I know that it is haram to talk to your opposite gender cousins since they are nonmahrams, but is it ok under some circumstances??
I was going to ask this in another thread but for the respect of the brother that had created it, I did not want to ruin it.
so here is my situation:
My cousins and I are very close, close as in a way with my own siblings- nothing more. We have grown up together in the same building and share many memories of childhood. We always help eachother out and we take eachothers advice etc.
I am older than most of them and the ones that are older than me, I do not communicate with them because of the fact I do not know them and it would feel wierd to get to know them which i dont want to do since i wont have the same relationship as I do with my younger cousins and then it would become haram.
The cousins that i do speak with some are male, but when we all hang out and stuff its always with me, my brother, sisters, male cousins and their sisters...
None of us have any wierd "feelings" toward eachother because we are like blood brothers and sisters. We would never think of eachother in that way. And although it is permissible to marry someone that is younger than you in Islam, I can never think about marrying a cousin or especially one that is younger than me and are an exact copy of my brother lol... other than that if i ever did have any feelings toward any of them, i definately would not talk to them..
I want to please Allah more than anything and if i have to I will quit speaking to my younger cousins ill do what i am supposed to do by the will of Islam and guidance of Allah inshallah
Also is it permissible to talk to them when my own brother is around plus their sisters and my own parents who wouldnt have any objections at all unless it was one of my male cousins and i were completely alone, and usually if that is the case one of us leaves since usually my male cousins hang out with my bro more and they would come to see him ofcoarse it would feel awkward to be in the same room when there is no reason for us to be.
I was just thinking the other day that with all of us we could do some Islamic things..some of them dont know how to pray and i could teach them all together and on Fridays we can go to the masjid and pray..you know beneficial stuff like that. We are alway stressed out with homework, school and what nots I would like us to conversate about something beneficial that they can take with them to the akhira inshallah.
so what do i do, is what im doing at the moment haram??
Please give me some evidence and not just advice because i am doing this to please Allah not for the morality of the matter ...and plz keep in mind that I will read every response and take this to heart so dont act like im committing the largest sin of the book or something..i am asking for GUIDANCE not insults. Whatever i have done wrong May Allah forgive me for it as i did not know..
Lol they are on both sides, i mean the ones i am close to most of them are on my mom's side but those are really young i mean i practically helped raise some of them, changed their diapers, baby sat them and so on , but then i also have cousins who are on both sides because their mom is my mom's sister and their dad is my dad's brother..
and i dont know if they have been through puberty yet, i dont even know if my own brother has been through puberty, i mean hes taller than me growin a lil mustache but his voice didnt change his shoulders are a lil wider and btw they are like 14 yrs of age...so i dunno*and i dont wanna know* but just in case they have even if they havent im going to consider them as being nonmahrams since they will be soon inshallah.
You cannot sit alone with them. However this does not mean you have to be rude to them or ignore them in anyway. We have to have wisdom in regards to dealing with issues.
SO I HAVE A QUESTION. since we are not suppose to talk to our cousins. are we not suppose to talk in any way to males eaither? i mean get advis islamicly? Ask about there family as long as the intention is just chit chat. see how the person is? and are the rules of speaking to a man or cousin diffrent when your on the computer? iam sorry for my ignorents. but i dont sit there had have 1/2 an hour chat or longer with the oppsit sex, but if i see a brother i know on the computer really (cus there is no brothers in my area) i say salam walakum, and how are you and your family alhamduillah good , good. and that is about it. is that ok? iam confused LOL .
Salam walakum
rena
as youngsters we are close with our cousins and for some of us that closeness comes to an end around puberty or there-after. Those of us who maintain close relationships with cousins do so because " we are like brothers and sisters". However this does not change the reality that each is non mahram. Now consider this, boy and girl get married and alhumdolillah the marriage is great. Now imagine a female/male cousin comes to visit you and your husband/wife, and in their family they have "embrassing and kissing" that they consider part of normal family relations. you see your husband/wife and this women/man kissing and embrassing in your house! and they say we think of each other as bro and sister! Sure maybe they really do but the reality remains the same, they are NON MAHRAM.
i dont understand ekhi..are u saying if i were to get married, and then my cousin came over and he wud kiss me i would think its alright cuz we are cousins?? or like bro and sis??
in confused
can u clearify what u meant inshallah?
