving and recognizing the problem
    2. Defining the problem correctly.
    3. Research, examination, and fact finding, with a focus on pinpointing causes.
    4. Setting down alternatives and options, then evaluating them and weighing their pros and cons.
    5. Determining the option that will provide the best solution to the problem.



    These steps can only be put into practice by a person who can approach his problems with a calm, level head. Reactions that are spontaneous and overemotional only serve to cloud a person's judgment, making it seem that the only solution is to completely divorce oneself from the source of the problem and with everything that in any way relates to it.


    The problem could actually come from the deep within a person's character or personal history and cannot be simply shrugged off. It could also come from unavoidable circumstances outside of that person's control.


    Often we besiege ourselves with problems and difficulties. This is not to say that those problems are not real. They definitely are. But we often have many good ways of getting around them. We do not have to dwell on them. We need to seek the help of Allah and cling hard to the firm handhold that He provides, repeating the words: "You alone we worship and You alone we beseech for help."


    One of the supplications that the Prophets of old used to make goes as follows: "O Allah! Yours is the praise. You are the one whose help we seek. You are the one on whom we rely. Yours is the aid that we seek. There is no might and no strength except with Allah, the High and Mighty."


    We can look at our problems as they really are and strive to get rid of them or at least minimize them, without letting them suffocate us or hold us back. Our problems must not make us stop working and living productive lives. We can also defer some problems that we cannot solve at the present time and wait for Allah, in whose hands rest all affairs, to relieve us of them


    It is related from Ibn Mas`ûd that Allah's Messenger said: "The best form of worship is to wait for relief." [Sunan al-Tirmidhî (3571), al-Bazzâr (Majma` al-Zawâ'id 10/147), and al-Bayhaqî in Shu`ab al-Imân (7/204)] This narration, though, is weak. [1]


    At the same time, there can be no doubt that expecting relief from Allah is a form of worship, since it is part of being patient. This brings to our attention an important yet often overlooked fact - that many problems can be solved, but not by jumping ahead of things. They must be approached one step at a time. Haste can lead to making our problems more deeply entrenched than they were before. Sometimes the best solution is to postpone action and be patient until the right opportunity comes along for a solution to be sought.


    Patience, then, is necessary in all cases. Therefore, we have been encouraged - actually commanded - to be patient. The word patience, in all of its morphological forms, comes in the Qur'ân about 103 times. Without patience to beautify our deeds, our efforts come to nothing. This is what `Umar meant when he said: "We found the best of our lives in patience." [Al-Bukhârî (6104)]


    We can solve some problems with Allah's help, and we can minimize others. As for those problems for which we cannot find a solution, we can do our best to accommodate them. If a person were to take a small square, no bigger than the palm of his hand, and place it right in front of his eye, that small square would completely block his vision. The same thing can be said of problems when we make them larger than they actually are and give over to them a good share of our lives, thoughts, and feelings so they become a serious impediment to our moving forward and living productively. The classical Arabian poet Mutanabbih writes:


    The eye of a small person makes small things look large


    And the eye of a great person makes great calamities look small.


    And


    When a man grows accustomed to dwelling in the fear of death


    Its arrival becomes the easiest possible event.


    Without the least doubt, a person is going to face difficulties from his family, sometimes because they are worried about him, and sometimes because they are angry with him for violating their norms and customs, and sometimes because they love him, as love can bring about its own stresses.


    He is going to face difficulties from society, from his school or university, from his job, and from the people he chooses to interact with.


    Moreover, he is going to have to deal with difficulties emanating from within himself. Within him will be tendencies pulling him to do good and others pulling him to do evil. It will be as if his own inner condition is saying to him: "Why is it that I call you to salvation, yet you call me to the Fire?"

    At the same time, this person, by way of supplication, devotion in prayer, and humility, will find Allah's help and support, and Allah will bless him the strength of will that he needs. He will also find help and support from his believing brethren who follow the same path.


    Even when a problem springs from the inner depths of our being, we still must not let it bring us down. We must start afresh, take an assessment of our injuries, and bring our scattered wishes together. Then we must keep our eyes on the future instead of always looking back.


    Is not Allah the one who is Oft Forgiving and accepts our repentance? Are not we human beings all prone to error? Our hearts can be cleansed with the knowledge that Allah is forgiving and by keeping hope before us. We must leave our vanities and base passions aside so they will not kill our souls. A believer takes refuge in his Lord and keeps the company of people who will help him overcome the obstacles along the way and help him to strengthen his resolve and his commitment. If he pulls himself up every time he stumbles, he will surely arrive.



    Footnotes:


    1. It is related by al-Bazzâr from Anas with a weak chain of transmission that contains an unknown narrator. Ibn al-Jawzî in al-`Ilal (2/864) and al-Fayd (2/44) declares the narration to be unauthentic.

    SOURCE:
    http://kalamullah.com/personality18.html

    Coping with Personal Problems

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
    Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.

