I am being used by people and being manipulated by cunning people (CRIES)

format_quote Originally Posted by MSBi

I am sorry to bother everyone here but I am feeling used by everyone around me especially my family.

I stay happy and positive when i talk but my mum puts me down and has in her this thing where she finds out weakness in a person and uses them by bringing up a topic they hate in conversation or action which they will put them in negative mood then uses it to steer others towards negative moods and feelings.

My brothers are far too cunning and far too clever and use me by acting a certain way in front of me to please me enough and then have there own motives and thoughts which they never disclose to keep me below them.

If my own family is like this, a family who I cant talk to and thinks me worthless because I don't have a good job as my brother even though i am trying three times as hard as him in life, a family who never acknowledges my hard work even after showing them then what do i expect from other people.

I am seriously destroyed. I pray on time, read quran with understanding and keep away from all major sins and try my best to become patient but feelings come out of the blue and all what is happening to me is destruction.

Consistent destruction in my life.

(CRIES). I am done man. Why when I want to abide by commands of Allah and want to be a good person that this is happening. It makes no sense and all this comes out of nowhere. The feeling of instant worthlessness and change of mood and my whole soul changes in two seconds.

I have done everything in my power to correct myself and my family hasn't tried one bit.

I have consulted a doctor/psychiatrist and he says I have no problem.

Am I doing something wrong if so then why don't i know it in my head. If this is a test by God then how am i suppose to know because my I am simple and not smart enough.

I am scared of going home everyday because I would disrespect my mum when i don't want to but she pisses me off to the extent where even the most patient person would not stand by it. Also my brothers are on their laptops and mobiles all the time following friends and their lifestyles.

Not only that but my self respect and worth goes away in front of other people by this sudden changes in side me.

(CRIES)(CRIES)(CRIES) - why doesn't god just destroy me? (CRIES)

Assalamu alaikum akhi .

May I ask a question ? Do your brothers pray or not ?.

@Muslimah inshal

One brother is 1 year younger and the other brother is 17. 17 year old doesn't pray on time and doesn't pray isha and fajr at all and most prayer not on time. The 1 year younger brother is fixed to computer 24/7 and he pray on time but at home and doesn't give a crap about what others are doing.

I know it seems tough right now, but it will pass an you'll see how it isn't as bad as you think it is. Life can be very tough and what you need to do is find a way to get through it patiently. Don't worry about what others are doing and stop comparing yourself. Comparison is one of the worst poisons.

format_quote Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth

I know it seems tough right now, but it will pass an you'll see how it isn't as bad as you think it is. Life can be very tough and what you need to do is find a way to get through it patiently. Don't worry about what others are doing and stop comparing yourself. Comparison is one of the worst poisons.

I am sorry but you don't understand. So I can understand its hard for you to fathom what i am trying to explain. This has not just immediately happened. Its something that has always existed since my birth and developed over time and intensified to such an extent that now there is no way out for me.
Explain to me when I am not even thinking of comparing myself to anyone then why do i feel it.

You are comparing yourself to your siblings. Stop it. It only makes things more difficult for you. Let them do what they are gonna do and if you don't want to do anything for them then don't. You don't have to be anyone's doormat. That's a choice we make.

You are right, I don't understand what it is like to be in your shoes, but I can assure you it isn't as horrible as you think it is. You have shelter, you don't bare the responsibility of large bills, dependents and so on. Get to know other people outside of your bubble, listen to life stories and see where you really stand in the grand scheme of things. I'm not saying your situation isn't hurting you and I am not denying your emotions at all. I just want you to step outside of yourself for a while because you are in charge of your own reality, nobody else is.

I have a mother similar to yours in a sense that all I ever remember growing up is how bad of a job I did at most things, and how fat I was and how [insert negative comment here]. You'll have to step in her shoes for a moment and try to understand how SHE was raised and what SHE endured. There's a saying "hurt people, hurt people". It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it gives you a place to begin to heal and learn to not let it get under your skin.

format_quote Originally Posted by Umm[emoji813

Layth;2959872]You are comparing yourself to your siblings. Stop it. It only makes things more difficult for you. Let them do what they are gonna do and if you don't want to do anything for them then don't. You don't have to be anyone's doormat. That's a choice we make.

