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Maryam
03-15-2005, 09:11 PM
:sl:
Found this and have a good read :D

How to Make your Wife Happy


To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam
in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of
Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The
books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar,
who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in
Saudi Arabia. The two books are:

1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy

These are the best Arabic books I have seen on this subject. They exceed
the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good
manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The
following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what
could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is
supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions,
but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the
translation of the FIRST book.

This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free
to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any
changes, additions, or omissions without permission.

How to make your wife happy !! (Part 1)
---------------------------------------
The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your wife
happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
* begin with a good greeting.
* Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a
du'aa for her as well.
* Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

* Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
* Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
* Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
* Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart,
honey, saaliha, etc.

3. Friendliness and Recreation

* Spend time talking together.
* Spread to her goods news.
* Remember your good memories together.

4. Games and Distractions

* Joking around & having a sense of humor.
* Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
* Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
* Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.

5. Assistance in the Household

* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out,
especially if she is sick or tired.
* The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her
hard work.

6. Consultation (Shurah)

* Specifically in family matters.
* Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
* Studying her opinion carefully.
* Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
* Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

7. Visiting Others

* Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great
reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time
while visiting!)
* Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
* Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

8. Conduct During Travel

* Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
* Ask her to pray for him.
* Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your
absence.
* Give her enough money for what she might need.
* Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
* Return as soon as possible.
* Bring her a gift!
* Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
* Take her with you if possible.

9. Financial Support

* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He
should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
* He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a
small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
* He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.


10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
* Always being clean and neat.
* Put on perfume for her.

11. Intercourse

* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness,
etc.)
* Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
* Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
* Begin with foreplay including words of love.
* Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
* Relax and joke around afterwards.
* Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
* Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and
modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her
to do it first while he is looking on.
* Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting
pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are
heavy.
* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as
sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

12. Guarding Privacy

* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her
personal problems and other private matters.

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl"
(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
* Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
* Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the
prophet) in the morning and evening.
* Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity
sale.
* Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
* Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
* Give them presents on special occasions.
* Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
* Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.
Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah
and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and
family.

15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes
* The basics of Islam
* Her duties and rights
* Reading and writing
* Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
* Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
* Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

16. Admirable Jealousy

* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
* Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
* Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading
her speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are
just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
4- etc.

17. Patience and Mildness

* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is
wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
* Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
* How can you best correct her mistakes?
1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).
Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room,
leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this
case, the hsuband should consider the following:
- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet
PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.
refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not
praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time
without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been,
etc..
- It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and
discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or
on sensitive parts of her body.
- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,
etc.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
* Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in
Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
* Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
* Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as
maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her
commitment to Islam is growing.
* Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH
never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats
and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
* Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that
are more subtle than direct accusations
* Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
* When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have
privacy from others.
* Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control
on your words.

:w:
(Ref:http://www.jannah.org/sisters/marriage.html) ;)
Reply

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Brother_Mujahid
03-15-2005, 09:40 PM
the ideal husband :shade: *if one ever existed*
Reply

Sahabiyaat
03-16-2005, 08:55 AM
dream on ladies there is no such thing....just like the non-existent 'clever' man. :)
Reply

swanlake
03-16-2005, 12:34 PM
Originally Posted by Brother_Mujahid
the ideal husband :shade: *if one ever existed*
:sl:

Of course he exists, brother...He is married to me. :D
Reply

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Maryam
03-16-2005, 01:28 PM
Things can happen.
If you love Allah (swt), that i'm sure you'll love your parents and your wife/husband inshallah :D
I mean, if there's no love between you and Allah (swt), how can you have a comfortable relationship with ur wife????

And please do think about this.
If you don't wanna have the same problem like other parents usually have, then you better think NOW!
What improve will you make?
How will you overcome your anger?
Remember if yo be kind, you'll get kindness in return.
If you give charity by smiling, you'll get charity in return too.
If you help, you'll get help in return.

Its samething with husband and wife bussness, and we should be able to be aware of this.

Divorce its the MOST HATEFUL in the sight of Allah (swt), and Prphaet Muhammad (saw) doesn't like it either.
Most couple, subanallah, got married, and then after a few months they are divorced.
Think why that happens?
Whats going on?
Is there anything wrong in me? Have i done Wrong?

Come on, think about it :zip: :zip: :zip:
Reply

Umm Yoosuf
03-16-2005, 02:00 PM
Subhanallah ture.

