I want to divorce..

Assalamu alaykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.
I am 25 and have been married for almost 3 years with a daughter who is almost 1 year old inshaAllah.
I am a revert for three years. I hoped to marry to a religious muslim husband but I married to one who is not following islam.
I feel so depressed and stressed in this marriage..I am a working mom and really hope to stay with my daughter as a full time mom.
However, with the reasons below, I want to divorce,
(1) my husband always quits his job whenever he wants and gets unemployed.
(2) he takes all my salary every month, when I rejected to give, he got so angry and threats me of leaving me
(3) he doesn't pray five times a day, doesn't go to masjid for jummah prayer
(4) he has a bad temper that gets angry so easily
(5) one imam arranged this marriage but he doesn't respect our imam anymore
When I have divorced, it will be difficult for me to support my daughter financially..and my family still doesn't accept islam as my religion...things will become so hard to me..
what should I do..? brothers sisters, it would be appreciated if you could provide for me some ideas...jazakum allahu khairan.
May Allah swt bless you all, ameen.

:salamext:

Dear sister, may Allaah have mercy upon you and ease your struggles. You need to speak to a senior member in the Muslim community who can sit and speak with you and your husband both. May Allah guide you both & rectify your affairs. Aameen.

Wa alaikum assalam, Speak to his parents/relatives on this matter, if it's possible. Divorce may affect your baby's life, so start living separately with your baby instead of divorce. Give him some months to retrospect. If he doesn't change himself then you decide what to do May Allah swt make your life happy and peaceful. Ameen

i often wonder when people want a religious husband or wife what do they expect.
first of all self rectification and becoming "religious" is a lifelong effort.
marriages are full of trials and arguments .

rather than leaving,it would be better to educate the husband by some wise local or family member
also wisdom is sometimes required over scholarship and just does and donts

:wasalam:

You should reach out to an imam and ask for help, preferably the one who recommended him and got you married since he may feel more responsible for it and the husband may be more willing to listen to him. Talk to the imam to set up a one on one time first to explain your situation and then he'll decide if he should talk to your husband alone first or ask both of you to come in together.

I think your husband may feel that he can do as he pleases since you are a revert without a family backing you to question him and his character so he feels he can do whatever he wants. Maybe this is something you should communicate to him as well, what you expect from a husband islamically and how he needs to step up.

may Allah ease your affairs and bless you with what's best for you inshallah.

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear that. I really can't give you any quick fix although I can understand your thinking. It is a tough one…. very tough.

I can only dua that Allah will ease your burden.

Wishing you a great stay.


eace:

Walikumassalam sister,

Firstly, you have to ponder this matter deeply as your child's life as well as yours will be severely effected. That doesn't mean that you should make a decision out of fear and stick to this marriage just because of fear. As Allah always provides and matters of provision should be left to His Will. No need to stress yourself out on it. I know it can indeed be worrisome when you have to think about your child. So take the time to think over this matter. You can consult a respected imam who can counsel your husband. From there you can see if his behaviour changes then you can continue with your marriage. If not, then you can take the other road. I pray for you dear sister that may Allah ease your pain, comfort you and your child, bless you abundantly with martial bliss and satisfaction. Ameen.TC

salems dear sister, ameen to your dua. yes actually it's not a sudden problem..it has been existing for quite long. and we have tried to sit with our imam and talk, but he doesn't listen to our imam. so the problems remain the same..inshaAllah i will seek further advice from the imam. jazakum allahu khairan

his family is arab..i can't speak in arabic, actually i've tried to talk to his nephew who can speak a little english, she said it's not fine to let my mother-in-law knows about our issus since she is old with high-blood-pressure..it's a nice idea to live separately and see inshaAllah..jazakum allahu khairan

salems brother, i totally agree with you, and i understand that no one is perfect except Allah swt. A religious husband means a muslim who follows Qu'ran and hadith and fears Allah swt.
i sincerely hope that he will change and improve inshaAllah, actually our imam has been trying to help us in these two years, even we sit and talked face-to-face, but he doesn't accept the words of the imam. he has his own living way-according to his culture in his home country. jazakum allahu khairan.

salems brother, yes you are right, and we have tried this way already..but the problems are still happening ... i really don't know what else i can do.. my imam said, if I still be with him while he still treats me in this wrong way, then i am offering a chance to let me make more sins to me..so our imam suggested us to divorce if my husband insists on doing bad to me. ameen to your dua brother, jazakum allahu khairan

salems, thank you brother.
ameen to you dua, jazakum allahu khairan.

aishaaisha said:

Assalamu alaykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh.
I am 25 and have been married for almost 3 years with a daughter who is almost 1 year old inshaAllah.
I am a revert for three years. I hoped to marry to a religious muslim husband but I married to one who is not following islam.
I feel so depressed and stressed in this marriage..I am a working mom and really hope to stay with my daughter as a full time mom.
However, with the reasons below, I want to divorce,
(1) my husband always quits his job whenever he wants and gets unemployed.
(2) he takes all my salary every month, when I rejected to give, he got so angry and threats me of leaving me
(3) he doesn't pray five times a day, doesn't go to masjid for jummah prayer
(4) he has a bad temper that gets angry so easily
(5) one imam arranged this marriage but he doesn't respect our imam anymore
When I have divorced, it will be difficult for me to support my daughter financially..and my family still doesn't accept islam as my religion...things will become so hard to me..
what should I do..? brothers sisters, it would be appreciated if you could provide for me some ideas...jazakum allahu khairan.
May Allah swt bless you all, ameen.

Click to expand...

Ohh no.
Where will you find another oppressor?
Sorry about joking around with it, but it does not look like you would lose much

aishaaisha said:

his family is arab..i can't speak in arabic, actually i've tried to talk to his nephew who can speak a little english, she said it's not fine to let my mother-in-law knows about our issus since she is old with high-blood-pressure..it's a nice idea to live separately and see inshaAllah..jazakum allahu khairan

Click to expand...

There's a couple of ways to do separation. One way is to live separately for an indefinite amount of time; this almost always leads to divorce and quite often at least one person will find someone else during that indeterminate period. The other way to do it is by agreeing to a certain timeframe and put some conditions on how the separation can end. That way, you basically tell him what he needs to do and then if he does those things (If he does those things), you get back together after an agreed upon time frame. If things work out better in the long term after that, good for you. If they don't, you can go back to weighing the options of separation and divorce, with divorce being more likely the second time around.

Negotiating the terms of a separation is a difficult proposition, and you should probably have a mediator. Talk to your imam in as much detail as you can (for example how often would you plan to be in contact and in what capacity), ask if he wants to be the mediator and if not does he have someone else in mind that could do that. Remember to work out a set time frame of some sort- that's the main thing that will prevent one or both of you from stepping out and being with someone else. I know you don't like him very much, but the institution of marriage should be respected as long as it's in place, even if the marriage isn't working well right now. Maybe you'll wind up getting divorced later, but give yourself the best chance you can for now.