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    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare, (OP)


    Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathu

    I am at a very difficult stage in my marriage and it is constantly eating me up inside, I have been married for for about 16 months and from day one my marriage seems to have been going more downhill than up-hill. Please be gentle in your criticisms (if any) as I know for sure we have 'with the fullest regret' sinned.

    I came to a point in my life where I was aged about 33, I had been searching for a wife for around 3 years and still no joy. I came to a point where I was just depressed with my single life and the lack of progress. I do my hajj with my mum and sister and I come back and I meet someone off a matrimonial site (March 2014). We talk, we're getting along and I'm serious about marriage, so is she 'she claims' so I quickly try and get our families to meet, because I didn’t want a pre marriage relationship.

    So i take my family down from Leicester and we go down to London and meet her face to face (May 2014). I liked her and my family liked her. So we left that day thinking yeah, we're happy. We start to enquire about the family from locals and our relatives. No one can vouch for the family, we search high and low. Eventually a close relative, my uncle basically gave some negative feedback on this girl and my uncles son mention that the family isn’t right. few weeks have gone by now since the first family meet and my family are asking her family but her family aren’t giving any answers except... its too far for them. We took the hint, so by now I’m asking the girl 'what’s happening, do you want to proceed or not?", girl responds yes she does want to proceed, her parents are still deciding.

    In various nagging conversations I kept asking her, what’s wrong, why aren’t they moving things forward, is something wrong, I’m getting paranoid that somethings not right, maybe my uncle and his son are right so I confront her on the phone and ask her straight out, she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother.

    So we continue to liaise over the phone to a point where we now have feelings for each other. On the telephone we form this long distance relationship with no physical contact whatsoever for one year. In the interim between the first family visit and February 2015 my family called numerous times only to be to be told they haven't decided yet, blimey its pushing on to nearly one year, it’s our fault entirely we should have taken a hint from her parents, but the girl had a stronghold on me and convinced me she was the one for me.

    By this time, our bond is strong, there is a significant amount of trust and there is a lot of affection, bottom line I was blinded by love (I’ve so let myself down as I’ve seen fellow childhood friends go through blind love numerous times and its effects, yet here I am falling for the same trap!). My feelings for this girl are so strong we eventually meet in Feb 2015 and would meet on a irregular random basis.

    Bear in mind me, my family and the girl are praying and praying and praying for this wedding to go ahead so we can end this struggle

    Anyway I’m thinking 'I like the girl, I trust her so I’ll wait for her, so waiting waiting, one delay after another, her parents go abroad on 3 occasions in 2015 (India, Saudi, Bangladesh) and my family call them in between (when they come back to England) and we just never got a straight answer, the marriage proposal is just continuously delayed and delayed, yet me and this prospective bride are yearning to get married but it isn’t happening. Finally in May 2016, things start moving, we visit and in turn the family come to visit my family home in Leicester.

    So then my family say we would like the wedding ASAP, like September, but her family still isn’t having it, they just wanted to delay and delay, I’ll skip the gory nitty gritty frustrating details and the turmoil my family (maybe there’s as well) faced in organising the wedding, at one point they were like 'can it be April 2017?' we responded It's got to be December the latest, after they kept pushing the date forward one more than two occasions , a) September, then it was b) first week of October then c) end of October, d) then sometime in November eventually leaving us with a date in December 2016. So I'm thinking to myself getting married at 35, Alhamdulillah, and she's 33,

    We agreed on things like after marriage if she wants to work she can work here in Leicester and to start off with she can visit family like once a month due to distance and eventually tone it down.

    So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong...

    Month 1, my wife starts crying, she; s missing her parents, that upcoming weekend I take her to my in laws, she says she wants to stay one week, I’m like ok, she extends it to two, I’m not happy but I say ok, my family tell me I should be kind. come week, she's asking for an extra week, I rejected thinking she's taking the mick. these situations bring sourness to a relationship when you have to say 'no' to your wife.