No husband can be perfect nor a wife but they can try to the best of their ability insha Allah. I was listening to this tape and the speaker was saying that these days divorce is in the increase among the practising brothers and sisters. What do you think of that?! Subhanallah!
Reply

Uma Rayanah
03-16-2005, 06:58 PM
Asalaamu Alikum,,,

jazaaki... Allahu.. Khair..,,,,dear.... sis..
Reply

Maryam
03-16-2005, 11:03 PM
No problem :wilted_ro
Any problems, ask me, i m be a abit of help, inshallah :D :thumbs_up

Alahmiullah i've helped few people, and inshallah may Allah (swt) open their mind of what i'm trying to say.
I'm desperate to help someone who doens't know Islam, but born muslim :-[

Anyway, if you think i'm good and have benefit you OR even yo learnt something new, can i ask you something?
Reply

Uthman
03-19-2005, 10:18 AM
:sl:

Nice article sister Maryam, you greedy girl! Reps on their way soon, after it stops saying "You must spread some reputation around before you can give it to Maryam again :) :p

:w:
Reply

salman128
01-21-2006, 07:33 PM
Very informative
Reply

Ghazi
02-21-2006, 12:17 PM
Salaam

Will remember this when I get my other half(inshallah)
Reply

MetSudaisTwice
02-21-2006, 12:20 PM
salam
mashallah great post
may allah grant us a pious partner inshallah
wasalam
Reply

Qurratul Ayn
02-21-2006, 01:15 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Jazakallah Khair for that post Brother aljawaad.

To me this post is more likely for the Brothers of Islam but it was imformative and good and it should be read by Sisters as well and Inshallah they shall!

Assalamu Alaikum
Shakirah
Reply

Snowflake
02-21-2006, 02:03 PM
Stupid question. But can anyone see my post here? I get the message saying I posted it, but there's nothing here. :confused:
Reply

Sis786
02-21-2006, 02:06 PM
Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
Stupid question. But can anyone see my post here? I get the message saying I posted it, but there's nothing here. :confused:
I see ya sis :okay:

Brill Post in the process of printing it out and handing it to a certain somebody!
Reply

Snowflake
02-21-2006, 02:12 PM
*shrugs* Im' posting it again lol

Finally! A post to remind brothers how on how to treat their precious wives :)
May I add something to that? :P

Don't forget to show your appreciation and love in these ways sometimes:

*Run a bath for her to have a soak in when she is stressed or over worked, with preferably a scented candle to go with it.
*Make her a cuppa/drink, and not always wait for her to ask you.
*Ask if she needs any help with domestic chores. Most likely she'll say no, but will appreciate and love you more for just having asked.
*Don't leave dirty clothing lying around, especially used underwear/socks on the bathroom floor. That's what a laundry basket is for!
*If you can cook, give her a day off and cook her fav dish or take her out for dinner at a nice place.
*create a romantic atmosphere in your bedroom, by using candles, scatter flower petals (No! not the plastic ones from your living room), use your imagination.
*Buy her something she needs e.g. if she loves to sew, to the gardening, art and so on.. buy something related to those things thta she doesnt already have.

I can't think of anything right now. Maybe others sisters would like to add something else. It's the small things that make all the difference.

And finally, something men must NOT do ever. Don't expect your wife to cover herself up infront of other men then sit there grinning like cheshire cat when she has her friends round. Give your salamz and walk away. You're not wanted there!

:statisfie
ahhhh reliefff
:w:
Reply

Mainul_Islam
02-22-2006, 03:34 AM
Originally Posted by Maryam

1. Beautiful Reception

...
* Shake her hand...
shake hands...? :? why not hug/kiss?

