funny lawyer..

[syilla]

These are from a book called Disorder
in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had
the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking
place.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does
it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us
an example of something you
forgot?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that
morning?

WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: She had three children, is
that correct?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me? Your
Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
terminated it?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and
had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition
notice, which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I
go to work.

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed
on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to
ask that question?

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be
oral, OK? What school did you go
to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at
the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!

______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true
that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar
exam?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that
the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient
have still been alive,
nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he
could have been alive and
practicing law.

:D:D

[Nájlá]

lol

[mutlib]

hahahahha loooooooooooooooooolz

[Tilmeez]

^rofl...

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[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
on my desk in a jar.

thanks for the share sis...

[Ebtisweetsam]

LOL, i cant believe these are real :D
Attorneys are so textbook, if you know what i mean!

[Souljette]

hahahahah tht was hilarioussssssss

[wildkat]

typical americans...lol

[BintAmjad]

Oh cum on how thick can you get??? LOL

[Ebtisweetsam]

typical americans...lol

Ouch... u gonna get a knock from the Amercians for this one :hiding:

[-Elle-]

LOL!the last one was the most hilarious...!

Nice post:)

[Khalisah]

lol!

[*Behna*]

its not funny at all..:X

thanks

[kwolney01]

lol wow...thats crazy... i wonder how the Attorney felt after realizing his mistake lol...

[------]

:salamext:

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

:lol:

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and
had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

Male.....? ;D

ATTORNEY: She had three children, is
that correct?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me? Your
Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Ahahahahahahahaha ROFL

[Amat Allah]

hehehheheeh:D:D

[Al-Zaara]

I love these, lol. Hilarious! ;D

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wr wb,

lolzzz I love reading stuff like that. Got anymore sis? :D


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[SouLda_Gal]

omgggg dat wass well funnyyyyyyyyyyyy hahahhahahahhaha looolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz