Assalamu Alaikum, if you are reading this, I thank you for your patience.
I haven't told anyone else this yet, but I'm starting to get a bit desperate.
I go to my Mosque, I do Friday Sermons, I read Salat everyday alongside my family... except I don't. I don't actually read Salat, I just pretend that I do without saying any of the required prayers, I don't do Wudh'uu beforehand, I haven't opened the Qura'an since I first finished it when I was grade 2, and I just all around don't really follow any of required commandments of Islam.I haven't accomplished much in life, my grades are dropping in my high school years, I procrastinate so much everyday, and I barely do anything for my parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, or anyone while they are doing so much work for me, and spend so much money for me, and sacrifice so much for me, while I just sit around like the useless piece of ---- I am. I feel like such a failure and it got to the point where I started to hate myself and go into a deep depression. I'm pretty sure I have anxiety, but then again, I don't see depression or anxiety and such as a disease, it's just the way I am. I even started to self-harm by cutting myself upon my arm and I recently started to have thoughts about suicide, which I recently discovered that both are sin-worthy. But why should I care, I was never a real Muslim to begin with.
Also, to get it out of the way, I'm not a Sunni or a Shia Muslim, I'm an Ahmadiyya Muslim, one that almost every non-Muslim consider to not be real Muslims because of our slightly different beliefs on Islam, for example, Muhammad (sa) being the last law-bearing prophet, but no THE last prophet ever. So I feel that because of this, many Muslims reading this won't want to help me.
Many of you are probably wondering that if I am so aware of my mistakes, then why don't I start praying and following Allah's guidance right now or many years ago. It's because of two reasons: One, I feel that no matter how much I try, Allah will never forgive me because he knows I'm doing this for my own benefit as a person and that I am not fully devoted. The second reason is because I feel that I never will be fully devoted, that I will start actually praying for a week or so, then immediately forget about it again, go back to being the way I am, becoming sorry for myself again, and just all around being a pathetic excuse for a Muslim and a human. I once gave in to a certain form of sin (by the way, I don't indulge in extreme inhumane sins, such as murder, drugs, alchohol, pre-marriage sex, none of that), and I once thought "Eh, Allah's merciful, he'll forgive me eventually." Looking back at what I thought, I feel so disgusted by what I felt, and even when I'm typing this, I feel more hatred for myself than ever. I just don't think I can ever become a truly devoted Muslim and I'll live the rest of my pathetic life as a loser that can't spend 10 minutes reading Nama'az at a time because I'm too obsessed with my PS4 or something.
I doubt many of you will want to help me, whether it's because of how far I've fallen, or if I'm an Ahmadiyya, or just out of pity, but I feel that I finally needed to get that off of my chest, and to let anyone reading this to know how badly I despise myself and my worthless life, to the point where I started to hurt myself and take my anger out by punching walls and such. I haven't told my parents, friends, Jama'at, or anyone, and even now I have two major projects that were overdue for two whole weeks now. I ----ing hate my worthless, useless, waste of skin, and I suspect Allah does too.
As long as you know your mistakes that means you are aware and you just need to take the strange decision
You know this life need for you to say I will do it now .. all this things are just from shaytan ... think of your self and do know that if you keep like this a long time you will began to suffer from things which you can't even control it for a while
Try to began with your soul
Read the book of Allah and try to make new relationship with it pray because those two things in my experience is the two important thing to have peace in heart and to be satisfied and feel happy
But don't say tomorrow I will do ... do it now ...
You don't how know how much you will live and you don't also think about how priceless time you are in waste just because you just keep on blaming your self without any action
You know to blame with no action is like a bomb you put in your mind
At least make istighfar and do the obligatory like salah
Shaytan want you to lose hope from Allah's mercy ...
Who can say that Allah will not forgive you?
While Allah says in the Quran :
( 133 ) And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous
( 134 ) Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people - and Allah loves the doers of good;
( 135 ) And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know.
( 136 ) Those - their reward is forgiveness from their Lord and gardens beneath which rivers flow [in Paradise], wherein they will abide eternally; and excellent is the reward of the [righteous] workers.
( 137 ) Similar situations [as yours] have passed on before you, so proceed throughout the earth and observe how was the end of those who denied
Allah also said :
( 53 ) Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."
Be happy
And began from now and you will see how your life will be .. and how you will be an example to a lot of people
The problem is not to fall but to not standing after falling
As you was successful before you can be again and again and more better
Allah tell us in the Quran :
( 18 ) O you who have believed, fear Allah. And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow - and fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do.