Originally Posted by Brother_Mujahid
the ideal husband :shade: *if one ever existed*
r the points above really that hard to follow? :) im not a husband (yet) but i cant imagine them to be (that) hard
Reply

aljawaad
02-22-2006, 09:46 AM
Originally Posted by islam-truth
Salaam

Will remember this when I get my other half(inshallah)
aMEEN:okay:
Originally Posted by zAk
:sl:

Threads MERGED [again] :brother:

Use the search feature to make sure wat u intend to post has not been already posted. :-\
sORRY zAk. i'll c wot i can do to help u mods nxt tym. :p
Originally Posted by metsudaistwice
salam
mashallah great post
may allah grant us a pious partner inshallah
wasalam
Ameen Bro
Originally Posted by Mainul_Islam

shake hands...? :? why not hug/kiss?



r the points above really that hard to follow? :) im not a husband (yet) but i cant imagine them to be (that) hard
Ok youcan kiss if you want. I think the author forgot abt kissing while writing.
Hehe you'll know wehter dey r hard or not when you get married.:p
Reply

AceOfHearts
02-22-2006, 06:26 PM
If everybody always searched to check if what they want to post has been already posted before they make the thread - then pretty seen there would be no new threads and the place would become dead.

There is only so many different things to talk about in marriage!
Reply

papa_smurf
02-22-2006, 06:58 PM
A women worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future untill he gets a wife. :p
Reply

Kittygyal
02-22-2006, 07:07 PM
nah that's not true :)
Reply

Snowflake
02-22-2006, 08:34 PM
^Definitely not true lol!
A woman worries about her father and brothers before she gets married and her husband and their offspring after she gets married. Not forgetting her offsprings offspring! Nothing but worry from birth til death. :uhwhat
Reply

Mainul_Islam
02-23-2006, 04:43 AM
bro.. i gotta disagree.. thats not true, but it was funny ;D
Reply

i_m_tipu
03-01-2006, 08:38 AM
what a picture
hahahaha...
its really funny
Reply

Far7an
11-11-2006, 12:28 PM
Ameen. You've been warned before about this. One more violation and you're going to be banned.
Reply

Yasmine018
11-11-2006, 12:30 PM
Originally Posted by Far7an
Ameen. You've been warned before about this. One more violation and you're going to be banned.
:sl:
brother sorry to interrup you but r u talking to me brother?
Reply

Far7an
11-11-2006, 12:31 PM
Originally Posted by Yasmine018
:sl:
brother sorry to interrup you but r u talking to me brother?
No.
Reply

Umar001
11-12-2006, 06:01 PM
Am scared, I've read something like this before its good
Reply

Pretty_najm
11-13-2006, 03:05 AM
This is sweet, MashaAllah! Makes me wanna get married right now right now! Pray for me everyone! Marriage is so beautiful, Alhumdullilah!!!

Asalamu alaikum
Reply

Umar001
11-13-2006, 12:23 PM
Originally Posted by Pretty_najm
This is sweet, MashaAllah! Makes me wanna get married right now right now! Pray for me everyone! Marriage is so beautiful, Alhumdullilah!!!

Asalamu alaikum
Wa Aleykum Salam

MashaAllah
Reply

Snowflake
11-13-2006, 01:31 PM
Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
How about a hug instead? Shaking hands would be like they just agreed on a business deal lol.
Reply

Umar001
11-13-2006, 01:32 PM
Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
How about a hug instead? Shaking hands would be like they just agreed on a business deal lol.
Maybe theres a reason for it.
Reply

Snowflake
11-13-2006, 02:49 PM
^ Like?
Reply

Umar001
11-13-2006, 02:57 PM
Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
^ Like?
Allahu Alim, I dont know maybe theres an example in the Sunnah, I dont have a clue, maybe the hadeeth about when two muslims shake hands... would apply to this.

Allahu Alim, I dont know.
Reply

LUVAR
11-13-2006, 03:21 PM
mashaAllah what a beautiful post jazakullah Khairan
Reply

Malaikah
11-13-2006, 11:38 PM
Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
How about a hug instead? Shaking hands would be like they just agreed on a business deal lol.
:sl:

LOL! You read my mind sis.;D Why on earth would you shake hands with your husband?
Reply

Malaikah
11-13-2006, 11:39 PM
Originally Posted by IsaAbdullah
Allahu Alim, I dont know maybe theres an example in the Sunnah, I dont have a clue, maybe the hadeeth about when two muslims shake hands... would apply to this.

Allahu Alim, I dont know.
:sl:

But im pretty sure the prophet pbuh used to kiss his wives when he saw them or was leaving... not shake hands:rollseyes
Reply

F.Y.
11-13-2006, 11:46 PM
I think shaking hands is good - a nice formality. I like formality :)
Reply

Mu'Min
11-13-2006, 11:57 PM
LOL! You guys are funny... I have to agree I don't think I would shake my husband's hand either. You know there are a lot of ppl who need to read this... and i'm thinking adults who are already married... not trying to be mean, but a lot of men need to work on treating their wives better!
Reply

Muezzin
11-13-2006, 11:58 PM
Men ain't gonna read some internet forum for advice on women.

