My father is showing signs of depression and I’m trying to help him out with it by encouraging him to see a professional. A lot of his problems stem from his divorce which is where my problem arises.
I have developed borderline personality disorder and depression and I’ve been in and out of hospital for it for the past year and my condition has got a lot to do with my father and mother reacting badly to the divorce. Talking to my father about these things is very hard and I have suicidal thoughts and desires to abuse substances and medical professionals have told my father and mother not to burden me with their financial/divorce issues as it makes my condition worse but I don’t want to leave my father suffering.
I’ve asked him to speak to a GP about his condition and then sort out therapy from there. Should I still speak to him about these matters? Or leave it to the therapist?
Are there any elders in your family who can console your father? Anyone in the family or community? It is better if you try and get someone you trust to guide and comfort your father. In 'normal' circumstances i would encourage you to do this but if you are suffering with your own mental issues then this is not a good idea. In the meantime get help for yourself as well. Try and get in touch with the local imam or an imam you trust or any religious person to regularly check up on you. Go out for walks or join a gym to release any stress you may have. Recite the Quraan Sharif on a daily basis. Keep yourself busy and give yourself a project to focus on.
If possible i would strongly suggest not to take any medication unless you absolutely need to. I am not a medic but natutal medicine is better for you insha Allah. Eat healthy good food. Look after yourself as best as you can.
May Allah swt help you, your dad, mum and the rest of your family Ameen.
Last edited by BeTheChange; 11-04-2018 at 03:16 PM.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
Truly sorry about parents divorce. May Allah make it easy for them and yourself. Ameen.
It would be a natural phase during and after a divorce for couples to be depressed, as well as, for children. By accepting that parents' depression, anger and possible frustration are the result of affairs unfolding can better help in navigating present and future relationships. Negative emotions would gradually dissipate over time. Whilst there is no quick fix and although, as a child, you are expected to give some support, parents would realize that this too would have certain limitations. Embrace the fact, for a period of time, you are in for a bumpy ride.
During this time, whilst guiding them to obtaining counseling may be a good idea to move on, the very act of moving on is what ought to be reminded. Divorce has already taken place, as many divorces in this world have also occurred, whilst that relationship is over, the most important relationship with our creator will ALWAYS be the never-ending one.
It is what ought to be focused upon moreso in order that wisdom by deep reflection is attained from a failed relationship.
"And when they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish the testimony for [the acceptance of] Allah . That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out.
And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent."
-Quran 65:3-4
Thus, neither should support nor encouragement of any type of unjust speech or targeted actions towards any party. The aim should be supportive and strengthening towards Islamic belief for both self and parents, whilst being as neutral as possible (unless a clear known injustice is given). However showing that they are each respected and cared for, as the highest respect is shown towards parents in Islam and since kindness towards others are a great source of blessings. So, in this way a perspective can be created to use this means as a form of attaining good deeds for yourself and not to be viewed as an overwhelming negative affair. By creating good and positive thoughts, then perhaps by His mercy Allah can replace turmoil with peace.
Encourage goodness and productive ventures such as reciting the Quran, praying Qiyam-ul-Layl, volunteering, Islamic classes, fasting, physical fitness, pursuing various hobbies or interests, careers etc. Then eventually, as time allows, moving on towards possibly new relationships. Do the same for yourself, take care of your well-being as a priority. (even if there is a need to talk with someone or write here/ on the forum).
It was also narrated from Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“O Allah , nothing is easy but that which You make easy and You can make hardship easy if You will.”
اللهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلا مَا جَعَلتَهُ سَهْلا وَ أنتَ تَجْعَلُ الحزْنَ إذا شِئْتَ سَهْلا
Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’altahu sahla, wa ‘anta taj-alul hazna idha shi’ta sahla
[Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, 3/255; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2886.]
Please try not to let this shake your emaan or disturb your health. Perform extra good deeds, salaah, fasting and reciting the Quran whilst seeking Allah's Divine Help and Mercy.
Please also recite the duas for nur (light) and protection (dajjal & trials of world & grave). Check the link at my signature.
Last edited by HisServant; 11-04-2018 at 03:58 PM.
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