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    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare, (OP)


    Assalam Walaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathu

    I am at a very difficult stage in my marriage and it is constantly eating me up inside, I have been married for for about 16 months and from day one my marriage seems to have been going more downhill than up-hill. Please be gentle in your criticisms (if any) as I know for sure we have 'with the fullest regret' sinned.

    I came to a point in my life where I was aged about 33, I had been searching for a wife for around 3 years and still no joy. I came to a point where I was just depressed with my single life and the lack of progress. I do my hajj with my mum and sister and I come back and I meet someone off a matrimonial site (March 2014). We talk, we're getting along and I'm serious about marriage, so is she 'she claims' so I quickly try and get our families to meet, because I didn’t want a pre marriage relationship.

    So i take my family down from Leicester and we go down to London and meet her face to face (May 2014). I liked her and my family liked her. So we left that day thinking yeah, we're happy. We start to enquire about the family from locals and our relatives. No one can vouch for the family, we search high and low. Eventually a close relative, my uncle basically gave some negative feedback on this girl and my uncles son mention that the family isn’t right. few weeks have gone by now since the first family meet and my family are asking her family but her family aren’t giving any answers except... its too far for them. We took the hint, so by now I’m asking the girl 'what’s happening, do you want to proceed or not?", girl responds yes she does want to proceed, her parents are still deciding.

    In various nagging conversations I kept asking her, what’s wrong, why aren’t they moving things forward, is something wrong, I’m getting paranoid that somethings not right, maybe my uncle and his son are right so I confront her on the phone and ask her straight out, she denies that anything is wrong and says my uncles family are jealous that’s why they do not want this wedding to go ahead because they approached this family for the same girl and they got turned down on two occasions for each brother.

    So we continue to liaise over the phone to a point where we now have feelings for each other. On the telephone we form this long distance relationship with no physical contact whatsoever for one year. In the interim between the first family visit and February 2015 my family called numerous times only to be to be told they haven't decided yet, blimey its pushing on to nearly one year, it’s our fault entirely we should have taken a hint from her parents, but the girl had a stronghold on me and convinced me she was the one for me.

    By this time, our bond is strong, there is a significant amount of trust and there is a lot of affection, bottom line I was blinded by love (I’ve so let myself down as I’ve seen fellow childhood friends go through blind love numerous times and its effects, yet here I am falling for the same trap!). My feelings for this girl are so strong we eventually meet in Feb 2015 and would meet on a irregular random basis.

    Bear in mind me, my family and the girl are praying and praying and praying for this wedding to go ahead so we can end this struggle

    Anyway I’m thinking 'I like the girl, I trust her so I’ll wait for her, so waiting waiting, one delay after another, her parents go abroad on 3 occasions in 2015 (India, Saudi, Bangladesh) and my family call them in between (when they come back to England) and we just never got a straight answer, the marriage proposal is just continuously delayed and delayed, yet me and this prospective bride are yearning to get married but it isn’t happening. Finally in May 2016, things start moving, we visit and in turn the family come to visit my family home in Leicester.

    So then my family say we would like the wedding ASAP, like September, but her family still isn’t having it, they just wanted to delay and delay, I’ll skip the gory nitty gritty frustrating details and the turmoil my family (maybe there’s as well) faced in organising the wedding, at one point they were like 'can it be April 2017?' we responded It's got to be December the latest, after they kept pushing the date forward one more than two occasions , a) September, then it was b) first week of October then c) end of October, d) then sometime in November eventually leaving us with a date in December 2016. So I'm thinking to myself getting married at 35, Alhamdulillah, and she's 33,

    We agreed on things like after marriage if she wants to work she can work here in Leicester and to start off with she can visit family like once a month due to distance and eventually tone it down.

    So we get married, and consummate after making dua'z, On Day one i check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy, she communicated with him up until her mendhi day as in had an affair with the guy. This is like nightmare for me, I’m in tears , heart broken to pieces, i confront her and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, i ask is the child mine? she says yes, "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again, so I got nothing to worry about" ... boy was I wrong...

    Month 1, my wife starts crying, she; s missing her parents, that upcoming weekend I take her to my in laws, she says she wants to stay one week, I’m like ok, she extends it to two, I’m not happy but I say ok, my family tell me I should be kind. come week, she's asking for an extra week, I rejected thinking she's taking the mick. these situations bring sourness to a relationship when you have to say 'no' to your wife.