On second thoughts...
Reply

Mu'Min
11-14-2006, 12:16 AM
Well, it's not a bad thing... the author is speaking the truth... can't argue with that!
Reply

khurm
11-14-2006, 12:20 AM
mashllah thats so sweet next time i'll do that when my wife gets a bit sick of things or unhappy
Reply

khurm
11-14-2006, 12:37 AM
she usually doesn't get unhappy mashallah she always stays happy we both do but when she is not in the mood then i just wanna make her happy so we can live happy together mashallh she also just found out that she is pregnant mashallah
Reply

Sum-Muslim-Gal
11-14-2006, 12:42 AM
salam..

CONGRATULATIONS!!!:D:D:D:D:D

MashaAllah am happy for u brother..:)

happy family...thats nice to hear..

aaaw its soo sweeet am geting all giddy....lol

wasalam..:D:D:D
Reply

Umar001
11-14-2006, 12:56 AM
Originally Posted by khurm
mashllah thats so sweet next time i'll do that when my wife gets a bit sick of things or unhappy
AM confused, you'll do what? Shake her hand when she gets sick?:giggling:
Reply

MaNi
11-14-2006, 01:44 AM
had a quick scan

but where's the bit about givin her your credit card???

*LOL*
Reply

Mu'Min
11-14-2006, 03:06 AM
Originally Posted by IsaAbdullah
AM confused, you'll do what? Shake her hand when she gets sick?:giggling:
LOL! Yeah, that should make her feel much better!
Reply

Snowflake
11-14-2006, 02:42 PM
Allahu Alim, I dont know maybe theres an example in the Sunnah, I dont have a clue, maybe the hadeeth about when two muslims shake hands... would apply to this.

Allahu Alim, I dont know.
I think that applies to when a muslim brother greets a muslim brother.


Originally Posted by cheese
:sl:

LOL! You read my mind sis.;D Why on earth would you shake hands with your husband?
LOL, yea if my husband shook my hand, I'd shake my head! I'd be like, "You're home now darling, not in the office!" ^o) ;D
Reply

MinAhlilHadeeth
11-15-2006, 03:25 PM
Off-topic posts deleted. Stay on topic please.:)

:wasalamex
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-24-2006, 04:22 PM
I like gardening. I have a plenty of colorful roses. I present one rose each day and she is very glad and happy to have flowers from me.......
Reply

Hijaabi22
11-24-2006, 04:44 PM
GuyZ... my advice 4 u.... if u wanna make ya wife really really reaalllllyyy happy ....then all u gta do is....


BUY

HER

A

NEW

PAIR

OF

SHOES

EVERY

COUPLE

OF

WEEKS!!

Muhahaha and a matchin handbag 2 go wid em wud work a treat too!
Reply

Hijaabi22
11-24-2006, 04:46 PM
Originally Posted by Mu'Min
LOL! You guys are funny... I have to agree I don't think I would shake my husband's hand either. You know there are a lot of ppl who need to read this... and i'm thinking adults who are already married... not trying to be mean, but a lot of men need to work on treating their wives better!
ahahahhaaaaaaaaaa dats funny man Y ON EARTH WUD U WANNA SHAKE HANDS WID YA HUBBY? DATS JUS SO DUMB LOL

The guy shud grab the womans hand and plant a kiss on it that'd do me BUT NO WAYYYYY WUD I SHAKE HIS HAND lol thats jus so formal, u shake hands with STRANGERS!! not ya oda half wid whom u spend practically all day every day wid muhahah
Reply

Hijaabi22
11-24-2006, 04:48 PM
Originally Posted by schoolmaster54
I like gardening. I have a plenty of colorful roses. I present one rose each day and she is very glad and happy to have flowers from me.......
awwwwwwwwwwww dat is jus soooooooo swwweeeeeeeetttttttttt!!!!!!
Reply

Eric H
11-24-2006, 05:17 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Yasmine018;

Goodness me you ladies don't want much, flowers, handbags, shoes, gifts, greetings, hand shakes, hugs, sweet speech, games!!!! distractions!!!! humour, entertainment, help in the house, consultations, studying her opinion,
giving in to her opinion, thanks, money, phone calls, gifts, smelling good, putting on perfume, etc. etc.:happy: :love: :happy::love: :happy:

Us men, we are just glad for the left overs. :D :D :D

Well we have to be.:D

OK I accept I am banned for life:D

Eric
Reply

Malaikah
11-25-2006, 06:09 AM
^You forgot clothes and food!