You are right, I don't understand what it is like to be in your shoes, but I can assure you it isn't as horrible as you think it is. You have shelter, you don't bare the responsibility of large bills, dependents and so on. Get to know other people outside of your bubble, listen to life stories and see where you really stand in the grand scheme of things. I'm not saying your situation isn't hurting you and I am not denying your emotions at all. I just want you to step outside of yourself for a while because you are in charge of your own reality, nobody else is.

I have a mother similar to yours in a sense that all I ever remember growing up is how bad of a job I did at most things, and how fat I was and how [insert negative comment here]. You'll have to step in her shoes for a moment and try to understand how SHE was raised and what SHE endured. There's a saying "hurt people, hurt people". It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it gives you a place to begin to heal and learn to not let it get under your skin.

Confirmed you don't understand. Anyway thanks for the reply. May Allah bless you for your good intentions

What is understanding going to get you? Do you want to be able to move forward with your life? Do you want to learn how to no feel so miserable? Do you want a virtual hug?

What are you looking for exactly?

Assalamu Alaikum akhi .

Be yourself . Take care of yourself and don't worry too much about your brother's . Let them do whatever they wanna do and don't let them make you feel worthless .
This is your test and their test will be different but at least you pray , read the words of Allah swt and make dhikr alhamdulillah . Don't ever think of leaving your prayers , never . That's a great step you are doing alhamdulillah .

Try to see the faults that they have and try to correct yours . So that you would feel better. By this I mean , like imagine if your brother's don't read Qur'an daily then what you can do is try read Qur'an daily . Be like an example and maybe they will change inshallah inshallah .
And when they let you down tell them that they made you feel bad and only Allah swt knows .

And according to your mum , wallahi akhi what i can recommend you is don't answer her when she is talking bad to you . Just ignore her .
Try to say la illaha illa Allah ,but to yourself , when she seems to hurt you . And when she is quiet tell her what she said was very bad and it's not good for a mother to tell that to her child .

But the best think you can do is not to try to respond her when you are angry . Because if you do , then you will regret it .

And may Allah swt ease your affairs and make it easy for your family to understand how you feel .

I hope inshallah I did help you a bit .

Brother your family is not the only one.

My own family their way of saying things. At first i needed to reflect our conversation to connect the dots and see the meaning behind what they say as i did not grow up in that culture most of my life. I HATE THAT SECRET between the lines talk. This is a typical behavior in my culture. All sarcasm..no honesty or direct talk. Very disgusting habit.

However although i myself do not live with them and have not lived with them for large part of my life, yet when i am with them i see this sarcasm. Not only that, but the ungratefulness they show to people as well to Allah as far as i see it. With mouth 1000 times alhamdulillah, but the moment alhamdulillah is spoken comes the complaining while they have sooooo much Allah has given them. I am the youngest of my family and because of that they look down on me as the stupid doesn't know a thing. In the past i warned them to not throw away food, i warned them to not mind what other people say or think, but rather look what Allah finds oke or not oke, i reminded them to visit more often people that you feel at home instead of going to places just because "you know them".

Now all the things that they treated me as if i am a "not worth paying any attention to", Allah has made their situation much more difficult. All they care about is worldly gain. Money..money..money. I asked them, do you pay rent (have their own house)..no rent..i said what are the costs of electricity and water (like 50 euro's for 3 months or so for both). I said do you die from hunger? no. My brother because he listens so much to people and what people think married some girl because of the pressure from people asking him when he is going to marry (he is 33 years)..after 8 months..divorced and $20.000 bill so to say. My mother tries to pressure me between the lines to find a good job to pay off his debt and putting my deen on #2 because i want a job that i can also go to Khutbah. While i remember saying the woman to marry according to Rasullah(saws) advice of finding a sister to marry and he (my brother) brushing me off as nonsense..

