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  1. #1
    Confusedperson's Avatar
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    Emotionally Confused

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    Asalam alaikum everyone,

    This is my first time posting here. I am just vert emotionally confused about a matter and I do have friends who listen and support but we are all young and going through similar things. Having a more mature and experienced point of view may help me.

    I am twenty years old. I started university last year and a few weeks into it, I met a boy. Don't worry this story is well above board. I don't feel very comfortable around boys in general because usually kids around me interact so easily and I haven't been raised that way. And after thinking about it, I realized I didn't want to be that familiar with them either way. I go to an art university so it is hard sometimes but I try to keep myself and my art away from anything that's restricted.

    To give you a brief introduction, the boy is very nice. He prays, cares about his family, is modest yet enthusiastic about his work. He's very good at making other people feel better and generally, a good person. This is mostly observations since now we are in the same class and we have a mutual friend group but unless other people are there, we never talk or hang out. Not even via text.

    This is embarrassing to write but I felt i guess the word would be connected? to how he thinks and what he wants to achieve. The first thing I heard him say was how he wanted to use his design skills and help people. Our university isn't just fine arts, it offers a lot of design courses that are practical and functional. After that initial meeting, our friend group formed.

    A whole year passed. During this time, I told myself that if I still felt this way after graduation, I would find the courage to talk to my parents. Being in a relationship wasn't what I wanted either way. I thought in 4 years we would know each other well enough for me to take a proper decision at graduation.

    During this time, we were in different classes. At the end of the year, we would shift into different departments. I really started liking his personality. I have never felt so strongly about someone. I was so surprised because we never hung out alone or again texted or anything. It was all because of how he stayed to help a friend who started crying because of a matter, or how he would get very excited at a board game or how he really liked learning new things. This was all very limited interaction so I allowed myself to feel my emotions. I started thinking maybe this is whom Allah has decided to bless ne with. A kind, nice person who also respected a boundary of decency unlike much of our peers.

    At the end of the year, we had a university trip. I found out he actually has a girlfriend. I was very confused but my friends told me he is just very quiet about it or something. I let it go. It was upsetting but atleast I didn't make any wrong decisions.

    I still feel strongly about it sometimes though. During ramzan, I prayed that Allah would take the feelings away because if he isn't the person I'm supposed to be with, I didn't want the emotions. I felt quite sad too, idk why but I was so sure that Allah had made our paths meet.

    I don't really know how else to get rid of this. We do not talk. Online classes has taken away any limited interaction. We never texted or anything either. On our class groups, he never replies either so no interaction except he likes my artwork on instagram but never comments so again it's been a few months of zeroo interaction.

    I guess idk I was disappointed at thinking it was him. Idk how to not feel this way and I was hoping for some advice.

    Thankyou to everyone who may reply or read.

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    Confusedperson's Avatar
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    Re: Emotionally Confused

    I forgot to add. After our year ended, I felt quite glad we were gonna be in different departments. However, he changed his department due to academic reasons and is now in my class again. I was distancing myself as much as possible but it seems he keeps appearing everywhere.

  4. #3
    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: Emotionally Confused

    Assalamu Alaikum

    Well, this is what happens when you fantasize and overthink. You just gotta get over it really. Don't look for signs when there aren't any, you just happened to connect to this person and immediately felt attracted, and I think that's the problem. It's one-sided, and it's probably disappointing to find out that it always was. He might just be an open friendly person to everyone, including you. If a guy is interested romantically, trust me they will let you know. It wouldn't take 4 years to find out.

    There's nothing more you can do really, but to put your emotions on the side and look at the hard facts. You'll get over it eventually.
    | Likes BeTheChange, muslimah__ liked this post
    Emotionally Confused

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

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    Re: Emotionally Confused

    Walekumassalam
    Don't worry so much about it sister. It's something very natural and will go away soon. There's nothing you can do except avoiding him and being patient. This is just a mere infatuation and we can't compare it with the love, which happens only after nikah. It will always be a desire before marriage. No need to stress out too much, it can happen to anyone, it came naturally and will go away naturally. I am sure you blush as soon as you get a 'like' from him, so better is to remove him from your 'follower' and 'following' list. And sister how are your friends in nature?Do they talk about boys? If yes, then its time to change the companionship.It's one of the reasons why a person falls so fast for the other person. I myself gave up friendship with my best friend due to this very reason. She was always on course about her crushes and all. At last, lower your gaze. If you won't, you'll get a new crush every other day.
    Telling from personal experience,it will take time, maximum 1half year,minimum 1 month or less, BUT it will fade away.
    | Likes Supernova, muslimah__ liked this post

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    BeTheChange's Avatar
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    Re: Emotionally Confused

    Walaikumasalaam

    Agree with sister Charisma. You're very young. You're still understanding and learning about yourself never mind understanding men. Stop allowing shaytaan to manipulate your desires and nafs. Also as women we overthink too much!! Spend your time being productive and recite zikar.