;D
Reply

lolwatever
11-25-2006, 06:15 AM
:sl:
^ actually i was reading that some of the women of makkah preferred their husbands to buy em perfume n prepared to spend the night hungry :uuh:

:w:
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-25-2006, 02:27 PM
I'm back from school now. I'm resting at home now. By the way, I asked my wife what makes her happy from me. She said she would prefer a red rose from me. It is not spreng or summer now. There are no roses in my garden. I would buy one. But it is a surprise that my wife and children bought me a bunch of roses for my teachers' day.
:love: :love: :love:
:happy:
:loving:
:rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose:
:statisfie
:Alhumdill
:wasalamex
Reply

Yasmine018
11-25-2006, 03:01 PM
so cute:wub:
Alhamdullillah nice to know about your family:)
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-25-2006, 03:09 PM
:sl:
Thank you sister. I have a happy family. Islam is our way of life.
:Alhumdill
:Crescent:
:w:
Reply

limitless
11-25-2006, 03:37 PM
:sl:

AHHHHh I keep missing these amazing marriage relevant threads :cry:!

Brother, mashallah you have a wonderful family; but isn't that off topic :okay:.

That is just amazing; c`mon brothers that is how a wife should be treated ;D.

:w:
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-25-2006, 03:44 PM
Originally Posted by limitless
:sl:

AHHHHh I keep missing these amazing marriage relevant threads :cry:!

Brother, mashallah you have a wonderful family; but isn't that off topic :okay:.

That is just amazing; c`mon brothers that is how a wife should be treated ;D.

:w:
What do you mean with "...but isn't it that off topic...", brother?
Am I off topic? Sorry for that!!!:embarrass :embarrass :embarrass :alright:
Reply

Sis_ReNa
11-25-2006, 03:47 PM
Salam walkaum wa rahamtuAllah wa barkatoh,
MashAllah very nice...
zakAllah kirn for the post
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-25-2006, 03:52 PM
Originally Posted by limitless
:sl:

AHHHHh I keep missing these amazing marriage relevant threads :cry:!

Brother, mashallah you have a wonderful family; but isn't that off topic :okay:.

That is just amazing; c`mon brothers that is how a wife should be treated ;D.

:w:
brother!!!!
Reply

Sis_ReNa
11-25-2006, 04:05 PM
Salam walkaum wa rahmatuAllah wa barkatoh,
I do have a question where is the thread with how to make your Husband happy?:love:
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
11-25-2006, 04:10 PM
:sl:

Good read Masha'Allah. Here's some niice lectures on the subject :D :

http://www.islamicboard.com/531046-post17.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/531047-post18.html

:w:
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-25-2006, 04:13 PM
Originally Posted by Sis_ReNa
Salam walkaum wa rahmatuAllah wa barkatoh,
I do have a question where is the thread with how to make your Husband happy?:love:
You can start this insha' Allah!
We brothers would be glad if you start it.
Reply

Tania
11-25-2006, 04:24 PM
Originally Posted by Yasmine018
Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
I think each women understand from the first time, there is no need to repeat words to her :-[
Reply

Sis_ReNa
11-25-2006, 05:14 PM
salam wlakaum wa rahmatuAllah wa barkatoh,
OK i made it inshAllah it will be benfitcal
Reply

BlissfullyJaded
11-25-2006, 05:21 PM
:sl:

