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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Guess what happened last night.. yep. Again.
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakutuhu.
what happened, my brother?
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
taha_
Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakutuhu.
what happened, my brother?
LOL!!! You are serious?? I erm..suggest you start reading this drama/horror novel from page 1 of the book and then come back to the last page. Page 7. Then see if you want to keep that same question or modify it.
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
taha_
Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakutuhu.
what happened, my brother?
broken windows, 3rd time in 6 weeks
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.
My brother, just put your trust in Allah. Ask Him to protect you from oppressors and make things easy for you and your family. The duas of one who is oppressed is always answered.
JazakAllah khair
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
taha_
assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.
My brother, just put your trust in Allah. Ask Him to protect you from oppressors and make things easy for you and your family. The duas of one who is oppressed is always answered.
JazakAllah khair
Walaikum salaam, we have been oppressed for a while now. Been praying for a while. Waiting for justice insh Allah
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xboxisdead
- prostrating to Allah and crying - "Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! Thank you Allah! I thank you Allah that you have decreed for me to not get married! I thank you Allah for making me single! Thank you Allah that I do not have children! I don't deserve your mercy! Allah Akbar!"
New young men who want to get married, read this post first then ponder the risks after all that if you still want to get married, do it.
bro,i literally havent seen a bad marriage expect from paki/desi communities or rarely some arabs......why from these?,because these communities marry smn ''from home'' or have arranged marriages.....this is the problem,people dont follow the proper way to get married and then keep complaining,marriage is not the problem,women are not the problem (mostly :D)....but really if you prepare some really good questions,sit down with the girl face to face and observe her behaviours etc,after a few weeks/months you will discover a good person who will match with you in shaa Allah,and marriage would be so happy...
but if you marry for the sake of desires,culture,reputation,tradition,arranged marriage with rishta aunty bla bla,then ofc it will have problem,im not sorry for these people
i hope you marry an amazing pious girl
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.
Marriage is sunnah. Prophet peace be upon him warned about staying away from his sunnah. I am not saying that marriage is obligatory.
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) asking how the Prophet (ﷺ) worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet (ﷺ) as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers).
حَدَّثَنَا سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي مَرْيَمَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا حُمَيْدُ بْنُ أَبِي حُمَيْدٍ الطَّوِيلُ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ أَنَسَ بْنَ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ يَقُولُ جَاءَ ثَلاَثَةُ رَهْطٍ إِلَى بُيُوتِ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَسْأَلُونَ عَنْ عِبَادَةِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَلَمَّا أُخْبِرُوا كَأَنَّهُمْ تَقَالُّوهَا فَقَالُوا وَأَيْنَ نَحْنُ مِنَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَدْ غُفِرَ لَهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِنْ ذَنْبِهِ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ. قَالَ أَحَدُهُمْ أَمَّا أَنَا فَإِنِّي أُصَلِّي اللَّيْلَ أَبَدًا. وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَصُومُ الدَّهْرَ وَلاَ أُفْطِرُ. وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَعْتَزِلُ النِّسَاءَ فَلاَ أَتَزَوَّجُ أَبَدًا. فَجَاءَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ " أَنْتُمُ الَّذِينَ قُلْتُمْ كَذَا وَكَذَا أَمَا وَاللَّهِ إِنِّي لأَخْشَاكُمْ لِلَّهِ وَأَتْقَاكُمْ لَهُ، لَكِنِّي أَصُومُ وَأُفْطِرُ، وَأُصَلِّي وَأَرْقُدُ وَأَتَزَوَّجُ النِّسَاءَ، فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي ".
Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 5063
In-book reference : Book 67, Hadith 1
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 1
(deprecated numbering scheme)
There are good women and bad women. Allah gives to whoever He wills. So no good marriage happens except by His will and no bad marriage happens except by His will.
Staying celibate just for worshipping Allah is wrong. Though celibacy is permissible for some reasons.. like having no sexual desire. Then its permissible to be celibate and marriage is sunnah, but if one has problems with his sexual desire. Marriage may be obligatory, Allah knows best .
Even in Paradise no single people will be there.
How to find a pious wife? Simple put your trust in Allah, and then have some sabr.
Correct me if I am wrong
JazakAllah khair
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
taha_
Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.
Marriage is sunnah. Prophet peace be upon him warned about staying away from his sunnah. I am not saying that marriage is obligatory.
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) asking how the Prophet (ﷺ) worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet (ﷺ) as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers).