    Don't waste your youth. Learn, grow and develop yourself physically, spiritually etc.
    | Likes muslimah__, bint e aisha liked this post
    Emotionally Confused

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
    Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.

  8. #6
    Supernova's Avatar
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    Re: Emotionally Confused

    Quote Originally Posted by Confusedperson View Post
    Asalam alaikum everyone,

    This is my first time posting here. I am just vert emotionally confused about a matter and I do have friends who listen and support but we are all young and going through similar things. Having a more mature and experienced point of view may help me.

    I am twenty years old. I started university last year and a few weeks into it, I met a boy. Don't worry this story is well above board. I don't feel very comfortable around boys in general because usually kids around me interact so easily and I haven't been raised that way. And after thinking about it, I realized I didn't want to be that familiar with them either way. I go to an art university so it is hard sometimes but I try to keep myself and my art away from anything that's restricted.

    To give you a brief introduction, the boy is very nice. He prays, cares about his family, is modest yet enthusiastic about his work. He's very good at making other people feel better and generally, a good person. This is mostly observations since now we are in the same class and we have a mutual friend group but unless other people are there, we never talk or hang out. Not even via text.

    This is embarrassing to write but I felt i guess the word would be connected? to how he thinks and what he wants to achieve. The first thing I heard him say was how he wanted to use his design skills and help people. Our university isn't just fine arts, it offers a lot of design courses that are practical and functional. After that initial meeting, our friend group formed.

    A whole year passed. During this time, I told myself that if I still felt this way after graduation, I would find the courage to talk to my parents. Being in a relationship wasn't what I wanted either way. I thought in 4 years we would know each other well enough for me to take a proper decision at graduation.

    During this time, we were in different classes. At the end of the year, we would shift into different departments. I really started liking his personality. I have never felt so strongly about someone. I was so surprised because we never hung out alone or again texted or anything. It was all because of how he stayed to help a friend who started crying because of a matter, or how he would get very excited at a board game or how he really liked learning new things. This was all very limited interaction so I allowed myself to feel my emotions. I started thinking maybe this is whom Allah has decided to bless ne with. A kind, nice person who also respected a boundary of decency unlike much of our peers.

    At the end of the year, we had a university trip. I found out he actually has a girlfriend. I was very confused but my friends told me he is just very quiet about it or something. I let it go. It was upsetting but atleast I didn't make any wrong decisions.

    I still feel strongly about it sometimes though. During ramzan, I prayed that Allah would take the feelings away because if he isn't the person I'm supposed to be with, I didn't want the emotions. I felt quite sad too, idk why but I was so sure that Allah had made our paths meet.

    I don't really know how else to get rid of this. We do not talk. Online classes has taken away any limited interaction. We never texted or anything either. On our class groups, he never replies either so no interaction except he likes my artwork on instagram but never comments so again it's been a few months of zeroo interaction.

    I guess idk I was disappointed at thinking it was him. Idk how to not feel this way and I was hoping for some advice.

    Thankyou to everyone who may reply or read.
    Asalaamualaykum:

    Some matters of the heart are very difficult to control. On that note, I personally think you did well on not acting out upon those feelings.

    Time will be a key in a healing process - Just be positive and remember you never act upon those feelings and remain positive.

    All said and done - you have done well. One day at a time. Baby Steps.
    | Likes Studentofdeed, Imraan, medico liked this post
    Emotionally Confused

    Dark Side Of The Moon

  9. #7
    Alpha Dude's Avatar
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    Re: Emotionally Confused

    The way you have described in your post it comes across as though you have this notion of finding 'the one' that you will 'live happily ever after with' and this guy you felt as though was the one you were 'destined to be with'.

    Try not to think in such a manner. I know as a young person this kind of thought process is quite common but it does not reflect the reality of married life.

    I think what you feel is just a crush, of sorts. A fleeting attachment. Now that you know he has a girlfriend, you should drop this thought from your mind.

  10. #8
    BeTheChange's Avatar
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    Re: Emotionally Confused

    Asalamualykum

    It took me a while to find this video but Alhamdulilah i managed to find it. Please watch

    | Likes bint e aisha liked this post
    Emotionally Confused

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
    Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.


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