*Threads Merged*

Please do a search before posting such articles that could have been posted before. Shukran!
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-26-2006, 12:22 PM
HAPPY LIFE TO YOU, BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
:love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:
:rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose: :rose:

http://www.livescience.com/humanbiol..._marriage.html

How to Make Your Wife Happy

By Sara Goudarzi
LiveScience Staff Writer
posted: 14 March 2006
08:17 am ET

The key ingredient to a woman's marital bliss is her husband's emotional commitment, suggests a new study based on a survey of 5,000 couples across the country.
The finding is in contrast to previous research that focused on a husband's salary and division of household work as the main drivers of a woman's perception of a happy marriage.
Even so, the new research determined that women whose husbands bring home more than 68 percent of the bacon are the most content.
"Regardless of what married women say they believe about gender, they tend to have happier marriages when their husband is a good provider — provided that he is also emotionally engaged," said W. Bradford Wilcox, a University of Virginia sociologist. "I was very surprised to find that even egalitarian-minded women are happier when their marriages are organized along more gendered lines."
Fairness is also considered an important element.
Women who perceive that housework is shared in a fair manner consider themselves happier partners. Fair in this case does not necessarily mean splitting housework evenly—most of the women in this happier category perform the majority of household chores themselves. But because they believe that their husbands are playing an important role as providers, they view the unequal work split as fair.
"Wives are surely sensitive to imbalances in routine tasks and efforts, as almost all research shows. However, we find that they are more concerned with their husband's investments in the emotional content of the marriage," said study team member Steven Nock, a professor of sociology at University of Virginia. "We interpret our results to suggest that partners need to pay more attention to how their partners feel about their relationship and about marriage generally because equality does not necessarily produce equity."
The findings are detailed in this month's issue of the journal Social Forces.
Reply

lolwatever
11-26-2006, 12:24 PM
:sl:
^ we already hav islam to tell us about dat :D

:w:
Reply

Kittygyal
11-26-2006, 12:28 PM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
:sl:
^ we already hav islam to tell us about dat :D

:w:

Assalmualikum warhmathullahi warbarakathuhu

subhnallah!

but many people neglect that which is sad :cry:

do me a favour remember me in your Du3'ah, shukran

walikumassalm warhmathullahi warbarakathuhu
Reply

schoolmaster54
11-27-2006, 11:02 AM
...
How did Prophet Muhammad treat his wives?

The Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace, is the most excellent example as father and husband. He was very kind and tolerant towards his wives. They could not live, they could not envisage life, without him. They could not live away from him.
Separation from the Messenger of God was a calamity. All his wives felt the same. The ‘lord of the two worlds’ had established his throne in their hearts. They were completely at one with him. They shared in his blessed, mild and natural life. If he had left them, they would have died of suffocation.
After his death, there was much yearning and a great deal of grief. Abu Bakr and ‘Umar found the wives of the Messenger weeping whenever they visited them. Their weeping seemed to continue for almost a lifetime. Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings, left a lasting impression on everyone. They could not forget him. At one point, he had nine wives and dealt equally with all of them without any serious problems. He was a kind and gentle head of family. He never behaved harshly or rudely. The perfect manner in which he carried out his role as husband demonstrates that he was the Messenger of God.
A few days before his death, he said, A servant has been left free to choose this world or his Lord. He chose his Lord [2]. Abu Bakr, a man of great intelligence, began to cry, recognizing that the servant referred to was the very person speaking. Day after day, his illness got worse. His severe headache made him writhe with pain. Even during this difficult period, he continued to act kindly and gently towards his wives. He asked for permission to stay in one room as he had no strength to visit them one by one in each of their rooms. All his wives agreed and the Messenger, upon him be peace, spent his last days in ‘A’isha’s room.
He respected and honoured the rights of his wives even under the most severe conditions
Each of his wives, because of his generosity and kindness, thought that she was his most beloved. The idea that any man could show equality and complete fairness in relationship with nine women seems impossible. For this reason, the Messenger of God asked God’s pardon for any unintentional leanings. He would make this prayer:
I may have unintentionally shown more love to one of them than the others and this would have been injustice. So, O Lord, I take refuge in Your grace for those things which are beyond my power [3].
His gentleness must have penetrated the souls of his wives so deeply that his departure led to what they must have felt like an unceasing separation. They did not commit suicide as Islam forbids it. However, life became an endless sorrow and ceaseless tears.
The Messenger was kind and gentle to all women and advised everyone else to be kind to them. His kindness was described on the authority of Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqas, who related:
‘Umar said: ‘One day I went to the Prophet and saw him smiling. “May God make you smile forever, O Messenger of God!”, I said, and asked why he was smiling.
- I smile at those women. They were chatting in front of me before you came. When they heard your voice, they all vanished, he answered still smiling.
On hearing this answer, I raised my voice and told them, ‘You are scared of me, but you are not scared of the Messenger of God, and you do not show respect to him.’ “You are hard-hearted and strict”, they replied.4
‘Umar was also gentle to women. However, the most handsome of men look ugly when compared to the beauty of Joseph. Likewise, ‘Umar’s gentleness and sensitivity would seem like violence and severity when compared to that of the Prophet.
The women had witnessed the gentleness, sensitivity and kindness of the Messenger. For this reason, they regarded ‘Umar’s behaviour as strict and severe. Yet ‘Umar, may God be pleased with him, shouldered the burden of the Caliphate perfectly. He was to become one of the greatest examples after the Prophet. He showed justice in his behaviour and made a great effort to distinguish right from wrong. He had the qualities that led him to the rank of Caliph. Some of these qualities might seem rather severe to some of us; but, it was precisely because of these qualities that he was able to shoulder such demanding responsibilities.
The Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, discussed matters with his wives as friends. Certainly he did not need their advice, since he was directed by Revelation. However, he wanted to teach his nation. Contrary to the conventions of the time, women in Islam were to be given every consideration. He began teaching us through his own relationship with his wives.
The Prophet’s consultation with his wives