Any woman with whom a man has a relationship (of blood or fosterage) that precludes marriage, is considered a Mahram to him.
Mahram women include his mother, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, grandaunt, niece, grandniece, his father's wife, his wife's daughter, his mother-in-law, his foster mother (the one who nursed him), foster sisters, and any foster relatives that are similar to the above mentioned blood relatives as the Prophet (SAW) said, "What is forbidden by reason of kindship is forbidden by reason of suckling." (Al-Bukhari)
These are considered Maharim because Allah (SWT) mentioned them in the Holy Qur'an: "And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way. Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have go in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (An-Nisa 4:22-23)
All the man's female relatives mentioned in these two verses are considered his Maharim, because it is unlawful (haram) for him to marry them, except the wife's sister mentioned last, who is not a Mahram because he can marry her if he divorces her sister, or if she dies. Reciprocally, if a woman is a Mahram to a man, such as her brother, her father, her uncle, etc. then he is a Mahram to her. All other relatives are considered non-Maharim and they fall under the category of strangers to her, except one's wife or husband who is also called Mahram.
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss.(24:31)
SOME AHAADITH ON PARDAH
1. When a woman applies perfume and passes by a gathering of men, she is like this and this (like an adulterer)
2. The gaze (at a ghair(non) mahram) is a poisonous arrow from among the arrows of Iblis. He who restrains (his staring gaze) for fear of me. I shall exchange it for such solid Imaan, the sweetness of which he will experience in his heart.
3. 'A Dayooth will not enter Jannah.' The Sahabah asked, 'Who is a Dayooth?' Rasoolullah e said, 'A man who does not care who visits his wife (i.e. men).'
4. Every eye is a fornicator.
5. The zina of the hands is to touch (a ghair mahram).
6. It is better that a steel rod be plunged into your head than you touch a woman who is not lawful for you.
7. When a man is alone with a woman, the third one present is Shaitan.
8. Beware of visiting women (who are unlawful for you).
9. Women should not speak with men, except with a mahram.
10. It is not lawful for a woman who believes in Allah and the last day to allow anyone entry into her husbands home except with his permission. She should not go out of the house against his wishes. Nor should she obey anyone without his regard.
11. Women may not emerge (from their homes) except when compelled to (by circumstances). (Tabrani)
12. A women is a object of concealment, thus when she emerges, Satan surreptitiously pursues her (and lays in wait to create his fitna for immorality).
13. Allah curses the one who looks (at females) and the one to whom the look was directed.
14. Beware of mingling with women. A man from the Ansaar asked, "What do you, O’ prophet of Allah say about the brother-in-law?" The Holy Prophet replied, "A brother in law is death." (I.e. intermingling with him is worse than death).
re; Charisma: It happened to a friend of mine. My friends wifes family is very touchy feely and at first he let it slide based on the " but we are like bro and sis" . But he became jealous and had to advise his wife and her cousin that it was not appropriate in the eyes of Allah, and that it also made him uncomfortable.They fought much over this issue. He consulted the local Imam regards the situation and he advised him as to who actually are mohram. Cousins are not. Just because a behaviour is normal for some doesnt mean others have to accept especially when the knowledgable people advise us away from this closeness of relationship between cousins. I know it might have been hard to keep track with my point as I am trying my best I pray Allah forgives my shortcomings. Point is it can cause a lot of strife to do something against what we know Allah wants for us.
Volumn 003, Book 034, Hadith Number 267.
-----------------------------------------
Narated By An-Nu'man bin Bashir : The Prophet said "Both legal and illegal things are obvious, and in between them are (suspicious) doubtful matters. So who-ever forsakes those doubtful things lest he may commit a sin, will definitely avoid what is clearly illegal; and who-ever indulges in these (suspicious) doubtful things bravely, is likely to commit what is clearly illegal. Sins are Allah's Hima (i.e. private pasture) and whoever pastures (his sheep) near it, is likely to get in it at any moment."
jazak Allah khair bro cldnite for that info, i knew most of it...
and bro jawanazam, my cousins never ever ever ever go that far..we dont even touch hands, let alone have him kiss me thats ewww no way!!
never..
my specific question was that is it ok IF my parents are present, both of my parents dont mind and neither do theirs they all know its never like that and its never gone that far, u know like with any of that, and we never stare at eachother our gazes are always lowered..but if its haraam its haraam, i hear and i obey inshallah
I want to remind everyone and myself to speak with correct knowldge of Quran, authentic Hadith/Sunnah and the consensus of the Scholors.