حَدَّثَنَا سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي مَرْيَمَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا حُمَيْدُ بْنُ أَبِي حُمَيْدٍ الطَّوِيلُ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ أَنَسَ بْنَ مَالِكٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ يَقُولُ جَاءَ ثَلاَثَةُ رَهْطٍ إِلَى بُيُوتِ أَزْوَاجِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَسْأَلُونَ عَنْ عِبَادَةِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَلَمَّا أُخْبِرُوا كَأَنَّهُمْ تَقَالُّوهَا فَقَالُوا وَأَيْنَ نَحْنُ مِنَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَدْ غُفِرَ لَهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِنْ ذَنْبِهِ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ. قَالَ أَحَدُهُمْ أَمَّا أَنَا فَإِنِّي أُصَلِّي اللَّيْلَ أَبَدًا. وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَصُومُ الدَّهْرَ وَلاَ أُفْطِرُ. وَقَالَ آخَرُ أَنَا أَعْتَزِلُ النِّسَاءَ فَلاَ أَتَزَوَّجُ أَبَدًا. فَجَاءَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ " أَنْتُمُ الَّذِينَ قُلْتُمْ كَذَا وَكَذَا أَمَا وَاللَّهِ إِنِّي لأَخْشَاكُمْ لِلَّهِ وَأَتْقَاكُمْ لَهُ، لَكِنِّي أَصُومُ وَأُفْطِرُ، وَأُصَلِّي وَأَرْقُدُ وَأَتَزَوَّجُ النِّسَاءَ، فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي ".
Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 5063
In-book reference : Book 67, Hadith 1
USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 1
(deprecated numbering scheme)
There are good women and bad women. Allah gives to whoever He wills. So no good marriage happens except by His will and no bad marriage happens except by His will.
Staying celibate just for worshipping Allah is wrong. Though celibacy is permissible for some reasons.. like having no sexual desire. Then its permissible to be celibate and marriage is sunnah, but if one has problems with his sexual desire. Marriage may be obligatory, Allah knows best .
Even in Paradise no single people will be there.
How to find a pious wife? Simple put your trust in Allah, and then have some sabr.
Correct me if I am wrong
JazakAllah khair
This post is not about me, it is about Imraan and his calamity! If you have any advise to help him, please....bring it on the table! I feel bad for the man :cry: All he wanted was be a husband and a father. Amazing how such request is so hard! Hey...I just want to be a dad and a husband...why am I not having access to my daughter and why I am been terrorized and why is my mother targeted too? You know when Allah said in Qura'an in how to divorce your partner and how to leave each other...he did not just mean women only to be separated with kindness. He means men too. Men too when he divorces his wife need to have kindness when it comes separation. Otherwise this will bring negative stereotypes at either gender, will make marriage a very toxic act to do, will bring new generation of youth who do not want to get married, will open the gate of Zina, family breakup, single moms and then as it trickles down the very destruction of the very society we live in. I mean...if society DOES NOT care that when a marriage is broken up...people end up bringing the government military to destroy the opposing enemy whether it be the ex-husband or ex-wife...if this...does not bring anger in the Muslim community..then we better not open our mouth as we see our very society fall apart. We better not open our mouth when fornication be widespread, prostitution will become the norm and single mothers will be the new definition of what a family is. You cannot have it both ways. I think not only us as the community have failed...I think the big scholars and shiekhs have also failed. This need to be taught to the new generation and fast...if should a disagreement happens between the spouse and separation is a must...leave with he ihsaaan. Leave with kindness. Leave with civility. Give each their right of separation and move on as if we are strangers. If there are children around..no parent who have authority over that child should be using that child as a weapon against the opposing parent. Teach the new generation that it is ok if a divorce happens and if a woman get divorced her reputation should not be put on the mud..it may mean the man himself is not up to the bar and be responsible to handle her demands, it could be she is stronger than him and need a man that can fulfill her needs and this man is not the one for it, it could be there are incompatibility between each other...even if she had 30 divorces on her resume does not maker her an invalid wife. That is one of the jaahilya that we have in Muslim community that need to be destroyed. If a man get married and the family of that wife starts interfering in the marriage he have the full right to stop the family of his wife to come to his house in order to save the marriage. One need to understand the rights of the spouses and the responsibilities of each spouse before marriage should come in.
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xboxisdead
LOL!!! You are serious?? I erm..suggest you start reading this drama/horror novel from page 1 of the book and then come back to the last page. Page 7. Then see if you want to keep that same question or modify it.
Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother,
Keep in mind i am only 17 years old and not fully mature. Sometime I act ignorantly. No one is perfect, only Allah is Perfect Being. But if you want to criticize me anytime you like, you can also hate me, but I will never return that back, and I do not like to criticize anyone. I would only say this back "May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path" :)
May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path. Ameen
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
taha_
Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu brother,
Keep in mind i am only 17 years old and not fully mature. Sometime I act ignorantly. No one is perfect, only Allah is Perfect Being. But if you want to criticize me anytime you like, you can also hate me, but I will never return that back, and I do not like to criticize anyone. I would only say this back "May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path" :)
May Allah have mercy on you, and guide you to His straight path. Ameen
Always finding excuses for one's weaknesses stems from ego brother, it's better to just 'take it on the chin' and admit weaknesses
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brother
All right then I apologise for this. My mistakes.