The conditions of the Treaty of Hudaybiya seemed, at first sight, very heavy to the Muslims. They felt they had no power left. They wanted to reject the treaty and go on to Makka and face the possible consequences. The Messenger ordered those with him to slaughter their sacrificial animals and leave their pilgrim attire. Some of the Companions were hesitant. They had hoped for a change in his decision. Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings, repeated his order. It did not change their reluctance. They did not oppose him, but still hoped he might change his mind as they had set out with the intention of pilgrimage and did not want to stop half way.
Noticing the reluctance of some of his Companions, the ‘lord of the two worlds’ returned to his tent and asked the opinion of his wife, Umm Salama. This great lady explained her opinion, fully aware that the Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, did not need her advice. In doing this, he taught us an important social lesson. We should learn that there is nothing wrong with exchanging ideas with women on such important matters.
She said: ‘O Messenger of God! Do not repeat your order. They may resist and thereby perish. Slaughter your sacrificial animal and change out of your pilgrim attire. They will obey you, willingly or not, when they recognize the certainty of your order.’ [5]. Immediately he took a knife in his hand, went out and began to slaughter his sheep. The Companions began to do the same. Everybody understood that there would be no change in his decision.
Counsel and consultation, like every good deed, were both practised by God’s Messenger first in the context of his own family and then in the wider community. We are very far from understanding his relationships with his wives; we are wandering around in the backyard unaware of the vast treasure inside.
Our master encouraged us through his enlightening words to behave kindly to women. He declared: The most perfect of believers is the best of them in character and the best of you is the kindest to his family. [6].
The choice God’s Messenger gave to his wives

