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Thread: family dilemma

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    family dilemma

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    ٱلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ

    i have family dilemma, my sister wants to marry a guy, family checked him out, didnt like his background and rejected him, this happened two times and my dad is very angry

    my sister still wants to go ahead (saying she doesnt need her dad to marry) and my dad is saying stuff like, dont come back here if you marry him, my sister replied 'ok she wont'

    what should she do

    marry the guy she wants and take the hit of being disowned
    or
    maintain ties with her existing family?

    too late for guidance now, me thinks heart is doing the talking
    family dilemma

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    Islami.Mu'mina's Avatar
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    Re: family dilemma

    She should maintain ties with her family... Your dad shouldn't be talking like that but she shouldn't have to sacrifice one for the other. Whats happened as of now, is your sister going to still marry him?

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    wa alaykum assalam warahmatullahi wa barakatu

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    Re: family dilemma

    She should not be disowned. If a person wishes to marry someone that may not be good sure thats bad and but she shouldn't be disowned. It's not a sin but a poor choice. Boycotting and disowning is haram. If Godforbid something happens she may need support. This is where your test comes in and Allah will want to see if you will let your ego come in and say I told you so or support your sister.

    It is hard indeed but at this point you have to leave it in Allah's hands and ask the sister to pray istikhara. I will keep you in my duas

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    A person is only disowned of they do something haram...like marrying a kuffar or something
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    Re: family dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Islami.mu'min View Post
    She should maintain ties with her family... Your dad shouldn't be talking like that but she shouldn't have to sacrifice one for the other. Whats happened as of now, is your sister going to still marry him?

    - - - Updated - - -

    wa alaykum assalam warahmatullahi wa barakatu
    ive tried my bestest to persuade her not to, told her about a decision like this should involve all family members, it should be unanimous, all or nothing else will make existing family to split/dis-unite,

    forces of the heart are too strong, so it is only a waiting game.

    when you are absoloutly desperate to get married and you think you've found the one and you think this guy is the last man on the planet and you thinik theres no one better out there and you are fed up of looking , what are the chances of someone doing a u-turn on it,

    got a feeling my sister will go through some purification, her life will be turned upside down, she will learn a great deal of wisdom from it, however there may be children in the end who will endure the suffering...
    family dilemma

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    Re: family dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    She should not be disowned. If a person wishes to marry someone that may not be good sure thats bad and but she shouldn't be disowned. It's not a sin but a poor choice. Boycotting and disowning is haram. If Godforbid something happens she may need support. This is where your test comes in and Allah will want to see if you will let your ego come in and say I told you so or support your sister.

    It is hard indeed but at this point you have to leave it in Allah's hands and ask the sister to pray istikhara. I will keep you in my duas

    - - - Updated - - -

    A person is only disowned of they do something haram...like marrying a kuffar or something
    if she does go ahead with it, wil bring ill feeling within the family, she won't be truly welcomed to visit because she disagreed with an elder who was only looking in her best interest, reasons for rejection were valid.... 100%

    my fathers going to be heartbroken ... and all the siblings along with him too....
    family dilemma

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    Re: family dilemma

    if she does go ahead with it, wil bring ill feeling within the family, she won't be truly welcomed to visit because she disagreed with an elder who was only looking in her best interest, reasons for rejection were valid.... 100%

    my fathers going to be heartbroken ... and all the siblings along with him too...
    Have you guys brought this to an imam? Your dad shouldnt even cut off his ties with her this is a grave sin. What were his reasons for not wanting her to marry him?

    She should take heed of her father's advice if it is good and she will be responsible for the husband she gets, but your father should never abandon her! This is selfish and haram! It sounds like his arrogance is getting to him.

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    You need to advise both your sister AND father. Take this to an imam

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    Re: family dilemma

    Getting married is half of one's deen for a reason. The purpose of marrying is to bring families and communities together for the sake of Islam and to build a stronger nation, among other things. I feel like that's a been a lost concept for a long time. Obviously getting married in this situation will do neither. Then again, it could just be your dad being like a lot of dads out there who think the potential is not good enough (ie. an excuse due to fear of being separated from his daughter?). I've seen a couple situations similar to that. Not necessarily an objective "no!", but the dad had mixed feelings about the guy and once the marriage took place, about a year into the marriage was when the father and the husband began to start really having a great and respectful relationship.

    No one here knows the situation fully, so this is probably not the best place for a yes, no, right, wrong type of answer. If this is marriage out of desperation though, that's never a good thing.


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