( 19 ) And be not like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.
( 20 ) Not equal are the companions of the Fire and the companions of Paradise. The companions of Paradise - they are the attainers [of success].
( 21 ) If We had sent down this Qur'an upon a mountain, you would have seen it humbled and coming apart from fear of Allah. And these examples We present to the people that perhaps they will give thought.
( 22 ) He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, Knower of the unseen and the witnessed. He is the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
( 23 ) He is Allah, other than whom there is no deity, the Sovereign, the Pure, the Perfection, the Bestower of Faith, the Overseer, the Exalted in Might, the Compeller, the Superior. Exalted is Allah above whatever they associate with Him.
( 24 ) He is Allah, the Creator, the Inventor, the Fashioner; to Him belong the best names. Whatever is in the heavens and earth is exalting Him. And He is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.
And as for ahmadya I belive that we as a Muslims we shouldn't add anything in our religion we just have to fellow the book of Allah and the sunnah of the prophet salla lahu alayhi WA sallam
Ask Allah .. fulfill your Salah and read the book of Allah and soon inshallah you will be another parson inshallah
Just decide and promise your self to be another one
This life is short ... live it in the best way and prepare for the internal one
Don't lose your life for nothing or in harming your self by being far from the source of happiness
May Allah help you and guide you and guide us all
Amen!
Firstly Shia , sunni or Ahmadiya there is no such these are tribes or cults we must move away from this labels we Are muslim we follow the Quran in that Quran there is none of those tribal or cult names second , I kind of know how you feel you want to believe in Allah but you have doubt all I can say brother read the quran pray ask Allah to strengthen your Iman and give you sabr Allah never forsakes us everything is a test , I will make dua for you
WA alaykum salam my friend. I read your post and I wanted to tell you that I believe in this forum no matter what you believe in, if you have any concerns and we feel like we can help you inshallah we will. Regarding your post I want to tell you never despair Allah's mercy he will forgive you no matter what. You are very special that is why shaytan want to mess with you. https://youtu.be/-zz8N_6MT9c I want you to watch this video and inshallah understand that Allah loves and will forgive you if you sin. Just because you acknowledge your deed and you're seeking help prove that you're special. Inshallah this video will clear out your mind and give you the peace you need.
ok im not going to be politically correct and this site tends to lean PC so may cop some flak but dont really care
The ahmadiyah movement are kuffar so even if you were praying it wouldnt help your hereafter anyway
you need to come back to Islam (true islam), maybe all this is wake up call for you. Renounce your belief in that false prophet and embrace islam and inshaAllah your life will begin to change,
how can you expect Allah to help you when you disbelieve in him. Yeah you may be going through some hardships but what awaits you in the hereafter is worse if you die on this kufr. you need to turn back to him, make taubah call out sincerely from the bottom of your heart and InshaAllah he will help but you need to take the first step
if you have any questions about (real) islam ask away im sure you'll find the people on this site more than willing to help
Meaning of Shirk according to The Qur'an
" Worshipping anyone or anything besides Allah " or " distributing anything exclusive to Allah, to anyone or anything else "
Meaning of Tawheed according to The Qur'an Worshipping none but Allah. Affirming whatever is exclusive to Him, Him alone.
We all have choices in life. What you want to believe in, what you want to do, how you want to do it...etc.
You choose to be lazy and not care when you realise what you are doing is not correct and when yo feel it all catches up on you, you give up hope and consider suicide and cutting yourself. Then you also take your own belief that Allah won't forgive you and nonsense starts to fill up your head. That is the simplest way I can see it.
Nobody said life is easy. Even the Quran says that life is an uphill struggle and that Allah is Most Forgiving. But what do you choose to believe? That Allah would not forgive your sins.
Remember that Allah created us, He knows what we were given as tests and that is what you have to deal with. Even Pharaoh was given many chances to get on to the straight path. So you feel yourself as an 'extra special' sinner that Allah would never forgive? Nah! You are just like the rest of us, struggling to keep to His ways and falling into err every so often... But what makes us human is our ability to seek forgiveness from Him (if we are not filled with pride).
There is nothing stopping you from getting off your lazy butt and doing what is required. . . and stop over analysing what you do if it leads to doubt (waswas). Just do the prayers as it should be done and leave the judgement to Allah.
Wishing you a great stay.
As long as my heart does beat, I shall live, not lie
For when my heart does stop its beat, with truth, I die.
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