    So she comes back to Leicester and she takes the test, Alhamdulillah within 1 month of consummation we have good news, my wife is pregnant..

    her parents set off to go abroad mid Jan for a three month trip

    meanwhile we plan a trip for Ummrah for end of Jan, me, wife, and my two other family members, knowing my wife is pregnant my wife says she is willing to go. After I place the booking, got the visas, five days before our flight my wife says its too much for her, she cant travel and quickly flees home desperately (picked up by her brother) saying she's only going for two nights even though both her parents aren’t in the country. She's ill, how can i stop her. So I let her go. She ends up in hospital for one night and while our flights are literally days away we continue with our ummrah trip, even my wife says 'go, you shouldn’t miss out'. Selfish of me I'm thinking if my wife really wanted to go she could have, loads of pregnant women fly / travel, anyway i gave the benefit of the doubt whilst i wasn’t still happy about the situation thinking this girl did not want to go with me. I start to become paranoid about my wife. So to summarise that, my wife is at her parents house away from me for 3 weeks... yet again. Paranoia kicks in... inevitably.

    Anyway we come back from Ummrah and she comes back to Leicester and lives with me until the end of March. her parents come back from abroad and guess what, we are back at her parents again (with all kindness and good intentions off course) and she stays for one or two weeks. She also takes the wedding gold from the marital home and puts it in her dads safe. (im thinking no big deal, she’ll bring it back, d like her to wear it again) She comes back to Leicester and she breaks it to me that she's going back to work in London at her old place, we argue, argue and argue and I mention her affair and so on. I consult my family, what should I do, my family respond, let her go back to her parents house and work, otherwise she'll be miserable at home. I cut a deal with her, saying you want to work in London? I expect you back every weekend, can you do that?.... she replies yes yes off course yes off course a thousand times.... me being the gullible one thinking a pregnant lady going to put herself through that when she couldn’t even go abroad with me????, she isn’t going to come back every weekend.... I’m thinking she's taking me for a ride... guess what she did in the end, she came home once a month. When asked "when are you coming?", "why aren't you coming?" all I got in return was attitude and the 'lamest school homework type' excuses. we continue to argue, eventually i gave up on that, I’d had enough.

    FYI she isn’t that bright or matured unfortunately, she is easily influenced. Half of the stuff she is doing is coming from other members in her family, and she; s determined to see it through.

    Ramadan is here.... in a ideal family husband and wife spend the whole ramadan together without miss, i only got two or three days with her at most out of thirty, another heartbreak, she did come for Eid though.

    At some point later I'm thinking .... is my child going to even be born in my home town, i was born in Leicester I’d like my child born here please..... if all is well.

    at this stage none of the medical records had transferred to Leicester yet, everything is still in London. So I have this discussion with my wife... based on the past few months doesn’t seem like your settling in here... your address and everything is still at your parents...? what’s the plan? still denying there isn’t a plan, she says she will join our surgeries after she finishes her 4 month stint at work and claims the maternity pay, so i get a definitive date from her and she says 2nd week of August and guarantees our baby will be born in Leicester (she even says her parents swear by it too), she even places her hand on our holy book and swears on her life etc etc.

    Off course out of suspicion and curiosity I go through her things, I find a thaweez in her purse, I photograph, I didn’t confront her or on it because then she’l wonder why I went through her things, fact is I didn’t trust her then, wont trust her ever,

    August comes and there’s still no sign of her registering here in Leicester, after continuous arguments it came to surface that she was indeed having the baby in London, my family didn’t have a problem with it, however it made it difficult for me as Id always hoped everything wold be at home, you know.... local to me in Leicester.

    I was just angry I feel like I’ve been lied to constantly. She's always wanting things her way, arguing with me, pushing me to the limits

    We have our baby in September, Alhamdulillah its a healthy baby girl, I coped ok in another town (but its selfish of me to think about me after all it wasn’t me giving birth), would have preferred bringing my baby daughter home to Leicester first thing but its not in my fate, after staying in hospital for 5 days (due to 2nd degree tear and blood loss) and after me being told by my wife that 'our child is not legally mine' (after which she apologised for saying) we ended up in our in laws, stayed the night, at which point my mother in law picks an argument with me, persisting our baby has her birth certificate registered to the London address so my wife can claim x y z benefits and tax relief etc and I’m arguing for my daughters birth right that it should have her home address on, but my wife and my mother in law weren’t having it. We have a full on head to head heated argument and I’m highlighting the past 10 months of lies which caused me distress), mid way through I realise I shouldn’t be arguing with elders so I took all my mother in laws #r#p in from of the rest of the family. Inna Lilla Hi wa inna ilayhi rajioon, what has the world come to. The room darkened for me very much and I couldn’t wait to leave this awkward scene and this house.

    the following morning I was able to bring her back to Leicester. The first thing we do is transfer mother and baby's medical records to Leicester and continue to attend the check ups and appointments and immunisations here in Leicester, convenient for me so I could take them to the doctors and hospitals.

