Parents have gone against their word!

format_quote Originally Posted by EgyptPrincess

Salaam everyone,

I know you're probably bored with me already but I didn't want to just disappear without saying anything.

I met my friend tonight and had such a lovely meal with him and I know pretty much everyone here said I should not do this, I disobeyed my mother and father and went anyway. I am besotted by him...

I have decided it's best for me to move out and I am packing my things now, my parents and I have gone to the last thread and the household is just a misery to live in and I am upsetting my siblings and my parents. Everyday it's just arguments and neither or us can live like this. I think it's healthier for everyone if I just move out and give my parents a break. They don't deserve to see me upset and angry and it makes me upset to see them upset.

I don't think I'll be hanging around here because I am not learning much, don't get me wrong most of you are very sweet people and I am honestly grateful for your advice and support, even if I disagreed with some or all of it lol. Inshallah this forum will help many other Muslims in need of advice or support but for me I think I just need some space away from everything. The internet is not healthy for me as I just end up putting all my personal problems online and bad mouthing my parents when the truth is my heart splits in two when I see my parents cry it's not fair on them to put them through this. Inshallah I will continue to strive for stronger iman but I don't think I can do this under the current conditions. Again thank you all for your help and support and perhaps you'll see me back in the future at some point.

Jazak Allah swt Khayr

I dont know what to say exactly! But i would definitely not support this decision. To be honest even after discussing many things on different topics with you and reading your replies on different threads, I still find you too young to make strong decision. And from my own experience with people, in real life and on different forums, I would call your decision to be hasty and childish. Not because your decision is against Islam, but because I always find it amazing that why would a girl would let herself in a situation to have full access to herself while not asking for any legal right in return, i.e. girlfriend. I am not saying that your boyfriend is not honest or that he will leave you, but whatever you say the fact will still remain the same that you are just his girlfriend, and the threat will always remain the same that he can leave you whenever he wants. I am not saying he will, but in western society girlfriend boyfriend relation itself in majority of cases is not permanent, and worst that it does not have any legal status. What if at some point, or even now you get pragnent! Everything is possible. And at some point you feel he is not the guy you wanted, or he feels that you are not the girl he wanted. Rest you can read the experiences of other people who go through it. I would not even advise an athiest girl to take such risk, let alone a muslim girl.

This feeling of moving out to him is kind of more emotion one, which got triggered more after your dinner together, because in short you have emotional bond with him, and you feel that you cannot live without him. Believe me loving someone and living with someone are two seperate things. Even though both words have only difference one letter "i" and "o". But living and spending life with a person demands much more committment and sacrifice. You may not appreciate it right now, but you will understand it later on in life.

In the end it is your life and you yoursef are best judge and you will be accountable for everything. We can only give our opinion.

May Allah bless and guide you, Ameen.

Emotional attachment.

The longer you stay in that relationship, the harder it will be to go out of it, and if you go out of it, you'll get hurt, the more you stay. you may not see it now, but trust me, you will, unless Allah SWT wills otherwise.

It is mere infatuation, and you are just being hormonal. you are not in 'love'.

And Allah SWT knows best.

format_quote Originally Posted by muslimah_B

Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis

I could type out rulings and throw them around but sometimes we dont want to hear it and just want things how we want them and will make up excuses in our head that its ok because of such and such etc but i know that you what your doing is in fact not halal, and no matter what anyone else says its not going to stop you..

I understand where your coming from and i was once in your position but i was opposite as in i was the non-muslim and my then bf/fiance was muslim (he passed away 2 months after i reverted inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajoon) as the post above mine mentions that sometimes you love that person so much but Allahs plans are for you not to be with that person and someone else (indeed very heartbraking)

My best advice would be to avoid seeing him if you can, and to try and guide him to islam, whenever you speak to him talk about islam, whatever his interests are refer them back to islam somehow, show youtube videos, anything and everything islam... but just understand that reverting is a hard but beautiful process... its not a easy decision to leave your whole entire life behind for something totally brand new that basically tells you, your whole entire life was lead in a haram way (i am exaggerating a lil bit but you get the point)
You have to understand from your parents point of view that a child grows up upon the fathers religion if a muslimah marries outside of the religion then the children wont be upon islam..
And the fact your dating someone who isnt muslim (he might stay non-muslim for years only Allah knows)

I understand you love him trust me i do, but if you really love him then guide him to islam or if you have brothers then let your brothers help him..that is all that matters
The dinner shouldnt matter more than that, just keep making dua sis

May Allah open his heart to fully accept islam in all its glory and beauty..Ameen

I am trying to guide him to Islam sister I really am but even my own iman is low at the moment with all the stress and arguing going on under our roof I simply have no option but to move out. You know that feeling when you wake up and you feel like you don't have any problems in the world and you're so chilled out and you cannot wait for what the day holds? This is how I feel when I am with him. When I am with my parents I feel anxious and trapped and waiting for the next argument to break out. I have my older sister jumping down my throat telling me I bring shame to her and she is ashamed to tell people I am her sister and she is threatening him that she will do this and that if he does not forget about me.