    So she comes back to Leicester and she takes the test, Alhamdulillah within 1 month of consummation we have good news, my wife is pregnant..

    her parents set off to go abroad mid Jan for a three month trip

    meanwhile we plan a trip for Ummrah for end of Jan, me, wife, and my two other family members, knowing my wife is pregnant my wife says she is willing to go. After I place the booking, got the visas, five days before our flight my wife says its too much for her, she cant travel and quickly flees home desperately (picked up by her brother) saying she's only going for two nights even though both her parents aren’t in the country. She's ill, how can i stop her. So I let her go. She ends up in hospital for one night and while our flights are literally days away we continue with our ummrah trip, even my wife says 'go, you shouldn’t miss out'. Selfish of me I'm thinking if my wife really wanted to go she could have, loads of pregnant women fly / travel, anyway i gave the benefit of the doubt whilst i wasn’t still happy about the situation thinking this girl did not want to go with me. I start to become paranoid about my wife. So to summarise that, my wife is at her parents house away from me for 3 weeks... yet again. Paranoia kicks in... inevitably.

    Anyway we come back from Ummrah and she comes back to Leicester and lives with me until the end of March. her parents come back from abroad and guess what, we are back at her parents again (with all kindness and good intentions off course) and she stays for one or two weeks. She also takes the wedding gold from the marital home and puts it in her dads safe. (im thinking no big deal, she’ll bring it back, d like her to wear it again) She comes back to Leicester and she breaks it to me that she's going back to work in London at her old place, we argue, argue and argue and I mention her affair and so on. I consult my family, what should I do, my family respond, let her go back to her parents house and work, otherwise she'll be miserable at home. I cut a deal with her, saying you want to work in London? I expect you back every weekend, can you do that?.... she replies yes yes off course yes off course a thousand times.... me being the gullible one thinking a pregnant lady going to put herself through that when she couldn’t even go abroad with me????, she isn’t going to come back every weekend.... I’m thinking she's taking me for a ride... guess what she did in the end, she came home once a month. When asked "when are you coming?", "why aren't you coming?" all I got in return was attitude and the 'lamest school homework type' excuses. we continue to argue, eventually i gave up on that, I’d had enough.

    FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through.

    Ramadan is here.... in a ideal family husband and wife spend the whole ramadan together without miss, i only got two or three days with her at most out of thirty, another heartbreak, she did come for Eid though.

    At some point later I'm thinking .... is my child going to even be born in my home town, i was born in Leicester I’d like my child born here please..... if all is well.

    at this stage none of the medical records had transferred to Leicester yet, everything is still in London. So I have this discussion with my wife... based on the past few months doesn’t seem like your settling in here... your address and everything is still at your parents...? what’s the plan? still denying there isn’t a plan, she says she will join our surgeries after she finishes her 4 month stint at work and claims the maternity pay, so i get a definitive date from her and she says 2nd week of August and guarantees our baby will be born in Leicester (she even says her parents swear by it too), she even places her hand on our holy book and swears on her life etc etc.

    Off course out of suspicion and curiosity I go through her things, I find a thaweez in her purse, I photograph, I didn’t confront her or on it because then she’l wonder why I went through her things, fact is I didn’t trust her then, wont trust her ever,

    August comes and there’s still no sign of her registering here in Leicester, after continuous arguments it came to surface that she was indeed having the baby in London, my family didn’t have a problem with it, however it made it difficult for me as Id always hoped everything wold be at home, you know.... local to me in Leicester.

    I was just angry I feel like I’ve been lied to constantly. She's always wanting things her way, arguing with me, pushing me to the limits

    We have our baby in September, Alhamdulillah its a healthy baby girl, I coped ok in another town (but its selfish of me to think about me after all it wasn’t me giving birth), would have preferred bringing my baby daughter home to Leicester first thing but its not in my fate, after staying in hospital for 5 days (due to 2nd degree tear and blood loss) and after me being told by my wife that 'our child is not legally mine' (after which she apologised for saying) we ended up in our in laws, stayed the night, at which point my mother in law picks an argument with me, persisting our baby has her birth certificate registered to the London address so my wife can claim x y z benefits and tax relief etc and I’m arguing for my daughters birth right that it should have her home address on, but my wife and my mother in law weren’t having it. We have a full on head to head heated argument and I’m highlighting the past 10 months of lies which caused me distress), mid way through I realise I shouldn’t be arguing with elders so I took all my mother in laws #r#p in from of the rest of the family. Inna Lilla Hi wa inna ilayhi rajioon, what has the world come to. The room darkened for me very much and I couldn’t wait to leave this awkward scene and this house.

