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  1. #1
    Stoic's Avatar
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    How to deal with a wife that's mean?

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    Sallams. In beginning of marriage it was all good and nice till my wife revealed her true colors and she turned out to be an impatient and mean person. She would get mad and irritated and agitated very quickly. Ironic her name is means patient but she is total opposite. She didnt have a good past and upbringing I'm sure that's the cause. I'm total opposite as I'm known as a very nice and kind person and ahe even acknowledges it. How did we even end up with each other? And we a have a toddler together and she keeps saying I'm better off without her but I don't wanna ruin my son situation by not having both parents...

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with a wife that's mean?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic View Post
    Sallams. In beginning of marriage it was all good and nice till my wife revealed her true colors and she turned out to be an impatient and mean person. She would get mad and irritated and agitated very quickly. Ironic her name is means patient but she is total opposite. She didnt have a good past and upbringing I'm sure that's the cause. I'm total opposite as I'm known as a very nice and kind person and ahe even acknowledges it. How did we even end up with each other? And we a have a toddler together and she keeps saying I'm better off without her but I don't wanna ruin my son situation by not having both parents...
    I know a place where you can ask this question and get it from actual scholars and gives correct answer than here. Post your question at https://islamqa.info/en

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with a wife that's mean?

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9610...t-should-he-do

    His wife reviles him and insults him. What should he do?
    96103

    Publication : 29-04-2007

    Views : 66101

    Aa
    Question
    There is a very ill mannered wife who slanders and insults her husband. He has warned her more than once, but she insists on insulting him. He cannot tolerate this but he has a daughter, and he fears for his daughter if he divorces his wife. What should he do?
    Answer

    Praise be to Allah.
    If the wife insults and reviles her husband, then he must advise her and warn her, and explain to her that her bad talk incurs sin, especially since the husband is the most deserving of people of her respect and good treatment, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have told women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that Allah has given them over them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1159); classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

    You should follow with her the method that Allah has mentioned in His Book, of admonishing, forsaking in bed and hitting in a way that does not cause injury. If none of that is successful, then you should seek help in advising her from a righteous person in her family, so as to preserve the family and take care of the rights of the children, if there are any.

    Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful and in a manner that does not cause any physical pain or leave marks); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great”

    [al-Nisa 4:34]

    Among the admonishment that you may use with her is telling her of the sin that she is committing by disobeying her husband, and the great reward that she will attain if she obeys him.

    You should also explain to her the harm that will be suffered by her, her husband and her daughter in the event of a divorce or if she continues to behave in this manner.

    If the wife responds and is affected by this admonition, and she gives up this bad behaviour, then this is what is wanted. If she persists in her evil ways and foolishness, then there is no blame on the husband if he divorces her.

    The scholars have stated that divorce may be permissible if it is needed because of the wife’s bad attitude and bad conduct, and if he is harmed by that and the purpose of marriage is not being achieved.

    Al-Mughni (10/324).

    What you have mentioned about being afraid for your daughter if you separate is something that should be taken into account. If you are afraid that you will not be able to bring her up, or that the girl will be harmed because of this divorce, then you should weigh up the two evils, that of staying with a woman whose attitude is bad and who is mistreating you, and that of what might happen to your daughter after a divorce. One of the basic principles of sharee’ah is doing the lesser of two evils in order to ward off the greater.

    You should pray istikharah, asking Allaah for guidance, before making your decision, and you should strive for reconciliation if possible. If that is not possible then strive to protect your daughter and get custody of her, and do not leave her for this woman to raise her with her attitude.

    We advise you to pray to Allah and always fear Him, for Allah has promised provision and a way out to the pious who always fear Him. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

    3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things”

    [al-Talaq 65:2-3]

    We also advise you to repent to Allah from all sins, for the wife’s bad attitude may be a punishment for sins that one has committed, as it was narrated that al-Fudayl ibn ‘Iyad (may Allah have mercy on him) said: I disobey Allah then I see that in the attitude of my mount or my wife.

    We ask Allah to set our affairs and the affairs of the Muslims straight.

    And Allah knows best.

  5. #4
    Studentofdeed's Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with a wife that's mean?

    Here are some rules that will help.
    1. Set boundaries. You need to set boundaries and tell her that she is muslim and should not misbehave
    2. If it gets worse then involve parents. Maybe your parents or her parents may be able to intervene
    3. Try couple therapy: it may be seen as a joke but sadly couples cant talk to eachr other. Maybe this might help and save the marriage
    4. Try to take time off and spend together, maybe you both need to enjoy together and travel. Do umrah or hajj together and learn about islam. Maybe with knowledge she might grow better.
    5. Communication is must: acknowledge her for the good she does and maybe that might improve her attitude. Ask her what you can do to improve and make her happy. Tell her that you care and are genuinely trying. Tell her also what makes you happy and what you would like to see in her.
    6. Dua: make lots of dua and inshallah allah will make it easy.

    May allah make it easy for you brother
    | Likes Ahmed. liked this post

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    Umm Abed's Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with a wife that's mean?

    Wassalam.

    Ask her to explain the reason for her obnoxiousness.

    Take it step by step, and deal with it accordingly.

    Communication is very important.

    Let us know how it goes.
    How to deal with a wife that's mean?

    May the Qur'an intercede for us and be a means of our Jannah. Ameen.

  8. #6
    muslimslife's Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with a wife that's mean?

    W salam!
    First of all I would like to thanks you for asking this question because most of people hesitate to ask questions like this.
    I would like to share with you a Islamic perspective on how to behave or act with your wife.
    There is Hadith on marriage couples which is informative for newly married couples and for those who are going to be married.

    How to Make Marriage Decision? - Muslims-life.net
    We came across a story where a brother in Turkey was in need of immediate relationship advice. The brother had met a potential spouse from a good backgroun...

  9. #7
    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: How to deal with a wife that's mean?

    Bruv, be ready to leave if you must as it seems to me that she may like moving on from relationship to relationship. Maybe her unreasonable anger is designed to make you leave?

    One should always think twice before marrying a woman with troubled past because a troubled person is unlikely to change ...


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