He is under immense pressure as am I but this is not something I can just sweep under the rug... this is not like deciding to have water instead of coke... I have been in a relationship with him for a year and in that year I have been the happiest person on the planet, at least I feel that way. If he converts to Islam I fear my parents still will not accept him and forbid me from seeing him still.

format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity

Emotional attachment.

The longer you stay in that relationship, the harder it will be to go out of it, and if you go out of it, you'll get hurt, the more you stay. you may not see it now, but trust me, you will, unless Allah SWT wills otherwise.

It is mere infatuation, and you are just being hormonal. you are not in 'love'.

And Allah SWT knows best.

I'm so done with you. Yes I am in love, don't dare to tell me otherwise. You have absolutely no idea how I feel. Wait until you love someone so much that you cannot bare to be away from them for a single day and then your parents tell you to cut off all ties from them. Let's see how well you handle that. You are severely underestimating the power of love.

format_quote Originally Posted by sister herb

I wish you a happy and blessed life dear sister. Be careful as this path called life is full of traps but I am sure you will be careful. You may understand your parents better when you will be older. This happens to most of us.

And may Allah always protect you and gives to you what you need.

You are always welcome back. We are here to waiting you, inshAllah.

I would like to say the same You summed it up sisterherb

format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity

Nay I am not,

Beware of your heart getting enslaved to your bf, beware of shirk in love. I am just warning you, not wanting you harm. But if you want to harm yourself, then go ahead.

just crush the relationship, rebuild your heart, and get stronger. I know it is hard, but with hardship comes ease. If you leave a thing for Allah SWT's sake, Allah SWT will replace that with something much better, from where you expect not.

It is not love when it makes you disobey Allah SWT.

And reading from your previous posts, I recommend you to read the shahadah, too.

May Allah SWT guide you away from this and free your heart and guide it in full submission to Him SWT,. Ameen.

Rather than you scold her like that, it's better you make dua, wishing a happy ending. Her boyfriend become Muslim, her parents accept her boyfriend, they get married, and live happily.

format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto

Rather than you scold her like that, it's better you make dua, wishing a happy ending. Her boyfriend become Muslim, her parents accept her boyfriend, they get married, and live happily.

But we have to show her how wrong it is to be in this meeting, and I am sure she knows.

1. Dinner with this guy isn't like anyother dinner, they are in a relationship, and are more than just platonic.

Better yet, cut the bf relationship, go to a masjid, and talk there, or something. I will make dua for the guidance of them both, but I will not encourage them going into this dinner.

format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity

But we have to show her how wrong it is to be in this meeting, and I am sure she knows.

1. Dinner with this guy isn't like anyother dinner, they are in a relationship, and are more than just platonic.

Better yet, cut the bf relationship, go to a masjid, and talk there, or something. I will make dua for the guidance of them both, but I will not encourage them going into this dinner.

But brother she is not talking about dinner now. She already had dinner. Now she is talking about permanently moving out of parents house.

Brother Adrianto,

Having and living with a boyfriend is a serious offence in Islam, it is one of the sins which Allah has prescribed a punishment in this life. If we do not believe in scolding, then we should atleast show our disaproval by remaining quiet. One doesn't give duas of success and happiness, especially to the face of people who seem to show no shame or remorse and neither do such duas take effect if we make Allah and our parents unhappy, in this life or the next.

Your parents may have gone against their word, but their word does not stand above the word of Allah. They cannot allow you something which Allah has forbidden. It is an invalid pact in the sight of Allah. You however, have gone against both Allah and your parents and your decision to live with your boyfriend is grave.

Don't expect your parents to hold their words when it goes against Allah SWT.

I'd break any promise if it goes against Allah SWT. After all, there is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator.

I will never make dua for such a relation to last. I will never do that. And I will never encourage her to move out, alone.

we can't be softies when it comes to Islam. she is in a haram relationship, no way will her parents allow her to go out, because:

A. she is in a haram relationship.
B. they'd be disobeying Allah SWT.
C. There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to Allah SWT.

No haram relationships will hold any fruitful blessings, as it is haram. And I can't see Allah SWT blessing something He SWT forbade.

format_quote Originally Posted by piXie

Having and living with a boyfriend is a serious offence in Islam,

If a relationship is haram, then this haram relationship should be changed into halal relationship. That's why we must make du'a, wish Allah make her boyfriend become Muslim, then they get married, and their relationship become halal.

The reason why I don't tell EgyptPrincess to leave her boyfriend is, .... she will not listen to me because he really love her boyfriend. So it's better if I make dua, wish Allah make them get married in Islamic way, then their relationship become halal.