    the following morning I was able to bring her back to Leicester. The first thing we do is transfer mother and baby's medical records to Leicester and continue to attend the check ups and appointments and immunisations here in Leicester, convenient for me so I could take them to the doctors and hospitals.

    Meanwhile, my mother in law names the baby, and I’m like 'don’t I get a say', my wife says yeah you pick the name and let your mum pick a house name'. She also wants to contribute to the name. So we have three names and a nickname. Again I consult my family about the birth certificate thing, and my family tell me 'its only a paper', so I allow my wife to use her parents address.

    I name first name, I take the name my mother in law gave (out of respect) and place it as a surname, the middle name which my wife gave, out of anger i exclude it because my wife has got a lot of stuff her way and caused a lot of arguments, anyhow she will benefit from whatever claims she makes so why should she upset, she'll be getting her money???? My mother gives the home nickname and we start calling her that at home, turns out when our daughter goes back to my in laws, they all call my daughter the name my mother in law gave, are they making a statement? I don’t know.

    Anyway due to resentment and bitterness and the hate I have for my wife, our relationship is literally zero contact, we are only here for our daughter, we can’t seem to agree on things and I feel like my wife just wants to do what she wants regardless of committing to our marriage, Several times I have said would we be better off if we separated, things isn’t working out, you isn’t settling in, I don’t know what’s round the corner, her responses seem to consist of 'not bothered', 'do whatever you like' attitude. She's constantly looking for faults and I’m too busy highlighting the instances where she has hurt me through lies, betrayal, dishonesty and her argumentative approach to me.

    We have some intimacy, speechless intimacy, we hardly talk, its as if we are already divorced. We had an immunisation appointment in Leicester, I’ve booked a day off from work all ready and prepped, my wife goes back to her parents, I say stay one week and come back for our daughters immunisations as I’ve made arrangements, my wife insists on staying for two, the day after I drop them off i receive a text saying "I’ve booked her a appt for her here in London so cancel the other one and book another one 4 weeks from that date for next set of injection" Verbatim...... I feel she's undermined me

    I know the mother has more rights on the child than the father, but come on be fair and behave maturely and act in the best interest of your marriage, not yourself.

    I feel there’s no respect, no commitment to the marriage, getting her to live with me seems to be a big big challenge and I feel I don’t have a say about our child.

    My family treat her like a princess and believe it or not whenever my wife’s at home, its as if she's a temporary guest, she’s been married a year she asks me where stuff is in the kitchen. She doesn’t look after my house, doesn’t clean the room, just helps with cooking and some kitchen cleaning, she has said to me and I quote "once you are gone (as in passed away), I have no rights to the house, so will leave everyone and leave Leicester and flee back home with my child"... I'm immediately thinking "do i want to die whilst being married to her, NO!!"

    Some of the stuff she says or does to tick me off comes across as provocation, its as if she's trying to annoy me so much that I’ll submit to a divorce so she can continue with her life guilt free

    I have suggested to her for us to jointly do charity work, get more involved in selfless acts so that it may soften our hearts, lets go Islamic marriage courses, she isn’t a single bit bothered..,..