They had gathered some money and i really wished they used at least some part of that money to send my mother to haij as my mother is nearly 60 years old. Yet my brothers marriage had priority but my mother also it looks like is the last thing she cares about.

I asked my brother ONLY for 3 things.

1. Send my mother to haij
2. Let her visit her mothers grave because she has never visited it, as she is buried in another city in another country but nearby. That was one thing she really wanted to do.
3. Tell her to show him where my father is buried in the SAME city 10 minutes drive from the house. He is 33 years old and has never visited his fathers grave. My mother also i believe for the last 10-15 years or so never has visited his grave and my sister well the same as my brother.

I mean sub'han'Allah..look at the priorities of people in life. They have time to go to shopping, they have time to sit and watch COUNTLESS hours of series and other useless things on the tv. They have time to visit so many people..but these SIMPLE things at least ONCE not 20 times or even 1000 times. Just once.

I to be honest have placed them in a category of people that have MORE rights upon me than the average human being. Emotionally i have become dead inside when talking about having any connecting with them. If it was not for the sake of Allah and Allah has forbid us to cut ties, i would have done it all along. I am very honest in this.

So also for you, put your emotional side in the closet, try to draw certain borders. If your brothers ask you something..they have hands..they have feet..they have eyes and brains to do themselves. When your mother asks you to do something for her, that does not go against Islamic rulings..do that for her. Remember, throw your emotional side in the closet.

I remember hadith from i believe Aisha(ra) that she said when the time of prayer came to be, that Rasullah(saws) saw them as strangers and his priorities flipped major.

Be good to your mother even if she is ungrateful. You think she is ungrateful to you by being ungrateful to you? Rather people who are ungrateful to other people logically speaking are ungrateful to Allah. Because again logically speaking to be grateful to Allah is the thank at least the people who have helped you with something. It is Allah Who has put those people on our path to help us with certain things. That is why i have learned to always be grateful to people who have helped you. However be very careful as there are people that help you for the sake of you helping them in the future..no matter if it may be haram or halal. You help somebody out of the goodness of your heart and for the sake of Allah, not because you expect something in return.

So even if your mother is ungrateful to you, you have a obligation towards her as you have to pay back for everything she has done for you. Paradise is under her feet.

@Simple_Person , @Muslimah inshal - Thank you for the replies. May Allah give you jannah.

But I'm afraid you don't understand. I think the problem was thatI am not very good at explaining the complexity of my condition. How is it I can't even sit two second alone on a chair without feeling emotional inside for no apparent reason. Why is it that when I go to work every morning (by the way I am 26) that I my soul doesn't allow me to concentrate and focus and motivate me to work. How come I have no ambition or common sense of how I should be acting in different instances in my life.

I love my family a lot and my mistake was being attached to them and explaining my feelings to them.

Having difficult things come your way like debts, unemployment, poverty and god forbid leaving islam is a test from the outside but what if on the inside I am cursed as no one in my whole life wanted to spend more than two minutes talking to me.

how can I be self confident when the stuff i utter from my mouth no matter how long and hard i form my sentence comes out wrong hence it reducing my self esteem and confidence. Why is it I stay in consistent confusion throughout the day.

I didn't ask Allah for the riches of the world. I asked Allah for simple life but having motivation to learn my deen and keep me steadfast in it.

It is unfair to live life with all this inhibitions when to have to do certain things in life like finding job and getting married and taking responsibility of my brothers and parents. Never once my mother was pleased with me in life even though I fall down on her knees every night asking for forgiveness and doing all the things she wants from me.

At least you all have convinced yourself in some way or another what you deem in right and gives your strength and that in embedded now in your mind and soul. Why is it I can never do that?.

I just want you to know that some of us understand you more than you can imagine even if it doesn't appear that way and there's others in similar situations as you. I don't have it in me to post a lengthy response as I'm exhausted (moving day for the 3rd time in a year), but I'll come back and offer whatever I have at some point soon, insha'Allah.

format_quote Originally Posted by MSBi

@Simple_Person , @Muslimah inshal - Thank you for the replies. May Allah give you jannah.