    Meanwhile, my mother in law names the baby, and I’m like 'don’t I get a say', my wife says yeah you pick the name and let your mum pick a house name'. She also wants to contribute to the name. So we have three names and a nickname. Again I consult my family about the birth certificate thing, and my family tell me 'its only a paper', so I allow my wife to use her parents address.

    I name first name, I take the name my mother in law gave (out of respect) and place it as a surname, the middle name which my wife gave, out of anger i exclude it because my wife has got a lot of stuff her way and caused a lot of arguments, anyhow she will benefit from whatever claims she makes so why should she upset, she'll be getting her money???? My mother gives the home nickname and we start calling her that at home, turns out when our daughter goes back to my in laws, they all call my daughter the name my mother in law gave, are they making a statement? I don’t know.

    Anyway due to resentment and bitterness and the hate I have for my wife, our relationship is literally zero contact, we are only here for our daughter, we can’t seem to agree on things and I feel like my wife just wants to do what she wants regardless of committing to our marriage, Several times I have said would we be better off if we separated, things isn’t working out, you isn’t settling in, I don’t know what’s round the corner, her responses seem to consist of 'not bothered', 'do whatever you like' attitude. She's constantly looking for faults and I’m too busy highlighting the instances where she has hurt me through lies, betrayal, dishonesty and her argumentative approach to me.

    We have some intimacy, speechless intimacy, we hardly talk, its as if we are already divorced. We had an immunisation appointment in Leicester, I’ve booked a day off from work all ready and prepped, my wife goes back to her parents, I say stay one week and come back for our daughters immunisations as I’ve made arrangements, my wife insists on staying for two, the day after I drop them off i receive a text saying "I’ve booked her a appt for her here in London so cancel the other one and book another one 4 weeks from that date for next set of injection" Verbatim...... I feel she's undermined me

    I know the mother has more rights on the child than the father, but come on be fair and behave maturely and act in the best interest of your marriage, not yourself.

    I feel there’s no respect, no commitment to the marriage, getting her to live with me seems to be a big big challenge and I feel I don’t have a say about our child.

    My family treat her like a princess and believe it or not whenever my wife’s at home, its as if she's a temporary guest, she’s been married a year she asks me where stuff is in the kitchen. She doesn’t look after my house, doesn’t clean the room, just helps with cooking and some kitchen cleaning, she has said to me and I quote "once you are gone (as in passed away), I have no rights to the house, so will leave everyone and leave Leicester and flee back home with my child"... I'm immediately thinking "do i want to die whilst being married to her, NO!!"

    Some of the stuff she says or does to tick me off comes across as provocation, its as if she's trying to annoy me so much that I’ll submit to a divorce so she can continue with her life guilt free

    I have suggested to her for us to jointly do charity work, get more involved in selfless acts so that it may soften our hearts, lets go Islamic marriage courses, she isn’t a single bit bothered..,..

    Life is very difficult, marriage is very difficult. Life was supposed to get better, happier, instead its a constant everyday battle with my heart, my emotions and my resentment. I can't erase it, its traumatic. What’s the point erasing it, something new will pop up, something always has in the past one year. I feel like ending the whole thing, but I remember my daughter, (I’m not ready to pay child support and have limited access just yet), I pray everyday, ask my wife to pray everyday, ask her to think about our child, our marriage, but I’m not enough for her, its as if she's longing for something else or she just wants to make life difficult. She does not value our marriage.

    now criticise me if you will. After marriage I did make some payments to my wife as a husband does, but it wasn’t regular, however shelter, food etc- was never a problem, Alhamdulillah we have two houses and I’m always at home and make sure we are fully stocked up, yet its not enough for my wife. I take her to London and I pick her up, I refuse for anyone else to do that chore, yet I feel greatly unappreciated. When I asked my wife why isn’t this enough, she responded, modern age, women expect more than basic necessities, so this coincides with my mother in law, "if you aren’t going to pay my daughter £250 a week, then let her claim all the benefits, she needs to spend and be independent".

    I fear there are bad events round the corner, I continuously pray my salaah, make dua for myself, my daughter, my wife, my family, her family and muslim immah, pray isthikhara, I worry about my daughter, not so much my wife because I know she will continue to do whatever makes her happy

    I've been talking about this to a select few, and the feedback I get is "the longer I leave it, the worse it will get", or set her straight, send her back and tell her to come back when its ready.... the fact is they don’t need us, my wife does not need me, she'll happily go back to London back to her parents and her two unmarried brothers.... together they will support her.