    Life is very difficult, marriage is very difficult. Life was supposed to get better, happier, instead its a constant everyday battle with my heart, my emotions and my resentment. I can't erase it, its traumatic. What’s the point erasing it, something new will pop up, something always has in the past one year. I feel like ending the whole thing, but I remember my daughter, (I’m not ready to pay child support and have limited access just yet), I pray everyday, ask my wife to pray everyday, ask her to think about our child, our marriage, but I’m not enough for her, its as if she's longing for something else or she just wants to make life difficult. She does not value our marriage.

    now criticise me if you will. After marriage I did make some payments to my wife as a husband does, but it wasn’t regular, however shelter, food etc- was never a problem, Alhamdulillah we have two houses and I’m always at home and make sure we are fully stocked up, yet its not enough for my wife. I take her to London and I pick her up, I refuse for anyone else to do that chore, yet I feel greatly unappreciated. When I asked my wife why isn’t this enough, she responded, modern age, women expect more than basic necessities, so this coincides with my mother in law, "if you aren’t going to pay my daughter £250 a week, then let her claim all the benefits, she needs to spend and be independent".

    I fear there are bad events round the corner, I continuously pray my salaah, make dua for myself, my daughter, my wife, my family, her family and muslim immah, pray isthikhara, I worry about my daughter, not so much my wife because I know she will continue to do whatever makes her happy

    I've been talking about this to a select few, and the feedback I get is "the longer I leave it, the worse it will get", or set her straight, send her back and tell her to come back when its ready.... the fact is they don’t need us, my wife does not need me, she'll happily go back to London back to her parents and her two unmarried brothers.... together they will support her.

    Next thing you know its January 2018 first week, my mother in law (without asking me) although she asked my mother arranges for my wife and child to be picked up without my approval. Im thinking I cant take this anymore, I ask my family for advice, they advised me and my wife sit with the imam who performed the nikkah ceremony on the wedding day, I suggested to my wife and she agrees to sit down. so after I week I go to pick her up and we both and baby go and visit the imam. I explain the history to the imam, she also complains to him saying she doesn’t like the water in Leicester, she has a man come into her dreams and tells her things, she feels a burning sensation over her body when I touch her etc etc… the imam, gives us advice on how to deal with problems when they occur outside the marriage, I.e we shouldn’t confront etc or accuse anyone etc. Then the imam asked us if we wanted to continue with the marriage, I said yes only if she keeps to certain conditions, i.e. don’t say bad things about me to her family, I want her 100% co-operation and commitment to the marriage and that we both abide by sharia law. She agrees, vice versa I agree too. I also state no one is taking my wife and child without my permission anymore. If they do its over. Within three weeks she accuses my mother of black magic, my wife tells my mother to go and touch the Kaaba sharif in Makkah and do some kind of kosom (who imposes such requests at the age of 34?, who does that regardless of age?) to prove she hasn’t done it, my wife accuses my mum of taking her London house keys when all along she had it in her handbag, I only found it in her handbag because her accusation against my mother drove me crazy. Her family have been told by pirs or magicians or mullahs etc that someone from my side of the family has done black magic, she confronts my mum on this as well saying we are into thaweez etc and degrades my family. My mother didn’t say anything to me about the accusations as this would cause problems….. until one week before she decides to go abroad to visit her family as her brother is terminally ill, she wanted to focus on her brother and seeing her mum. I then remember the thaweez that has been sitting in her personal belongings all this time, and im thinking if she is so against thaweez, why the hell does she have one?

    Its now March 2018, somehow we’ve peddled on whilst there have been some arguments here and there, her parents come back from ummrah, she tells her brother to tell me he’s coming to pick her and my child up, im furious as im not going to take orders like that so i confront my wife, I tell my wife I’l take you on my next day off in two days time, wife says what you going to do if I go now, I said if you go, don’t come back. Big hoo haa argument and wife gets her mum involved and is ready to leave, im crying I get my family involved as it could be the end, later we worked things out, the following day my mother in law is insistent on having my wife picked up, and sends my brother in law. I say to my wife, if you leave today then it has ended, wait 2 days as agreed or else we will need to sit down and end this. My brother in law arrives and questions me why cant his sister come home, I said I haven’t given the permission for her to leave, shes coming in two days time on my day off, he replies make sure you ask my dad for permission before you take her back, I replied, no, that is between me and my wife, he storms out saying is “is she a slave in this house”. I replied off course she isn’t. I re-iterated to her she is not a slave for me or my family and she is welcome to leave anytime she wants (told her to explain to her family as well that she is not being kept in this marriage against her will), she doesn’t even have to do anything for me (forget doing anything for my family), that stuff only comes from the heart if it exists. Although her brother came to pick her up, my wife remained.