But I'm afraid you don't understand. I think the problem was thatI am not very good at explaining the complexity of my condition. How is it I can't even sit two second alone on a chair without feeling emotional inside for no apparent reason. Why is it that when I go to work every morning (by the way I am 26) that I my soul doesn't allow me to concentrate and focus and motivate me to work. How come I have no ambition or common sense of how I should be acting in different instances in my life.

I love my family a lot and my mistake was being attached to them and explaining my feelings to them.

Having difficult things come your way like debts, unemployment, poverty and god forbid leaving islam is a test from the outside but what if on the inside I am cursed as no one in my whole life wanted to spend more than two minutes talking to me.

how can I be self confident when the stuff i utter from my mouth no matter how long and hard i form my sentence comes out wrong hence it reducing my self esteem and confidence. Why is it I stay in consistent confusion throughout the day.

I didn't ask Allah for the riches of the world. I asked Allah for simple life but having motivation to learn my deen and keep me steadfast in it.

It is unfair to live life with all this inhibitions when to have to do certain things in life like finding job and getting married and taking responsibility of my brothers and parents. Never once my mother was pleased with me in life even though I fall down on her knees every night asking for forgiveness and doing all the things she wants from me.

At least you all have convinced yourself in some way or another what you deem in right and gives your strength and that in embedded now in your mind and soul. Why is it I can never do that?.

Brother although you say the we do not understand and you just "want" a simple life and make you steadfast in the deen and learn the deen.

I often see this behavior that people who reach your level of emotional breakdown it seems as if the last thing they do is reflect and ponder. To understand something of saying what is the wisdom behind this and what is the wisdom behind that you need to reflect and ponder.

Your grasp of understanding of the deen it seems is not very deep at all.

Allah tells us in the Qur'an do they think they can say "I believe and they will not be tested"?..

Your understanding it seems as if things should go YOUR way of wanting them to go. It seems to me as if you want Allah to wait for His tests till you are ready that He sends you a postcard with time and date when the test is going to start and what the test is and what the solution is and if it becomes difficult that Allah stops this test for you. Or even worse just gives you "this simple" life you want and no problems down the way.

For sure Islam if you ask me is the HARDEST way of life that exists on this earth however it is the true way of life and Allah knows what we harbor in our hearts. The ones among us who say they are Muslim doesn't matter how hard the tests get they ask their Rab for keeping them steadfast, to give them patience and thank Him for every other test as with each test comes a load of wisdom and knowledge and cetain abilities. These people in NO way they ever talk about leaving Islam

Leaving Islam has two reasons, you leave Islam because you don't understand or know a single thing. This happened to me in the past. As I was a culture-Muslim and my family typical culture family that says having questions in Islam and in the intellectual direction ..is haram..to have. Also had no place where to find this intellectual argument but alhamdulillah for Internet.

The other is hypocrisy as deep down you never accepted Islam to be the truth but just got along with it as one takes the advantages here and there.

Off course there is also mentally insane people but I am not talking people who are mentally ill.

So I would suggest go and find out yourself first what makes Islam the true religion and not Judaism or Christianity or Atheism etc. As it looks like you miss a lot of the Intellectual part of it. I ALHAMDULLILAH with a steadfast when my imaan gets the lowest of the lowest there is NO thought that goes through my mind that Islam is the false religion. Because imaan resides in the heart not in my mind. My mind still functions just fine and still are able to say for sure Islam is the true way based on logic, rationality and reason. So you even bringing up "leaving Islam" in your sentence it to me shows that you lack much UNDERSTANDING of Islam. Remember knowledge of Islam is not the same as understanding. Understanding comes directly from Allah. So I would argue you lack self reflection and also pondering about the deen. Understanding is something on a COMPLETE different level than knowledge. You and I can become hafiz of the Qur'an with dedication spend on it...however another person might not know a single surah by heart but what he reads he understands it on a completely different level than us.