What Allaah has enjoined on women is to conceal their whole bodies from non-mahrams, including the face and hands. The clothing should be loose and not show the shape of any part of the body, and it should not provoke desire.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It is permissible for a woman to sit with her husband’s brother or cousins etc., so long as she is wearing proper Islamic hijab, covering her face, hair and all of her body, because she is ‘awrah and a source of temptation, and so long as there is nothing suspect about this sitting with them, and she is not sitting alone with any one of them.
With regard to sitting alone with one of them, or in a suspicious manner, that is not permissible.
It is more important that a woman should observe hijab in front of her husband’s relatives such as his brothers, because the husband’s relatives can enter upon her and sit with her without anyone denouncing that, then that may lead to regrettable consequences. See question no. 12837.
See Fataawa al-Mar’ah Jam’a al-Musnad, p. 157.
I chat all the time with my cousin bro's and sis's. Granted the oldest is 14. See, being pakistani's we live closely (like on the same street closely ) -so i'm kinda in the same situation as the sister who started the thread in that i've grown up with my cousins an stuff.
But that doesnt mean i'm gonna get married to them - oh hell no...for two reasons: 1)the age difference is flippin' huge and 2) why the heck would I marry my cousins anyway? I see/talk to them almost every day as it is. if anything i'm tryin to get away from them .
Someone said to the Prophet, "Pray to God against the idolaters and curse them." The Prophet replied, "I have been sent to show mercy and have not been sent to curse." (Muslim)
many of your posts helped me figure out what it is i needed to do, so barak allah feekum for helping point them out.
But its important to remember that you say the boys are getting mature (baligh) now, and they are growing moustaches, their shoulders are broadening etc. So because these are signs of maturity, and signs that they are growing up from being small kids - to young men, then it may not be permissible to talk to them the same way you did a few years back.
This is because you say that you dont have any feelings for them, but you have to ask yourself - now their growing up and maturing, whats stopping them from gaining them feelings? You cant control their feelings, and because their losing their innocence, you cant control their feelings - hence the best way is to avoid them because they are non mahrams to you now.
yes jazak Allah khair, i had realized that and inshallah im gonna have to keep that in mind, i have a feeling their personalities are going to change cuz i see that in my own brother now a days, hes becoming more serious instead of childish or what not.. so yea i have to remember that as well inshallah.
Alhemdulilah i havent crossed the boundries of Islam with any of my cousins, but its good to know a lot of this information for the upcoming future when i probably will need it most.
SO I HAVE A QUESTION. since we are not suppose to talk to our cousins. are we not suppose to talk in any way to males eaither? i mean get advis islamicly? Ask about there family as long as the intention is just chit chat. see how the person is? and are the rules of speaking to a man or cousin diffrent when your on the computer? iam sorry for my ignorents. but i dont sit there had have 1/2 an hour chat or longer with the oppsit sex, but if i see a brother i know on the computer really (cus there is no brothers in my area) i say salam walakum, and how are you and your family alhamduillah good , good. and that is about it. is that ok? iam confused LOL .
Salam walakum
rena
i use to go to a language school in egypt. anyways there was lot of free mixing and lots of girls running around that had crushes on boys and vice versa. Anyways there was this teacher that taught islam and quran to us once a week and lol it was he also took the liberty of stopping this from happening. girls and boys literally use to run from him.i asked him once why he didn't allow it, at that time i use to think it was normal. But mashallah i'm much wiser to knw it isn't, his reply to my question was unless its necessary and involves religion. I.e there is no female to give you fatwa then its ok for a male (scholar of course) to do it. alos in places where you work you cannot help it or at school when you have been grouped up with the opposite gender. About family i really i am not sure, i'm also in the same boat as you are. I think there should be someone else there you are not alone like the other sisters have mentioned for shaytaan can be the third party.
i myself would like to ask if family gatherings allowed? that involves free mixing.
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) -so i'm kinda in the same situation as the sister who started the thread in that i've grown up with my cousins an stuff.
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