    Next thing you know its January 2018 first week, my mother in law (without asking me) although she asked my mother arranges for my wife and child to be picked up without my approval. Im thinking I cant take this anymore, I ask my family for advice, they advised me and my wife sit with the imam who performed the nikkah ceremony on the wedding day, I suggested to my wife and she agrees to sit down. so after I week I go to pick her up and we both and baby go and visit the imam. I explain the history to the imam, she also complains to him saying she doesn’t like the water in Leicester, she has a man come into her dreams and tells her things, she feels a burning sensation over her body when I touch her etc etc… the imam, gives us advice on how to deal with problems when they occur outside the marriage, I.e we shouldn’t confront etc or accuse anyone etc. Then the imam asked us if we wanted to continue with the marriage, I said yes only if she keeps to certain conditions, i.e. don’t say bad things about me to her family, I want her 100% co-operation and commitment to the marriage and that we both abide by sharia law. She agrees, vice versa I agree too. I also state no one is taking my wife and child without my permission anymore. If they do its over. Within three weeks she accuses my mother of black magic, my wife tells my mother to go and touch the Kaaba sharif in Makkah and do some kind of kosom (who imposes such requests at the age of 34?, who does that regardless of age?) to prove she hasn’t done it, my wife accuses my mum of taking her London house keys when all along she had it in her handbag, I only found it in her handbag because her accusation against my mother drove me crazy. Her family have been told by pirs or magicians or mullahs etc that someone from my side of the family has done black magic, she confronts my mum on this as well saying we are into thaweez etc and degrades my family. My mother didn’t say anything to me about the accusations as this would cause problems….. until one week before she decides to go abroad to visit her family as her brother is terminally ill, she wanted to focus on her brother and seeing her mum. I then remember the thaweez that has been sitting in her personal belongings all this time, and im thinking if she is so against thaweez, why the hell does she have one?

    Its now March 2018, somehow we’ve peddled on whilst there have been some arguments here and there, her parents come back from ummrah, she tells her brother to tell me he’s coming to pick her and my child up, im furious as im not going to take orders like that so i confront my wife, I tell my wife I’l take you on my next day off in two days time, wife says what you going to do if I go now, I said if you go, don’t come back. Big hoo haa argument and wife gets her mum involved and is ready to leave, im crying I get my family involved as it could be the end, later we worked things out, the following day my mother in law is insistent on having my wife picked up, and sends my brother in law. I say to my wife, if you leave today then it has ended, wait 2 days as agreed or else we will need to sit down and end this. My brother in law arrives and questions me why cant his sister come home, I said I haven’t given the permission for her to leave, shes coming in two days time on my day off, he replies make sure you ask my dad for permission before you take her back, I replied, no, that is between me and my wife, he storms out saying is “is she a slave in this house”. I replied off course she isn’t. I re-iterated to her she is not a slave for me or my family and she is welcome to leave anytime she wants (told her to explain to her family as well that she is not being kept in this marriage against her will), she doesn’t even have to do anything for me (forget doing anything for my family), that stuff only comes from the heart if it exists. Although her brother came to pick her up, my wife remained.

    Now we have an issue with the wedding gold, ive asked our imam, and he said the wedding gold should be in the marital home, I kindly request to my wife to bring the wedding gold back home, she then replies she wants to sell it and accuses me that I might sell it and keep the money. I wouldn’t sell it without my wifes permission I have no right. Despite being in debt after the wedding, I would not even ask my wife to sell the wedding gold. So although I cant value or claim rights to her wealth (apparently according to her boasting and broadcasting to my family she has over 100 grams of gold and 0.75 million pounds (shes even said she can buy my house 3 times over, ive got a substantial mortgage btw)) she is still adamant in keeping the wedding gold and / or selling it, but she wont do anything with any wealth prior to the marriage? Does that say something about my wife???? Im going to try and get her to sit with the imam again as we have lots to discuss about how the contract was breached etc, she refuses to sit with him, she wants someone else, seems like if it doesn’t work her way it shouldn’t work at all. I have a wife who seems to implement double standards in her life, traditional when it suits her and her family, modern when it suits her and her family?- What do I do?

    I worry about my daughter so much... I don’t want her growing up in that family, they come across as dysfunctional to me... but my daughters rizq and fate has already been written, all I can do is try my best but I cant let go of my wifes conduct, behviour, decisions against me and her character, I hate it! I cant live with someone like that for the rest of my life.

    There is nothing I can do, its all in Allah's hands, Allah knows best, I pray Allah swt makes it easy for me and my family and for my daughter..... I so regret getting married to this girl, I don’t know what to do.

    May 2018: One week after I took her to see a raqi and her being diagnosed with evil eye. She has decided to leave my residence today after an argument we had. I tried to keep my answers to her short and brief. Tried to maintain the peace while we were both fasting in the month of ramadan. She still continued to debate and argue. I out of provoked anger as she started disrespecting my family members told her if she wants to go before eid 'to pack up and go and await a sit down with elders and imaam shortly after Eid' so in a split second she arranged her travel and took the baby. Allahu Aaalaam she has made her decision. Please remember us in your duas. Jzk.