Sorry, Xboxisdead.
JazakAllah khair
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RisingLight
bro,i literally havent seen a bad marriage expect from paki/desi communities or rarely some arabs......why from these?,because these communities marry smn ''from home'' or have arranged marriages.....this is the problem,people dont follow the proper way to get married and then keep complaining,marriage is not the problem,women are not the problem (mostly :D)....but really if you prepare some really good questions,sit down with the girl face to face and observe her behaviours etc,after a few weeks/months you will discover a good person who will match with you in shaa Allah,and marriage would be so happy...
but if you marry for the sake of desires,culture,reputation,tradition,arranged marriage with rishta aunty bla bla,then ofc it will have problem,im not sorry for these people
i hope you marry an amazing pious girl
Arranged marraige is the Islamic way brother, it's the UnIslamic attitude of spouses that lead to break-ups, you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse and not allow it to be a cause for divorce
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ahmed.
Arranged marraige is the Islamic way brother
That's new to me, where did this come from? I hope by an arranged marriage you mean a marriage in which parents will take a leading role in choosing a marriage partner for their son or daughter. The children still have the final decision? If that's not the case, then it has no basis in Islam.
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
HabibUrrehman
That's new to me, where did this come from? I hope by an arranged marriage you mean a marriage in which parents will take a leading role in choosing a marriage partner for their son or daughter. The children still have the final decision? If that's not the case, then it has no basis in Islam.
Ofcourse the children have the final say but this final say isn't based on multiple chat meetings with their potential spouse..... The bride and groom do get to see one another in the present of a 3rd person, some conversation may be held but that's exactly what happens in all or most arranged marraige, but as that isn't anywhere near enough to 'get to know' one another good and proper, they both largely put their trust in their parents choice
There is one famous story from the past where a wali Allah had an arranged marraige.... He didn't even get to see his bride-to be and when he saw her after the marraige, he saw she was a black African woman (and maybe not a pretty face either) and he exclaimed 'oh Allah! Is this is what you kept for me in my destiny!', and his bride said, 'I see we're both going to janna' , he said 'how', she replied, 'we both continue to do our worship..... And you be patient with me', he replied 'good idea!'
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ahmed.
Of course the children have the final say but this final say isn't based on multiple chat meetings with their potential spouse..... The bride and groom do get to see one another in the present of a 3rd person, some conversation may be held but that's exactly what happens in all or most arranged marraige, but as that isn't anywhere near enough to 'get to know' one another good and proper, they both largely put their trust in their parents choice
Okay, I thought you meant a typical forced marriage where boy or girl's consent is not even considered. I agree that boy and girl shall not meet without the presence of third person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ahmed.
There is one famous story from the past where a wali Allah had an arranged marraige.... He didn't even get to see his bride-to be and when he saw her after the marraige, he saw she was a black African woman (and maybe not a pretty face either) and he exclaimed 'oh Allah! Is this is what you kept for me in my destiny!', and his bride said, 'I see we're both going to janna' , he said 'how', she replied, 'we both continue to do our worship..... And you be patient with me', he replied 'good idea!'
Not an Islamic way I would think, Islam encourages you to see your future wife or husband.
By the way mine was then an arranged marriage. I met my wife only few hours before the Nikkah in the presence of her parents. I had put my trust in Allah and asked Him to bless me with a pious wife. It has been 12 years now and I could not ask for a better wife, Alhamdulillah.
Allah hu Akbar Kabira, Walhamdulillah he Kaseera, Subhanallah he Bukrataon Waseela
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ahmed.
Arranged marraige is the Islamic way brother, it's the UnIslamic attitude of spouses that lead to break-ups, you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse and not allow it to be a cause for divorce
i dont think it is islamic way...to me its like a gamble...islam makes sense,this makes no sense (no offense to the couples who got arranged married)...your parents choosing a spouse for you?...how do they know that you will fit with him/her?...they are not you,they dont think like you,your personality and hers may not match at all....why would you risk ending up with someone you have to be patient all the time with,when you can try to find one that you would love to be in her presence?..
*you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse*?...exactly why you should meet and make the right questions,so you can know if you can be patient with her or not,you might discover that she is unbareable,imagine if you let your parents choose and they chose her for you
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Uuuh....guys...what about the OP? - blinks -
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xboxisdead
Uuuh....guys...what about the OP? - blinks -
Remember me and my family in your prayers all of you, seriously please, I dont want another person going through what I did and I want all this to stop at least, getting justice would be better, these people that we are dealing with think they can do all that and get away with it, they deserve to be given an excessive portion of punishment and I want it to come from Al Hakam, Al Adl.... for his wrath is most powerful.
Insh Allah
Ameen
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Re: My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightma
Your a good man brother, and inshallah Allah will give you justice and save you. Just keep holding on and Allah will give you only the best. May allah bless you with best brother. We love you for the sake of Allah