So go and reflect more and ponder more if you ask me.

format_quote Originally Posted by MSBi

@Simple_Person

Because of all you messages I think Islamicboard is not a place for me and I should leave. Your question my imam just because I don't know how to write properly and you do. It's sad that social media is not of much use when the stuff you say isn't even understood properly. You are judging me that I don't know what Allah wants of me. Just because a few statements you judged me that I don't have much knowledge in islam to know how this life operates. You gave so many examples and almost accuse me of leaving my religion. From your response not only do I feel you feel your self rightous with a big ego but also you lack compassion and patience to understand the condition of another individual. I think the only thing you do know is how to write long paragraphs which could be shortened down in few good points.

You know nothing of how I feel and what and to what level I believe in my religion and how much I love Allah and the prophets.

May Allah keep all of you at peace but I am leaving. Thank you for all your contributions.

Instead of saying islamicboard is not the place to be for you, rather say you (meaning me). I will say thank you for the feedback and i will leave you be. I may be part of the community, but i am one of many. There are people who are FAR more knowledgeable than me, they are far more wise than me, they posses far more better way of understanding and talking people than me.

Why i said what i said is you are all broken up as it seems to me from your different comments. Saying you are not able to express yourself to people, well then DON'T. Go to Allah as HE is able to understand you better than you yourself. Go to Allah and ask Him to make it easy for you to express yourself, to reveal to you what you don't know about yourself. In a previous comment you said that you have become so attached to your family. You know everything in Islam is being moderate. Also your love for your family. Some people love their children SOO MUCH, when one child dies..everything they believed dies with them. They lose ALL the hope and believe in Allah. Be moderate in things. That is why i say ponder and reflect to analyze your life and your current position in life. This is mere a test, on the Day of Judgement the SAME people who loved so much, will not even give you 1 good deed of theirs. Start treating this also as a test. You are born alone, you will die alone.

These people that Allah has given to you as family, are not your family as how you see things or how we in general see things. The real family are the Muslims not your blood related family members. Remember the story of prophet Nuh(as) where he asked why Allah did not save his family (son..) Allah replying he was not of your family.

Your blood related family is mere the test for you, give them their rights, as their rights are FAR more than the average right of the average Muslim. However also remember the story of Luqman and the wise things he told his son how to interact with people.

Anyways i wish you the best and i hope even if my comments were worth less than 0.1% in value through your eyes, i still hope that that less than 0.1% might benefit you. As everything that is not beneficial according to you and you have seen it as an insult comes from me and please do forgive me because that i did not intend like that. Whatever benefit how little that may be you did found useful in my comments comes from Allah and only Allah is to be thanked for that.

May Allah forgive our shortcomings, give us patience and give us a better understanding of our own thoughts and the thoughts of others. Ameen.

format_quote Originally Posted by MSBi

@Simple_Person

I love Allah and the Prophets. The way I get responded back from people after explaining my own situation makes me feel I should not talk. No matter where I go on the internet and where I have my say I end up being defeated and misunderstood as if my feelings don't all get conveyed properly through English language. Thank you for taking the time out to read and respond to my messages but I am certain that Allah is the only who understands me and loves me and will guide me even if I have little knowledge in my religion because my life is in his hands.

I should leave islamicboard. I just like to apologies for creating this topic and wasting all of your time.

Aslamoalikum,

No akhi . You don't have to leave islamicboard. I also sometimes feel like people don't understand what I want to say ( because of my English ) .
There are good and bad people in this world so you don't have to take nothing bad to your heart . Just ignore it . I think the sister's and brothers here are TRYING their best to help you . I don't think they said nothing bad to you . Maybe the way you understand it is the problem . But you have to understand that not everybody should act in the same manner . Take just the advice you think that will help you and the negative ones leave them .

The best way to get out of your problems is to tell Allah swt in sujud what you feel and how bad people around you make you feel and tell Allah swt to take you out of it inshallah.