The wives of the Messenger were given the choice of remaining with him or leaving. This incident is referred to as al-takhyir and is also called al-ila. It was mentioned in the Qur’an as follows:
O Prophet! Say to your consorts: ‘If it be that you desire the life of this world, and its glitter, then come! I will provide for your enjoyment and set you free in a handsome manner. But if you seek God and His Messenger and the Home of the Hereafter, verily God has prepared for you, the well-doers amongst you, a great reward’. (al-Ahzab, 33:28-9)
A few of his wives had wished for a more prosperous life and said: ‘Couldn’t we live a little more luxuriously, like other Muslims do? Couldn’t we have at least a bowl of soup everyday? Could we not have some prettier garments?’ At first sight, such wishes might be considered fair and just. However, they were members of the family that were to be an example for all Muslim families until the Last Day.
The Messenger, upon him be peace, reacted to this situation by not visiting them and going into retreat. The news spread and everybody rushed to the mosque and began to cry. The smallest grief felt by their beloved Messenger was enough to bring them all to tears. The Muslims were so close to the Messenger that the smallest incident would disturb them.
Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, two of the Messenger’s closest friends, saw the event in a different light, as their daughters were directly involved. They also rushed to the mosque.
They wanted to see him, but he would not leave his retreat. Eventually, on their third attempt, they gained entry to the house and began to manhandle their daughters. The Messenger saw what was happening, but his only comment was: I cannot afford what they want.7
The Holy Qur’an declared:
O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. (al-Ahzab, 33.32)
Others might save themselves by simply fulfilling the obligations placed upon them, but those who were at the very centre of this religion had to devote themselves fully so that no weakness would appear at the centre. There were some advantages in being the Prophet’s wife, but these advantages brought responsibilities and potential risks. The Messenger was preparing them as ‘examples’. He was especially worried that they might enjoy here in the world the reward for their good deeds and thereby be included in the verse:
You have exhausted your share of the good things in your life of the world and sought comfort in them. (al-Ahqaf, 46.20)
The life in the Prophet’s house was uncomfortable. For this reason, they explicitly or implicitly, made some modest demands. As their status was different from other women, they were not expected to enjoy themselves in a worldly sense.
There are some godly persons who laugh only a few times in a whole lifetime and who do not fill their stomachs even once. An example is Fudayl ibn ‘Iyaz, who never laughed. He smiled only once, and on that occasion, when people asked the reason in surprise, he said: ‘Today, they informed me of the demise of my son, ‘Ali. I was happy to hear God had loved him, and so I smiled.’8 If this was the state of such men, then, the Messenger’s wives, who were even more God-fearing and regarded as the mothers of all Muslims, would certainly be of a higher degree.
It is not easy to merit being together with the Messenger in this world and the Hereafter. Thus, these special women were put to a great test. The Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, gave them the choice of his poor home or the luxury of the world. If they were to choose the world, the Messenger would give them whatever they wanted, but then set them free. If they were to choose God and His Messenger, they had to be content with what they had of this world. This was a peculiarity of his family. Since this family was unique, the members of it had to be unique, too. The head of the family was chosen, as were the wives and children.
The Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, called ‘A’-isha first and said: ‘I want to discuss a matter with you. You’d better talk to your parents before making a decision.’ Then he recited the verses mentioned above. Her decision was exactly as expected from a truthful daughter of a truthful father:
O Messenger of God! Do I need to talk to my parents? By God, I choose God and His Messenger.
‘A’isha herself tells us what happened next: ‘The Messenger received the same answer from all his wives. No one expressed a different opinion. They all said what I had said.’ [9]
They said the same thing because they were all at one with the Messenger. They could not differ. If the Messenger had told them to fast for a lifetime without break, they would have done that. They would have endured it with pleasure. However, they endured hardship until their death.
Safiyya was of Jewish origin and on one occasion she was dismayed when her origin was mentioned to her sarcastically. She informed the Messenger, expressing her sadness. Our master comforted her saying: If they repeat it, give them this response: ‘My father is the Prophet Aaron, my uncle is the Prophet Moses and my husband is, as you see, the Prophet Muhammad, the Chosen One. What do you have more than me to be proud of?’10
The Qur’an declares that the wives of the Prophet are mothers of the believers (al-Ahzab, 33.6). Although fourteen centuries have passed, we still feel delight in saying ‘my mother’ when referring to his wives, Khadija, ‘A’isha, Umm Salama, Hafsa and the others. We feel this because of him. Some feel this more than they do for their real mothers. Certainly, this feeling must have been deeper, warmer and stronger then.
In conclusion, we can see that the Messenger was the perfect head of family. Managing many women with ease, being a lover of their hearts, an instructor of their minds, an educator of their souls, he never neglected the affairs of the nation nor compromised his duties. This is a clear proof of his Prophethood. If this were the only proof, it would be enough.
1. Muslim, “Rada’,” 47.
2. Bukhari, “Salat,” 80.
3. Tirmidhi, “Nikah,” 41. / 4. Bukhari, “Adab,” 68.
5. Bukhari, “Shurut,” 15.
6. Abu Dawud, “Sunna,” 15; Tirmidhi, “Rada’,” 11.
7. Muslim, “Talaq,” 34, 35.
8. Abu Nu‘aym, Hilyat al-Awliya’, 8.100.
9. Muslim, “Talaq,” 35.
10. Tirmidhi, “Manaqib,” 64.

http://www.islamanswers.net/woman/Muhammad.htm
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schoolmaster54
11-27-2006, 11:09 AM
...
Questions concerning the status of woman in Islam, other traditions, and the modern world.


http://www.islamanswers.net/woman/index.htm
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