    Now we have an issue with the wedding gold, ive asked our imam, and he said the wedding gold should be in the marital home, I kindly request to my wife to bring the wedding gold back home, she then replies she wants to sell it and accuses me that I might sell it and keep the money. I wouldn’t sell it without my wifes permission I have no right. Despite being in debt after the wedding, I would not even ask my wife to sell the wedding gold. So although I cant value or claim rights to her wealth (apparently according to her boasting and broadcasting to my family she has over 100 grams of gold and 0.75 million pounds (shes even said she can buy my house 3 times over, ive got a substantial mortgage btw)) she is still adamant in keeping the wedding gold and / or selling it, but she wont do anything with any wealth prior to the marriage? Does that say something about my wife???? Im going to try and get her to sit with the imam again as we have lots to discuss about how the contract was breached etc, she refuses to sit with him, she wants someone else, seems like if it doesn’t work her way it shouldn’t work at all. I have a wife who seems to implement double standards in her life, traditional when it suits her and her family, modern when it suits her and her family?- What do I do?

    I worry about my daughter so much... I don’t want her growing up in that family, they come across as dysfunctional to me... but my daughters rizq and fate has already been written, all I can do is try my best but I cant let go of my wifes conduct, behviour, decisions against me and her character, I hate it! I cant live with someone like that for the rest of my life.

    There is nothing I can do, its all in Allah's hands, Allah knows best, I pray Allah swt makes it easy for me and my family and for my daughter..... I so regret getting married to this girl, I don’t know what to do.

    May 2018: One week after I took her to see a raqi and her being diagnosed with evil eye. She has decided to leave my residence today after an argument we had. I tried to keep my answers to her short and brief. Tried to maintain the peace while we were both fasting in the month of ramadan. She still continued to debate and argue. I out of provoked anger as she started disrespecting my family members told her if she wants to go before eid 'to pack up and go and await a sit down with elders and imaam shortly after Eid' so in a split second she arranged her travel and took the baby. Allahu Aaalaam she has made her decision. Please remember us in your duas. Jzk.

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    BeTheChange's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

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    Police won't disclose details 1) Data Protection 2) Fear of retaliation 3) Don't have time or resources to investigate 4) Does not view the incident as a 'crime'

    The law works in favour of the criminals that's why there are so many vigilante groups.
    | Likes Imraan, Studentofdeed liked this post
    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
    Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by BeTheChange View Post
    Police won't disclose details 1) Data Protection 2) Fear of retaliation 3) Don't have time or resources to investigate 4) Does not view the incident as a 'crime'

    The law works in favour of the criminals that's why there are so many vigilante groups.
    Wow surely in a western country it would be more developed. How are they any different from the thrid world countries with police. In the US, they arrest anyone who even looks at them wrong

  5. #203
    Imraan's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    As you can imagine its been very stressful dealing with the police and calling local councillors etc to make sure it is not once again left on the back burner.

    i've had suggested to me that I should make a short video of how this marriage journey started with hopes and dreams to now showing how we are oppressed and the length's this family is going to by their cowardly acts, to oppress me and my family, the video will highlight my experience and my thoughts on who we are dealing with.

    if published and goes viral throughout the UK once it reaches London, it will defame and disgrace the reputation of the family. I don't plan to call them out by name or pictures.... because that would be bad, i plan to highlight my marriage experience with so and so family, i shouldnt be location specific as it would not be fair on the rest of the community. But at the same time there will be some helpful tips here and there to aid the non marrieds...

    The video will have every chance to gain sympathy from the public however it may make the London family increase their oppression and may escalate it from stones and bricks to something else.

    I'm just worried about the consequences thats all and whether im ready to face them bearing in mind i have my family to worry about, these people are cowards, shameless and clearly have no morals towards humanity.