I hope you stay in IB because there are a lot of people with the same problem as you and that will help you think positive .

May Allah swt put baraka in your efforts and ease your affairs . Amiin ya rab .

format_quote Originally Posted by Simple_Person

Instead of saying islamicboard is not the place to be for you, rather say you (meaning me). I will say thank you for the feedback and i will leave you be. I may be part of the community, but i am one of many. There are people who are FAR more knowledgeable than me, they are far more wise than me, they posses far more better way of understanding and talking people than me.

Why i said what i said is you are all broken up as it seems to me from your different comments. Saying you are not able to express yourself to people, well then DON'T. Go to Allah as HE is able to understand you better than you yourself. Go to Allah and ask Him to make it easy for you to express yourself, to reveal to you what you don't know about yourself. In a previous comment you said that you have become so attached to your family. You know everything in Islam is being moderate. Also your love for your family. Some people love their children SOO MUCH, when one child dies..everything they believed dies with them. They lose ALL the hope and believe in Allah. Be moderate in things. That is why i say ponder and reflect to analyze your life and your current position in life. This is mere a test, on the Day of Judgement the SAME people who loved so much, will not even give you 1 good deed of theirs. Start treating this also as a test. You are born alone, you will die alone.

These people that Allah has given to you as family, are not your family as how you see things or how we in general see things. The real family are the Muslims not your blood related family members. Remember the story of prophet Nuh(as) where he asked why Allah did not save his family (son..) Allah replying he was not of your family.

Your blood related family is mere the test for you, give them their rights, as their rights are FAR more than the average right of the average Muslim. However also remember the story of Luqman and the wise things he told his son how to interact with people.

Anyways i wish you the best and i hope even if my comments were worth less than 0.1% in value through your eyes, i still hope that that less than 0.1% might benefit you. As everything that is not beneficial according to you and you have seen it as an insult comes from me and please do forgive me because that i did not intend like that. Whatever benefit how little that may be you did found useful in my comments comes from Allah and only Allah is to be thanked for that.

May Allah forgive our shortcomings, give us patience and give us a better understanding of our own thoughts and the thoughts of others. Ameen.

You are right. I will try my best to head your advice and incorporate patience and thirst for knowledge and positivity in my life. To understand the meaning of the Quran and incorporate the lifestyle and teaching of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) in my life.

I have these burst moments where my soul self destructs when just prior to that i am serene and calm about everything. Please don't take to heart my comment because it was out of self disgust for myself.

I value the response of all muslim ummah.

I just dont want you all to think i am worthless, low and not of any understanding of the tests in this life which Allah has presented in many forms for his servants.

I have come to the understanding today from all of your responses that obviously the non muslims are right about me being worthless and not worth the effort when my own muslim brothers and sisters think that what i said is not worthwhile as everyone else is going through same stuff.

But the thing is i dont feel valued anywhere in life to be honest. I stay alone at work where no gives a crap about me even after trying to contribute. At home my family is segregated and people in life pretend to help and love is obviously sign of end times.

It all good and all now to say don't go from islamicboard or rather apologise for your response when it was right the first time.

I am the problem and I for certain am sure that my existence in this life doesn't matter in the sense that wherever i go i get shutdown by people and circumstances and on top of that my own soul is confusing and quite frankly i may be 26 but i feel weak inside because of the points mentioned above.

I am not leaving islamicboard because of this certain circumstance. I am leaving because i tested myself being here and I am certain now that I have no worth

Please forgive me. Or rather it doesn't matter because nothing I've said would ever spark interest in your eyes.

Before I go and Allah knows in my heart when i say please don't think bad of me as I too am a creation of Allah.

We really don't think bad of you . Rather we all need some advice to continue with another perspective of life .
I think that you shouldn't try to know what people around you think of you . Just do your work and do it for the sake of Allah and this way people will appreciate your efforts cause now you do it for the Sake of Allah swt . And if you do it for the sake of Allah swt then you will feel at ease and happy .
Just try not to think what people think of you .