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    Lisa921's Avatar
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    Re: Coping with Personal Problems

    Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi!
    Beautiful reminder Sister!
    It took me a long time in my life to realize some of those points. And Alhamdulillah I have finally understood how to accept my daily struggles as a mercy from Allah knowing that with each struggle is forgiveness and love from Allah. And it brings me closer to my Rabb and leads me to what is good.
    I appreciate so much the small joys in life more because of the big problems I have overcame.
    I think there is no way to explain just the feelings that go along with that discovery. Someone simply has to go through problems on their own to reach that place. Its a paradox in life but it is sooo so beautiful.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Lisa
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    BeTheChange's Avatar
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    Re: Coping with Personal Problems

    Walaikumasalaam

    You're very welcome!

    It's true our challenges enable us to view our life through a different perspective and it does make you more appreciative of the good times.

    May Allah swa keep you smiling Ameen.
    Coping with Personal Problems

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
    Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.

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    Lisa921's Avatar
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    Re: Coping with Personal Problems

    Ameen sister
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    taha_'s Avatar
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    Re: Coping with Personal Problems

    Assalam o Alaikum rahaumtullahi wa barakuthu brothers and sisters.

    Problems is part of our life, that we may hate it, but it has goodness for us. Indeed Allah is All-Wise,

    Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not
    Surah Baqarah 2:216

    Problems as trials also serves as ticket to Jannah in sha Allah.

    Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,"When is the help of Allah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.


    surah baqara 2:214


    Problems are reminder for us that this world is NOT jannah! it is temporary dunya. If we were to live a worldly life without a single problems and just only comfort, we may end up forgetting Allah, forgetting our death, the judgement... Therefore we shouldn't look at problems as negative but give thanks to Allah, and that we should be patient as there is always ease in hardships.


    Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.

    Surah Ash-Sharh (94:6)

    Forgetting our problems may also cause lack of humbleness. We may end up judging people which is arrogance. do we not realize that Allah is only Judge? He will judge us according to our deeds.. WE HAVE NO RIGHTS TO MAKE DIVINE JUDGEMENT. IT IS ONLY ALLAH. remember that

    Allah tests us according to our faith. There is a hadith about it.

    Sa’id ibn Abi Waqqas reported: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, which people are tested most severely?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “They are the prophets, then the next best, then the next best. A man is tried according to his religion. If he is firm in his religion, his trials will be more severe. If he is weak in his religion, he is tried according to his strength in religion. The servant will continue to be tried until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.”

    Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2398 (Sahih according to Shaykh Albani)

    No, it doesnt mean we should be sad all the time. We should always be positive, thinking positively, have cheerful smile, as it is sunnah.

    Problems can boost our iman, in sha Allah. It also reminds us of Allah.

    Dunya is nothing but temporary, our wealth, family will leave us after we are in grave. We do not know whether we will go to Paradise or Hellfire. May Allah grant us into Jannat-ul-Firdaus ameen.

    We should not lose our hope, trust in Allah. He works in mysterious ways. The lesson of Prophet Yusuf peace be upon him is very important. Once had pleasent dream which came true but he faced trials for that.. if calamity strikes us by permission of Allah, we should give our thanks to Allah, and be patient. we shouldn't say "Why is this happening to me?".

    Everything belongs to Allah alone, we belong to Him alone and we will be returned to Him alone. We shouldn't wish for worldly things. You don't need a supercar, big mansion with lake, these actually belongs to Allah not us. if Allah wills it, He will give us something better than that, in sha Allah.

    Right now, lets not be too greedy for Paradise. Let us make our intention of striving pleasure of Allah. Allah says

    And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.

    Surah 51:56.


    We all know that Allah does not need us. He is free of need. All of His creations needs Him. He is Perfect Being. If we stopped worshipping Him, His glory will not be reduced, if we worship Him alone, His glory will not increase. He is already Perfect.

    It is for benefit of our soul, problems is best way for remembering Him, and helps our faith getting strong in sha Allah..

    We should focus on improving ourselves, we should leave people alone to be judged by Allah. we should not look down on them, as that is arrogance. we shouldn't point out their mistakes harshly. and we should not condemn them to Hellfire (we seek refuge from that), if they commit too many sins. We are all sinners. Only Allah purify whoever He wills.

    Two men among the children of Israel were the opposite of each other. One of them was a sinner and the other would strive in worship. The worshiper would see the sinner and tell him to stop. One day he found him sinning so he said: Stop! The sinner said: Leave me alone, by my Lord, have you been sent to watch over me? The worshiper said: By Allah, Allah will not forgive you or admit you into Paradise. Later their souls were taken and they met in the presence of the Lord of the worlds. Allah said to the worshiper: Did you have knowledge of me or power over what is in my hand? Allah said to the sinner: Enter Paradise by my mercy. And Allah said to the worshiper: Take him to the Hellfire.
    Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4901 (Sahih)

    This is grave thing to say.

    We should also remember our sins and mistakes we commited, as to humble ourselves and not considering ourselves superior. Calling yourself sinner is better and humble. We are also layman and student of knowledge. Our knowledge is only given by Allah. He can take it if He wills it. so we should give our thanks to Him, and humble ourselves before Him.

    This is my opinion. There may be good and wrong things. May Allah forgive us and have mercy on us, indeed His mercy is more hopeful to us than our deeds, and His forgiveness is greater than our sins.

    Allah knows best

    JazakAllah khair
    Last edited by taha_; 01-04-2020 at 09:42 AM.
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    Coping with Personal Problems

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    I beg Allah peace for us and for you.


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