    Leaving it all in Allah's hands and sitting back and doin nothin about it won't solve this problem, i think we've sat back long enough.

    the police are saying the evidence so far is not enough, its my word against those who were stopped on the motorway, so getting a prosecution may be difficult, i feel let down but I will continue to fight, i risked my life pursuing these guys just to get them caught!

    theres so much going on at the moment, corona virus, black lives matter, the death of the 12year old school girl caused by her fellow pupils, no job/on furlough, the trauma and the resistance to injustice and unjust people.

    if only i could take my family, leave town and settle somewhere else under a different identity just to survive this madness.

  6. #204
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Assalamualaikum
    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    if published and goes viral throughout the UK once it reaches London, it will defame and disgrace the reputation of the family.
    Not just reputation, but sympathies from people will lead you to more depressing thoughts. You will get drained into it which will eventually affect your health, I believe.
    Leaving it all in Allah's hands and sitting back and doin nothin about it won't solve this problem, i think we've sat back long enough.
    Absolutely, don't let yourself be oppressed so much. It's not good. Know that there isn't any barrier between the invocation of oppressor and Allah SWT. Umm... Is there any way you can convey this bold written message to them? It can be indirectly. At least it will instill a fear in their hearts ,even if it's of atom's weight. Don't give up, try all the means,if they don't work wait for justice in akhirah. This life is gonna end soon and you will definitely get justice from the BEST JUDGE.
    There's a hadith I got:
    Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him."
    | Likes muslimah__, Imraan liked this post

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  8. #205
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by medico View Post
    Assalamualaikum
    Not just reputation, but sympathies from people will lead you to more depressing thoughts. You will get drained into it which will eventually affect your health, I believe.
    Absolutely, don't let yourself be oppressed so much. It's not good. Know that there isn't any barrier between the invocation of oppressor and Allah SWT. Umm... Is there any way you can convey this bold written message to them? It can be indirectly. At least it will instill a fear in their hearts ,even if it's of atom's weight. Don't give up, try all the means,if they don't work wait for justice in akhirah. This life is gonna end soon and you will definitely get justice from the BEST JUDGE.
    There's a hadith I got:
    Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him."
    Clearly the people who I am dealing don't care about life in the grave, the akhira, they're not into guidance, I tried to help my ex wife when she was with me, it just didn't want to sink in. I guess thats why I include in my daily prayer for Allah swt to teach them and to use whatever means necessary.

    I don't need the sympathies for comfort, I need sympathies for support, there may be some brothers out there in my town that may get inspired to come and help me. its hard asking for help especially with this situation where they come randomly on any given night to destroy my home. Whilst I pray for relief and rescue from Allah swt I feel that if it hasn't come in form of a miracle then it has to come to me in the form of humans. I need people, I need strength, I need righteous, i need brave, if you watch the CCTV video's you would be appalled the way they come and vandalise my house. I am one man in my house with two women. I used to be ashamed (to expose my stupidity, stupid choices which led me to these circumstances) to ask for help, I never used to like people pitying me, now I have no shame and open to anyone willing to help me.

    The sight of my mother in shock last sunday was too much, she was in the middle of prayer, BANG BANG BANG!, she was frantic, I can't have that again I will persevere in capturing these people to get to the bottom of it. To make things worse, these are Bengali Muslims, i've heard about people doing these things as a one off to get something off their chest but five times....? these people are destined for hell Insh Allah.

    for a long time my heart has been suffering from grief, brother in the video describes it...



    being on the receiving end of oppression this long.... it has made my life miserable as the brother says...
    Last edited by Imraan; 4 Weeks Ago at 06:59 PM.
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  9. #206
    keiv's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Brother, have you thought about getting a private investigator? If you were able to get their car information, that's enough for them to work off of to track them down and get you whatever information you need to figure out who they are.

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    IslamLife00's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    The police said there is not enough evidence? Nothing in the CCTV video they can use?
    Moving somewhere else may be safer, but you can't be certain they will stop. Unless you move somewhere far, but every place has its challenges.
    Making a video, I think will make it worse for you.
    Make dua and keep doing whatever you need to do. It may take some time but inshaAllah this matter will be solved completely and you can move forward in life with ease.
    Try make dua upon breaking fast, one of the times in which dua is answered.