  2. #221
    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    I am speechless...

    earlier this month the ex filed for an order called a non molestation order ex-parte (without notice to the accused) with the most outrageous conditions which was granted by the family court on a provisional basis, the first hearing in regards to this order takes place 30th of this month where I can challenge it. I didnt think anything of it.

    out the blue monday morning police come to my house asking for me, they then phone me because im not at home and tell me to come to station for 30 minutes. so i agree to come after work. I go there at 6, get arrested at 632pm and booked into custody detention at 7pm, they remove all belongings on me, they say not long for interview now. its now after 8pm and im still stuck in cell, they say no interviewing officers available and that i have to stay overnight. the following day i stay in the cell until 3pm, the interview is done at 3pm and i am let go 4:30pm, they give me everything back apart from my phone.

    the allegations are that ive been sending malicious text messages, i haven't, they have no evidence incriminating me, just my name and conditions that im not supposed to be threatening the ex wife etc.

    The ex wife and her family have staged these text messages weeks after they filed the order and then logged it with police blaming me. The police were very quick in arresting me. Yet here I am trying to get police support for what me and my family have been going through and it has been hard to get.

    I've got some more court hearings this year regarding my daughter, this stunt was pulled by the ex to defame my standing in these hearings to make it difficult for me. The mere mention of being arrested and investigated will influence judges for sure.

    I will probably decide something about my daughter by the end of the year. Can't live like this.

    Bi'idnillah
    You are aware you are heading the road where you reputation will be defamed for life and your life will be ruined and in additional to that you still will not get access to your daughter and your daughter will still have nothing to do with you and in the end of it all, cutting ties between you and your daughter will be successful but now your life is ruined where you cannot move on. I suggest while you still have a chance to move on, to let go of her and move on. Leave the country if you must and build a new life with a new wife and make new children. For all you know, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) will gift you with a new daughter but even better than this one. How do you know this little baby girl what she will be like when grows up.

    Quit, go and leave. Let them. I once heard from a great wisdom from an elder man who ones said, "Sometimes there are battles that a man cannot win. There is no shame in running away from that battle." Let go of her. You have done all you could and Allah does not want you to harm yourself. Your daughter is now a harmful weapon. Leave. Please.

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  4. #222
    'Abdullah's Avatar
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Assalam O Alaikum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakatuhu Brother Imran,

    Stay strong, be patient and keep on fighting against injustice. Even if entire world is against you, remember that Allah is with you because you are on the truth.

    I ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Taa’la to protect your honor, make your affairs easy for you and expose the evils plans of your enemies. Ameen!

    Ma’aSalaam
    | Likes Studentofdeed, Imraan liked this post

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Ameen. We are all making dua for you brother
    | Likes Imraan liked this post

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    I am speechless...

    earlier this month the ex filed for an order called a non molestation order ex-parte (without notice to the accused) with the most outrageous conditions which was granted by the family court on a provisional basis, the first hearing in regards to this order takes place 30th of this month where I can challenge it. I didnt think anything of it.

    out the blue monday morning police come to my house asking for me, they then phone me because im not at home and tell me to come to station for 30 minutes. so i agree to come after work. I go there at 6, get arrested at 632pm and booked into custody detention at 7pm, they remove all belongings on me, they say not long for interview now. its now after 8pm and im still stuck in cell, they say no interviewing officers available and that i have to stay overnight. the following day i stay in the cell until 3pm, the interview is done at 3pm and i am let go 4:30pm, they give me everything back apart from my phone.

    the allegations are that ive been sending malicious text messages, i haven't, they have no evidence incriminating me, just my name and conditions that im not supposed to be threatening the ex wife etc.

    The ex wife and her family have staged these text messages weeks after they filed the order and then logged it with police blaming me. The police were very quick in arresting me. Yet here I am trying to get police support for what me and my family have been going through and it has been hard to get.

    I've got some more court hearings this year regarding my daughter, this stunt was pulled by the ex to defame my standing in these hearings to make it difficult for me. The mere mention of being arrested and investigated will influence judges for sure.

    I will probably decide something about my daughter by the end of the year. Can't live like this.

    Bi'idnillah
    Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'oon

    Respected brother, I'm really sorry to know that and I pray for you with all my heart that Allah ta’ala removes all your difficulties and replace them with peace, security, protection and happiness. May He SWT always be with you.
    | Likes Studentofdeed, Imraan liked this post

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

    How are you brother imran
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    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,


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    Lightbulb Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by taha_ View Post
    Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

    How are you brother imran
    Walaikum Salaam Wa rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu my dear young brother Taha. Thank you for remembering me, thank you for praying for me.