    It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:There are three whose supplications are not turned back: A just ruler, and a fasting person until he breaks his fast. And, the supplication of one who has been wronged is raised by Allah up to the clouds on the Day of Resurrection, and the gates of heaven are opened for it, and Allah says, ‘By My Might I will help you (against the wrongdoer) even if it is after a while.’” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

    Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)

  11. #208
    Imraan's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by keiv View Post
    Brother, have you thought about getting a private investigator? If you were able to get their car information, that's enough for them to work off of to track them down and get you whatever information you need to figure out who they are.
    Alhamdulillah, All praises to Allah swt, the UK's ANPR (Automatic Number Plate Recognition) has traced the vehicle leaving london, the vandals have driven from london to cause damage and then drive back. Insh Allah we get a prosecution, I have been told that arrests are imminent for those individuals that were apprehended in the vehicle when they were stopped on the motorway. it's with the police investigator at the moment and the Lonodn MET will be liaised with. I pray they discover evidence which implicates members of my ex wife's family as they are the ones ordering it and financing it.

    Please remember me and my family in your prayers. Jazak Allah
    Last edited by Imraan; 4 Weeks Ago at 11:32 PM.

  12. #209
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by IslamLife00 View Post
    The police said there is not enough evidence? Nothing in the CCTV video they can use?
    Moving somewhere else may be safer, but you can't be certain they will stop. Unless you move somewhere far, but every place has its challenges.
    Making a video, I think will make it worse for you.
    Make dua and keep doing whatever you need to do. It may take some time but inshaAllah this matter will be solved completely and you can move forward in life with ease.
    Try make dua upon breaking fast, one of the times in which dua is answered.

    It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:There are three whose supplications are not turned back: A just ruler, and a fasting person until he breaks his fast. And, the supplication of one who has been wronged is raised by Allah up to the clouds on the Day of Resurrection, and the gates of heaven are opened for it, and Allah says, ‘By My Might I will help you (against the wrongdoer) even if it is after a while.’” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
    Can't move somewhere else due to current covid situation and financial reasons, even if I did, they probably will attack my relatives houses instead.

    Police are acting upon evidence, the ANPR details, my live eyewitness account in the emergency call, if the police do their job right and by Allah swt will they will, these criminals will come clean and we will have a successful prosecution insh Allah, even better if it can be linked it to the ex's family in London.

    with the CCTV these guys came wearing hoods and bandanas covering their mouths as masks.... they did say the CCTV alone is not enough as per the previous four occasions. This is why I had to try and obtain a number plate and get these guys caught at the same time.

    I believe everything that happened that night, happened by Allah's will. Them coming at 11:20pm and fate that I was able to get out of my house so quick, get in my car, drive to their escape route, spot them so quickly and follow them until they were caught. Chance favoured me that night Alhamdulillah and I believe that all happened by Allah's will.
    Last edited by Imraan; 4 Weeks Ago at 11:31 PM.

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  14. #210
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    the police are saying the evidence so far is not enough, its my word against those who were stopped on the motorway, so getting a prosecution may be difficult, i feel let down but I will continue to fight, i risked my life pursuing these guys just to get them caught!
    theres so much going on at the moment, corona virus, black lives matter, the death of the 12year old school girl caused by her fellow pupils, no job/on furlough, the trauma and the resistance to injustice and unjust people.
    if only i could take my family, leave town and settle somewhere else under a different identity just to survive this madness.
    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Can't move somewhere else due to current covid situation and financial reasons, even if I did, they probably will attack my relatives houses instead.
    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Police are acting upon evidence, the ANPR details, my live eyewitness account in the emergency call, if the police do their job right and by Allah swt will they will, these criminals will come clean and we will have a successful prosecution insh Allah, even better if it can be linked it to the ex's family in London.
    with the CCTV these guys came wearing hoods and bandanas covering their mouths as masks.... they did say the CCTV alone is not enough as per the previous four occasions. This is why I had to try and obtain a number plate and get these guys caught at the same time.
    I believe everything that happened that night, happened by Allah's will. Them coming at 11:20pm and fate that I was able to get out of my house so quick, get in my car, drive to their escape route, spot them so quickly and follow them until they were caught. Chance favoured me that night Alhamdulillah and I believe that all happened by Allah's will.