    Situation at the moment:

    Still under investigating regarding suspicions on breaching an order and for harassment, the police still have my phone, Im hoping to be exonerated by end of October, after which, Insh Allah if there is no charge, I will have to launch a counter allegation for defamation of character and false accusations, on top of that I have to file a complaint and look at taking action against the police because of circumstances unique to this allegation and because of what they put me through at the request of the ex partner. Due to the courts being so slow, the NMO will stay active, the next hearing for the court to discuss my defence will be January 2021.... Bear in mind this is separate to the case for my child....

    No further window breaks since June but I do stay awake until 1 or 2am waiting for these guys, I expect these guys any moment. The two of the three guys that were caught, well that investigation Continues... Instructions to London MET for their arrest in London was sent by local police only couple of weeks ago. Over three months now...! I have been liaising with the investigator nearly every 3 days to get this progressed quickly, but still going very very slow

    Since August I still make effort to see my 3 year old daughter on a fortnightly basis with the assistance from the court. The court case regarding my child still continues as I fend off so many false allegations from the ex... It is a very long process.....and I may pack it in eventually if I can't get anywhere.

    I have been taken off furlough and alhamdulillah I am back at work full time I must say these Incidents do affect performance at work and in general so I've had to counter that too...

    Family are prompting me to go abroad next year to get remarried.. So I am thinking about it.

    I continue to pray everyday for guidance, justice, protection and blessings from Allah swt. I am still hopeful and do not want to let go of hope, faith and the qadr and power of Allah swt. Allahu Akbar.

    May he make it easy for all who are suffering....
    Last edited by Imraan; 09-13-2020 at 04:49 PM.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

    I still can't understand how much pain you felt because I've never faced such trials.

    May Allah help you and grant you strength and justice. Dont despair Allah's mercy.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Walaikum Salaam, I don't think many people go through what I go through.

    Although it's likely people go through much worse.

    I think this is one of few cases where the journey and trials inflicted by evil people who claim they are Muslims.... have been documented.

    Astagfirullah. May our sins be expiated as a result..
    Last edited by Imraan; 09-13-2020 at 06:01 PM.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Walaikum Salaam, I don't think many people go through what I go through.

    Although it's likely people go through much worse.

    I think this is one of few cases where the journey and trials inflicted by evil people who claim they are Muslims.... have been documented.

    Astagfirullah. May mine and my families sins be expiated as a result..
    Brother....what you go through is as common as sneezing and even by Muslim people IN A MUSLIM country!!! Your case is not unique or special....it is soo common it is like walking and you see debris, rocks and sand on the ground. Common.
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Walaikum Salaam, I don't think many people go through what I go through.

    Although it's likely people go through much worse.

    I think this is one of few cases where the journey and trials inflicted by evil people who claim they are Muslims.... have been documented.

    Astagfirullah. May our sins be expiated as a result..





    Ameen.
    Everyone has their own tests and trials that can really put them in the lows in different wways. You are have been put to such a hard fitna. Keep pushing. This is your test and soon inshAllah ease will come. But you will always have problems in life. So never give up, because Allah will love you even more for that. And I remember when you first were commenting on another post, worrying about whether your daughter will love you. I was giving you advice not knowing what hit you. Alhamdulilah, you are concerned for the right things. May Allah make it easy on you and keep your good character well. Do not let this change you as a person and always strive to be the best Muslim you can be and cry and pray to Allah.

    Last edited by Islami.mu'min; 09-13-2020 at 07:21 PM.
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Wait I am confused on one thing. I haven't actually read the whole post and your updates. But i did see one part, she had the evil eye? You know that thing can literally tear apart marriages.

    “The Evil Eye is real and can bring down a person from a high mountain.” (Sahih al Jami' 4146)

    It can be very serious and there are people who come close to death because of this.

    I know this was probably too late to be said. I wish I saw that part earlier, but do you know if she is being treated? Ayn can tear up families so bad it is something very serious

    But I think regardless of evil eye, there was always something suspicious since the start of the marriage. Maybe she just isn't the person right for this. I'm just mentioning that it could have escalated thhings
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    Brother....what you go through is as common as sneezing and even by Muslim people IN A MUSLIM country!!! Your case is not unique or special....it is soo common it is like walking and you see debris, rocks and sand on the ground. Common.
    But this was a family that read quran everyday, prayed tahajjud, prayed 5 x salaah, gave charity generously..... Can't speak for every family member but they adopted this in their household...

    They broke my windows one week after they did ummrah..