    Alhamdulillah I just read your last post # 209.
    When I wrote my reply # 207, you were saying the police doesn't have enough evidence (# 203). InshaAllah now they do.
    Everything happens by Allah's permission, bi'idhnillah.
    Last edited by IslamLife00; 4 Weeks Ago at 12:25 AM. Reason: double quote
    | Likes Imraan liked this post
    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

    Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)

  15. #211
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.


    How are you now brother? Is everything going well? May Allah help you and your family


    JazakAllah khair
    | Likes Imraan liked this post
    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

    Please don't rep me or like my posts


    I beg Allah peace for us and for you.

  16. #212
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by taha_ View Post
    Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.


    How are you now brother? Is everything going well? May Allah help you and your family


    JazakAllah khair
    Walaikum salaam brother taha...thanks for remembering us. I think I'm still suffering the trauma and did have tension headaches. Seems to be getting better now Alhamdulillah. I ask myself "how am I ever going to get out of this?", constantly invoking "wallahul musta'an" and prophet ibrahim as dua when he was in the fire. Praying praying and prayin. Only Allah swt knows how this ends or can end.

    It's on our mind everyday and my mother is worried about the whole thing. I go to sleep 3am everyday after fajr keeping an eye on CCTV waiting in case these goons from london come again.

    Police investigation slow, I'm having to phone up every other day, they havent even sent the case to the london MET yet and it's been 3 weeks.

    Please continue praying for me and my family. Jzk

  17. #213
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    May Allah protect you and your family.
    | Likes Imraan liked this post

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Brother, I just found this post realizing it was you from the Why Fathers Matter post. I can see what you meant everything being complicated. May Allah protect you and your daughter!
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Ameen
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Islami.mu'min View Post
    Brother, I just found this post realizing it was you from the Why Fathers Matter post. I can see what you meant everything being complicated. May Allah protect you and your daughter!
    Pray there is good stuff and corrections in our lives to come in abundance. I mean it could have been worse but still me and my family are taking some enemy fire in a social environment where it is considered very rare to get to this level.
    | Likes Studentofdeed liked this post

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Pray there is good stuff and corrections in our lives to come in abundance. I mean it could have been worse but still me and my family are taking some enemy fire in a social environment where it is considered very rare to get to this level.
    That is the problem...you said the keyword "considered" where in fact it is as common as breathing. Your situation IS the majority and until we wake up it is not going to change...

  23. #218
    Imraan's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    That is the problem...you said the keyword "considered" where in fact it is as common as breathing. Your situation IS the majority and until we wake up it is not going to change...
    Scary isn't it, how failed marriages can lead to family feuds, suffering of others, perverting the course of justice, arson and criminal damage, list goes on.... Asthagfirullah!..... People need to be wary of the punishment of the grave! they only realise when its too late, like on their death bed and days leading up to it. Many people show remorse in the 'end days', by then it is too late! then again Allahu Aaalaam

    However there is no escaping pre-destination. Me and my family were meant to go through this. All with the permission of Allah swt. Please remember us in your prayers, may he make it easy for me and my family.
    Last edited by Imraan; 1 Week Ago at 09:51 AM.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Scary isn't it, how failed marriages can lead to family feuds, suffering of others, perverting the course of justice, arson and criminal damage, list goes on.... Asthagfirullah!..... People need to be wary of the punishment of the grave! they only realise when its too late, like on their death bed and days leading up to it. Many people show remorse in the 'end days', by then it is too late! then again Allahu Aaalaam

    However there is no escaping pre-destination. Me and my family were meant to go through this. All with the permission of Allah swt. Please remember us in your prayers, may he make it easy for me and my family.

    I have a question for both men AND women out there in the world (including me). How many of us are ready to die now and go to the grave? How many of us are ready to die with a safe heart?

    Yet we do things opposite of obtaining the safe heart.


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