    I am lost for words and it's made me more sceptical, when someone claims they are pious, this and that i get Into a frenzy of mentally finding out how valid someone's claim is.....

    I don't want to paint everyone with the same brush....

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Islami.mu'min View Post
    Wait I am confused on one thing. I haven't actually read the whole post and your updates. But i did see one part, she had the evil eye? You know that thing can literally tear apart marriages.

    “The Evil Eye is real and can bring down a person from a high mountain.” (Sahih al Jami' 4146)

    It can be very serious and there are people who come close to death because of this.

    I know this was probably too late to be said. I wish I saw that part earlier, but do you know if she is being treated? Ayn can tear up families so bad it is something very serious

    But I think regardless of evil eye, there was always something suspicious since the start of the marriage. Maybe she just isn't the person right for this. I'm just mentioning that it could have escalated thhings
    I don't think her thing is as serious as death... Else something might have happened by now... But she was definitely affected by something or she was making it up and using it as a escape route.

    It takes a certain individual to understand their situation who tries to make better decisions for whats right.. Off course Allah swt guides whom he wills.....

    My immediate family (my ex and child) was torn apart literally one week after diagnosis.... We went to see a guy in Derby in the UK, it was the 1st or 2nd fast Ramadan 2018 and I'd never seen before in my whole life what I had seen that day. Guy was performing rukya... Recitations, her hands were shaking and slowly elevating upto 1 or 2 inches, her chest was pulsating furiously as she was breathing in and out, tears were dripping from her eyes on the side of her face..

    Anyway one week after diagnosis our seperation happened..

    After we split we stayed in contact for two months, she said she was going to get treatment from someone in East London, whether she got it or not... I'll never know.... Tried to guide her and stick with her... She just weren't having it...

    The cause of our seperation could be attributed to many factors... Even combined... Ayn, marital expectations... Behaviour, character, compatibility and qadr... I'll never know... all i know is according to our religion there will be substantial recompense... Most people suffering from a seperation do not go through what me and my family have gone through, it's more mild in most cases.

    Looking back and looking at everything that has happened, seperation was the best move... The lesser of two evils... Who knows what her and her family would have done had she remained in my household....

    Just a matter of time when tables turn... I keep telling myself...

    Insh Allah.
    Last edited by Imraan; 09-13-2020 at 10:23 PM.
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    But this was a family that read quran everyday, prayed tahajjud, prayed 5 x salaah, gave charity generously..... Can't speak for every family member but they adopted this in their household...

    They broke my windows one week after they did ummrah..

    I am lost for words and it's made me more sceptical, when someone claims they are pious, this and that i get Into a frenzy of mentally finding out how valid someone's claim is.....

    I don't want to paint everyone with the same brush....
    You know sometimes painting is ok brother. There is nothing wrong to being discriminator on the person. Don't fall for the liberal mantra that is wrong to be discriminator on a person. That being said, marriage is like applying for a job position or in this case you are the company who are hiring an employee. Your wife is your employee and you are the manager. It make sense, now doesn't it? In Islam who is the qayama, the man or the woman? The man. The husband is the head of the household. The husband is the one who does the decision making and the husband is the one who have the last say in matter, the wife is suppose to obey and follow without having to convince her, have sheikhs over sheikhs try to convince her and explain to her the reason, have to go to therapy and go mountains and back for her to get convinced for that one decision making...so what does that make the wife....an employee and the husband? The manager. So marriage is combination of form of hiring an employee for a husband and wife going for a job position and working in a company. Why am I saying this? Because if YOU STILL do want to get married in...this time get her resume. Get her criminal record. See her past history. Look for red alerts. See if the family is truthful or hiding something. Ask of her picture as a child, in case she cheated you by going to beauty and surgery and this is not the look that she say it is. Observe the family, are they controlling. Is the mother-in-law the boss of the house and her husband is nothing more than a money making machine and he have no say....YOU ARE IN trouble...run from marriage. Who is more aggressive and want to have the last say...her mother or father? When you meet the daughter who is talking to you...the mother or the father.....if it is the mother and the father is mute....run. If her mother interfers a lot in her life...run. If the girl follows her mother and want to please her mother over you...run. These are research you need to do before you jump to marriage next. Forget the double face of makeup, smelling good, giggling and laughing at your jokes, or trying to please you at the first date or more. No. You need to dig seriously deep. SERIOUS deep...find everything about her and her family...the good and ESPECIALLY the bad...leave no detail unturned. Observe the siblings and the like. You need to be researching, testing and observing for one entire year. If she passed after a year, leave and marry where husbands rights are protected and plant your seed there. Liberal, Western and feminist ideology law world will fail and toxic for marriage foundations and will not work. Does she believe in equality where the husband and wife are equal (goes against the Qura'an where Allah said a man have higher degree over a woman for what he spends on them) then such foundation will shake and fail. Does the wife want nothing for you to spend on her so that you do not have a higher degree over her and be equal to you and she can go and do as she pleases and both of you have to convince each other to make the final decision even if you disagree in that decision you must CONVINCE her why you disagree.....run. This foundation will fail. Unless Allah creates a third gender and that third gender does the decision making for both of you...the marriage will fail if you both are in the same level. Does she want to be the dominant and you obey her...99.99% of men are miserable in this setting and 99.99% of the time the female is tyrant in this setting. This will also fail. Run!

    You did not do your research when you married this woman and you ignored all the red flags. Now look at you. Look what you went through. I do hope you will learn from this experience brother.

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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    You know sometimes painting is ok brother. There is nothing wrong to being discriminator on the person. Don't fall for the liberal mantra that is wrong to be discriminator on a person. That being said, marriage is like applying for a job position or in this case you are the company who are hiring an employee. Your wife is your employee and you are the manager. It make sense, now doesn't it? In Islam who is the qayama, the man or the woman? The man. The husband is the head of the household. The husband is the one who does the decision making and the husband is the one who have the last say in matter, the wife is suppose to obey and follow without having to convince her, have sheikhs over sheikhs try to convince her and explain to her the reason, have to go to therapy and go mountains and back for her to get convinced for that one decision making...so what does that make the wife....an employee and the husband? The manager. So marriage is combination of form of hiring an employee for a husband and wife going for a job position and working in a company. Why am I saying this? Because if YOU STILL do want to get married in...this time get her resume. Get her criminal record. See her past history. Look for red alerts. See if the family is truthful or hiding something. Ask of her picture as a child, in case she cheated you by going to beauty and surgery and this is not the look that she say it is. Observe the family, are they controlling. Is the mother-in-law the boss of the house and her husband is nothing more than a money making machine and he have no say....YOU ARE IN trouble...run from marriage. Who is more aggressive and want to have the last say...her mother or father? When you meet the daughter who is talking to you...the mother or the father.....if it is the mother and the father is mute....run. If her mother interfers a lot in her life...run. If the girl follows her mother and want to please her mother over you...run. These are research you need to do before you jump to marriage next. Forget the double face of makeup, smelling good, giggling and laughing at your jokes, or trying to please you at the first date or more. No. You need to dig seriously deep. SERIOUS deep...find everything about her and her family...the good and ESPECIALLY the bad...leave no detail unturned. Observe the siblings and the like. You need to be researching, testing and observing for one entire year. If she passed after a year, leave and marry where husbands rights are protected and plant your seed there. Liberal, Western and feminist ideology law world will fail and toxic for marriage foundations and will not work. Does she believe in equality where the husband and wife are equal (goes against the Qura'an where Allah said a man have higher degree over a woman for what he spends on them) then such foundation will shake and fail. Does the wife want nothing for you to spend on her so that you do not have a higher degree over her and be equal to you and she can go and do as she pleases and both of you have to convince each other to make the final decision even if you disagree in that decision you must CONVINCE her why you disagree.....run. This foundation will fail. Unless Allah creates a third gender and that third gender does the decision making for both of you...the marriage will fail if you both are in the same level. Does she want to be the dominant and you obey her...99.99% of men are miserable in this setting and 99.99% of the time the female is tyrant in this setting. This will also fail. Run!

    You did not do your research when you married this woman and you ignored all the red flags. Now look at you. Look what you went through. I do hope you will learn from this experience brother.
    Brother I have learnt a lot and I've learnt the hard way. I feel its so late in the day, everyone's circumstances are different I suppose......
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

    How are you brother Imran and your family? is everything alright?
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    My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,


  22. #237
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    Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma

    walaikum salaam brother @taha_

    alhamdulillah everyday every morning, i wake is a blessing.

    court hearing regarding my daughter coming up end of the month, more rights will be awarded to me on that day, the threat level will also increase potentially, police will be made aware, i feel like I was'nt made for this yet here I remain continuing to resist the oppression....

    i asked a relative of mine, isnt ease suppose to come after hardship, he replies..... "brother ease comes after death!", i reply, you got to keep faith bro, we make dua everyday, one day, one single moment is all we need to fix this.... (the same relative of mine had gone through the same thing regarding his kids, but without the violence and criminal damage etc...), he's stabilized somewhat and remarried....

    i'm still under investigation as police are so slow in concluding, while that stays in limbo, my character stays somewhat tarnished under the eyes of the law....

    have got other stuff goin on in my family, separate to this issue, that doesnt help... may Allah swt guide us and protect us all....
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